My dd has a recital in a few weeks and I have invited my mom. I did not tell wh about this recital because I am afraid he will tell his mother, and invite MIL.
MIL and wh's sisters all knew about the A before I did, let me look like a fool for several weeks, MIL even told me that I didn't take care of WH and needed to wear sexy lingerie and makeup to keep him happy... This while I had a newborn!
When we were divorcing, MIL and SILs talked smack about me, encouraged WH the whole way, were BFF with OW, invited her for holidays and vacations...
Turns out OW was providing WH with prescription pills (she's a nurse) and even after we R, MIL told me ,"its so sad about OW being a pill addict, she is so smart and great at her job..."
My WH, he came to me and apologized. He was a drug addict and undiagnosed Bipolar. He's been sober 3 years, on his bipolar meds 3 years, he's done the work. His family, no apology, nothing. Acts like it was a mutual thing, we were both bad... yeah, I slipped up on my makeup routine when I had a new baby, and that totally justified her son's affair.
I can handle 2 visits to MIL a year, 1 in summer and 1 at the holidays. I don't ever want this woman in my house. (even though she came last year when DD had a special event)
I feel very guilty for 1- being deceptive to WH, and 2- not being the 'bigger woman' and letting DD have both grandmothers at her recital.
I just don't think I can be nice. Maybe years later. But not now.
** I am also nervous because of last year. WH told MIL about DD's special event & she ended up coming. Thankfully my mom could not attend, so I did not have to worry about my mom being forced to be nice to MIL (which I would feel really bad about putting my mom in that position, since she was so supportive during the D)
Also, last yr I told WH to tell MIL she had to get a hotel room. MIL isn't the brightest and even though WH said something about a hotel, MIL didn't get it, and ended up staying with us. I couldn't handle that AGAIN.