New Beginnings
User Topic: wonderingbull update
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, January 31st (Friday)

I've been away from posting for quite sometime and thought I'd fill everyone in...

Back in July after an annual huge family beach week my younger brother by four years (He's the youngest of 9) was diagnosed with stage IV kidney cancer...

He's had surgery, another surgery, radiation and was in a trial until a couple of new tumors popped up and they dropped him... He's signed up for a new trial he'll start on soon...

He and I were kids (12 & 16) when our dad died at home from cancer so we're experts on what happens when things go south...

I've been going down and visiting him on occassion in Alabama and I'm his go to guy for the trips to MD Anderson in Houston for tests and treatments... So my life has been work and my brother...

KD had a sister die of breast cancer about 15 years ago so this was just the nudge to bail because she didn't want to be around it... That's why there was so much turmoil before the wedding we both had to go to... My brother was there and you could sense the uneasiness she had being around him...

I found that doctors don't really do well with death and dying... They work on the other end of the spectrum... So she bailed and I've been moving on...

My friends have been great and many who went through my dad's death with me when I was in high school are once again offering support...

I comfortable with the way things ended with KD... It wasn't anything about me, it was all her and her FOO fuckedupness... She keeps wanting to be friends and for me to be emotional support for her but I've got my hands full and have told her she fired me from that position...

Lately she's invited me for drinks or dinner and texted or called under the premise of asking about my brother... Come to find out, she's got a lump in her breast that will be tested to find if it's cancerous... She's freaked because of her sister but doesn't have the friend network I have so she's got no one for support...

Pretty damn ironic that after she bailed on me because of my brother's illness she finds herself in a health pickle and wants my support...

As tough as it all is I'm doing pretty damn well... Only really have broken down a couple of times when I've been alone and everything catches up to me...

Hope all is well and I'll be around more often...


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor

Posts: 5984 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, January 31st (Friday)

Sorry to hear that about your brother but he is blessed to have you as support.

As far as said it yourself. She fired you from that position.
My apologies but it is hypocritical on her part to be reaching for support after bailing when support was needed from her. From what we know of you here I sincerely doubt you were much of a burden upon her when this went down, but that her sensitivity level is such that it was too much for her.

D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, January 31st (Friday)

So sorry to hear about your brother. I have been down this road (cancer) with my dad and one of my nieces. It is a tough road, but you just put your head down and keep pushing through. Make sure to give yourself permission to break down along the way. Letting those emotions out helps you to be strong when you have to be.

Sending strength and peace.


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, January 31st (Friday)

((((WB and brother))))

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25756 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, January 31st (Friday)


Thanks for the update. Sending good thoughts to your brother.

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

Posts: 3407 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, January 31st (Friday)


I'm sorry. You and your brother will be in my thoughts.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7769 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, January 31st (Friday)

Sending Mojo


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2993 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

I'm glad your bro has you.

I read your threat title as 'WonderfulBull Update'

BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5859 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

Such shitty news about your brother. My family went through the cancer stuff with my father 3 years ago and I don't even have the words to describe how bad it was. It is wonderful that your brother has you to help him support him through this, in that he is blessed.

It pops up here in new beginnings so frequently the importance of a support network, friends, family and good co-workers in hard times. We focus so much on our SO's that we often forget the importance of maintaining that support network. I am glad that you realize who will be there for you when you need it.


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother WB. He is lucky to have you by his side through all that.

She's freaked because of her sister but doesn't have the friend network

This is not good ^^^. You have to wonder why she doesn't have any close friends other than you.

I feel sorry for people who can't maintain at least a handful of close friendships throughout their lives. It's so important.

As Jennifer Aniston said of Brad after they divorced, it sounds like she's "lacking the empathy chip" or if she has one, it's been corrupted.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 2:00 PM, February 1st (Saturday)]

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17535 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, February 1st (Saturday)


I've wondered about you, WB so am glad for you taking the time to give us an update. I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's health issues. He is very lucky to have you and it sounds like you are very lucky to have him too.

Too bad that KD continues to knock on your door...Sounds like she has some regrets...too damn bad.

slight t/j

As Jennifer Aniston said of Brad after they divorced, it sounds lack she's "lacking the empathy chip" or if she has one, it's been corrupted.
Ahh, FF I use the same quote often!

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

WB, good to hear from you again. I am so sorry about your brother. I am glad that you recognize what is happening with KD and you are standing up for you and your brother. She is in need and wants you to be there, yet she was unable and unwilling to be support for you and your brother. That is a tough situation and I see that you have grown enough to see it for what it is. Take care and check in when you can. You have our support always.

Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1778 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

I'm really sorry to hear about your brother. And I'm sorry things didn't work out for you with KD. I don't think she meant to leave you cold but I am sure the cancer triggered her. Fear can be a terrible thing.

(((WB & Brother))))

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15291 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, February 2nd (Sunday)

Good to hear from you again!

It's great for your brother to have you there for him now, but I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this. It can be hard to do, but I know you will never regret a moment spent with him now.

(((WB and brother)))

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2386 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Topic Posts: 14