SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: They made a child
wyowoman
New Member
Member # 42407
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

I am in such a tough situation all around. I found out in fall of 2012. I found out everything. The affair, the other girls pregnancy. We talked and I decided to stay. We have two kids in our marriage. That is partly why I wanted to work it out. It didnt seem fair to me to give it all up and give up my kid's family for this mistake. We initially decided to let things ride out and him not persue the relationship with the other baby. The other girl finally found me on facebook and started messaging me trying to get ahold of my husband. I didn't reply. A few weeks ago she sent pictures of the baby to my facebook. I have privacy turned on but the messages went to my other folder. When I blocked her she got on a relatives account and tried messaging me. Today in the mail we received a packet for child support. He doesnt know yet because he works for the railroad and has to have his phone turned off. No one in my family knows or there would be all kinds of drama. I have initially decided to stay but longer it goes the madder im getting about it all. My kids have a half sister they may never know or may find out about later. If they do the rest of my family may learn of it. I dont think I could handle him being involved in the baby's life. On the other hand she is absolutely innocent. Im back to wondering if I should stay or go. We are looking at 18 years of child support. Do I want that? If I leave my husband is looking at 3 child support children (I know that it's his fault to begin with but its still a big burden) and my kids will grow up in yet another divorced family. We were reconciled but this keeps snowballing.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: down2010
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

(((wyowoman)))

Welcome to SI. I'm sorry for what your are going through. There is a thread in the ICR forum that you may find helpful. It is for those dealing with an OC.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=431778&AP=781

Sending you strength.


Posts: 35212 | Registered: Mar 2011
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

wyo,
I would contact a lawyer, and you'll need a paternity test, etc. to determine if he is the father.

That being said, I don't think your marriage has much to do with this child. He may need to provide support, but that money will be taken away from your children whether you are married or divorced. It will probably take less away from them if you stay married.

Having unprotected sex is so common in affairs - it is shocking, so don't feel like you are alone in this. You are right, this little girl is an innocent, so she needs to be provided for regardless of the situation she was born into. SO sorry about what you are going through, but it is just by the sheer luck, and possibly aging sperm and eggs in our case, that I (and many of us) are not in your shoes.

Good luck.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 4:33 PM, February 8th (Saturday)]


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1962 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

(((wyowoman)))

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I could so easily have been in your shoes.
Cheaters are liers. Please insist on paternity testing---who knows how many men OW was with.
You will get a lot of help, comfort, support , & wisdom from this site---keep posting & reading.

Sending you strength.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1391 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 4