SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Trust
missy1
New Member
Member # 42085
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, January 26th (Sunday)

My husband and I are in counseling because of his affair.
Has anyone ever reconciled without having password access. He has given my his cell access but that's not enough. I'm not interested in being patient with him about giving up the passwords. Our counselor suggested I be patient because he is terrified of me leaving and taking the kids. This is definitely a dealbreaker and I refuse to stay without ALL passwords

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: missy1
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, January 26th (Sunday)

That is a basic absolute MUST. You have every right in the world to demand it and not be patient.
((Missy1))
I'm so sorry for your pain.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 886 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Newme123
Member
Member # 41119
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, January 26th (Sunday)

What does his fear of you leaving with the kids have to do with him giving up passwords? If anything, he could get rid of some of that fear by giving you the passwords!!! I'm not getting why your counselor told you to be patient. Yes you need those passwords. It as valuable tool to helping rebuild trust in your relationship.


Me-BS 33, him-WH 31
Dday 10-30-12 the day before Halloween
Married 10 yrs
DS-14, DD-9, DS-2, DD-5m
Currently trying to R

Posts: 74 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
SorrowBhindSmile
Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, January 26th (Sunday)

sadly, i think your WH is doing himself more harm that good here. By not providing you the information you need, he is creating an environment of mistrust and secrecy. He is not creating an open, honest and transparent place for you to being to feel safe and begin the healing process.

he should be terrified. damn terrified. and he should be doing whatever he can to show you thru actions that he is remorseful and will do whatever it takes to hold onto his family.


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
dmg35
New Member
Member # 41552
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, January 27th (Monday)

You need and should have all passwords. 100% open and transparent for R to work....

Tell him to give up passwords and that will help you heal and to start slowly to build his trust back...

No patience needed by you


Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: north east
hurtingfool
Member
Member # 42196
Default  Posted: 3:51 AM, January 27th (Monday)

I already had most of them thanks to the Norton password vault. Now I am trying to find all the hidden accounts. I've gotten one, sure there are a couple more. Definitely makes things harder when you can't trust that they've given you everything.


Me: BS 31
Her: WS 29
10 years of marriage
12 years together
3 kids
DDay:January 16, 2014

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NW US
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:41 AM, January 27th (Monday)

Our counselor suggested I be patient because he is terrified of me leaving and taking the kids.

Please....what, are you supposed to feel bad for him? Your IC needs to remind him why this is all happening.

This is definitely a dealbreaker and I refuse to stay without ALL passwords

Not getting the passwords immediately just gives them time to clean stuff up.

I would give him a choice when he wakes up. Passwords to all accounts or hefty bags...he can choose.

His fear is probably more that you will see that he has been lying about something and you will find it. IMO once the lies are over passwords are a non-issue.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
spond
Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, January 27th (Monday)

I totally agree to everyone else here. Full 100% access.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 360 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 8