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User Topic: Survey: Who experienced hysterical bonding and who didn't?
New Member
Member # 42402
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

Who experienced hysterical bonding (HB) and who didn't.

I want to have a gauge of how many of us BS go through HB.

Please participate so we can all have an idea.

Please one response per person so survey doesn't get sidelined with discussion.

The survey question is---

Have you experienced HB after DDay?

I'll start : NO

[This message edited by shortchanged38 at 1:22 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

Me 38
WS 36
OW Co-worker
A lasted 2 years total
DDay #1 1-3-13
DDay #2 4-15-13
D 1-10-14

Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2014
New Member
Member # 42402
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

Here is the healing library discussion on HB.

Upon being confronted with the undeniable reality that their most trusted spouse has betrayed them with another, some BS's experience an overwhelming sexual desire for their wayward spouse. Many couples claim to have had the best, most intense and loving sex of their relationship during the period following the discovery of an affair, (generally a few weeks to several months), often trying new things and experimenting in ways they had never considered before. This phenomenon is termed "Hysterical Bonding.
There is very little information on this phenomenon, but it appears to be a primal, instinctual way for the partners to reconnect and reclaim each other. While it may feel counter-intuitive to the BS; as if they are "rewarding" the WS for the affair, hysterical bonding can be a stepping stone to reconciliation. The intimacy encourages communication and a closeness that may otherwise take some time to re-build.

The occurrence or absence of hysterical bonding does not appear to be an indicator of successful reconciliation. Many other factors, such as the WS's remorse and openness are far more reliable indicators. Hysterical bonding is, however, normal, and nothing for the BS to be alarmed about or ashamed about experiencing. In fact, it has been said it is the one positive in an otherwise long and miserable experience, so enjoy it while it lasts!

Me 38
WS 36
OW Co-worker
A lasted 2 years total
DDay #1 1-3-13
DDay #2 4-15-13
D 1-10-14

Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, February 9th (Sunday)


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...

Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 41568
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, February 9th (Sunday)


Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....

Divorced 6/13/14

Posts: 118 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 41617
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

DD #1: YES
DD #2: NO

Me: BS 56
He: SAFWH 56
Married 34 years
SA behavior + 2 affairs. I was clueless.
Future uncertain.

Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Vancouver, BC
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

Yes. ...lasted a couple of months.

married 21 yr

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 28837
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, February 9th (Sunday)


Can't remember exactly how long it lasted, but quite a while. Probably at least a year or more.

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2010
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

Yep! The HB lasted around two months for us, where we fought practically all day, and then HB'd each night.

Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, 3 kids
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13 (gaslighting begins)
DD3 6/30/13 (admits EA)
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 175 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: DC
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

DDay 1 - yes

DDay 2-15 - no

BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

Yes, briefly.

Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

Yes, briefly.

Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
New Member
Member # 36348
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, February 9th (Sunday)


Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, February 9th (Sunday)


married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

No with a capitol N..My WH was too much of a douchebag..

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1251 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 41589
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

Yes, few months

Me: BH (30s)
Wayflost: WW (30s)
"Ever notice those that advocate anything for 'happiness' are perennially unhappy?"

Posts: 153 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 41219
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

Yes, lasted about a month and a half for me.

Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31, 1 month EA & PA
Married 9 years
Kids: 2 perfect boys
D-day: Nov 3, 2013
Working on R

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: ND
Member # 42160
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, February 9th (Sunday)

Six weeks in. Nope.

Me - BS 39
Her - WW 34
Kids - 3 & 1
Married - 9 years
Status - FUBAR

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, February 10th (Monday)

No. Even though after the first initial fuck up of TTing he did everything like a model remorseful H, I would have broken out the rusty scissors if he'd even thought of touching me.

Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 41875
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes, 2 1/2 months

Married 13 yrs, Together 19 yrs
4 kids under 8
2 yr LTA
DDay- Oct.29, 2013

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes for about 6 weeks with a drop off after that. It's a phenomena that is so strange. I remember asking myself what the hell was wrong with me for wanting to have sex with my ww.

Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 616 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, February 10th (Monday)

No. Even through (false) R I just couldn't stand him touching me. Tried to have sex a few times but never could follow through. Ended up sobbing each time. I'm glad I didn't have sex with him again after dday though. He turned out to be a colossal asshole with many awful sexual perversions. I feel dirty enough having had sex with him before dday.

Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 39073
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Thirteen years ago when I found out that my WS was addicted to porn (which was something we both agreed was wrong before we got married) there was HB for a couple months. I wanted so badly to erase the images he had in his mind and heart with those other women. I wanted so bad to prove that I was worth being faithful to. Then one day, I was too exhausted from a day at the beach and said not tonight. He returned to his pouty self after that so the magic for me disappeared. We still had sex but it wasn't the same for me anymore.

When learning about his EA, I felt the urges to HB. He wasn't done with his feelings for AP, his focus was on her, and wasn't aware of my feelings. I resisted them because I knew that he didn't care about me. By the time he was ready to be faithful to me, his wife, instead of his AP my strong feelings to HB were gone.

I am scared sometimes that I will never want to be with him again. He hurt me so bad and still just doesn't get it.

Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email

Posts: 188 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 12:57 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes. Big time.

It lasted until DDay#2. Never touched each other after that. She acted offended and wanted a S, but in reality I wouldn't have touched her with a 10-foot pole even if she had wanted to.

I still can't look at her body without feeling sick a little. And she's been working out a lot, so she looks great to most people. But for me...

Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 755 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, February 10th (Monday)


Hell no. I wouldn't have touched that disgusting, dysfunctional POS even if she was hosed out with bleach. It would have been like kissing the floor of a truck stop bathroom. I would have hysterically barfed.

I Divorced Her.

Posts: 363 | Registered: May 2012
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, February 10th (Monday)

NO. My last sexual experience with him was probably a month before dday and it was lousy and pathetic ... now I know why.

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2270 | Registered: Oct 2012
New Member
Member # 42125
Default  Posted: 1:31 AM, February 10th (Monday)

No, I have no interest in touching her

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Grand Rapids
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 2:06 AM, February 10th (Monday)


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 953 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
New Member
Member # 42239
Default  Posted: 3:08 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes it was so insane to find out and within 48 Hours i needed him lime there was no tomorrow. Its been 8 weeks now and yes i do feel closer to him than ever before. Sexually that is. Pain hasn't stopped yet and I'm not sure it ever will completely go away. Making love with passion is very important to me, it has helped my emotional roller coaster immensely that he is being so intamite with me.

Me 29yr
him 29yr
together 6 years
2 kids age 5 and 9months
ONS(him) on the 10/11/2013

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New Zealand
New Member
Member # 40258
Default  Posted: 3:22 AM, February 10th (Monday)


"If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit."

"If you think the grass is greener, you're welcome to take a hike"


R: one foot in, and one foot out

Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Atlanta GA
million tears
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 4:07 AM, February 10th (Monday)

No! The first time we had sex after D-day, I cried.

2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 4:58 AM, February 10th (Monday)


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, February 10th (Monday)


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys

Posts: 549 | Registered: Jan 2014
New Member
Member # 42214
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes, still in it 4 weeks after Dday.

Me - BS 33
Her - WW 34
Kids - 14b, 9b, 8g, 6b
Married - 2003
Together - 1996
D-Day: 1/10/2014 (Admitted EA/PA 10/2012 - 3/2013)

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Dday- 7/23 yes although it didn't start until 6 weeks after I had our son so around sept.

After all other ddays- no

Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, February 10th (Monday)

YES and it makes me crazy! I go from kicking him out of the house to taking him back in and HB. Then the next night he is in the spare bedroom. Then, the next night, I need him and we are having sex again. Oh, and if I want sex and he is too tired or not in the mood...

BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person

Posts: 345 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
New Member
Member # 40694
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, February 10th (Monday)

yes, very briefly. Now there is zero...

wake me up when it's over...

Posts: 46 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 41404
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Sad to say NO (with a hopeful "not yet.") Although since it has been over four months since our d-day, I'm not counting on it.

I think there are a lot of factors in play. At first it was hard for me to just get past the A. The last few weeks have been really rough. Suffice to say that I don't yet have full disclosure, and he's still TT'ing. Add to that his (prior) use of on-line porn, and it just makes me sick that he would prefer to get his stimulation and satisfaction over the net than with me, the woman that he professes to love. He describes the OW as his "sexual plaything."

