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User Topic: Cutting to replace the pain
lostcovenants
Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

I have started cutting. I am either in complete agony or numb. I can't take either one any more. As I type this I am numb. I have just done it a few times, but when I am numb it allows me to feel something - and - when I am in agony over my husband's betrayals it replaces that with the new pain.


BS 60; fWH 59; 2 children, 1 grandchild; Married 37+ years, he is my only; D-day 7/8/13; MOW, PA 2009-?. Broke it off about a week before I found out. Sexting on cheating forums 14 YEARS. Idiot me. STATUS UPDATE - SEPARATED :-(

Posts: 165 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
justdoit
Member
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

((lostcovenants)) I understand the incredible pain you are in, and so do so many others here at SI. It is good that you have posted about this - to me it says that you know what you are doing to yourself is not the answer. Posting here may help you to get some of the pain out. There are a lot of smart, insightful people here in this club none of us ever wanted to join!
Are you in IC? If so call and make an appointment, if not please, please do so. You don't deserve the pain but you DO deserve to make yourself your top priority!
And even if you've heard it a thousand times and don't yet believe it, give yourself time - time to grieve, time to be angry, time to heal.
We're all here for you!


Me - 60
WH - 67
Married 35 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 159 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

Are you in IC? Please get to one ASAP! Or perhaps call a mental health line.

I cut in high school and it eventually progressed into a suicide attempt. I have Borderline tendencies but was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (wrong diagnosis)at the time. Medication and therapy helped me tremendously!

This is very serious! Please get help!

(((lostcovenants)))


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

I have to echo what cl131716 said, this is very serious and you should see an IC immediately. I began cutting after months of false r and led to a suicide attempt and then more cutting. I was hospitalized 2 times. Please seek help for your own safety!

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 4:51 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

In agreement with everyone that says you need to seek IC NOW.

In the meantime...to help deal with the cutting try to work on delaying the impulse. Try to distract yourself. When it gets overwhelming, go to the freezer and get and ice cube and hold it in your hand or grab a notebook and scribble on it with pen hard enough to tear the paper. But DO NOT CUT.

It takes practice to master these interventions. Sometimes it takes a good friend who is willing to sit on the phone with you for an hour while you are lying on the floor in a puddle while she talks you down. Do whatever it takes.

Make that phone call for help!


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

((((lostcovenants))))

Keeping you in my prayers. For strength. For peace. For healing.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 710 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
lostcovenants
Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)

Hello everyone. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I don't feel like this is a big problem. I have been seeing a IC for months, and just recently stopped as I didn't feel like I was making progress. My WS is kind considerate and doing everything right... Except for answering in writing two questions. These are how will you help me heal and how have you cheated on me. He agreed to answer three questions from me at our MCs request . That was in October. He final answered the first question after about six weeks when we were again at MC and the MC took him and a pad and pencil and set him down in another room. Then he finally answered question one, which was, how do you think I feel?

I have asked him to answer the other two, cried and begged (I know I'm pitiful). He has said over and over he will - but obviously that is not going to happen.

I guess this is my answer of how to distract myself from the continuing pain and/or numbness.

Once I learn to accept that he will do all the other thing but not this then I guess that will replace the pain/numbness.

Really I'm okay - as okay as anyone can be 6 months out. Thank you all for your concern, I just have to learn a healthy way to deal with this, but for now this gives me a little relief.

I am on Prozac and Xanax. I hadn't taken the second for about a month at the request of my doctor, but I guess I need to explain to her that I still need it.

Please, don't worry about me,


BS 60; fWH 59; 2 children, 1 grandchild; Married 37+ years, he is my only; D-day 7/8/13; MOW, PA 2009-?. Broke it off about a week before I found out. Sexting on cheating forums 14 YEARS. Idiot me. STATUS UPDATE - SEPARATED :-(

Posts: 165 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 7