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User Topic: Novel about a Long term affair?
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

I'm not trying to torture myself, but am always looking for understanding.

Has anyone read a book about a long term affair, or about leading a dual life?

As much as it is painful, I find it fascinating in a weird way.

there is not much non-fiction about LTAs, but maybe there is some fiction that sheds some perspective?


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Don't know of any novels, but the movie "Same Time Next year" involved a lta. Have you seen it?

Didn't the newman Charles Karult (sp?) have two families? There might be a book out there about him.


Posts: 5629 | Registered: Jul 2002
heforgot
Member
Member # 40850
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I find myself looking for the same type of books. I haven't found any worth reading yet. Most are about short term or suspected affairs.


Me: BW, 44
Him: WH, 47
3 kids
Married 19 years
DDay 11/1/09
Status: R and more in love than before!

Posts: 60 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: USA
really trying
Member
Member # 5311
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

A Pilot's Wife comes to mind, that's all I can come up with.

"A pilot's wife is taught to be prepared for the late-night knock at the door. But when Kathryn Lyons receives word that a plan flown by her husband, Jack, has exploded near the coast of Ireland, she confronts the unfathomable-one startling revelation at a time. Soon drawn into a maelstrom of publicity fueled by rumors that Jack led a secret life, Kathryn sets out to learn who her husband really was, whatever that knowledge might cost. Her search propels this taut, impassioned novel as it movingly explores the question, How well can we ever really know another person?"


Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness


Posts: 10397 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: California
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Lady Chatterly's Lover


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
RedRose
Member
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I just started The Forever Girl by Alexander McCall Smith, but had to stop reading. So, I don't know if the affair ends up being long term or not, though it sounds like it does, but it is fiction told from the point of view of a woman entering into an affair. It begins as emotional ( that was as far as I got, it hit too close to home), but was detailed in her feelings/justifications. Might be what you are looking for.


BW-35
WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jun 2013
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Thanks for all the replies.

Skye, No I haven't seen that movie. There is an old one with Alan Alda and Ellen Burnstyn, but I think you are talking about the remake with Anne Hathaway?

And I had never heard of Charles Karault before, but looked him up. Canadian journalist eh?

That's the thing. All LTAs in books or articles seem to be between star crossed lovers with a strong bond and genuine love for each other.....but that is for another forum!!!

Really Trying, Yes I read a Pilot's Wife years ago, in the years of illusion. I remember thinking, Wow what a blow that must have been!

Mchercheur, Of course! lady Chatterley's Lover! I remember reading parts of this when I was about 13. The "good parts" of course, and in secret!

RedRose, Thank you I will check out the Forever Girl. I am looking for a Book Club choice as it will be my turn soon. I would love to have a discussion about infidelity with people who do not know of my situation. Should be interesting.

Thanks All.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Actually, I was talking about the Alan Alda movie. Didn't know there was a remake.

As far as book club, I couldn't have that discussion since my book club doesn't know and those who haven't experienced infidelity all tend to believe it is the BS's fault. I can't imagine how I could handle it appropriately!!!

However, one book that seems to be "working" at book clubs is "Loving Frank." I never read it because I don't care to read about infidelity from the perspective the world generally writes about it! However, it may be good for your book club choice.

From Amazon.

It's a rare treasure to find a historically imagined novel that is at once fully versed in the facts and unafraid of weaving those truths into a story that dares to explore the unanswered questions. Frank Lloyd Wright and Mamah Cheney's love story is--as many early reviews of Loving Frank have noted--little-known and often dismissed as scandal. In Nancy Horan's skillful hands, however, what you get is two fully realized people, entirely, irrepressibly, in love. Together, Frank and Mamah are a wholly modern portrait, and while you can easily imagine them in the here and now, it's their presence in the world of early 20th century America that shades how authentic and, ultimately, tragic their story is. Mamah's bright, earnest spirit is particularly tender in the context of her time and place, which afforded her little opportunity to realize the intellectual life for which she yearned. Loving Frank is a remarkable literary achievement, tenderly acute and even-handed in even the most heartbreaking moments, and an auspicious debut from a writer to watch.

Posts: 5629 | Registered: Jul 2002
lost_in_toronto
Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

The Thorn Birds.

It follows the love affair of a young girl and a priest, through her marriage and his rise through the Catholic church.


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1678 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
RedRose
Member
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

FightingBack, you are much stronger than me! I just can't stomach it yet.


BW-35
WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jun 2013
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, February 14th (Friday)

The Thorn Birds.

Ah yes, Ralph and Meggie. Star crossed lovers for sure. I had a crush on Richard Chamberlain back then. Who knew he was gay?

resRose, I'm not strong at all. In fact I don't think I want to read about a LTA if it involves "love".

I want to read about a selfish, character disturbed, broken individual who leads two lives and destroys all those around him by having an affair without any emotional connection to anyone. My life!! I may have to write it myself!