We recently had a conversation about sex in general, in our "hierarchy of needs." I had stated that I needed the emotional connection - to "make love" - before I could just fu**. He said the opposite. He needs to fu** before he can "make love."

We're such polar opposites. I don't know if/how we will be able to get past this.

BW 55
WH 59
M 30 yrs, together 33 yrs, no children.
D-Day #1: 9/23/2013, EA 15+ months, PA with 34 YO business assoc
D-Day #2: 11/27/2013, OW, EA for 2-3 yrs (2005-2007), PA
D-Day #3: 6/6/2014, found the sex video
Status: Putting on my bitch bo

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Washington DC
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, February 10th (Monday)

I don't know about HB, but sexually nothing really changed - we had an active, loving sex life before and after.

Me 44 (BS) Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995

Posts: 221 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes as well.

BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA

Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 29547
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, February 10th (Monday)


But it seemed so strange that I would want to have sex with WH and still not want him to touch me!

It did help to feel closer but only briefly.

DDay 7/29/2010
Am hoping to reconcile!! Am I crazy or what?
If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves-Thomas Edison

Posts: 323 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Pa
Member # 41139
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, February 10th (Monday)

None whatsoever. Our sex life wasn't great after DD was born, and we by chance got pregnant right around the time the A started but just before it got physical ( we didn't find out I was until way after it got physical). WH was always weird about sex during pregnancy and since I'm still pregnant there hasn't been much. Part of me wants some kind of contact and then part of me isn't sure I can handle it right now. I think I just want him to offer it and then not take it him up on it. If that makes sense.

[This message edited by alifeforesaken at 7:56 AM, February 10th (Monday)]

BW (31)
WH (32)
Children (1yr) (1 due Mar '14)
DD#1 - 9/28/13 DD#2 11/24/13

Posts: 84 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 41303
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, February 10th (Monday)

YES! for about 5 weeks and started the very day I found out! (I thought I had lost my mind.) We are into our 5th month and the one thing that is still good between us is the intimacy? Strange?


Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.

Posts: 216 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: canada
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, February 10th (Monday)

From day after dday to ??. Almost 9 months in, now. At first I think it was HB, but it is looking more like just us, now, happily!

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 2058 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes for approximately 15 months. Then my WW was injured running, which interrupted and ended the HB.

I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" because I like the Music City. I did know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 882 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Mountain West
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, February 10th (Monday)

2 years out it's still going

It may not be as primal as it was in the beginning but its still there.

BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, February 10th (Monday)

I'm kinda like Chico.

Once real R started HB did as well. At 5 years out it is still going on.
I think part of my healing was really dependent on my becoming comfortable with being a sexual being, and having nothing to loose.

Intimacy helped us heal.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8698 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 42104
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, February 10th (Monday)

I am a BH and YES I did experience hysterical bonding

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
Member # 41800
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, February 10th (Monday)


DDay1 was November 23rd 2012 & DDay2 was November 28th 2012. WH left and came back home December 12th 2012 then HB started and lasted until March 2013. I got pregnant on Valentine's day 2013 and morning sickness put a stop to HB.

Will never be naive again...

BW - Me (28)
WH - Him my JH sweetheart (33)
Married - 8 years
2 babies - DD (3) and DD (5 months)
OW#1 - PA with classmate for 2 months
OW#2 - Some slut living oversees that needs a green card. EA & PA going on

Posts: 110 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: USA
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes ! It was daily for about two weeks and dropped to like five times a week since (if that's a drop). Hubby says he wants it more now as well because the guilt of me not knowing affected him 'that way'. I totally don't understand it but ok.

Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 1070 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 42165
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Starting with the night of D-Day: YES.

We're just over a month now, and it doesn't feel as "hysterical" as it used to, but the bond is stronger than ever. When I read about people saying it lasted 6 weeks, 2 months, 3 months, it scares me a bit because we have a really good thing rolling, and physical intimacy has been a major component of that. But I'm not entirely scared, because it feels pretty damn real at this point.

ME: BS 36 - HER: WS 33
TOGETHER: 2001 - MARRIED: 2008 - KIDS: 2 (3 and 1)
D-DAY: 1/6/2014 (accidentally discovered 3M EA which had developed into sexting, makeouts, tickets for biz trip to Disneyworld)
R, IC, MC, NC (coworker)

Posts: 109 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, February 10th (Monday)

DD1- Yes
DD2- HELL NAW...told him he cant EVA touch me. Still feel that way now.

