SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Advice please!
FracturedSoul
Member
Member # 41792
Default  Posted: 1:11 AM, February 8th (Saturday)

After 17 months of occasional searching for the contact details of the OW4 LTBF....I stumbled accross it by pure accident this morning.

I started a thread in Dec2013 asking you guys if I should let him in on the A. Most of you said yes, wouldn't I have liked to know?

Problem was...at that stage I could only find him on facebook. That would mean that he would then be able to look up on me, my husband etc. From the posts he made on fb...he doesn't seem like a nice guy at all. I can almost understand why the OW4 did cheat on him...but then...it could be his 'facebook persona'. Either way, I only wanted to let him know about the A. I don't want any other chit-chats...sure, I'd love to see her reaction, but that is risking my family and our R.

Now that I have come across a work email adress for him, I can create a new email for myself...mail him the info...and never log onto my new account again.

I guess I have three questions:
1. Is this a good plan?
2. Is this a good thing I want to do?
3. Should I tell my husband?

I suspect he'll try to talk me out of it. I'm scared OW4 will contact him again.
but I do think BS2 has a right to know about her infidelity to him.

This is the closest I've come to blowing the whistle on her. I used to dream about it, now I have the opportunity to do it. This is real now. I need solid advice from people that has been here before please. I need to know all the good; the bad and the ugly that can come from it.


BS-33
FWH-33
Dating since 1997. Married since 2004.
DDay: 09/12/2012
4 OW from 2006-2012. Discovered all @ once.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: South Africa
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, February 8th (Saturday)

I think you need to monitor the address so you can respond to any question he might have.

I think you should tell your H after you've outed ow, but not before, and in that conversation, plan how to respond to communications with ow - maintaining NC - not responding - is probably best.

JMO - it's early. I'm up because I can't sleep, so the quality of my thinking has to be open to question.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10085 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
demonshide
New Member
Member # 41824
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

[This message edited by demonshide at 10:06 AM, February 17th (Monday)]


Married 17 yrs, 4 children, WH has had multiply, varied affairs, I am trying to put one foot in front of the other and believe God is with me.

Posts: 40 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 3