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
MartlArts
Member
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, February 14th (Friday)

Ah, 'Thorn Birds'. I don't think that would be as triggering as some others since Meggie's husband Luke only married her for money and broke her heart rather than the other way around. The only pain Luke felt when she left was the loss of her income. Again, it was fiction, so written the way the author wanted the story to go. This one certainly doesn't portray the BH in a sympathetic light.


excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 1003 | Registered: Jul 2012
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, February 14th (Friday)

Sweetie, I don't think you're going to find the book you're looking for. Affairs are made to be very glamourous in our society. And nowadays marriages seem to be disposable so the affair couples and the masses think we should all just move on.

Posts: 5629 | Registered: Jul 2002
thisissogross
Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, February 15th (Saturday)

What about Wuthering Heights? There's definitely some star crossed soulful stuff. I love that book though, because they are both SO jacked and psycho and cowardly and selfish that the only way they can be together is by being dead. I may be weird that way though. I'm always shocked when I hear that one described (and it happens a lot) as a love story. I think it's a pioneering examination of family dysfunction, generational idiocy in lurve relationships and the perils of failing to let go. It's also about revenge (to me) at least as much as the count of monte christo.

Ok, there's my daily plug for Emily Bronte. May not be what you're looking for, good luck finding something that fits the bill


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 241 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
Brokenworld
Member
Member # 15293
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, February 15th (Saturday)

Fighting Back, you are so right, there are not many books dealing with the topic of LTA's. I researched forever looking for something to explain why/how my life took a such a drastic detour. I never found the answers, I simply just amassed more questions. I read just about every book I could find on LTA's and journaled everyday and toyed with the idea of writing my own book, but time seems to have taken the wind out of my sails. However I just finished a book by Colette Freedman titled The Affair, which told the story from the viewpoint of all three intimately involved. Although I had thought of this before, it was interesting to see the A thru the eyes of the OW. Good Luck with your journey.


Me: BS
Him: FWH LTA 10+ years
Married:32 years; Together 34
In R I pray
1 Daughter; 1 Son
D-Day 7/2003
Confrontation 8/2004
Relapse 8/2006
Reconciliation...2008

Posts: 144 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: SE US
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, February 16th (Sunday)

thanks Ladies,

Think I will try "The Affair". it should make for some interesting discussion in the book club. Only two of ten know.

just curious though Brokenworld, Was the affair in the book a LTA? And was the OW married or remorseful? Don't worry about spoiling the plot. Just would like to know. Thanks


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
Brokenworld
Member
Member # 15293
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, February 16th (Sunday)

Fighting Back I sent you a PM.


Me: BS
Him: FWH LTA 10+ years
Married:32 years; Together 34
In R I pray
1 Daughter; 1 Son
D-Day 7/2003
Confrontation 8/2004
Relapse 8/2006
Reconciliation...2008

Posts: 144 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: SE US
eleanor2012
Member
Member # 35655
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, March 3rd (Monday)

I understand where you are coming from!

Same Time Next Year is my favorite movie :)


Posts: 52 | Registered: May 2012
Cally60
Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 4:00 AM, March 4th (Tuesday)

it should make for some interesting discussion in the book club. Only two of ten know.

Just a thought.... I don't wish to put you off, but if you really don't want the other members to know your personal story, I think that you're probably taking a risk in selecting a book about an affair. It will probably be quite difficult to discuss it without letting a slip of the tongue give something away, or allowing your face to reveal the truth.

And in any case, unless the two who know are unusually clam-like, I think that if you choose a book dealing with infidelity, you may well find that by the day of the meeting most of the other members will already know your history anyway. Either through run-of-the-mill surrender to the temptation to gossip, or through a kind attempt to warn people not to put their foot in it and upset you during the meeting.


Posts: 2116 | Registered: Mar 2009
undertherug
Member
Member # 41580
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)

Has anyone read Francesca's Party? Heroine takes her husband to the airport for a business trip. Gets back to the car and notices he forgot his cell phone. Goes back into airport and sees him kissing another woman. She drives back home, packs his stuff and follows him to the hotel the husband was taking his mistress on vacation. Surprises them in hotel room, gives him his suitcase, flies home and has all the locks changed before wayward husband gets home. The rest of the book is about her growth and taking back her life. It wasn't always easy but she becomes strong. Ends with wayward husband groveling and begging her to come back, but she loves her new life and wants nothing to do with him. Wayward winds up loosing everything (including his grown children) and having to move back in with his elderly father. If only life could be this way!

Posts: 66 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)

I think it's kind of like sticking your hand in a fire but The English Patient is one.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7487 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

I am reading The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante right now which is about a woman whose husband leaves her and their children for a younger OW. It is very good and incredibly accurate but comes from the BW perspective. Sort of like reading a very long and eloquent JFO entry...


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
LearningToRun
Member
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, March 31st (Monday)

Bridges of Madison county?

And I read "loving frank" for a book club. What a terrible book. Justification, justification, justification. And frank Lloyd wright - textbook narcissit.


Posts: 274 | Registered: Feb 2011
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)

nora, have you read any other books by Ferrante? I think she is a wonderful writer and the book you're reading is so spot on, as are you.