"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes about 10 days after d-day - just to see if I could.Then about 10 days later, few days after that I invited him back into the bedroom. Been fine and regularly ever since.

Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 229 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, February 10th (Monday)

With D-day 1, yes. Subsequent ones, no.

I wish we did not experience it after the first, to tell you the truth; it lulled me into a sense of security that was completely unwarranted.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8838 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 42000
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, February 10th (Monday)


Partners affair was emotional not physical, maybe that makes a difference.

Brilliant sex but I am still hurt about it all, makes no sense but we are closer. Husband very remorseful, that also helps. Been 8 months since D day. sex not as often now as in beginning but more than before and much better, we also talk more and that is a big plus

Posts: 97 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United Kindgdon
Member # 42198
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, February 10th (Monday)


It feels like I shouldn't want it, but I do.

ME: 35
WBF: 44
Together 11 years
DDay: 1/12/14
DDay2: 3/28/14

Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Ohio
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, February 10th (Monday)


And if there is ever a dd2, I'll be HB with someone else.

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
New Member
Member # 39685
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Initially, HELL NO! I threw her out upon confrontation and filed for divorce. Went dark after divorce was final despite some attempts on her part to get in touch with me. She managed to contact me 4 months later and offered the olive branch. She had changed quite a bit in that time.

Don't know if it is considered HB after being divorced 4 months but it started then and continues now with increasing intensity as we are rebuilding our relationship from scratch.

[This message edited by BryanP37 at 12:52 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

BS: Me-38
XWS: Her-34
Married 7 yrs, together 9 years-No kids
Ex had 4 month PA with her best friends husband. Other flings early in marriage confessed during discovery.
Divorce final 6-25-2013.
Carefully reconciling after divorce. 10/2013

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 41054
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, February 10th (Monday)

YES! It lasted about 2 months and has tapered off some. But overall we are still more "active" now than before and during the A. It is a crazy thing, glad you posted this question, something I had been wondering about myself!

Me: BW (41)
Him: WH (41)
2 Daughters - 20 and 16
Married 19 years, together 24 years
DDay - 09/08/2013
NC - 10/10/13 Broken 10/11/13
I feel like we are both trying R but I am just so skeptical of everything!! Hell, I don't know much right

Posts: 71 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Lost in USA
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes, right after d-day, and the first time he was home. He works out of town. I think it is over because he is about to be home again and the thought disgusts me.

I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo

Posts: 544 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 41644
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes, it only lasted a week though. I told her I thought she was trying to buy me back with sex and that was the end of that and the new beginning of our old sexless marriage. Why am I still here?

Met 1997
Married 2002
D-Day July 8, 2012

Who knows what went on?

Posts: 63 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 38232
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Not after either Dday. Our sex life had always been active and adventurous. Took one day after DD#1 before we had sex,two days after DD#2,then we were back to our 5-6 times a week. How long was it before we were making love and mind movies didn't interfere? Several months. I truly believe it was our intimate connection that has gotten us this far in R.

Kids: Seven...yes,you read that right,and yes-we do know what causes them :)
Dday#1 1/29/2013(ONS with coworker)
Dday#2 4/8/2013(6 month LD PA with coworker,over for six months at time of discovery) all our

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: South
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes. And my ex was having gay affairs, our LL came back with a vengeance until the 2nd DDay 6 months later. I walked out and never looked back.

People are always surprised when I tell them I really didn't know he was gay. But, he was sexually/emotionally attracted to me.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4182 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 42406
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, February 10th (Monday)

YES. I am still way deep in it. It is really good, though. Mind blowing. I could do him for week. My sex drive always was a lot more than his, though.

Me: BW, 47
Him: WH, 48
Married: 21 yrs.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Washington
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, February 10th (Monday)


But we were separated before she knew I knew.

Have since R'd, but no HB.

Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind

Posts: 234 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
Member # 31656
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, February 10th (Monday)

No, all physical intimacy stopped when I found out the truth and never really came back to normal.

