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New Beginnings
User Topic: Wow! Next step.
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

Went out with a group of friends to a little local place to listen to a band. I can not remember the last time I went out in my town. Years maybe. I have been really isolated.
A really cute guy who was friends with someone in my group was there. We talked and he offered to walk me home. He was respectful and asked the right questions. Questions I would have asked like When was your divorce final? Are you currently involved with someone? General questions children/family.

Then he asked if he could call me. No pressure, just coffee. A complete gentleman.

My long winded point is that someone asked me out!
A date is a novel thing. It will be nice to have a cup of coffee with someone.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

Awesome. Enjoy!


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 824 | Registered: Mar 2013
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 2:36 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

Happy for you. I hope this comes out the whatever way is best for you. We will need further reports as things progress, you know........


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, February 9th (Sunday)


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 3:24 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

Yay! Looking forward to hearing updates as they progress.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1285 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
candle1000
New Member
Member # 42234
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

This thread will give us all hope. It's started like a Mills and Boon story! Your eyes met across a crowded room.

Keep it coming, you WILL have a happy ending as you all live happily ever after 💐


ME - BW 42
HIM - WS 44
OW - Cripple Whore that he flirted with in front of our daughter!
25 years together, married 18
Rug pulled from underneath me April 2013

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Sparkle0504
Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

Good stuff!


Me 44 (BS)
Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
Children - two, mine from my previous marriage
Final straw 6/6/14

You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think (A A Milne)


Posts: 190 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

Love it, rising. Enjoy your coffee.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24440 | Registered: Aug 2011
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

Gentlemen do exist! I'm glad one found you and asked you out!


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

He called. I was in the shower. I called back but got VM. He called again and we talked. 2 hours later he asks if we could have dinner this weekend (instead of coffee). If this does not work out it has been a wonderful experience and he seems to be a truly nice person.

[This message edited by risingfromashes at 9:37 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
dindy
Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Yay, that's great! Enjoy your date!

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Awesome!


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7435 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, February 14th (Friday)

He called and left VM. Apologized that he was not in touch yesterday (I had no expectation) and invited me to dinner tomorrow night.

I am feeling pretty level headed about this. I might find that I like him or maybe not. I was feeling ready to jump into the dating world but I am not feeling desperate to be in a relationship.

It is a little scary but I'm in a good place and it will be nice to go out to dinner with a date.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, February 14th (Friday)

That's a great place to be, rising.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24440 | Registered: Aug 2011
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Still a bit of an on going saga. We plan a date and a storm hits. We are supposed to go out at 7PM but at 4:00 the snow is coming down at a fierce rate. I call and suggest that we postpone. He is relieved. He told me that he had thought of calling me with the same suggestion but did not want me to think that he was not interested in our date.
Next scheduled date I am in the middle of a technological crisis. My computer crashes while I am in the middle of completing school work. He tells me he is buried in paperwork. Both okay with the delay.

I am not worried. He keeps calling. I am not counting the minutes till we see each other again. If it happens well that is great. I am sure we will have a date soon. He continues to call.

This is a good place.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

*burst of excited clapping*

I love it! That's how I hope things happen for me some day-- we just meet, and it's low-key, and then we just get to know each other. I don't need the "thunderbolt" (for all you Godfather fans), and I'm not really interested in pursuing an active search for someone. I love your story! Thanks for the hope!

And yes, please keep us posted. I hope you have a wonderful first meeting!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3543 | Registered: Oct 2011
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Thank you Trying! That is exactly how I feel. No Drama. It might work out or maybe not. I will not settle for something because I do not want to be alone. The most alone I ever felt was when I was married. I am not going to settle for something less than I am worth.

Will keep posting.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

FYI:
Doesn't the woman he feels the thunderbolt for blow up in a car bomb explosion? Just saying this to bolster your statement!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Didn't see this thread when it first hit the SI airwaves. Seeing it now and smiling.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3013 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

We both had to cancel for work or weather reasons. Looks like there will be a date tomorrow night. What does it mean that I am happy but do not have butterflies? Maybe I am realistic or old or cynical? Gosh what a build up to just having dinner!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
jjct
Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

It means your head is in control of your heart.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of butterflies, but being "in control" (of yourself) is a very fine thing indeed.

When they're not flying around all over the place, it leaves more room in the stomach for food - eating with gusto, cleaning your plate, is a big turn-on for a man. (Shhhh. Don't tell anyone I told you this. They might revoke my man card for telling. Shhhh!)


Posts: 6428 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)


Well, that figures!
Next time I try to post a secret, I'll make it so it doesn't appear at the top of a new page!

Nice planning jj!
Geeez.

I'll have to do 50 push-ups or something to get my card back. I'm screwed.


Posts: 6428 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

You can redeem your status jjct! Go stomp out a forest fire or tackle a burglar.
As for your advice I'm taking it! I am always hungry.

Have to stop over thinking this. It's dinner with another adult. I'm usually across the table from a lovely but typically sullen teenager.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, February 26th (Wednesday)

The date finally happened and it was wonderful! He was an absolute gentleman. Dinner in a lovely yet casual Inn. He had called in advance and asked for a table near the fireplace (he is a mason and has an affinity for fireplace design). We never had a lag in the conversation.

Somehow the topic turned, without too much intense emotion, to the reasons for our divorces. I told him my point-blank, no-discussion-needed-answer "I did not get along with his girlfriends". He asked me if I ever cheated to which I honestly answered "Never". He then told me that his ex had cheated and cheating on a spouse was a deal breaker.

