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Reconciliation
User Topic: Watching Investigation Discovery (ID Channel)
betrayedhusband
Member
Member # 38443
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Not really for the faint at heart or those early in the process of coping and R. Lately, we have been watching a lot of ID Channel together. Incredible to see so many stories of love triangles. Unfortunate that they start and extremely unfortunate how they end in murder of one type or another.

I think one of the reasons I am drawn to it is because I hope it re-enforces with my fWW that people get so messed up in the head when in an affair that some of them actually are deluded into thinking they can get away with murder.

I think the other reason is that some of the stories end up with one or both of the infidels dead as a result of their choice. Maybe that makes me feel a little better. (Grim, I know.)

I couldn't stomach watching Mad Men because it just seemed to romanticize infidelity.

Anybody else out there have feelings about these shows?

Not sure that this is healthy, but...


Me BS 48
Her fWW 47
Married 24 yrs
Together 30 yrs
DDay 16 Jan 2013
EA 9 months & PA 1 month
Children 2 young adults
Working through it
"Character is what you are when no one is watching"

Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013
jemimapd
Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

I have the same feelings. I watch ID for the not- very-uplifting reason that it shows me things could be worse.

It s horribly predictable:

In 9/10 cases when a spouse dies it turns out to be murder by the other spouse who is having an affair and wants the life insurance and/or to keep their overspending secret.

It is sick and unbelievably sad. It shows the utter selfishness of the wayward spouse.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
lostworld
Member
Member # 19197
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Hand raised.


Me: BS
Him: FWH
Married 30 yrs. w/ 2 grown kids
Dday 1: Very early 2007
Dday 2: Mid 2008 (same MOW, 14 month false R)
R'd
The affair was the aberration, not the marriage or the man.

Posts: 816 | Registered: Apr 2008
ShatteredPagan
Member
Member # 35475
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

And i thought i was the only one into this self-torture. I use it to show myself how much worse it could all be and be greatful that im worth more alive than dead.


WS (him) 48
BS (me) 39
Together since 5/13/2005
Married 10/13/2012
No kids together. 3 total between us (17, 15, 13)
Affair started: 12/19/2011
Sobriety birthday: 1/11/2012
D-day: 2/17/2012
R-day: 3/1/2012
"The next time you think you a

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Leicester, North Carolina
IamDyingInside
Member
Member # 41054
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I used to record these types of shows. Loved them but I cannot do it anymore, at least not now. Triggers me in terrible way!


Me: BW (41)
Him: WH (41)
2 Daughters - 20 and 16
Married 19 years, together 24 years
DDay - 09/08/2013
NC - 10/10/13 Broken 10/11/13
I feel like we are both trying R but I am just so skeptical of everything!! Hell, I don't know much right

Posts: 71 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Lost in USA
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

The OWs first husband murdered her boyfriend - who was his boss and then killed himself.

She set up the same thing here, and now XWS lives with her. She will cheat on him, and I hope my children end up with a live father.

I've thought about calling Dateline or one of those shows to do a report on her, but she'd probably love the attention...


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2145 | Registered: Jan 2012
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

*raising hand* I have always enjoyed these types of shows.

This has me shaking my head for so many reasons. I actually use to watch quite a bit of the courttv channel. (it is gone now) So many of the trials they featured where murders with infidelity being in the center. Many different permutations of infidelity victim wise, but most often it seemed to be the WS killing their spouse.

FWH and I would shake our heads and say "Why didn't he/she get a divorce?" My FWH would then say to me, teasingly, I thought "Don't worry Milkshake, I won't kill you, I would just divorce you!" Looking back, this was either during or shortly after ending his affair. He forgot to add, "But, I'll have an affair before I would divorce you or give you the option to divorce me."

Anyway, I don't know why FWH didn't learn his lessons from these shows. The other theme in these murders seems to be the OW or OM murdering the BS. Of course, FWH picks an OW that would stalk and fish for EIGHT years after the affair ended.

These programs now make FWH pretty uncomfortable if there is an infidelity theme. If there is any kind of cray cray OW/OM he gets very uncomfortable.

eta: No, I didn't watch Mad Men because of the infidelity themes. I don't find the fictional shows portraying the rainbow farting unicorn Hollywood version of infidelity are at all entertaining. Although I can watch non fiction/reality shows about infidelity. Because it is real. Not the Hollywood glamourized version of infidelity.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 9:49 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9710 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
catatonic
Member
Member # 40758
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

