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New Beginnings
User Topic: Looking at moving out of state
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

First time I've done this in my life...

When I moved out from the ex I rented this great place I've been in since, almost 7 years now... I've lived in the same city my whole life (53 y.o.) except when I left for 4 years of college.

Now with my brother in such dire straits I'm looking at moving to Alabama to be with him... If things don't take a friendly turn he'll pretty much need full time help... My SIL works full time as a nurse and can't be there all the time...

I was able to get packed up and moved into this place in 4 days... I figure I can get packed up and moved that far away in a week to week and a half...

Looking at places near him at about the same price as I live here...

I've been inspired by all the SIers who have made long distance moves so I'm using your examples for inspiration...

Had a crying meltdown on saturday evening but cried it out, took a lot of deep breaths and hugged my dog... Going through this on my own is daunting but that's the hand I was dealt... Gonna have to play it...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5982 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

((((wb)))) Sending you strength, bud.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25705 | Registered: Aug 2011
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

Hugs WB! I am sorry - it sounds like brother is in a bad place.

As for moving - it can be a very freeing thing. Trust that since you are moving for the right reasons (ie of the heart), it will be ok.

....and we are here for any venting you need in the meantime!

Edited.....I am not sure about your place; but I seemed to have acquired WAY more stuff than I moved in with!

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 12:57 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2176 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

I'm also pondering an out of state move... it's scary! So much to consider.

I know you'll handle it just fine... with a name like WB, how could you not?

The other WB


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15413 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

I''m one of the ''movers'' on this board so I''m sending you all the moving mojo I have (as I hope to not do so again for a while )

Feel free to PM me if you need anything from advice to emotional support


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20273 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

How awesome you are to be there for your brother this way! We should all be so lucky to have a sibling like you.

As for moving, it''s just logistics. If ever there was a task that called for making a list and ticking things off until it''s done, this is it.

But other things to thing about in terms of looking before you leap, e.g. not moving yet and going down and staying with your brother until you really know the lay of the land. Sometimes having a better idea of what you''re headed towards makes planning for it easier.

And I second the motion that you''ve got more stuff crammed into your place than you think :) so plan for that too


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3119 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
stuckinthetunnel
Member
Member # 41754
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

Hey wonderingull..I up and moved to Alabama about 8 months ago. Left my home where I had lived my whole 50 yrs. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. Still getting settled in and there are times when I look around and think "I cant believe I did this". I love Alabama, its just hard staring all over by yourself at my age.

The plus side is I don't have to look at every freaken silver truck that passes me anymore, I don't have to run into him and his OW anymore, which was happening a lot, and my son is so much happier and has met some kids that are a lot better for him and he is getting over his anger. Im also closer to family and that is always a plus. Good luck on your move, my son and I drove the 3000 plus miles and it was the coolest thing I have ever done with him.


DDay 10/30/11
Divorced 3/25/13
Married 19 yrs.
S30,S23 mine
S17 ours

Posts: 53 | Registered: Dec 2013
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

Thank you everyone...

Sad... I've observed your moves and they've inspired me...

The place I'll go is along the gulf coast of Al... My parents are originally from there and I've got a ton of cousins and their families there... I know it like the back of my hand... Just never really thought I'd be heading that way for the reasons I am...

I can work from anywhere so that's a plus...

I just talked to my SIL earlier this morning and she's going to put me in touch with the guy who knows everything about everyone in the residential community they're in... Being within walking distance would be great but not neccessary....

Just need to find a place from me and my dog to land...

Once again... Thank you...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5982 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

WB,

I moved from the northeast down to Texas on my own a few years after college and moved my entire family out here to Georgia 5-1/2 years ago. It can seem like a lot but just get your ducks in a row and plan out as much as you can before you head out.

I would recommend taking a trip out there with the intention of scoping the area for where you want to live and get some things set up in advance of actually making the move.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

I moved from Phoenix to Houston without a place to live because I had to get there quicklynot the smartest thing to do, but it worked out. DDIL has an aunt & uncle there, and they said they would put me up for a while. I worked my butt off and found an apartment in a week, which was a miracle because apartments were at a premium. Unfortunately for me, I couldn''t bring my dogs for various reasons, so they now live with the X.

If you have a fair amount of stuff, I like PODS for a move. I used them from Phoenix to Houston. I used a cut-rate organization (UPack) for the move to NY, and it was awful. Much less expensive, but in the long run, not worth it.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20273 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

((WB)) You're a good man, and I can't imagine you would regret having this time with your brother. It is a big change though, but I think you can handle anything.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, February 3rd (Monday)

((Wb)). You'll be awesome no matter where you land.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, February 4th (Tuesday)

Good luck with your move. I am sure you will really appreciate being close to your family especially while you settle in.

I hope things improve with your brother. I am sure your SIL will be very glad to have some assistance as well.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, February 4th (Tuesday)

You're a great brother. You're lucky that you can work from home, wherever that may be, so that you can be there for him/them when they really need you. It's good that you are already familiar with the area, too.

I moved a good amount of things last fall, expecting to spend the winter in a warmer place. Almost at the last minute before that move, there was an additional, unexpected move on the horizon. Now I'm many thousands of miles further away helping out my family in a medical situation for several months. I'm thankful that I didn't need to move my whole household, though. We're both lucky that we have the ability to be available to help.

SI mojo for your move and for your brother's health.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2381 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Cool  Posted: 11:09 PM, February 4th (Tuesday)

I've been moving Southeast also but doing a pit stop in Texas for the last couple months from Bay Area, CA. Sent a PM.

Hugs
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
exhausted lady
Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, February 5th (Wednesday)

WB....if you're only renting at the present time......follow your heart. It won't lead you wrong. If your brother needs you, and you have the means to be there for him (and can handle the stress) by all means take the time to do it.

Of course, I'm posting from the viewpoint of a caretaker of many years, and I might not have the most broad viewpoint, but honest to god, look at the positive vs. negative points.

If your the type that needs to weigh the positive vs. the negative.....pull up Excel and do so. Only you know what will have the greater pull.

I'm doing the caregiver thing for my mom. She moved in with me (mid-stage dementia) upon my father's death in July. I would never, ever tell someone they HAD to chose this. It's damned hard, let me tell ya. But, in my case....I could do no other and live with myself.

I will tell you though, once you dive in....there is no going back. You're committed. Think about that long and hard before you turn your life upside down. Do some very deep soul-searching before you chose this. But, it's family and THAT is the kicker (and the trap).

Right now, I'm just barely keeping my head above water on the mental health front and I've been through a lot of shit before this happened. Being a caregiver is the most exhausting, mind-numbing, stressful thing you can do. Also the most rewarding. Think long and hard....because it gets harder as time goes on.

Be prepared to dig into your deepest reserves of self care to take on a job like that.

I didn't have a choice (only child), but you do. Look into helping by giving respite care for your SIL, (you could spell her for a week of respite, etc.) paying caregivers, etc.....believe me, end of life care will eat your life while it's going on. A lot of people can't deal with it. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to see it through to the end myself. I held my dad's hand during his final days and hours, but this is the "long goodbye" (Alzheimers) and I question my ability to handle it every single morning when I wake up.


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, February 5th (Wednesday)

follow your heart....

that's where home is :)


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8459 | Registered: Apr 2008
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)

I want to move out of this state but don't know where lol.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4787 | Registered: Feb 2008
Afraid2LoveAgain
Member
Member # 11185
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, February 7th (Friday)

((((WB))))

((((WB's Brother))))


BW -- 57
Divorced 2001
Re-married 2014--on what would have been our 35th anniversary

Posts: 426 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: NC
Topic Posts: 19