New Beginnings
User Topic: Where's my new beginning?
Member # 23300
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)

Sometimes I think that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Let's face it, I'm overweight, work at a low paying job, feel completely stressed trying to just keep my fucking head above water. With all that I have to offer who would want me. I was going to school, but I'm so stressed that I just dropped the two classes I started taking this semester.

I know I'm having a pity party but I really think that I'm going to spend the rest of my life by myself.

me: 48 and free at last as of October 21, 2011 - independence day! I never thought I would say that I am happy to be divorced - happy is not the right word - ecstatic to be divorced describes me.
XH - Doesn't matter anymore.
Son 17
Daughter 12

Posts: 594 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Texas
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 840 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, January 30th (Thursday)

Can you get IC? You have a lot more to offer than you think. And your worth isn't decided by being part of a couple.

Finally, after a couple of years of IC I have started to feel like I'm not that person xpos told me I was. I'm much better and much more than that; not at all what he said. Mostly I still have the feeling that I will spend the rest of my life alone, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm not looking? Maybe I will someday.......

Then there's also the fact that I enjoy the life I have now. No one else to please, no one to consult about decisions or plans. Just me. I miss a relationship sometimes, but...... mostly not. I have a lot of friends and family that keep me busy. And I still see IC.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2381 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, January 30th (Thursday)


It will get better. Keep faith in that.

Can you start small and select one thing you want to change and work on that? Something small, it could be like going for a 10 minute walk each day or not eating after 8pm at night or 10 minutes doing meditation or yoga, or even doing a word puzzle, something just for you.

Don't feel so bad about the dropping school for now. I did the same thing recently, life just too crazy to try and fit everything in. It was the best thing I did for right now. There are only so many hours in a day, unfortunately some things have to go otherwise all we do is stress and worry.

It's ok to be alone. Try and make yourself happy rather then focusing on all the negative things you think about yourself.

I have very little 'on paper' to offer someone else there are some days I don't want my life either and I think why would anyone else want in this either. But I have come to accept, I am ok alone, if someone comes along and makes me happy then great but I am ok on my own too. You will be too.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, January 30th (Thursday)

How about a little 're-framing'?
Try it out.
Instead of
"I'm going to spend the rest of my life by myself"
"I'm going to spend the rest of my life with myself"

Now, ain't that a good thing!

Posts: 6644 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Member # 36336
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, January 30th (Thursday)

Hang in there Wipedout! It will happen when you least expect it.

Now is the best time to work on yourself. If your overweight, work on it...but slowly. Don't do a crash diet, one day at a time.

Low paying job, says who? At this time at least you have a job. Is there a way to advance, go for it!

Best thing to do is always think positive and stay positive.

We have all been in your shoes thinking, who in the world would want me? You will be surprised at the reaction you get with a smile and positive attitude.

Stay strong, hang in there, it WILL get better.

Somebody's signature says this and I wrote it down, I think its great:
"Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending"

Wish you the best Wipedout, it will happen.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, January 30th (Thursday)

NB isn't just about dating.

If you're unhappy with aspects of your life, work on changing them! That's step one of a great new beginning - embrace where and who you are, and work through the stuff that you aren't able to embrace.

I hated my job, so I went back to school, got another degree, and managed to land the job of my dreams. And I ended a relationship (a really great one!) over it, because the career is my main focus right now - THAT is my new beginning.

I lost 30 pounds and ran my first race, because I was tired of feeling like crud all the time.

I started IC and yoga, and gave up on being a perfectionist, and my stress levels went way down.

You have control in your life. Exercise it, and find your happy!

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13797 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, January 30th (Thursday)

Ditto everyone
NB is about YOUR life - not a single man and whether you find him or he finds you.

Don't like your salary? Put together a plan to get a better job.
Don't like your stress level? Put together a plan to reduce stress.
Don't like your weight? Put together a plan to exercise (bonus: that will reduce stress too) & eat more fruits & veg.
Start small, BUT START
Take control Wipedout! You can do this!

(The good thing about being "Wipedout" is that you have a fresh slate)

Posts: 500 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 23300
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

Thank you all for your insight. You are correct, new beginnings aren't just about finding someone else.

I was definitely having a pity party.

When I look at where I was and where I'm at and going too, I have made definite strides. Okay the job I have does not pay a lot, but I now have benefits, which I did not have before. Plus, a definite bonus is I work about 10 minutes from my home, the company has all kinds of holidays, which a normal business does not usually give, and lots more vacation and sick time than I never had at my last job. So, that's definitely positive.

My weight issue. After the initial "infidelity diet" where I lost lots of weight, it came back. I walk with friends in the evening, so that's positive.

Dating, ugh, well, I date a guy from time to time, but I've slacked off on that as I actually enjoy doing things spontaneously and when I want with my daughter and friends - it's very nice not having to answer to anyone.

Another positive step I reminded myself about, is that I am going room by room in my home and redoing, repainting, etc. Right now it's the dining room, and I just tore down 13 year old wallpaper. Now to get it textured and brought up to date. Very positive!

I really appreciate all of your input. I have been looking at the little picture and not the big picture.

Have a great Saturday!

me: 48 and free at last as of October 21, 2011 - independence day! I never thought I would say that I am happy to be divorced - happy is not the right word - ecstatic to be divorced describes me.
XH - Doesn't matter anymore.
Son 17
Daughter 12

Posts: 594 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 9