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User Topic: The Golden Manual
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

We all need to get together and compose the Cheater's Manual, complete with chapters, things they say, personality disorders, "going underground" and etc. I swear there is a manual but I can't find it.... Guess because I am not a cheater

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 11:01 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 636 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
NikkiD
Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Im down!!!


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Sounds good. I'm pretty good at writing.

We can't forget the chapter "Soulmate Schmoopies."


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5825 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

How about "what I did in my own time, when you weren't around, was my business"? That's a pearl right there.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3708 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Another chapter "What I did wasn't as bad as what other people have done."

My favorite chapter, though "I didn't realize what I was doing was wrong."


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5825 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
BelleStar
Member
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Another chapter title: I've done nothing wrong...

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Feb 2007
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Let's not forget the chapter on "you made me do it!" Hmmmm. Maybe that will need a volume II.


Me-BS-60-Can't tell you how painful it was to change this number!
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3272 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Chapter 12. "I was never going to leave you."


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
marionwendy
Member
Member # 41303
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

My chapters were: I didn't think That texting was cheating...and the 2nd chapter was: Just friends and the 3rd:was I didn't want to sleep with her?????????


BS-49
WS-50
Married-18
Together-21
Children-2

Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.


Posts: 213 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: canada
TennisTC
Member
Member # 41330
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

And don't forget "I love you but I'm not in love with you."


Me: BW Him: WH (Both early 30's)
Married 11 years with a DD7
DDay: 2-24-13
R'ing

Posts: 165 | Registered: Nov 2013
yestopants
Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

what about....
chapter ? " I think we will be really great friends."


Me: 34
WH:37
Married 11years together 13 years
OW
"I don't love you anymore" 17/11/2013
DD 9 DS 7

Posts: 254 | Registered: Dec 2013
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I always refer to it as the Cheater's Standard Book of Spells.

We need to be sure to include "I didn't think you loved me anymore and wouldn't care."


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6306 | Registered: Jan 2011
Jduff
Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Seriously, I'm all for having a quick list of quotes from waywards to help the new BS sift through and immediately decipher their meaning. Make it a part of the healing library. I myself was completely blown away how common the excuses and rationalization were by many of them. I think this is important for the new BS to be able to see through the mindfvcking/gaslighting that is or is about to occur. The sooner a BS can separate fact from fantasy talk, the quicker he/she can take action to heal themselves and do the 180.

Ones I remember:

"We don't have anything in common." while conveniently overlooking everything we do actually have in common.

"There's just no passion/romance in this relationship".

"I'm a changed person."


Me- BS (44)
WW (41)
DS - 9, 12
M - 16yrs

Divorced - 5/23/14


Posts: 400 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

scaredyKat somehow it makes me feel so much better to know someone else was given the 'you made me do it!' line! Yeah, when I asked you to only try if you meant it I was really just saying 'lie to me more'


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3708 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Or how they purposely pick fights and intentionally twisting words in order to be offended and pick a fight. That way, they can say that "all we ever do is fight", "we just can't talk to each other", "we don't communicate well".

Oh, and the nonsense after DD, "you would really like her if you just got to know her!"

[This message edited by StillLivin at 1:39 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
JLyn1128
New Member
Member # 41915
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

@Stilllivin..... seriously? He said that and lived? Of all the things he could say that would be fatal if he did it. My WSO said (in telling me he never intended to stay with her) "She's not even a nice person". It was all I could do not to say "well, birds of a feather, I guess".

Posts: 49 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: CA
BelleStar
Member
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

It was a mistake. I never meant for you to find out.

yeah right. bleh


Posts: 1127 | Registered: Feb 2007
lynnm1947
Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Chapter 20 If I Want to Fuck a Girl, I Will.

Actually said to me by XSO. Now you know why he's X.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7118 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I love you but I am not in love with you...

Amazing cheating words. I will FOREVER know what this sentence means and how my life will change after it.

My XWH "I have cheated in every relationship I have ever been in." Wish he told me that BEFORE we started dating.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 636 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Flowerforme
New Member
Member # 38497
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

All we did was kiss
She came on to me
And..... we only had sex once


Bgf-me
WWBf-ugh
DD Aug.1/2012 with an ex gf had been seeing her the entire time we were together..

