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Reconciliation
User Topic: What is the point?
Confusedfor3
New Member
Member # 41911
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)

10 months from d day here and I find myself constantly wrestling with this though...what is the point? I know it is still newish and that I should not be making any decisions...but...infidelity was a deal breaker for me...at least this kind. I even told him that I maybe could handle a ons if he was very remorseful after. This though? A year long affair with a co-worker?! (This is after a 3 month ea the year before.). We have three beautiful young children and a lovely life together. But is that worth staying in a marriage I am not sure I will ever truly be happy in again? I love this man...but someone that could lie and cheat the way he did...not only on me but also the ow's family. Who does that? What kind of a man can do that?! Have I been hanging on to the dream I had for us and our children? What is the point in staying in a marriage where one party has been so unbelievably betrayed?


BS. Me 30s
WH 30s
3 kids 6, 3, 1
Dday 1 summer 2010 EA
Day 2 march 2013 TT LTPA with coworker

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jan 2014
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)

For me the point is to save a family if at all possible. I still loved my FWH, he was remorseful, he was willing to do the work. I was willing to give him and our family a chance. If it didn't work, if I couldn't get over the "dealbreaker" feelings, than I would divorce.

Almost 4 years later, we have a good marriage. We are very much in love with each other. We are happy. Our family is intact. That was the point for me. (((Confusedfor3)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Lostinthismess
Member
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

I wrestle with this too. Much like sister said, I am JUST now to the point where I am saying I'm willing to try to save our family. That is the point for me. I will try. And if I can't be happy married to him then I can walk away knowing I tried. It took me this long to get there though. It's your second dday. Is he doing the work? Do you see any progress?


Dday- 4/4/13
fwh- harrypotter
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 330 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Ca
Confusedfor3
New Member
Member # 41911
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

Thank you for your replies! I know you are right. I am such a believer of marriage vows, family values and keeping the family together. I unfortunately think that he knew that and took advantage. Is he doing the work...I think so. He is very remorseful in MC and IC and has stepped it up at home completely. I know for myself I think I need to at least try...but getting past this to really out effort in is so so difficult.


BS. Me 30s
WH 30s
3 kids 6, 3, 1
Dday 1 summer 2010 EA
Day 2 march 2013 TT LTPA with coworker

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 4