SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
New Beginnings
User Topic: Feel humiliated
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, January 31st (Friday)

I had my date tonight with the guy that had a mutual friend. Apparently, my friend told him the gory details of wxh's cheating.

I felt pity. I don't want or need anyone's pity. I felt embarrassed and humiliated.

And he had a weak handshake. And he paid with a coupon.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7781 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, January 31st (Friday)

Oh Williesmom! I'm so sorry you feel this way.

I wish I could give you IRL hugs.

Try to pamper yourself tomorrow. Take it easy on yourself.


Posts: 1274 | Registered: Oct 2009
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, January 31st (Friday)

((((WM))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25835 | Registered: Aug 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, January 31st (Friday)

((WM))

Not cool that your mutual friend would do that to you. Way to color someone's opinion!

Are you going to say anything to the friend?

And for the record, you have NOTHING to feel embarrassed about, because you are awesome.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13811 | Registered: Jul 2011
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

t/j
And he had a weak handshake.
This has always been a tricky one for me. Most of the time when I go to shake a woman''''s hand it''''s like they want to squeeze instead of shaking hands. I don''''t want to be too firm either for fear it will come off as aggressive. Usually when shaking hands with other men it''s like a guy thing. Like when a father shakes hands with his daughter''s date he subtly letting him know "Screw up and I''ll hurt you". Or if a guy is with his wife/gf and they meet a new guy you the new guy is trouble when he pulls one of those kind of handshakes.

And he paid with a coupon.
Duuuuuude. That was just wrong. When I married we used coupons, but we were freakin'''' broke. Half the time it was her idea. But using a coupon for a date? I don''''t know whether to be pissed that my gender is being so poorly represented or grateful that guys like him make me look better by comparison. I''''m going to go with door #1.
end t/j

@Williesmom,
This guy acted like he had pity for you? This guy? Captain Coupon?
FTG

[This message edited by Brandon808 at 12:08 AM, February 1st, 2014 (Saturday)]


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4007 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

First of all, you did NOTHING to feel humiliated - if anything, if the guy had his head on straight, he would realize what an incredible survivor you are, and if he took two minutes to get a sense of you, he would know how amazing you are. Seriously.

Second, a coupon? On a first date? AYFKM? Says far more about him than it does you my friend....you dodged a bullet WM, really.

You are one of my favorite posters - you are honest and resilient, and just an amazingly nice and together person, from my very humble perspective. If your "date" didn't take the time to realize that, or thought it relevant to focus on your past, he's incredibly short sighted and not someone you need to waste any time on.

Williesmom is a strong, kind, wonderful lady - and don't let anyone ever make you think different, because they are simply wrong. ((Hugs))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4618 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

You are one of my favorite posters - you are honest and resilient, and just an amazingly nice and together person, from my very humble perspective. If your "date" didn't take the time to realize that, or thought it relevant to focus on your past, he's incredibly short sighted and not someone you need to waste any time on.

Me too .

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Your friend was an idiot to blab so much about you.

Coupon on a first date? He's the one that should be embarrassed!

[This message edited by InnerLight at 12:34 AM, February 1st (Saturday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5871 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

Hello Captain Coupon, have you met Cheezy Nut Man?

(((WM)))


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17589 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

No need to feel humiliated....

Consider the whole package the guy presented... Coupon, weak handshake, bringing up the exH cheating (no tact)...

Bullet dodged...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

(((((WM))))))

*shaking head* it is like me and how embarrassed by what my EX did to me…and hearing you say that makes me just want to reach through the computer and shake you!

What happened?? Did he just want to prattle on about your ex? Don't let some weak handshake, coupon using dude rattle who you are. (…and YES, a handshake matters. If it is weak, I assume the guy is weak too.)

What an ass.

Onward.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

Honey, none of this defines you. You are awesome, and the fact that you survived and thrived after the 'gory details' you suffered is your real story.

I hope you get your equilibrium back soon.

(((((Williesmom)))))


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20313 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

You are awesome, Williesmom.

I am sorry that you felt humiliated and embarrassed.

I agree with Brandon on the handshake thing, though. I have actually had a few men hurt me with their handshakes. No thank you. I would prefer the "weak" handshake. Better yet, how about bringing back the days when the woman presented her hand and the man bent over and kissed it? Anyone? Anyone?

Okay, I admit, I am out of the dating etiquette thingy. But, being a groupon and coupon queen, I would have been just fine if my date used a coupon. In fact, my respect for him would have gone up a notch. Here is someone who isn't embarrassed about who he is and doesn't like wasting money. I am not a tightwad, but I love saving some money. Why pay for two dinners at a restaurant when you can buy 1, get 1 free? It makes sense to me to use the coupon. But, this is old married lady and I am way out of the loop on dating.

(((WM)))

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:03 PM, February 1st (Saturday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9831 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

Sister, the coupon is ok, but not on a first date. It's like he doesn't value the experience of meeting me enough to pay full price.

The handshake was really bad. Just really bad. Be confident in yourself, buddy. It was like grabbing a limp dick. Seriously.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7781 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

The handshake was really bad. Just really bad. Be confident in yourself, buddy. It was like grabbing a limp dick. Seriously.
Annnndddddd, she's back!

Sorry you were disappointed last night. You will bounce back but give yourself a little bit of time to process the disappointment. And remember, this is how the weak prospects are eliminated from our dating herd--coupons and weak handshakes and cheesy nuts....


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3216 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

The handshake was really bad. Just really bad. Be confident in yourself, buddy. It was like grabbing a limp dick. Seriously.

Annnndddddd, she's back!

^^^This. THIS is why I keep checking SI whilst I should be finishing my paper.

I totally agree. There is something masculine about a good handshake.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

It was like grabbing a limp dick.

Ugh. If this is how this man acts when his game is on, I can't imagine how unbearable he'd be once he's in a LTR.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 767 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

Be confident in yourself, buddy. It was like grabbing a limp dick. Seriously.
This is why I like you so much, Williesmom, and enjoy your posts.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9831 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

Annnndddddd, she's back!


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4618 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

If I don't laugh about it, I'll cry. Thanks for validating my feelings of "ugh" and also making me laugh about it.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7781 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

Shame on him, FTG and NEXT!

Sorry his pathetic self tried to bring you down. Water seeks its own level, seems he was trying to bring you down so he could feel better about himself. What a monumental dick.

(((WM)))


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 756 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Pentup
Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

Willies mom, you are one of the people on here that I wished lived next door. This guy needs to turn in his man card.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
thyme2go
Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

A handshake on a date? Whether first, third or tenth - really? What am I missing here? I must old fashioned. Or, is it new fashioned?


-t2g

PS - then again, I see nothing wrong with the coupon.


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Topic Posts: 22