Posts: 17 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada
Allornothing
Member
Member # 42354
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

And don't forget the chapter on "You're making it sound worse than it is!"


Me- BS 42
Him- FWH 42
Married 19 years, Together 25
Kids- 23,21,15,14
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant

Posts: 162 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
tearingaway
Member
Member # 28618
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

There's the "He's just a friend/co-worker" chapter that must be included, too.

One mustn't forget the "I don't know/I can't remember" section to help BSs decipher what that really means.


Posts: 272 | Registered: May 2010
SurelyNOT
Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Every one of these comments resonates with me too. He's been telling people we were never married, we didn't live together, we were separated for years. I was told I had checked out on him years ago ???? Yeah, that's exactly why I was planning a family vacation with his input at the time of the discovery.
I love how they re-write history to suit themselves

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
outtanowhere
Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

How about the "it was just sex" line?


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 639 | Registered: Apr 2013
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

If we could include a few paragraphs on "my needs weren't being met" in the Justifications They Blow Out Their Arseholes chapter, I would be happy to write them since I have excellent first-hand experience of that particular cheaters' phenomenon.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
Stillheart
New Member
Member # 27322
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

How about "I felt like you didn't seem to care." " I felt a disconnection between us" I felt like I lost my sexuality." I never stopped loving you." I, I, I ,I ,I.


Me:62 BH
Her:53 WW
Married: 26yrs
8 month affair
D-Day 11-10-08
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well

Posts: 25 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Oregon
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I''ll help with the chapter entitled "The Duality of *I Never Thought You Would Find Out* and *I Knew It Would Devastate You If You Found Out*"

Followed by "Shifty Semantics: How To Conveniently Ignore Intent In Favor Of A Word-By-Word Analysis" Emphasis on Anal.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4568 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Ascendant
Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

"You guys have a lot in common, you'd actually really get along if not for this mess..."

or

"Well, he was my friend just as long as he was your friend."


"The thing that always seems to be shocking to wayward wives is the simple fact that the man you choose to reconcile with is not the same man you cheated on." - a friend.

Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
stilluvhim
Member
Member # 21477
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

"I didn't think it was wrong, or that it would hurt you if you didn't know about it"


BS-me 47 yrs, WS-him 47 yrs
married 27 yrs.
3 gorgeous girls-24,20, 16 yrs.
PA with 30 yr. old
DD #1 Aug. 26, 2007, DD #2 Sept. 14, 2007, DD #3 Dec. 27, 2007, DD #4 Jan. 28, 2008

Posts: 603 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: los angeles
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

"I've told you everything. You know everything now, I swear."


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7694 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

"You're overreacting"
"I think you two could be friends- you'd like her"

And the classic: "We're just friends"


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Ascendant
Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

"I've told you everything. You know everything now, I swear."
This will be tricky. What we have to do is insert a blank page with just this quote every 3 chapters of so. And then on the next page it says "Oh, well, there's some stuff I forgot about. Why are you making this a big deal?"

Followed by 3 more chapters of info.


"The thing that always seems to be shocking to wayward wives is the simple fact that the man you choose to reconcile with is not the same man you cheated on." - a friend.

Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

We're just friends! < oh, yesss...

I could contribute to the sections on "I Never Meant To..." and "You Make Me Feel Bad When You Bring Up the A."


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1779 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
Ascendant
Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

"I feel like you're always mad at me!"


"The thing that always seems to be shocking to wayward wives is the simple fact that the man you choose to reconcile with is not the same man you cheated on." - a friend.

Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
rosie79
New Member
Member # 41454
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

My absolute favorites are "I wasn't happy for a long time," and "I can't help that she fell in love with me!" Disgusting douchebag!!


BW - me
WH - liar
2 kids
D-day-10/9/13

Married 10 years, together for 14
Trying to get the strength to do what is right for me and my kids.


Posts: 37 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: somewhere
Raven96
Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

"You just don't think about the consequences."


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I tried to start it here:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=488585


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
naivewife
Member
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

And because everyone likes a happy ending - "You win, I choose you."


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2013
honesttoafault
Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

Chapter on deflecting: How to start a fight with the BS by saying/doing something hurtful and then when the BS replies pull "You are ruining our relationship with this fighting and accusations!!"