Me -BH 48
Her-WW 40
D Day #1 9/09 (found out about friendship, she promised NC...she lied)
D day #2 1/11 (found out EA on going...she lied)
D day #3 4/11 (found out EA was a PA...still lying)
M 16 years, 3 kids
Divorced - 1/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Sex should never buy one's way back into a marriage..IMHO there are other needs that need to be met first..

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1251 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Nope, was disgusted that he climbed on top of and fornicated with a goat looking troll. He was going to have to EARN that platinum va jay jay back. Didn't happen, he fell off the wagon and gobbled up her ego kibbles.

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2332 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 40203
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes, lasted approximately one month, then DDay 2 hit. After that shock, about another 8 weeks. Now, it is still pretty strong but has tapered off. Still pretty sweet though!!!

Posts: 166 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Ohio
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes, for about a month. I triggered the first time and asked questions. It's pretty much back to normal now I feel i can be physically affectionate again. We've always had a pretty great sex life, though. But the sex around the time of the A, it was clear he was angry at me for something.

[This message edited by hobbeskat at 5:18 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes. Still in dday2 HB. After dday1, it lasted about 6 months. It helped build back the intimacy he had used porn to squander away.

Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Member # 31868
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, February 10th (Monday)

No, didn't have the HB here. The impact of the EA on me was such that it took quite a while to recover interest.

When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 41666
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes. Just about 1 week, though.

Posts: 261 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, February 10th (Monday)


Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, February 10th (Monday)

No. Hysteria of complete detachment? Yes - my hysteria at his detachment.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes - dammit

BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe

Posts: 506 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
New Member
Member # 41861
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes. Very intense and very hysterical.

BS-me 44
WS-him 60
DDay 9/10/2013
Currently Divorced - living in same household and exploring the chances of a new start and new marriage. It is all on him.
Married 5yrs

Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2013
New Member
Member # 42306
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, February 10th (Monday)

A little more than a week after DD I slept with him (last night). The truth is I did it for myself. I wanted to be comforted and I made it all about me. I plan to do the same thing tonight and any other time I feel like it, until I don't feel like it.

Doesn't mean we are R. It's just what I want and that's what I'm focused on right now!

It somewhat feels like bonding. But it also feels frustrating because I really want to want him, but I don't necessarily actually want him. Hard to explain. Like I want IT, but not him.

Me: 36
WH: 44
DS: 7
DD: 5

His AP: 24, former family friend and babysitter

Married 11 1/2 yrs

D-Day: 2/1/2014 3 month PA, 24 months sexting

Posts: 43 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Washington
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, February 10th (Monday)

To my surprise, yes. But it' s only been 5 weeks. However, I did realize I wasn't the (un)sexual woman he thought I was. Had I had some emotional bonding and good communication he wouldn't have had to find some bitch in heat. I hope it keeps up. I feel robbed

" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
New Member
Member # 41473
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes, the night I found out. Very primal. The second night, I couldn't follow through and burst into tears. I don't know how long HB lasted, I think we've eased into "normal" now, the mind movies have stopped, lots of things have changed.

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. ~Walt Disney

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. ~Kenji Miyazawa

Posts: 25 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: New England
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Absolutely- on Dday of all days. It's still there, not as strong, but definately still going on, for me.

Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 41575
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, February 10th (Monday)

Yes and it is still going strong and amazing!

Together 18 years
Married 7 years
2 kids
D-day 12-7-13
Both currently in counseling
Trying to R

I am a warrior!
I will survive and thrive!

Posts: 101 | Registered: Dec 2013
New Member
Member # 41682
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, February 10th (Monday)

I did not experience HB in a physical manner at all. I couldn't even touch him without feeling ill, let alone engage in a sexual act with him.

We did experience a very emotional HB, however. I mean like, pouring our hearts out 24/7, clingy, wanting to see each other every day, cannot be separated kind of HB.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Yes for a long time.. 8-10 months. It was great until ... I found out the truth
He had lied to me about the A. He said no sex was involved. I found out months months later though I suspected.
Makes me sick now almost if he touches me.
Now he's in liver failure and he can't have sex. But I realize I still want sex often and intimacy but I can't stand his touch. Takes a lot to put out the mind movies of them together. Ugh.

Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
New Member
Member # 42411
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Yes, a few months. Multiple revelations - no PA though - put paid to that. Now we screw more than beforehand and I don't treat her like a china doll. But the trust is gone.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Europe
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 1:19 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 22930
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Yes. A couple of months.

