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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Rough day? Chop off your hair!
roarlouder
Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Thought it would be a good fresh start. I've wanted to do it for awhile but didn't think STBXH would like it. Felt great for the first 30 min... Now I am not so sure. Kind of feel sorry for myself!

Last time I did this I was not in a good place just kept getting shorter and shorter. Maybe it will grow on me (ha, I am so funny tonight)


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

I did the same thing. Did you cut it yourself or go so a salon? I recommend going to a salon and getting the full color/styling treatment.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1520 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
roarlouder
Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

No I went to a salon. That would have been very desperate trying on my own. My mother in law did my hair for years... I had someone else colour it earlier in jan before I left.

So a signal of many changes I guess. Thinking I'll book myself a valentines spa night :))


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

My old boss told me the story of how she always kept her hair long for her XH, she said he told her that if she ever cut it short he'd divorce her. Then the day she decided to tell him she wanted a D she went to the salon and got her hair chopped. When she got home he said, I told you that if you ever cut your I'd divorce you. She answered back you don't need to because I am divorcing you. She was so sassy.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49446 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

On the day my divorce was final, I went to the salon on a whim and let the stylist have her way with my hair.

I was a bit shocked about it for a day or two, and then I decided I loved it. I hope you love yours too, roar.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24393 | Registered: Aug 2011
scarednbroken
Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

I did the same. I have always had long hair for WH preference. (we are talking no shorter than below shoulder blades. I cut it SHORT. Dared his reaction. Then I colored deeeeeep red. I'm naturally light brown.

Chchchchanges!!! Lol


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
roarlouder
Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

Great stories!! Yes it feels good... But I feel a little unsure. Hair grows though!


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've always had really, really, really long hair (ass length-ish). I love it. My stylist cut it to nipple length last time ... I'm one sad otter.

But ... once it's cut, it's done. I know, it grows back, blah, blah, blah. Something very comforting, to me, about having a bunch of hair to hide behind, in.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 727 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

I'm in the minority here. During my marriage, I always heard this: "When are you gonna cut your hair, Gonna?" I thought my stbx was one of those *odd* guys that preferred short hair -- why? Because he TOLD me that he wanted my hair short so that he could see my pretty face/eyes. I would always grow it out because *I* prefer it long -- doesn't matter what short style I get my hair cut, within 3 hours of styling it....it goes totally flat and I look like a little boy. But anyway, I would grow it long, get *bored* with it (or so I told myself anyway), figure I'd do something *nice* for stbx, and then I'd chop it off (and end up regretting it within days....)
Funny thing is that the majority of stbx's OW's (that I know of) have hair that is shoulder-length or longer......I think he just wanted to make me *ugly*. (he knew *he* liked long-er hair, assumed all other guys did too, so if *my* hair was short, then *he* was safe because then I'd be unattractive to other guys, kwim?)

So......about 10 months ago, I got extensions. Long-ass extensions.

Enjoy your new hair-style, Roar......and, if you end up hating it (which I hope that you don't)....remember that it's only hair and it DOES grow back!


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7683 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)

One of my unexpected reactions to getting the divorce final was that I wanted to chop my hair off. Even shave it. I didn't do it, but that was my instinct. Interesting...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9243 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

.....GINatureGirl????....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7683 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Interesting!

I always loved my long hair. Now the longer we were married, the shorter my hair got (not short, short, but above shoulder length). I think it was a subconscious expression of my unhappiness (The Arse liked it long).

When I started making an effort at changing myself and looking for happiness where I was, rather than yearning for what wasn''t, I grew it to just about my shoulders. When DDday happened, I decided I was going to grow it long. Whatever happened with R or not, I was going to be me and I was going to aim to be happy in my life.

10 months after he finally walked out, I have lovely long mid back length hair, with brand new highlights, which I love...and it makes me look younger too.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 726 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
littlefoggy
Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

My hair is short now. I can pull it back in a pony tail if I put a head band on, too. I am thinking of growing my hair out.

Although, I found a super cute short hair style on Pinterest.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 485 | Registered: Nov 2013
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Ohhh…I went Pixie short.

I've always heard, "When a woman cuts her hair, she is about to change her life."

I look adorable with pixie hair, but I've had it almost 3 years and just now growing it back out some.

I dated one guy who just loved it. His hands were always in my hair.

Some guys like long hair, some like short…I just do what *I* like.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4008 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Wish I could do this, but being a man with short hair, the next step would be to shave it bald. and the last time I did this I did it for my STBX when she was going through radiation. No need to trigger.

Maybe I should grow it long and get a Rachel. Hmmmm.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 581 | Registered: Aug 2013
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Mine was very short for the last 10 years of the marriage. I went even shorter during the D and its aftermath. I'm also a natural blonde

It's now "long". A chin length bob. I'm kinda liking it. I also dyed it brown with highlights.

I still feel like a blonde inside - I'm shocked every time I look in the mirror.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7417 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

X was always frustrated with my slightly longer than shoulder length hair. It always got in his face when we were hugging or being intimate.
He said he was going to shave it off when I was sleeping. I always thought this was weird because I assumed all men like long hair.