You are spying on me!
You don't trust me!


Posts: 1938 | Registered: Jan 2010
CantLoseHope
Member
Member # 42356
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

You all are forgetting the most important chapter......

-I just told my BS of my A, and I'M the one in the bathroom wasted on the floor puking, go figure?-


"A tree falls the way it leans.....be careful which way you lean"


Posts: 172 | Registered: Feb 2014
cancuncrushed
Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

If it will make you feel better, go have sex with someone else. That's pure love and devotion.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 885 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Saving my spot so I can find this later!

Quick suggestion: a chapter about how some cheaters feel so guilty they think you must be up to something to!


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

i mean this in a positive manner and in NO WAY negative.

you all laugh about this idea as if its funny.

grim yet witty chapter names, presumably learned the hard way through having dealt with this and been through it yourselves.

i am an author. i have connections with publishing houses. if you all got serious about a "cheaters handbook" .. examples - chapters on gaslighting, going underground, what idk or idr mean, etc ... i could ensure that it would land with favorable mention on a publishers desk for their review with an eye towards publication.


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 479 | Registered: Jan 2014
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

"You think just because we're married, you can tell me who to date!" (EAP filled his head with polyamory nonsense, and how I was using the kids to control him... And how selfish it was for me to not allow him to pursue other relationships. And how that proved I was just interested in his money... And his dumb ass bought it all... )


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2212 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, February 13th (Thursday)


We need to be sure to include "I didn't think you loved me anymore and wouldn't care."
RB, my H said those EXACT same words.

So, if they really thought we wouldn't care, why lie, lie, lie, and try so hard to cover it up? Dumbasses.


If it will make you feel better, go have sex with someone else. That's pure love and devotion.
CCC, yep, I got that one too, and that really destroyed me. To think they would actually want us to sleep with another man, just to "even the score". Fuckers.



me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7021 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
shatteredapart
Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

heforgotme I got the "I was never going to leave you" line. Damn that one hurt. Seriously?!! Do they think before they open their mouths and then speak out their ass?!

Another chapter could be "I could tell her anything. She was like my best guy friend but a girl".
Or how about "I would vent to her about work and stuff so when I came home you didn't have to hear it".
Or..."I hid my phone from you because I know that you wouldn't let me be friends with her. Especially since we texted nonstop all day and night and hours of phone calls when you weren't close by".


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 118 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I bet if someone wrote it, people would buy it.

If we're divvying up the chapters, I'll take:
* It was an accident,
* It's All in Your Head (subtitle: You're Just As Crazy as Your Mother/Father!),
* I Think You Must Be Cheating! and
* The Art of Gaslighting



BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8323 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

The title:

How To Destroy Your Marriage In 10 Easy Steps: A Cheater's Manual

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 7:43 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2212 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

William, I am serious. I would like to create the book. Maybe if we can get some seasoned SI vets to compose the whole thing, from start to finish, we can get it published and give awareness to infidelity and it's destruction. Maybe we can help people who don't have access or know how to search on Internet forums.

Infidelity isn't this thing we should bat our eyes it. It destroys homes, tears apart families and causes a lot of emotional havoc. I believe if more BSes would know what to do after a DDay, then more marriages would be saved.

I have had fantasies of speaking on a public forum like Katie Couric or something like that and starting support groups across the country.... Oh the things I would do if I won the lottery.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 636 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Teach8
Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, February 13th (Thursday)


The Art of Trickle Truth...How to Inflict the Most Pain Possible...

DDay...I only slept with her twice.

Two months later: I only slept with her five times.

One month later: The affair was 7 years long.

I just wanted to feel wanted and needed. (Yeah, so did I)

I didn't think you would ever find out, I was never going to leave you, I'm selfish, I tried to stop...all gems I've heard as well. And of course...

Projection: How to do it Right.

Maybe you would feel better if you slept with someone else and I didn't think you loved or wanted me anymore. Truly, all time greats that never go out of style.


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 491 | Registered: Aug 2012
Mhiimg65
Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

My favorite: You weren't giving me enough sex, but now that I've been caught you are the most beautiful woman with the most beautiful body and NOBODY can please me like you. (SIGH).


