The only reason I am on this forum is because my WW directed me to it about a week after DDay. Initially a read a ton of posts and had planned to write this big long detailed account of our relationship, but that seemed fairly pointless.
At this point I really have one question. What do you do when your WS is doing everything "right," but it just doesn't seem like enough? She broke off the 4-6 month EA/PA 9 months before she told me about it and had NC for 6 months of that. She directed me here to help me cope, she changed all her passwords and gave them to me, she has done more to help around the house in the last month than the last 2 years combined, she has been very understanding of my somewhat irrational behavior. Honestly, after reading many of the stories in this forum, she sounds like one of the best WS out there. But she just isn't the person I thought she was.
For some background:
We met in HS and were each others first. We foolishly thought it would be a good idea to go to college half the country apart and "stay together." During the first semester apart she had a ONS and we broke up. A few months later we went out and conceived our oldest son. We had a rocky relationship for the next few years and then I had a ONS with her best friend. A year and a half later we got married in 2003.
I almost immediately start traveling a ton (e.g. over 20 weeks a year for 3 years in a row) for work and she is pretty much a stay at home mom until it is obviously a problem and I change my role at work to more management and pretty much stop traveling starting in 2009. Things were good for about a year, then we definitely started having issues. In Spring 2012 she obviously started to pull away, at the time I though it was just that the kids were finally all in school and she was trying to relive her 20s. Whenever I thought something was off she would say something like "your such a great husband that you let me have some space" and I continued to give it to her. She is a marathon runner and started training hard. She is fast enough that most of her training partners were guys. Her primary training partner turned out to be the OM.
The first real sign of the EA came Oct 2012. I recognized some of my behaviors that probably helped get us to that point and made a major effort to change (recently my WW said that me trying so hard at that point made her more angry with me). Although I didn't know for sure at the time, PA started in Nov 2012 and ended in Mar 2013. I honestly knew something was going on the whole time and was pretty bat shit crazy throughout. Oct 2012 - Jan 2013 was the worst time in my life (horribly depressed at times) but I kept doing everything I could think of to make up for what I thought were my shortcomings earlier in our marriage. Our relationship continued to deteriorate until around Sept 2013. Sept 2013 - Jan 10, 2014 (DDay) was probably the best period in our marriage.
Dday was unprovoked, she pretty much out of the blue said she wanted to talk about our relationship and fessed up to everything. Said she knew our relationship was doomed if she kept the secret. She was very concerned that I would have a RA or file for D at any time, so I promised to do neither for 6 months. So now I'm sitting here wondering what to do now.
Guess I ended up with that long post after all. Sorry it is long an likely confusing.