User Topic: Just made a mental connection.
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, January 24th (Friday)

Crap. I remember not understanding why they emailed so much about Brett Favre. Just made the mental connection to the penis photo scandal. Why can't I stop putting pieces in the puzzle?

Posts: 1952 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, January 25th (Saturday)

Hi, SusanR,

I know what you mean. This is why I just want to "throttle anyone" who says "you need to get beyond it now." Even though she was supportive the first year, my sister says this if I even rarely mention xwf and what he did. Right, see how you'd feel if your husband did this. She and anyone else would be crushed forever. I wouldn't wish it on anyone (well maybe my worst enemy, now that hell has been activated. Lol)

I still do this memory thing like a puzzle. I think our brains are like a continually running computer in the background all the time, even without our awareness. And I am still sucked down by feelings when I do become aware of this puzzle piece.

I am moving forward, but "it" still affects my daily life in various ways limiting some choices.

Posts: 817 | Registered: Apr 2011
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 4:50 AM, January 25th (Saturday)


Yup. I trigger on some weird stuff because of the mental connections. I really fight it. Try not to say anything when it happens and move on.

I have allowed this to put serious limitations on my activities. I catch myself thinking NFW am I going "there" because they did. I won't listen to some music because it was on one of his "special" playlists. I won't wear the diamond earrings he bought me because he bought her a pair, too. I should sell them.

I wish now that I hadn't done so much detective work. Can't say I wasn't warned but I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. And, I get burned.

Last D Day was late April of 2013 and I still have a lot of work to do!

Posts: 1952 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, January 25th (Saturday)

Don't you hate this? Once in a while, something still will click into place, and I feel like slapping my forehead like "d'oh".

D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 3416 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, January 25th (Saturday)

Try having your entire closet of clothes affecting this.

All remind of pre A and A, so I just ignore them. I won't get rid of them because I know it would scare me to see empty closet=no clothes=need to shop, shop, shop=spend lots of money. And my whole history of who I really was and how I was before would be gone, maybe losing more of myself.

I am older, may need to quit working in near future so fixed low income looming, and do not like shopping at all anymore AND shopping has puzzle pieces too.

Ugh. It is what it is.

Posts: 817 | Registered: Apr 2011
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, January 25th (Saturday)

Yes, Sparky. I hate that I even care, that it takes up my mental space! I am in a women's support group on Monday nights. My goal is to start seeing myself as a separate unit and working on myself. I desperately want to stop thinking about the past and connecting the dots. It just doesn't matter anymore!

Posts: 1952 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, January 25th (Saturday)

omfg, yes!! I do this all the time ... grrrrr!

Why can't I stop putting pieces in the puzzle?

^^^^^^ I think it's because there is so much crap they hid, and now you're figuring it out!

My STBX threw a surprise party for my 50th (3 years ago) he bought food for the party. I cannot eat anything that is derived from corn (corn syrup, dextrose, modified food starch etc) and I could NOT EAT anything he bought for the party. Now I know he really only threw the party because my girls wanted to do it!

Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Member # 41656
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, January 25th (Saturday)

I'm there with you. Always realizing little shit I hadn't seen before. I try to turn it around and tell myself that's one more reason you know you are doing the right, the only thing by moving on. Only by not being with him will I be able to put this betrayal to bed.

Me- BS-43
Married 15 years, living together 20
DDay May 2013
TT ongoing
2 kids, 10 & 15
OW- old girlfriend from High School, and now umpteen stupid groupie local ho-bags

We are done.

Posts: 180 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: utah
Topic Posts: 8