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User Topic: Flashbacks, anyone?
Howie
Member
Member # 41922
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)

Basics, after 5 years of marriage, discovery of wife's two year affair (with "best" friend), 6 month separation, much work, both of us, for reconciliation. Followed by (so far) 15 years of partnership and,I can hardly believe it -after the horrible pain, happiness.
But, maybe 3 times a year, from a song, a film, too much downtime, the floor under me splits up and I am falling again towards the pit of hell. The same thoughts all the way down - her smiling face, lying; the shame of not discovering (I must deserve this), the anger because I will fight fight, not be defeated and "beat" the past.
I can, partly, discipline my thoughts and gradually the gravity of my real life pulls me up.Like movie magic, the floor comes back together. And life goes forward.
Sound at all familiar?

Posts: 183 | Registered: Jan 2014
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)

I still have dreams from when he was foggy, and could say such cruel things without any feeling.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Kalliopeia
Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)

yes, a hundred flashbacks. Getting laughed at to my face and told how sick I was for trying to make other people believe he and I had a relationship. ( his emotional affair a year or so ago wasn't supposed to know we really were together, a diamond on my hand)

He told me he had just been trying to be nice to me and laughed in my face. When I was in the act of informing the ladies spouse, my fiance began to threaten calling the police to stop me.

I was like wtf.

I hate the flashbacks that come as I am being told i was always loved and wanted and I remember at the same time something like what I just told about the police.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Razor
Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)

Yes still flash backs.

Behavior patterns of WW that is similar to LTA behavior. Places where they went I cant go to now.

Yay for us enjoying this gift that keeps giving.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
brokendancer7
Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)

Yes, I have a couple every so often. The one where he is on his knees, saying, "I swear on my mother's grave that I am not having an affair," as I cry, about 2 weeks before DD.

The other, where H falls asleep, his phone slipping out of his Ambien-ass hand. I pick it up and lay it beside me on the bed for a few minutes, dreading the trip to Hell that I have a feeling I am about to take. Finally, I pick up the phone, and right there is a passionate text from OW.

Ugh, just thinking about those moments is making me break out in a cold sweat and feel sick, but at least I have consciously brought them out of my mind. The really bad times are when they suddenly hit you out of nowhere and knock you to the ground.


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 197 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 5