He walked me to my door and gave me a hug. I thanked him for taking things slow. I was relieved that he did not go for a kiss. I want to build a relationship. There will be no 3 date sexpectation here (thanks to Faithfool for that apt word). By the way he smelled amazing!

He is devoted to his daughters so understands my devotion to mine.

We both love to ski, travel, same music.

Omg I could go on and on.
I was feeling meh about dating.

This has potential but if it does not develop into anything I still had a nice night and have learned that there are nice people out there!

Oh and I ate as much as I wanted jjct. Maybe this is why he expressed an interest in another date?


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, February 26th (Wednesday)

I've been following this - what a great update! Just enjoy the ride!


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4378 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
jjct
Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:12 AM, February 27th (Thursday)


Happy for you!

Posts: 6428 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, February 28th (Friday)

A couple of missed calls and texts. Tonight a 1hr 45 min phone call.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
Violated
Member
Member # 21239
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, March 1st (Saturday)

Yeah! And sweet dreams


Divorced 10/2013

Posts: 524 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: West Coast
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, March 1st (Saturday)

I am so very happy for you. Keep posting so I can live vicariously through you


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, March 1st (Saturday)

So I do not want to be making a big deal about this new beginning but Damn! We talk every night. I still think if this doesn't turn into a anything more I will be fine with it. But in reality I think I am about to embark on a relationship.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
sheila0304
Member
Member # 25041
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, March 2nd (Sunday)

Awesome!!!!

I have given up on dating for now, thanks for the glimmer of hope for future dating.

Posts: 1170 | Registered: Aug 2009
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, March 2nd (Sunday)

If I am gushing too much someone tell me. That said he stopped by tonight for a quick glass of wine. Three hours later we were still talking.
He is going to be out of town till Friday. As he left he gave me a big hug and asked if it would be ok if he called me while he was away. I gasped and said "OMG that would be unacceptable" We both laughed.

He is wonderful. We are so much on the same page about family, relationship, life priorities...

I am going to keep my feet on the ground. It is however nice to feel these feelings.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, March 2nd (Sunday)


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24440 | Registered: Aug 2011
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, March 6th (Thursday)

Good update.
He called me 3 out of the 4 days (one day 2X) while he was on his skiing trip. We have a date to go to a fundraiser my good friends have organized on Saturday night. Dancing and great BBQ. They will check him out for me. I am not worried.

Still keeping the feet on the ground but definitely really interested. Was not sure that this could ever happen.

If this fizzles out I am so okay with it. After living through my divorce I'm pretty impervious to a new relationship not working out.

The next time I see him I am going to kiss him like crazy!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, March 6th (Thursday)

I'm loving your updates, rising. Giving me hope.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24440 | Registered: Aug 2011
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, March 7th (Friday)

Wow, I love reading this!!! Have fun tomorrow night!!!!


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2570 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, March 7th (Friday)

I love it! I am so happy for you. You go girl!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, March 9th (Sunday)

I have never spent so much time talking about and defining what we want our relationship to look like, even before and as it is currently developing. We have talked about deal breakers, how we anticipate we will handle different situations, how to keep our expectations realistic, on and on.

As the weeks have passed I am watching him smile/laugh more and more. He asks all the right questions. We have identified areas that may be troublesome for us. For instance we should never ever discuss politics. We will never agree or change the other person's ideology.

All of this sounds great but there is no way to predict what will happen. I can go into this believing my eyes are open but we all know at SI that our past experiences have an effect on how we look at relationship. In some way I will always be be vigilant, cautious and look slightly over my shoulder. Not to an unhealthy degree but it will always be a part of me. I believe while I can be hurt again by a partner no one will ever hurt me like that again. I like him but if it does not work out I have already suffered the deepest emotional wound a man could inflict. And come out stronger on the other side!

Maybe this should be a different thread but it all relates back to the fact that I am stepping into this new relationship. Happily!

We had a wonderful night. He even danced which he said he had not done in years. The first relationship for both of us since divorce.
There are many words I could use to describe how this feels....Best choice is that it just feels right.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, March 9th (Sunday)

This is making my day


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2570 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
hit-by-a-train
Member
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, March 9th (Sunday)

It's so good to read this - your growing hope and happiness fairly leap off the page.


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus
**Beloved hubby died at home 1/28/2013, age 61..** God sent me two good men in a row......and saved the best for last. Grief & joy coexist.

Posts: 2279 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, March 9th (Sunday)

I'll have to do 50 push-ups or something to get my card back. I'm screwed.

^^^

I had no idea. I am not a dainty eater, I'm a plate-clearer, so this is a good thing...

RFA, he sounds really fine. Enjoy!

[This message edited by FaithFool at 12:09 PM, March 9th (Sunday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17173 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, March 14th (Friday)

Crazy, busy week. He had major projects to deal with at work. I had reading and papers due for school. We talked everyday, both of us respectful of each other obligations.

Last night we finally had a chance to get together for a glass of wine. My 16yo D was at her Dad's for the night.

I really like this man! We continue to have some in depth discussion about expectations and relationship. He is worried that this is my first relationship since my divorce (there was a fwb but that is another story and he is aware of it). He wonders if I would want to test the waters out there in the dating world.
Oh sure, I think he needs to see the options on OLD sites! I want to walk away from this funny, gentle, absolutely adorable man to see who else is available?
I do not think so!

Damn, he does know how to kiss.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
Topic Posts: 42