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User Topic: Not so positive anymore...
Sammy2013
Member
Member # 41040
Sad  Posted: 10:05 PM, January 27th (Monday)

So I had the great positive post earlier. Knew I should have watched it. Got that funny feeling you get. So I snooped. After digging I found that he slept with a friend of ours back in July. Month before he hooked up with what I presumed was his moment of weakness. It all came tumbling out. Prostitutes over the course of our marriage (but only hand jobs, whatever) and the little flush who he "went down on" 2 weeks before our wedding.

Waiting for the alarm to go off and tell me this is all just a bad dream.


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 210 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, January 27th (Monday)

(((Sammy)))

Posts: 36043 | Registered: Mar 2011
lilflower1000
Member
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, January 27th (Monday)

So sorry (( Sammy))


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, January 27th (Monday)

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. (((((Sammy)))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25842 | Registered: Aug 2011
phoenixrise
Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, January 27th (Monday)

Im sorry that really sucks! So where are you now? Have you made a decision to stay or leave? You did not deserve all that...it's totally not your fault...know that you are a person of value...love yourself and don't beat yourself up over his bad decisions. ..I know what its like to wake up every day to a nightmarish feeling...no one should have to feel like that every day...hugs


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Sammy2013
Member
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, January 27th (Monday)

R gut now the only decision I have made is to get up and take care of my kids. He is on a business trip right now so I don't have to see him. I have an IC session Wednesday. I will go from there.

Right now I believe the 180 is in order. He is begging me, etc not to throw away the past 3 months of recovery. But I feel so sick about the prostitutes. One affair when he was weak and confused is one thing. But this? Plus the friend he slept with in July. We were all friends. I know her husband. I called him earlier tonight. She denied everything, but I have proof.

I know I won't sleep tonight, but I'm trying to drink plenty of water. It's DDay 1 all over again.


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 210 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
phoenixrise
Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)

Good for you telling the husband he deserved to know. Good for you being a strong mother maybe you can call a close fam member to stay with you as it will be hard to function over the next few weeks. A plan of action is definitely in order dependant on you and what you have set your boundaries to...he obviously kept all that hidden in fear of losing you if he is begging now...but its up to you decide if his major dishonesty is too much for you or if its a deal breaker all together...its a hard place to be I feel for you...try to get rest ...I know :( and focus on YOUR and Yuri our children's needs...love


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)

Oh Sammy, I'm so sorry. No advice just ((Sammy))


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5172 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
OnAnIsland
Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 1:31 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)

Sammy, it is d day all over again. Same rules: take care of yourself; eat, sleep, drink water. cry when you need to. Do your best with your littles, call in the support of friends and family. talk with ic. and you don't need to make a decision right now. not until you are ready. Hopefully this is the last of the d days, and buried truth.

thinking of you. The one positive thing for me about finding out about the earlier phone sex affair (my d day #x?) was that it really underscored that it wasn't about me or our marriage. no matter what he wanted to say about his whys- he was broken. he had terrible boundaries, and felt entitled to what he wanted regardless of boundaries broken, vows broken, etc. Hopefully you had already let go of the self blame. I had on a discursive level. I had quickly said that I wasn't to blame, the A was about him and his brokenness. But it would creep in sometimes with self doubt and self esteem struggles. But with A number two (really#1, but found out about it later than d day LTA), it really came home. Our marriage was at a completely different place. his career was at a different place. none of the stresses of relocation, etc. were present. And the whole mess that you have found out- all these ow- he is broken.

be gentle with yourself.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

I'm really sorry to mention this, but ... paying for handjobs? Seems unlikely to me. Blowjobs, yes. I'm not talking from experience, so I could be way off.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10430 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Sammy2013
Member
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

Sisoon, you aren't off. I'm positive he slept with them. I'm done being stupid.


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 210 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

He is begging me, etc not to throw away the past 3 months of recovery.

YOU are not the one throwing away that 'recovery'. He threw it away when he lied about his actions at a time when you were vulnerable. Do NOT buy this guilt-trip victim-blaming bs. He put everything at risk, end of story.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

Oh Sammy

I am so sorry.

Your positive post was wonderful and you know what...the same is still true

I figured out that I need to work on ME. Not the marriage right now

Take care of you, do not forget or lose the person you are. You deserve honesty, respect and a faithful, loving partner.

One day at a time, with your best interest first...

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

(((Sammy)))
I'm so sorry.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

So sorry.

(((((Sammy)))))


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1141 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Topic Posts: 15