DD 6/6/08
Sep 5/8/08
R 16/12/08

Posts: 485 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Australia
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 2:38 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)

About 6 months ago I found he'd been texting a female school friend in another state. hB after that (or maybe it was the pregnancy hormones).

Once I found out about OW and PA I never let him back in the house.(only to pick up his this things which were waiting in the hallway).

On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
New Member
Member # 42409
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)

I'm all fairly new to this (both being a BS and to this forum) so this was the first I had ever heard of this phenomenon and it explains a lot!

My husband's drunken (he is a reformed alcoholic - sober four-and-a-half years) ONS that occurred over 10 years ago was only revealed to me four months ago. Guilt and the knowledge that there was a huge secret between us prompted him to come out with his confession.

I think the short answer to the question for me is YES! However, we had a fantastic sex life before D-Day and it resumed within a week and is definitely even better and more frequent than before.

It feels right and important as we attempt to move on the best we can from something that surprisingly seems to have had almost as big an impact on him as it has me.

Posts: 17 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
Member # 38063
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Yes, a couple of months.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Nope. I would not reward him for his betrayal.

Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Member # 39334
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)


DDays - 1/26/2013 | 3/23/14
Divorced 7/10/2014

Posts: 84 | Registered: May 2013 | From: TX
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)

We did maybe a few weeks and then boom. GONE like the wind.

I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Yes. for 18 MONTHS. We had "an agreement" that if circumstances changed and another party became involved we would be honest.

Guess what? he lied and was "accidentally" sleeping with both of us. That's when it ended.

he is engaged to her now, i seriously doubt she knows. Not my problem. She knew he was married when she became his shoulder to cry on.

I'm so glad it ended. It kept me stuck. My life improved once i truly let him and HB go.

Posts: 274 | Registered: Feb 2011
Member # 41886
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)


Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
Member # 41886
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)


Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
Member # 42430
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Yes. She's not good at communication at all, but DDay has motivated her to try (even though there's still some deceit and trickle truthing with the A). I initiated a discussion about sexual needs, and she seemed much more comfortable and truthful with that. She said she needed affection to help her feel safe communicating about the A and her messed up emotional illiteracy. Although I think I'm going to separate, I figured I'd give it a shot. If there's any chance at R, then she's got a lot of work to do confronting the ugly truth of what she did and the work she needs to do to remain married to me. Communication is our only hope at R.

Confession: I have a STRONG sex drive, so some thinking was done with the other head too. I've asked for,encouraged, and received lots of eye contact during sex, in some pathetic attempt to ensure she's not fantasizing about AP during it. It does help to make it more intimate, and seems to work on connecting emotionally. That said, I still feel empty, betrayed, etc. Lots of things she needs to do to get me to R. Even if by some miracle she does, if I can't get back to how sex felt before DDay I'm out. EDIT: without some real growth emotionally and establishment of trust, I know I'll never feel the same way about her again.

[This message edited by outside4me at 10:06 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 218 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Colorado
Member # 32047
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

oh yes!

me - BW him - WH
Together 23 years, Married 21
2 children 14, 11
Dday - 4/11/2011 double betrayal
"After the A, being honest and being a bitch are pretty hard to tell apart." - Ladyogilvy

Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Nope. At first the mind movies made me cry at the thought of being intimate. Now I just get nauseous at the thought. But then, I never was into using public facilities.

Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Member # 31611
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)


I found that he had sent pictures of himself that we had taken in our bedroom for US! How he could share something so intimate between us turned me off big time. For the longest time, I couldn't even look at him in the bedroom. It took a long time for me to get past that. Even after 3 years, I really do not feel anything like desire for him.

me 64
WH 66
married 44 years
DD Jan 16 2011

Posts: 357 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 41915
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Yes. Completely. Until today's episode with his second betrayal.

Me BSO 62
Him WSO 62
Together 29 years, living together 17. He's been with her off and on for half of that.
OW - Available. Thinks 'love' is in the way he looks at her.
Status - R and hopeful

Posts: 95 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: CA
New Member
Member # 39601
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)


BS (Me)-48
PA-5 1/2 months
D-Day 5-8-11 (Happy Mother's Day to me)
Married 26 years
Trying to R
"Maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up."