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 137 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

We need to be sure to include "I didn't think you loved me anymore and wouldn't care."

RB, my H said those EXACT same words.

Mine too. Word for word. There should be a special chapter for the things they ALL say.

heforgotme I got the "I was never going to leave you" line. Damn that one hurt. Seriously?!! Do they think before they open their mouths and then speak out their ass?!

I know. And he told me he made a point of telling AP this. Wow honey, thanks for standing up for me.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
TheRealDeal
Member
Member # 39560
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

To include under the Valid Justifications chapter:

"she reminds me so much of you"
"you cooked corn-on-the-cob and after 18 years of eating corn-on-the-cob I don't like it so that's why I cheated the same night you cooked it" yes, he said that
"she is just like me!" (meaning WS) notice how it contradicts with point one?

To include under Comments So Stupid You Can't Comprehend Them chapter
"but she likes sleeping with women too" to which I replied "I don't, so what's your point"
"you'd be such great friends"
"she'd make a great roommate"
and my personal favorite: "one day we'll look back on this and laugh"

But what is sad is the WS would never recognize themselves in the pages of the book...because ya know their love is real and no one else in the book really loves their AP the same way.

[This message edited by TheRealDeal at 12:09 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]


Me: 45, him: 53
together 18 years
DDay1 March 2013, Dday2 April 27, 2013, Dday3 June 1, 2013
We are in R and trying to make it
Never lose yourself trying to hang onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.

Posts: 242 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northeast
PippaPeach6
Member
Member # 37523
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Yep, all these ring a bell!

Don't forget (after all the TT about being just friends, never touched/hugged/kissed to FINALLY admitting PA) the chapter on protected sex. In fWH's case though, it wasn't necessary because OW had tubes tied (supposedly) so there was no chance of pregnancy. STD's? Oh, my never - because she was a "nice person" . . .

Oh, and the chapter on how OW/OM's spouse is physically/verbally abusive. Classic!


Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009
Reconciled

Honey Badger don't care. - Randall


Posts: 386 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
NikkiD
Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Chapter: Well, if you won't have sex with me anymore, I might as well keep doing it with the AP


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
silentscream13
Member
Member # 41693
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Don't forget the classics like:
"It was just glorified phone sex."
"Why can't I still be friends with her? "
"I wasn't planning marrying her. I already had a wife and kids."
"I don't think I could've gone through with having sex with her. "
And my all time favorite...
"I always imagined it was you when I was sexting her."
Geez...I feel good now.


ME: BS- 39; HIM: WS - 40 (lostmymind13)
OW: TechnicallyMarriedEx-GF - 47
Sexting,OEA/NO PA (but was planning it before he got caught)
D-day - 11-14-13
Together: Almost 18 years; Married: Almost 15 years
4 Children
Apologies: I edit. Often.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nowhere and Everywhere
NikkiD
Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I know this is probably the biggest mistake of my life..but I have feelings for the girl...


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
hopefulmother
Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

If you need to ask a man what is going on and they reply "We are just friends." Chances are they are lying and cheating. No married man needs to be "just friends" with another woman.

State, "Bullshit. But-that is okay...you can be "just friends" just not married to me too."

Don't trust them girls...no matter how long you have been married, no matter how great they are, no matter if they never gave you a reason to never trust them before, no matter how happy you two are, no matter how long they chased you, no matter if he is your best friend, no matter how much you love them, no matter if you were sweethearts forever.

Your instincts are right.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 913 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
hopefulmother
Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

But, seriously:

Someone should write it. There are so many from a MD's point of view. There needs to be one from a BS point of view.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 913 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

" I didn't say I loved her"

" Well, I didn't mean it so it's like I didn't say it"


Love leads to tears, tears lead to sadness, sadness to memories, memories to madness

Posts: 1689 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Chater 20: Reasons not to tell the Other Spouse

1. He is crazy, and violent.
2. She will sue us if we make it public.
3. He is violent and will hurt her/us/you/the world.

Um yah, whatever......