Sort of like reading a very long and eloquent JFO entry...

I'm 100 years out from infidelity and found the book hard so I can't say I would recommend "Days of Abandonment" to someone new to infidelity.


Posts: 5629 | Registered: Jul 2002
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

This is my first Ferrante book! A woman in my bookclub whose husband left her and their two children selected it for us to read. A coworker recommended it to her, but advised she wait a year to read it, which is what my friend did. It's definitely not for the freshly betrayed. I think also it's probably not as useful if you have R'ed, unless perhaps it's the FWP who is reading it to get perspective on the damage they did, since the WH in the novel detaches and walks away with no remorse.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
nolight
Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 2:13 AM, April 4th (Friday)

I'm halfway through "You Should Have Known" and can't put it down. I have to wonder if the author was a BW as she captures the horror and confusion perfectly. I have a feeling it won't be long until this book makes to onto the New York Times Best Seller list.

"Grace Reinhart Sachs is living the only life she ever wanted for herself. Devoted to her husband, a pediatric oncologist at a major cancer hospital, their young son Henry, and the patients she sees in her therapy practice, her days are full of familiar things: she lives in the very New York apartment in which she was raised, and sends Henry to the school she herself once attended. Dismayed by the ways in which women delude themselves, Grace is also the author of a book You Already Know, in which she cautions women to really hear what men are trying to tell them. But weeks before the book is published a chasm opens in her own life: a violent death, a missing husband, and, in the place of a man Grace thought she knew, only an ongoing chain of terrible revelations. Left behind in the wake of a spreading and very public disaster, and horrified by the ways in which she has failed to heed her own advice, Grace must dismantle one life and create another for her child and herself."


Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
PricklePatch
Member
Member # 34041
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, April 6th (Sunday)

Brenda movably wrote two good books oc inclines


BS
Fwh
sorry post on my tablet

Posts: 313 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: pricklepatch
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, April 15th (Tuesday)

I haven't checked this thread in awhile. I'm glad to see so many more great suggestions.

Broken world had suggested, on page one, to read "The Affair" by Colette Freedman. I got it on Friday and am almost done.

Triggery for sure, but interesting. I wanted to begin reading it before suggesting it for book club. It is just TOO close to home. There are so many similarities to my story, and probably all of ours. I am heading toward the confrontation now. I already know the outcome, as I read the synopsis to her next book called "The consequences", but I am sure it won't be as dramatic as my own!

As some of us are lucky to have a friend to confide in and sometimes share our suspicions and fears, so did the BS in this book. I had told my friend about the book, when I was about to suggest it at our last book club. She asked me if I had read it. I said no. Then she whispered, "did you write it?"

I said "no, but we are all in it! There is even a stakeout!"

The only differences are that the was and the OW are "in love". Thankfully that wasn't the case in my story, at least as far as my WH claims.

All this to say, that before I could suggest the next book, someone else did. And they picked "The Husband's Secret"!

I googled it and one of the hits was a discussion on this forum.

I will however, keep all the other suggestions here in mind for future reading.

Strange isn't it how we are all so sick and tired of thinking of this stuff, yet feel the need to read more.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
staystrong101
Member
Member # 41068
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

I listen to audio books sometimes in the car, just pick up random ones from the library. I am listening to one called "The Quickie." by James Patterson and someone else. Not great literature, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit i'm listening to it instead of a great classic novel. But I also, for some reason, find comfort in reading about affairs. I'm trying to get my head around how people can do this when they say they love their spouses. Anyway, in this book the wife has basically a ONS but things go downhill from there. I just started it. Also, have you read "Gone Girl"? A lot of people were reading it a couple years ago. In that one the H has the LTA. I thought it was a good book.

Posts: 98 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

I just read a memoir called Perfection, by Julie Metz. I liked it so much, I actually sent the author an email, which I have never ever done!OMG- read it, so good!

It was really good and relevant for me! It is about this woman whose in a seemingly good marriage, small town outside NYC, husband dies, and then she finds out all kinds of things she never suspected about him.

I liked it because it is a true story, and I could not believe how many similarities I saw in her story and mine, although my X didn't die (despite all my wishing) and the husbands personality was nothing like my STBX, but the behavior was similar, things he said.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
positively4thst
Member
Member # 23998
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, May 4th (Sunday)

And I had never heard of Charles Karault before, but looked him up. Canadian journalist eh?

Charles Kuralt (September 10, 1934 July 4, 1997) was an American journalist. He was most widely known for his long career with CBS, first for his "On the Road" segments on The CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite, and later as the first anchor of CBS News Sunday Morning, a position he held for fifteen years.

True at First Light, Ernest Hemenway, was published after his death and explores a journey in Africa as well as his relationship with his fourth wife.

Regarding infidelity, I'd rather read about a real person rather than a fictionalized one. I seek insight, therefore it has to be real. JMHO.

[This message edited by positively4thst at 7:46 AM, May 4th (Sunday)]


Posts: 1252 | Registered: May 2009
Topic Posts: 31