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 42354
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Yes. I couldn't figure out why until I found this site!

Me- BS 43
Him- FWH 43
Married 19 years, Together 26
Kids- 23,21,15,14
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant

Posts: 187 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Yes, had no clue there was a name for it, thought I was being weird :/

Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, too much too list, drowning in his sex addiction
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap
Separated, divorce filed, he loves his whore lol

Posts: 450 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 42356
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Yes, shortly after DDay

"A tree falls the way it careful which way you lean"

Posts: 172 | Registered: Feb 2014
New Member
Member # 27322
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Yes, about 4 weeks from d-day and lasted for about 6 months.

Me:63 BH
Her:54 WW
Married: 27yrs
8 month affair
D-Day 11-10-08
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Oregon
New Member
Member # 42447
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

My wife confessed a few months back. We have been together for 10 years and married 5. We have had HB non stop. Not complaining but it is way more sex than we have ever had. Thus I get concerned about wether it is real or not. For me I worry this is just a clingy response by both of us which just prevents us from exeriencing what real life will be. I also can't get the thoughts of her with the other guy out if my head (even during).
I enjoy the sex but worry it is a cover for what is truly inevitable

Posts: 20 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, February 13th (Thursday)


Me-BW 39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
New Member
Member # 42229
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

yes, still in it actually. though we had a very active sex life before it's gotten even more frequent and better.

BS: 37
WS: 39
Kids: 3
Together: 19 years
OEA with at least 2 women in other states, now not speaking to one but the other one is lingering past her expiration date
D-Day 12-24-13
talking, working on relationship

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

we fucked a bunch right after dday, but never bonded any-it was the equivalent of dogs pissing on fire hydrants/fence posts, marking territory.

time wounds all heels

Posts: 5397 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Yes. Lasted a few weeks but ultimately ended in divorce anyway when he didn't want to work on the marriage.

Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe

Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
Member # 27597
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, February 13th (Thursday)


BS ME (38)
WH (48)
09/05/2014 DIVORCED!!!!

WH had 2 affairs in first year of marriage

Posts: 246 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Georgia
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Yes - oh yes

The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 40669
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

I wanted to have physical contact with my WW right after DDay. But she really distanced herself, not even casual kisses or hugs. She started taking showers in the other bathroom, sleep in my daughters room. Totally cold.

Now if I think of having sex with her, it disgusts me. She is on the pill too, so I assume no use of condoms.

Married 12yrs, known 14
DDay 8/21/13
BH 44
3 kids 12,10,8

Posts: 127 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Honolulu
Member # 42458
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, February 13th (Thursday)


DD: 12/18/2013
Status: R

Happiness is a choice.

Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: USA
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, February 14th (Friday)

I did.
I guess it was a way for me to reclaim lost territory so to speak.

BH - 64
fWW - 60

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife

Posts: 484 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
Buckeye Wife
Member # 28702
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, February 14th (Friday)

Yes and I've never had huge sex drive. We did 100 days in a row. Now I look back kinda disgusted with myself. Guess it's normal though.

BS (Me): Forties
FWS(Him): Forties
Married over twenty years
DDay: 1/20/10

Posts: 1035 | Registered: Jun 2010
New Member
Member # 42364
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, February 14th (Friday)


Posts: 3 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: East coast
Member # 36992
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, February 14th (Friday)


Me - FBH
Happened many years ago

Posts: 51 | Registered: Sep 2012
New Member
Member # 42427
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, February 15th (Saturday)

Yes! I didn't even know about this until right now, I thought I was weird! I tried to initiate the night I found out but it was actually him who pushed me away. He just couldn't. And then I pushed him away the next day. Since then our sexual intamacy has been great.

I really did think I was strange and had a fetish

A: July 2012
WS: Him
OW: his best friend

Posts: 18 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
Member # 41189
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, February 15th (Saturday)


Starting 3 months after DDay, 1 month into R. Lasted a month.

And for those who say it lasted a year, or something, holy poop!

We were at it constantly. 3-6 times every 24 hours.

Now, settled into a more sustainable pattern. Still good. And I imagine it will be even better when I can get through it without a few triggers. And better still when i can look at her and not feel pain.