We are too early in R to watch shows. I will tigger now with an episode of " modern Family" never watched before , but last week kids insisted I would find it funny. Cute Divorced FWW neighbor was enough for me.
But on this topic, hope I'm not changing the flow , but after reading " SisterMilkShakes response.
I look back and think about programs WH and I watched together, while he was active in his A.
Movies that would have had me in the bathroom hurling had the shoe been on the other foot.
I remember channel surfing, I would stop on " cheaters" for a chuckle. He would get mad and call it reality garbage and a bunch of low life's. ( little did I know the man next to me was engaging in the same action)
4 years ago there was a very publicized H murdered W. Story. I followed this closely as H was my brothers best friend growing up. And he was well respected in community, school , and in our family. I would comment that I think this has to be something foul . An A must have happened. Again WH followed and watched news with me . And listened to my comments. Which proved right.
So again slightly different topic. But I look at pre DDay shows and wonder if there were in clues then in Waywards behavior

Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
betrayedhusband
Member
Member # 38443
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

cat my thoughts exactly. I can remember conversations with my fWW long before and during her A when we talked about a common acquantance who was in an A and she would always comment how wrong it was, how she didn't approve at all.

Now we watch these shows and again, she comments on how she can't believe that people would do that (murder, etc.) and I just bite my lip thinking "I can't believe that you did what you did to me!"

I think it helps me some..as was stated earlier by others that it makes me realize that it could have been worse. I also think that it helps keep me in the reality that bad stuff happens to good people. And I am no different, no better, no worse than they.


Me BS 48
Her fWW 47
Married 24 yrs
Together 30 yrs
DDay 16 Jan 2013
EA 9 months & PA 1 month
Children 2 young adults
Working through it
"Character is what you are when no one is watching"

Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013
1Emptyglass
New Member
Member # 37548
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Another watcher her. ID is my go to channel. FWH cannot watch with me if there are love triangles or infidelity themes tho. Wonder why?????


Me-BW 44
Him WH 44
OW single 54 co-worker
Married 21 years at d-day
kids: DD21 DS 17

Posts: 34 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: CA
betrayedhusband
Member
Member # 38443
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I suspect that another reason that I like to watch this is so that my fWW realizes that some people appear to be safe on the outside yet are very dangerous.

Maybe she would have thought twice before meeting him at a park that few people go to. Much worse could have happened to her that day. And since she did it in secret, no one would have known who to suspect.

Her friend told her after she confessed to her about the A that she didn't really know that guy or what he may have been capable of doing.

I guess I want to make sure she realizes that she risked more than just our relationship. I think she really gets it now...but I also want her to understand the personal risks she took.


Me BS 48
Her fWW 47
Married 24 yrs
Together 30 yrs
DDay 16 Jan 2013
EA 9 months & PA 1 month
Children 2 young adults
Working through it
"Character is what you are when no one is watching"

Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013
PippaPeach6
Member
Member # 37523
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Emptyglass, exactly! I'm definitely an ID addict . .


Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009
Reconciled

Honey Badger don't care. - Randall


Posts: 386 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
beautytoashes5
Member
Member # 41900
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Slowly raises hand...
Yep love ID channel. It's hard watching the infidelity shows though. When the show Who the (bleep) did I marry? Came up My brother started laughing and pointing at me... So true. I couldn't even be mad at him. It's so true.

Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California
Aceofbase
Member
Member # 42458
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I love those shows too. Hard to understand what my wife was thinking when we watched those shows. I don't remember anything that stands out.


DD: 12/18/2013
Status: R

Happiness is a choice.


Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: USA
Bikingguy
Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

BH,

I recall watching a cop show - maybe Hawaii 50? First scene of the show was a woman with her luuver in a boat. My initial thought was "crap I won't be able to watch this". Just then BH walks in on them and shots both to death. OK maybe I can stay a while!


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 672 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Decimated
Member
Member # 31656
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Me too.

I find myself watching ID channel, Who the Bleep did I marry, Deadly Devotion, Deadly Women, Deadly Affairs, Deadly Sins, Fatal Encounters, Fatal Vows, Wicked Attraction, Happily Never After, My Dirty Little Secret, Scorned Love Kills, Poisoned Passions, Wives With Knives...etc.

What the hell is wrong with me????

I do love seeing the Karma Bus running them down in the end!

[This message edited by Decimated at 2:49 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]


Decimated
Me -BH 48
Her-WW 40
D Day #1 9/09 (found out about friendship, she promised NC...she lied)
D day #2 1/11 (found out EA on going...she lied)
D day #3 4/11 (found out EA was a PA...still lying)
M 16 years, 3 kids
Divorced - 1/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Mar 2011
TheThreeYearFool
Member
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I watched ID all the time while WH was "out drinking with friends." So the bitter irony is that I watched these shows while WH was out cheating.

He always joked that he got nervous with me watching shows like Deadly Women. Wasn't much of a joke in his mind I guess.

Joke's on me, I suppose. I haven't got a violent bone in my body and haven't so much as broken a plate since D-Day. But I still watch the shows from time to time.


Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 164 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 17