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User Topic: Is this a red flag?
lonelylost
Member
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, February 7th (Friday)

After I hang out with my friends my SO always asks in a joking manner: "What did you tell them about me?" or he'll say, "Did you tell them how great we were last night?"

He has only met one of my close friends so far.

His questions, is this just a guy thing? or should I really be concerned?

Thanks!


Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, February 7th (Friday)

It seems a bit immature to me, but not necessarily a red flag...yet.

How old is he?


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6520 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
lonelylost
Member
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, February 7th (Friday)

He is 47, I'm 41.

Maybe it's an ego thing? idk

See, at first I thought, does he want my friends to come on to him at some point? But because of my past, I never know if I'm projecting or if I have a legitimate concern.


Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, February 7th (Friday)

Sounds like he's insecure and wants to hear that you're telling your friends about your relationship to make himself feel better.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4202 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, February 7th (Friday)

Or it could just be his way of trying to figure out what you think of him. He may need reassurance from you that he means something to you, but doesn't know how to ask for that need. I think all of us need that reassurance from time to time...especially those of us who have been cheated on. Ask him why he asks.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2013
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, February 7th (Friday)

Dig deeper. It''s either insecurity, for which you can privately reassure him, or it''s exhibitionism, which you may be able to nip in the bud, but otherwise I''d be very, very leary of him.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20273 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, February 7th (Friday)

Is he doing it in front of his friends, or afterward when it's just you? I have dated someone who did this around his friends, and it was not about me - it was about them. His friends were the kind of guys who constantly ribbed on each other about everything. The kind of joking like, "woah man, what's a girl like Ama doing slumming it with you?" So for me to speak well of him in front of them, especially in that same over the top braggy tone, was basically saying I was on his "team" when we were out with his friends. On the other side, when we first met them, he was totally okay with the fact that I teased him in front of them and gave them some very small dirt to play with, because it meant that his friends adored me, and in that group, friends' approval is pretty important.

ETA durrrrr just saw it's YOUR friends not his. I agree that he sounds insecure. He is probably afraid they won't like him or approve and he'll lose you.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 7:23 PM, February 7th (Friday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13794 | Registered: Jul 2011
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, February 7th (Friday)

It's a yellow flag. Just keep it in the back of your mind and watch his other behaviors and actions.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Mousse242
Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

He's your SO and he's only met one of your friends? He needs to meet more of your inner circle. If I was exclusively dating someone and had only met one of their friends, I'm pretty sure I would feel the same way.

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

He''s your SO and he''s only met one of your friends? He needs to meet more of your inner circle. If I was exclusively dating someone and had only met one of their friends, I''m pretty sure I would feel the same way.
^^^^This!
As a guy I am well aware that many women place a high value on their friend''s advice and support, especially when it comes to relationships. Getting introduced to a girl''s friends is one of those steps that shows she is accepting you into her life on a deeper level. If I''m dating a women but I haven''t met her friends then I would wonder if it''s because of how she feels about me or if her friends have declined to meet. Either way I would be concerned something is wrong.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3992 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
UndecidedinMA
Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

After I hang out with my friends my SO always asks in a joking manner: "What did you tell them about me?" or he'll say, "Did you tell them how great we were last night?"

Not a big red flag but is it a reaction? I know I was like this in the early stages of relationship but it was a reaction. MY SO would tell me funny stories of what coworker said about his wife, or friend said about her BF. It made me think - Geez, what is saying about me?
Best way to find out - ask.

If you are sharing quips or funny tales this could be his reaction.
ITA if you are comitted he needs to meet more of your friends than 1.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

Did you tell them how great we were last night?

Red flag. Have your friends meet him and see what their thoughts are of him. When I dated a guy like that, he was trying to see where my boundaries were. Soon, he was talking about sex in front of my friends, stopping by to see one of my friends, wanted me to pick out women I wanted us to be with together,,,,you get the idea....

The first question is ok, but the second part would send me running. I've dated really nice guys before and NEVER did any one of them want to know if I'd shared sex life details with my friends == only the 2 sex addicts I dated talked like that.....


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2204 | Registered: Jan 2012
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

Did you tell them how great we were last night?
Ok, I have to admit some naivte on my part. Was that about sex? Because if it was then I would call that a yellow flag and ask him about it. I mean was it intended to be some kind of joke?


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3992 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

It sounds like he's really into you and is trying to get a feel for if you feel the same. So, a little needy yes, but I don't think necessarily a red flag.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
Topic Posts: 14