D day- June 30, 2013
Me - BS
Married 15 years
5 year old child
Attempting R as of Oct. 1 2013

"Cry, and let your soul be cleansed of a love that turned to carnage." - Christy Brown

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 41189
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, February 15th (Saturday)

double post.

[This message edited by LetMeRollIt at 10:02 AM, February 15th (Saturday)]

D day- June 30, 2013
Me - BS
Married 15 years
5 year old child
Attempting R as of Oct. 1 2013

"Cry, and let your soul be cleansed of a love that turned to carnage." - Christy Brown

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
New Member
Member # 39243
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, February 15th (Saturday)

Yes, for several months.

Me: 50
Him: 57
Together 26 yrs, married 23 yrs
2 stepsons ( which I've helped raise) 29 & 28 and our son , 21 and daughter 19
OW was daughters Godmother and my Best Friend and has NPD (severe case)
DDay: 5/7/13

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Medway, MA
New Member
Member # 42383
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, February 15th (Saturday)

YES! And it is still happening. I am 35 weeks pregnant and had no desire before the A. About a week after I found out, I was all over it!

Posts: 3 | Registered: Feb 2014
New Member
Member # 40688
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, February 17th (Monday)

Yes -- and it never really stopped once it started. Life has gotten in the way (changing work schedules, etc) but what was once HB has become the norm -- and that is perhaps a small positive that has come out of the A. I believe it is wholly because of the increased communication and intimacy OUTSIDE of the bedroom, creating the right "environment" for the magic to happen INSIDE the bedroom

BS 37 (Family Law Attorney...yes, really)
WH 40
DDay Nov 7, 2012 after WH had A while deployed, terrible boundaries due to CSA.

So far, so good.

Posts: 19 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, February 17th (Monday)


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1910 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
New Member
Member # 42460
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, February 17th (Monday)

Yes, for about 6 weeks.

Me-BS 53 Him-WS 55
M-32 yrs
D Day Oct 18, 2012 3 Yr LTA
It is well with my soul

Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2014
New Member
Member # 42112
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Yes and no.

I was complete turned off by even the thought of sex with her until I read the piece about HB. That opened me up to it tosome extent, but I did not act on it. Then she mentioned something like, I suppose this means no sex, to which I responded that we could. That first time was truly one of the most bizarre experiences of my life.

We have had more sex since D-Day than we have had in recent memory... And the sex has been good. She claims to want to try new things... This is strange since she had always been, err, well, a prude. I suppose I should try these things before it all goes to shit. At least I'll get something out of this otherwise awful time.

To a certain extent I am using her, I know that and she knows it too cause I told her. On the other hand we both get at least some comfort out of the physical. It is perhaps one of the only good things right now. It's all very strange.

We have, for the most part, taken it slow during our sexual encounters. She takes this as intimacy and I have no reason to dissuade her of this. She claims to be fully committed to R and I have been 100% clear that I have not made that decision yet, so the sex, for her is a sign that I might be open to R.

Not really sure what it all means, but that is my experience so far.

MS M54
WS F45
D-Day 1/4/14

Posts: 13 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 41837
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Yes for about 3 months and then all of a sudden I didn't want to touch him with a 10 foot pole. I think that's when the reality of his affair hit me and I came out of my own fog.

Me- BS 44 Always faithfull
Him- WS 44
2 mo. EA/PA with 25 yr. old slut that stroked his ego, online profiles, CL ads
Married 8 years-No kids together
False R many different times fromJan/13 till Dec/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northern Indiana
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Yes for about 2.5 months and slowly tapered off after that. Part of the loss is due to me taking Zoloft which I just went off of today. Not a big fan of the sexual side effects.

Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 143 | Registered: Nov 2013
New Member
Member # 41967
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)


Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Yes for about 2.5 months and slowly tapered off after that. Part of the loss is due to me taking Zoloft which I just went off of today. Not a big fan of the sexual side effects.

Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 143 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Yes, but not right away. We didn't have sex for a month after d-day. I couldn't even fathom wanting to let him touch me. But once he did it was HB for at least four months if not longer.
Our sex life has been off the charts since HB. It is not HB anymore but it is great a d much more often than pre- affair
. Weird!

[This message edited by Deanna at 10:03 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]

DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1460 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
Topic Posts: 132