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Just Found Out
User Topic: damn it!
kasp
New Member
Member # 42393
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

So I posted yesterday about my findings of ws still texting op. Decided to confront her this morning as I just couldn't sleep on it one more night. After initial anger I told her I would be Ok if she chose to leave but I wasn't leaving. She says she doesn't know what she wants. Says there is nothing between her and op at all. Was just checking on his child custody case and one other time to tell him why she denied his Facebook friend request. I told her that ANY contact has taken me back to the day I found out the first time regardless of what it was about.
She has been seeing ic for a year and I suggested that it seems she just has more questions than answers now. She says she has tons of answers but she just doesn't know how to love me the way I deserve to be loved. She has asked to come with me to my ic this week and talk about things further. She has been battling depression for many years which is why I'm being sensitive to her needs a little bit. She says her feelings have nothing to do with any op or anything like that, it's all just feelings of being suffocated by the daily trials of being wife and mother. She says our struggles are about way more than the ea and wants to know why I'm so focused on that one situation. I don't feel I'm being a door mat but made myself clear that until she can rebuild the broken trust from the ea a year ago, we will not be able to move forward as I won't be able to trust that she is committed to this marriage. I explained what she needed to do in order to stay (all the rules) and although she is not positive she can live up to my expectation, she does understand why it's important and has decided to stay until we see ic. Wish me luck as I wander down this road to who knows where. Any words of wisdom would be awesome.


This Sucks!

Posts: 7 | Registered: Feb 2014
annb
Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

Unless your wife goes NC with OP, you will never be able to move forward from her affair.

she just doesn't know how to love me the way I deserve to be loved

^^The OM is in the picture, she's still got her head up her ass, and it will be impossible for her to focus on the marriage and you when she is still obviously not willing to give up OM.

Gentle 2 x 4, your wife has been making decisions for your life for how long? Kasp, it's time for you to grab the steering wheel and take back control of your life and your future.

Have you read the threads in this forum for newbies? Scroll down a page or two, and in particular find the one called Before You Say Reconcile. Also Tactical Primer...just for starters. Also visit the Betrayed Men thread in the I Can Relate forum...SI vets who have BTDT and who will give you sage advice on how to move forward.

((((kasp))))


Posts: 7471 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

She says our struggles are about way more than the ea and wants to know why I'm so focused on that one situation.
There may very well be other struggles in the marriage, but she threw a grenade into it with the EA. She doesn't get to tell you to get over it and focus on the other issues instead.

The EA has to be dealt with first before you can even begin to look at anything else.

I guess I don't understand why she wants to go to your IC appointment?


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25047 | Registered: Aug 2011
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:42 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

She says she has tons of answers but she just doesn't know how to love me the way I deserve to be loved

This just reeks of bullshit....Im sorry but she is still in contact with om and keeping you waiting with babble that makes no sense. Either she wants to R or she doesn't. I think your going to have to play hard ball and tell her remove her ass from the fence or your done.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4931 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 4