User Topic: Eventual success with R
Member # 31868
Wink  Posted: 5:48 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

Hello, everyone. I come here today to acknowledge that my wife and I have after much agony, frustration, and needless pain have found our way to an R that I can believe in. It has taken us a few years, many painful discussions, many failed discussions, and finally empathy on her part. I do know that the A is long gone, and will not return. Our path has been long, and filled with many things that could have destroyed our marriage if we had together been less than vigilant and allowed it. My love for her coupled with an insistence for mutual open communication, honesty, and transparency is paying off. My wife has come to understand that my thorough ways of being open to her without the fear, sans the lies of unneeded self protection do work. She has over the years been putting in the work to put us, and the health of the collective us ahead of all other things, large and small, to find our way back to where we should be as lifetime partners. There have been many severe bumps along the way, and she has not been the only one needing to swallow a whole lot of pride. I have become very proud of the way she is returning to the wonderful lady I exchanged vows with all those years ago. I guess I'm just saying that if you are lucky enough to have a WS with genuine remorse and a legitimate work ethic, along with a sincere desire to rebuild, don't give up. The recon is and will always will be a 2 way street with far too many potential pitfalls, but the possibility of successful rebuilding is there with a lot of time, and the blessing I have had of a spouse that owns the infidelity and puts a stop to it through truly learning themselves and their partner. I have finally come to believe we are going to make it. It's an awesome relief, and the absence of the daily pain that one's mind can put us through is truly fantastic. I know not all of us will ever get to savor this success with a spouse that truly gets it and sincerely does all possible to make amends and truly rebuild. Genuine R is possible, and as a BS, I am feeling so grateful. I wish Love, Serenity, and a life that finally gives them a partner with integrity. It has taken years, but I finally feel good fortune instead of misery. I wish the same for all of you. And a huge THANK YOU to the wise and caring members of SI that have helped us to get to what we hope is a great stepping stone to our rebuilding.

[This message edited by LAFA at 5:54 AM, February 1st (Saturday)]

When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

This is so wonderful to hear. I hope I'll be able to post this sometime! I wish you peace and much love and happiness in your future!

BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2633 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 41166
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

Beautiful and encouraging! Thank you!

Me: BW 41
FWH 41
Together 21 yrs, M 18, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Used condom, got chlamydia anyway.

His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.

Posts: 261 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 40613
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

Thank you for sharing this update. For those of us on this path to R, it is heartwarming to hear success. I think that is where we are headed, and I love to hear that it is really possible. Best wishes to both of you.

3 A's
Blinded-sided DD 9/2011
Again 11/2011 and then more truth the next day. Separated 4 months. 2012, the year of truth and reconciliation.

Posts: 70 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 41219
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, February 1st (Saturday)

So happy for you

Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31, 1 month EA & PA
Married 9 years
Kids: 2 perfect boys
D-day: Nov 3, 2013
Working on R

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: ND
Member # 41054
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

So happy for you lafa. I am so early on in this process and only hope we have the same strength and determination to see it through.

Me: BW (41)
Him: WH (41)
2 Daughters - 20 and 16
Married 19 years, together 24 years
DDay - 09/08/2013
NC - 10/10/13 Broken 10/11/13
I feel like we are both trying R but I am just so skeptical of everything!! Hell, I don't know much right

Posts: 71 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Lost in USA
Member # 38846
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

Thank you Lafa, that was some inspiration I needed.

Glad things are working out for your R.

Me: BH, 54
Her: WW, 54 4 yr LTA
Married 31 yrs, 2 college age boys
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - LTA 2008-2013
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - ONS, same AP 2007 - turns out it was a 5 yr LTA
Trying to understand

Posts: 251 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, February 1st (Saturday)

thanks for coming back and sharing. enjoy the fruits of your labor.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 31868
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, February 4th (Tuesday)

Just wanted to thank you all for your kind responses, and my W for stepping up and sharing the work with me. I'll be happy to help any others in any way I can.

When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Topic Posts: 10