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User Topic: How often to talk on the phone?
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

If you are dating someone, how often do you talk on the phone? What are your opinions on talking every day? Is that too much for you?

Personally, talking every day would be too much for me in the beginning stages of a relationship. I'm very introverted adn really dislike talking on the phone. It's totally draining for me and I dread it. I think once every 2 or 3 days is a good number.

Similar, but definitely not the same, what are your thoughts on texting every day? See, for me, I prefer a text because I can formulate what I would like to say and don't live in fear of 1) not having an answer right away 2) saying something stoopid and 3) saying something inappropriate ( I know, I worry about this stuff a lot).

I do prefer face to face over talking on the phone, I'd do that for hours.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

I prefer face to face.

I seriously don't like talking on the phone - so much that I've been asked if:

A) I'm married
B) I'm hearing impaired

With that said, texting briefly every day is fine. Talking on the phone once or twice per week is more than enough.

I like texting because it gives me time to formulate an intelligent answer. I hate uncomfortable pauses in a phone conversation.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

It changes throughout the relationship for me.

Early on, you are just getting to know each other, so talking in person or on the phone 1-3x/week is sufficient. As the relationship progresses I like the phone call/date ratio to increase slowly, maybe building up to daily contact between 6 months and a year. I think after a year, you should be able to talk for 15 minutes a day, just to keep each other in the loop.


Posts: 3445 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
thyme2go
Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

LDR in the making. 1-3 hours per day. Both very kinda introverted. Go figure.

Do what you feel is right for you and screw the rules.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Gomphus
Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

I dislike phone conversations except with people I only talk to every few months. I text often, several times a day when I had an SO. This was a point of contention for us. SO needed regular phone conversations, that was her 'love language' and I disliked it. It contributed to our breaking up. I would say, as long as you two can compromise and agree on the frequency and style you're good.


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

I hate talking on the phone. Most women I know think I'm a freak. I much prefer texting.

All my conversations on the phone are fairly quick. I could do that every day but not for hours or even 30 minutes - 5 minutes tops. I can text every day, several times a day with people I care about.

If I'm trying to develop a relationship I would need to see them in person at least once a week - so much is lost in translation if you can't see someone's body language. That's why I would be a total failure at LDR.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7739 | Registered: Aug 2005
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

LDR here as well. We're both 100% single parents (my youngest is younger than his youngest) and we both have work, hobbies and stuff going on as well.

We email and text every day as we can and talk on the phone three or four times a week (always at night when kids are in bed; neither of us are huge phone people, either). It works for us.

Like t2g said, screw the rules. Do what feels good for you.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15413 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
dead_inside
Member
Member # 3438
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

I'm in a LDR as well, for 4 years. We are engaged and will be living together in 6 months (yay!). But during the course of our LDR, we do not talk on the phone that much. We text a lot (I prefer text), and we see each other about every other weekend to once a month (worst case scenario). When we do call each other, it's just a brief call to hear each other's voice.

I believe that this is because I used to work full time in a call center and had to be on the phone for 8 hours a day. That turned me off phone conversations. I don't enjoy phone calls, and only will do it if there is no other way to communicate. This works for my guy and me, but may be unusual because of my dislike for the phone. LOL


Me: FORMER BW
Him: WXH


Posts: 756 | Registered: Feb 2004
Shockleader
Member
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

We are a 6 month LDR brought together by OkCupid, see each other every weekend, and at times have mid week visits. Both of us are introverts, me especially so (INFJ), and she used to HATE to talk on the phone. Even in the beginning we talked every day, and continue to do so with a brief call in the morning on her way to work, and for an hour every evening. I like it, look forward to it, and we always have something to talk and laugh about.

Until about 6 months ago, I did not even own a texting capable phone... It's OK for some things, but I really don't like it all that much.


D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 47
Xcheater 44
One DD 19
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...


Posts: 652 | Registered: Sep 2012
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

I don't really…think about it??

I've dated one guy that refused to talk on the phone, but we would keep a running dialogue via text almost all day long, every day.

One guy I dated for about 6 weeks and he called me most evenings on his way home from work.

I don't really have a preference, whatever works. For me, I prefer to text during the day because I don't have time for long phone conversations (kids/school/whatever), but after kids are in bed at night, then I can talk.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4182 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
thyme2go
Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

Actually, we do not "talk" via a phone. We Skype. Talking face to face changes everything.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
thyme2go
Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

And Skype is free. Phone calls and text messages can get $$$.


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
mandan66
Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

Same here as other posts---screw the 'rules'!
But---I like what you said Crescita. Makes pretty good sense.


Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
M:18--T:19
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

We've been dating a few years and he calls me every night to 'tuck me in' as he puts it. we talk for 5-60 minutes. He texts me good morning. Sometimes a brief text midday a few times a week. Sometimes we only see each other 1x/week.

I think the time where you need to set some boundaries is if you are losing sleep, neglecting your own interests, friends, family. It's so important to keep your center when in a relationship especially when you are newly dating but even when you've been together a while.

I'm pretty good at my boundaries with my guy. I'm not so good with my friend mr netflix


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5857 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, February 6th (Thursday)

I had a relationship with a man for about 2 months during which he called me ONCE (5 minutes) the rest was textinig.
I ended that relationship.

Posts: 500 | Registered: Jun 2012
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, February 7th (Friday)

I am in the early stage of dating someone new (a month out). We do not talk on the phone - never.

We connect via emails, texts of online chats.

This was not a conscious decision - but it works for me. Between my work, kids, etc it gives me the freedom to correspond when I have time, etc.

I have no issue feeling very connected this way.

I agree with others - whatever works for you guys.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2176 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, February 7th (Friday)

I've been with SO for almost 3 years. We very rarely talk on the phone. I see him every day, so there isn't really a need to talk on the phone. The only time we do is if there's a question that needs to be answered ASAP. Once or twice I've called him to vent while I was driving for work. For awhile, I would call him just because. I wanted to talk to him on the phone often enough that his voice didn't sound strange on the phone. I actually forgot about that until now!

I agree with the others, whatever works for your relationship. As long as all serious conversations are had face to face.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4202 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
healingtree
Member
Member # 15467
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, February 8th (Saturday)

Wow I am learning a lot from you guys. So glad I stopped by! (((SIers)))


FBS 1st D-day 7-11-07, 2nd DDay Post-Breakup in 8-12
HIM - Doesn't Matter Anymore
The only thing we can change about the past is how we look at it.

Posts: 8345 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Here and Now
Topic Posts: 18