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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: With strength from this forum....
myowndystopia
Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

Tomorrow is a big day. I've felt all day today like I'm going to puke and when I stand my knees shake. Retaining and filing is on my agenda tomorrow. Got my appointment with L I liked, got my $3500 for retainer, and hopefully I got my nerve. It's been happening unofficially - but tomorrow afternoon, I officially start the process of dissolving 28 1/2 year marriage. I'm thinking it's gonna be a long night. Maybe I'll pour another glass of wine!

So many on this forum have given me the insight, the wisdom the know how and the strength. Please come with me, tomorrow afternoon at 1:00, just a block off the square. I'll need all the support I can get to just get out of my car! Hope to see you there!


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

(((myowndystopia)))

Taking the first step was the most painful for me also. It was like actually, really, and finally admitting that the relationship was all over, he really was THAT guy. There was no turning back. Realising too that I had spent all those years invested, and for what?

You can do this, you have the strength. Just remember to breath.

Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

My hand shook when I signed the paperwork.

Be good to yourself tomorrow. It's a big deal.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

Please come with me, tomorrow afternoon at 1:00, just a block off the square.
We'll all be there, honey, even if you can't see us. You've got this. And we've got you. (((((myowndystopia)))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25746 | Registered: Aug 2011
badmedicine
Member
Member # 41692
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

Mine shook, too, and I remember thinking "Don't cry in front of your attorney". I didn't. My marriage is short compared to yours but as we all know here, it still hurts. Bad.

Just do it one step at a time. Get out of the car. Walk to the building. Once you are inside with the attorney it will be business-like and cold, probably easier ( at least for me) to keep it together. Then you just have to make it to the door/car after that. You can do it. Post and let us know you made it.


"The wishbone will never replace the backbone." -Will Henry
"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it." -Dorothy Parker

Posts: 208 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Starzjourney
Member
Member # 41287
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

(((Myowndystopia)))

Good luck tomorrow doll...better days ahead, until then, "just keep swimming".


Posts: 146 | Registered: Nov 2013
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

(((hugs)))

When I went to retain my L, I walked into his office scared to death. I walked out feeling empowered and in control for the first time since dday.

Good luck tomorrow!!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17688 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
hangingonin
Member
Member # 29530
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

((((dystopia))))
Thinking of you from here in UK

Posts: 77 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: SE England, UK
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

(((Myowndystopia))) I consulted with the lawyer back in Dec. Finally realized that retaining her was in my best interests. You can do this, deep breaths & one foot in front of the other! We're with you in spirit.


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

My hand shook when signing, I cried in front of everyone and I threw up at my desk when I was done. Then I went through 3 years of false R and did it all over again. I will open the car door for you and hold your hand the whole time. You can do this for you.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1778 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

((( Hug )))
Sending you positive energy.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1670 | Registered: Mar 2004
myowndystopia
Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)

It's those damn tears that worry me! I'll probably feel like I'm going to puke but I probably won't eat until well after - the cheating bastard diet makes meal skipping so easy! So if I can stabilize legs enough to walk and keep the tears away I can do this! I may mark certain pages in my journal to read just before the appointment to channel some of those times when the rage kept me going. Rage may be my friend tomorrow!


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:49 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)

The way I see it after what we've been through this will be a cake-walk.

You're going to be OK. Those first steps to freedom are the scariest. It makes it - real? I avoided it for the longest time. Head in sand doesn't make it go away - this does.

I'll be standing with you in spirit tomorrow. Much mojo sent!


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 5:07 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)

MOD, as hard as it is, it's what needs to be done. You've got all us broads (and the gents, too).

I didn't want the D, let XH file. Wasted 18 months not pushing it thru. Finally did, (after all the work on my end) 18 months later, D came. I cried my face off.

Nothing I wanted, but it was what I had to do. You can only do so much, then you have to walk away.

(((MOD)))


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)

Sending strength today!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4133 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
JerseyCowgirl
Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)

I check this site every morning as my ritual. I look for someone that will be going through something especially difficult that day and make a promise to keep that person in my spirit and thoughts for strength that day. Your post jumped out immediately at me. So today you are the SI'er who will get my mind, spirit and best thoughts all day today.

When D is not what we wanted to happen this is so hard. You see some posts where they want to celebrate it but I was like you...this is not a hoped for thing.

Know that I don't know you but there is a woman here in a NJ in a hotel tying up the final loose items from the D I did not wsnt either who will send you thoughts of strengthens


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 336 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)

MOD I will be standing with you in prayer at 1pm, one block off the square.

Cry in front of the attorney if you need to. You won't be the first one and maybe it will allow you to think more clearly than trying to hold it in.

WE ARE WITH YOU. I'm sorry you have to do this.

(((MOD)))

PS. What time zone???


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Jennifer99
Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)

I'll be thinking of you. Big squeezes.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
myowndystopia
Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)

And done..... Will be filed in the morning at the courthouse. Hardest part was getting out of bed this morning knowing what I had to do today. Seriously beyond words........ Thanks to everyone for "being there" with me. I know you guys were holding me up at times. Now..... Hopefully in 90 days we will have an agreement and be done


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)

((((((hugs)))))) Be extra gentle with yourself tonight, honey. Do something to pamper yourself, whether it's a long hot bath or wrapping yourself in a warm blanket with a cup of cocoa... whatever sounds comforting and appealing to you.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25746 | Registered: Aug 2011
myowndystopia
Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)

Thanks NIK. I'm actually going to a BAN meeting tonight. Topic- goal setting. Perfect- I need to set some good goals. Then home to a nice glass of wine.


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)

Yay you!


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25746 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)

You did it!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
myowndystopia
Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)

Another thing I'd like to add- especially for those in limbo like I was. I know today was just one step of the D process and I'm sure it's going to be hell with constant emotional ups and downs but my feelings are so different than I though they would be! It's like being out of limbo, knowing what direction I am heading has given me balance. Of course there are still plenty of unknowns but the biggest unknown of them all is now known----we are not attempting R, we are D-ing. Sometimes it's the fear of the unknown that weighs so heavily on us.


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
crazynot
Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 12:45 AM, January 24th (Friday)

Wishing you great strength. This will be hard but it will be a big turning point. My D is nearly final and there's no regret about it any more. We've drawn the process out only because my mum died last year and WH's mum is seriously ill too. I know I come across on SI as someone who's totally 'over' all that's happened, and I am. But the day I had to get our 26-year-old marriage certificate out from the family Bible and take it to my lawyer was a raw day full of tears, believe me.

There's a road ahead with unexpected smiles on it.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 25