SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Is the pain and torture worth it?
confused52204
Member
Member # 16913
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

I'm not married to him. I kicked him out. As I have a 6 yo dd from previous marriage that ended in him cheating! My now xWS did some crazy shit....craigslist ads men and women, for almost all of our relationship. It wasn't going on when I found evidence. Took a year to actually kick him out of the home we purchased together. As I thought we'd be married by now. Too many lies and on top if lies are manipulation to spreadsheets to make me believe lies. After I kicked him out and purchased home on my own he finally got it. He's going to IC and realized y he did what he did. The point is I'm not sure I believe him bc i don't know how he could forget his Tramatic past now all of the sudden he's healed and he gets y he did those things!

With me not sure what worse possible cheating (passed lie detector), lies, bi sexual thing! Omg I'm all over the place tonight just so confused !


Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2007
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, February 8th (Saturday)


..worth what???? what's left of this marriage??

..nothing could be worth the emotional trauma I have endured these past 4yrs 10months..

..sounds like you've had more than your fair share of pain and torture too!!

Who knew life could be so twisted?

..I will welcome death when it comes.. no more pain..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
confused52204
Member
Member # 16913
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

Seriously who the f knew that life would b this hard!!!

Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2007
IsthereEVERanend
Member
Member # 42216
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

In retrospect, looking back nearly 23 years of pain, anger, hurt and indifference. It may have been worth it to me and my family. I'm not sure I would do it all over again' at least not the same way. After all of the years suffering PTSD from what she did to me, things would have been done differently between my fww and myself. Even though we now love each other more than ever, I was the one who actually paid the price for her indiscretions and that part of our R will be with me forever in spite of her efforts to make things right. Besides, she lied to me and I have never lied to her. Those last eleven words are hers from just the other day.
Whatever works for you.

[This message edited by IsthereEVERanend at 10:23 PM, February 8th (Saturday)]


Me: Older than dirt
FWW 63
DD 8/1990 She confessed to a 2 month ea/pa
Asked forgiveness but volunteered to leave. No way was I going to give her the boot

The eight most feared words used together in the English language: We need to talk. Th


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Utah
itstoomuch
Member
Member # 42301
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

For me, yes. Even in the midst of current personal struggles and constant arguing atm, yes. After years of lying, hurt, pain, yes. After public humiliation, yes. After him losing his job, and other things... leaving me to raise kids & keep us afloat, yes. Dealing with the aftermath & shame of it all, yes. Have to go thru the pain one way or another & I'd rather go thru it with him by my side helping me / us heal. Not easy and not always what I want, but we are struggling to try to make it work. I'm hanging in there for the chance to make something beautiful out of an awful broken thing. We are committed to reconcile, however awful & ugly it might be at times.

That being sad, it's worth it to me in my situation. But I would never say what it is worth it for you. Each situation is unique and only you know your husband/ marriage. I share all my junk to say that nothing is too terrible that it can't be reconciled, if that's the decision you and your husband make together. If it's your reality you choose to live out... Hard decision I know. :(

I have my own...would never say it is easy, but it is worth it.

[This message edited by itstoomuch at 8:44 PM, February 26th (Wednesday)]


While I'm "new" to SI, I'm not "new" to "Surviving Infidelity."
4+ yrs post-DDay
17+ M
R is long and hard.
'The cloudiest skies do make the prettiest sunsets'

Posts: 130 | Registered: Feb 2014
confused52204
Member
Member # 16913
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

We r not married and have no kids together. His giant secret is very large to keep. At times I want him back but then others I think not. I just can't believe he put me in this position. This is not a way I wanted to start our life together....

Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2007
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

worth it?

I hope so. Some of the most amazing people that I know have made it through some tragedy or trauma. They came out on the otherside stronger and more loving and caring than when they started. Will that be the case this time? I'll let you know when I know for sure.

It does seem to be heading that way for us. It has taken a lot of focus and work on all sides. We are not married but have a child and a step child. The kids did give me the strength to keep moving forward on days when I was ready to quit. They are not the reason I stayed though. I stayed because I really do love my fWS and realize her potential for change.


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Aug 2012
Angel177
Member
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

Sometimes it feels worth it, sometimes it doesn't.


Me:BS
Him:WH
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Daughter-3
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012
demonshide
New Member
Member # 41824
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

[This message edited by demonshide at 10:07 AM, February 17th (Monday)]


Married 17 yrs, 4 children, WH has had multiply, varied affairs, I am trying to put one foot in front of the other and believe God is with me.

Posts: 40 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 9