User Topic: Trust
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, February 7th (Friday)

My wife has been as good as I could hope for in dealing with the aftermath of what she did, especially since it was so long ago. Iíve gotten to a point where I trust her kind of and I think thatís ok. Sometimes that feeling of panic and terror creeps in thought Ė ďis she at it again, is there someone else?Ē. I can get through it pretty well and set it aside when it happens, and she is willing to do whatever it takes to help me. Itís also happening less often, but itís always triggered by her opportunity Ė when I know she could be because of her schedule. She is already transparent and doing things that are reassuring. Like I said it has been getting better Ė is this a dreaded ďtimeĒ thing or is there something I can do. Any words of wisdom?

I apologize that I will not be able to check in on this thread for a while, but any help is really appreciated.

Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, February 8th (Saturday)

IMO, this IS another time thing. The longer she shows she's trustworthy, the longer it will be between anxiety attacks, and the less powerful they'll be - at least, that's been my experience.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10351 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 38653
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, February 8th (Saturday)

I think it's about giving yourself time to process it all. You were doubly betrayed AND despite DD1, her A continued. I think it is natural for those feelings go distrust come in. Do you tell her when these feelings happen? If so, what does she say?

As well, sine the A lasted for years and with a friend of yours, you can't be expected to trust for a long time. Trust is something she earns. Maybe she hasn't earned it just yet.

Take care

Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

Probably time, which I am no expert on as it's only been a shade over two months for me. Take it one day at a time.

Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 1070 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

Thanks everyone. Itís good to hear from others on the same road. I think you all are right that time is the issue.

Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 5