My hair is still shoulder lenght but I pull it back into a pony tail every day because I can't be bothered to take the time to style it.
I want to get it layered again like I had it after the kids were born. Shake and go.
I don't have time for anything else.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1309 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
madsadalone
Member
Member # 39201
Content  Posted: 7:57 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Always have had long hair, but I started turning silver in my twenties. Colored it because "he" thought I looked better without silver.

Well now after 10+ months I am completely silver. Long silver hair, aka Silver Fox!


Me: BS 47
Him:WH 55
M: 27 yrs
DD 4/29/13
3 kids (25,23,22

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2013
roarlouder
Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Before I left in the limbo stage I did have the urge to shave my head...seems to be a theme here! I am now calling it my crisis hair. Don't love it, but it will grow. And feels good to do something just based on what I want.

I have never had long hair, always chin length or above the shoulders. I don't think it looks great long, but STBXH was always not on board with long hair. I know there are lots of ow I haven't seen, but all that I have had long hair. And his main 5 yr squeeze had very, very long hair. Wonder if that was part if why he wanted it shorter (but not to short.)

[This message edited by roarlouder at 9:30 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
MissMovingOn
Member
Member # 30720
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Mine has always been super long. Last summer I got a sidecut pixie and I love it! I did just decide to grow it out a bit though, because I''m growing tired of visiting my hairdresser (as lovely as she is) every two weeks.


Me: BS, 34
Him: (SA/NPD)WH, 31
Multiple ddays since 2010 (Latest January 15th 2013) - not counting anymore!

Posts: 367 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: West Coast Canada
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I got a trim right after finding out/moving out. Felt so good to say goodbye to those split ends! Really makes the fresh start seem fresh. Good for you


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3694 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

One of my unexpected reactions to getting the divorce final was that I wanted to chop my hair off. Even shave it. I didn't do it, but that was my instinct. Interesting...
I was planning to shave my head when the divorce was made final, but my hairdresser talked me out of it. I was tempted to go straight from the courthouse to the barber shop. I used to grow my hair out long, and then cut it off at the end of each relationship, so a complete shave seemed appropriate for a divorce.

I'm sorta' glad I didn't. I don't think I have a smooth head! I did start coloring my hair within a week of DDay #1. I want to add a color swirl or two soon. I'm thinking deep blue, underneath one side.


Posts: 1204 | Registered: Aug 2010
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

And once your hair is chopped, there is always dye and tattoos. Take it from the woman who always favors short hair but is now brunette instead of blonde and getting inkier by the moment.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8313 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Girl, you better WEAR that style! You got this! I kept the length, but changed the style to something more edgy and flattering. I also had it dyed. I then got a few chemical peels to erase some wrinkles and clarify the beautiful skin under all that dead skin. The best part, it was HIS money that paid for it. I was trying to save all of my money because I knew a rainy day was coming. Oh, and he bought me clothes too as the infidelity diet caused my old clothes to look totally ridiculous for a professional environment.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
MissMovingOn
Member
Member # 30720
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Oh yeah I got a tattoo too. Runs down my entire spine. AWESOME decision.


Me: BS, 34
Him: (SA/NPD)WH, 31
Multiple ddays since 2010 (Latest January 15th 2013) - not counting anymore!

Posts: 367 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: West Coast Canada
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I had long hair for the first two decades of my life. I guess it looked "cute" on me when I was younger, but when I hit my mid-twenties, I really started to feel like it didn't suit me, and I started getting it cut shorter and shorter.

My first short haircut actually occurred when my eldest was born, and that was it for me. I just had my very short hair trimmed today, and the stylist commented that it "suited me." I think so-- I have a face and neck that don't go very well with long hair, and I'm also not big on styling my hair. Some women have gorgeous, long locks that they obviously style, straighten, blow out, etc. I frequently threw mine back in a pony tail or clipped it up in a bun because I couldn't be bothered. I love having a style now. I feel much more polished and sexy.

For the record, XWH wanted me to keep my hair long, and I didn't. That's why he had to trade me in for a more compliant model.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

A lot of cultures believe that our energy is stored on our hair. I guess that's why a lot of us want to cut/shave it off, to get rid of the old bad energy.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1520 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
roarlouder
Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I have NEVER wanted a tattoo... Until now. I won't make any rash choices, but it might happen. Every girls trip I've gone on there's been talk of tattoos.. It hasn't happened and I've never been on board, but we may go backpacking in Europe this summer...seems like a good time to get a tattoo!!


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
MissMovingOn
Member
Member # 30720
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

My tattoo is the Elizabeth Edwards quote "She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way she adjusted her sails". At the base of my neck there is a sailboat and the quote goes down from there all the way to the small of my back.


Me: BS, 34
Him: (SA/NPD)WH, 31
Multiple ddays since 2010 (Latest January 15th 2013) - not counting anymore!

Posts: 367 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: West Coast Canada
Topic Posts: 29