Chapter 21: I can't believe you the BS has the nerve to not trust me. It can include gems such as:

You will never get over this.
Why should I try, if you aren't commiting to R
I will never have any privacy
Why do you have to be my babysitter


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7795 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
jagged
Member
Member # 32317
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Multiple, repeated variations of:

"I'm not a bad person. So obviously, something's wrong...I'm not happy".

Another documented mystery of the universe, right there.


One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks
For never to return

Posts: 328 | Registered: May 2011 | From: TX
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Chater 20: Reasons not to tell the Other Spouse

4. AP already told them

5. It would break up a happy family


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
selkiescot
Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

I am in for this!


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1373 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
selkiescot
Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Please dont forge the classic..I never meant to hurt you...
Or I never had sex with her..um that's why I got an STd........


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1373 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

How about some advertisements?

We know we won't need any for condoms , so how about.....

Fog proof glasses!

Unicorn food

Clinic for STDs acquired from toilet seats

Classes on telephone etiquette from a bathroom

VAR detectors

What else????


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
daisychains
Member
Member # 37997
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

How about a chapter explaining that it's not just the spoken word that matters with the lies involved. That the written (typed) word also counts.

eg. fwh told me continuously that he never told ow he loved her -

he emailed her that he loved her and not me but couldn't tell me that otherwise it would really be over between us!

he said he didn't remember typing it - it was his fingers that typed the words and once he pressed send he forgot he wrote it - he never told her out loud he loved her he only wrote it so it doesn't count!

Actually thinking about it, that may have to be cross referenced with the crap they sprout!


LTA 3.5 years

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: uk
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

How about, He never told her IN PERSON that they were souldmates and he never stopped loving her. Or, Sex was not good; how could it be when he was thinking of me and the children at home the whole time. WHAAAAAAT?????


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 407 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
SadFlower
Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

In the chapter on gaslighting:

"I would never do that to you! I know my boundaries!" accompanied by the classic, "We're just friends!"

In the chapter for stupid AP reactions:

When my WH told OW that I had voiced suspicions (this was before D-Day)--OW wrote, "But I thought SadFlower liked me!"



Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 356 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
NeedsHope
New Member
Member # 42431
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

1.I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. Yeah because me crying on the floor until I get a migraine is less painful.
2.You don't trust me anymore.DUH!
3.I need my privacy.Code for I'm a cheater!I'm hiding something!
4.She's just a friend. I can have female friends.
5.It is all in the past. Why can't you let it go? It was 2 weeks ago!

Also, chapters on how to hide a phone, secret email accounts, how to cheat using fb, low self esteem and the OP and how to leave the OP and then come right home and kiss your SO and tell them you love them


Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Posts: 46 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Despair
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

"I did not have sex with that woman!"

I guess oral is not sex??? sorry if tmi


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1249 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
twitching
Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

I didnt give her anything that you would have wanted.


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
olwen
Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, February 14th (Friday)

I was depressed and she was like my medicine. I thought it would make me happier and if I was happier I would be a better H - WTF! Yeah, he took that one back the second it was out of his mouth!


Together 18yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = final confession of sex 16th june 2013

Posts: 577 | Registered: Jul 2013
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, February 14th (Friday)

Chapters to definitely include.

Chapter about gaslighting. Include the phrases:
It's not like that.
It's not what you think.
She/he is just a friend.
OW/OM? I would never! I'm not even the least bit attracted to him/her!
We were just joking. That's just how we talk but it doesn't mean we would ever do anything.
There were never any real intentions to do anything.
You're just being paranoid.
You're being controlling.
I can't have friends?

Chapter about projected jealousy.

Chapter about blameshifting, minimization, and justifications.
Phrases like:
I just liked the attention.
I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.
You weren't giving me enough attention.
I told you I wanted you to do xyz, but you didn't listen.
It was only an EA.
It was only a kiss.
It was only sex.
It didn't mean anything.
I always loved you and really only wanted you.

Then a chapter about TT.

I love all the suggestions. I would definitely read a book like this!


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, February 14th (Friday)

Chapter about gaslighting. Include the phrases:

I wish you wouldn't make such a big deal out of this.

Let's just call it "talking".


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, February 14th (Friday)

"Let's just call it talking."

Yes! I heard that except WH and OW referred to cybersex as "smack talking". I'm not sure either are actually aware of what smack talking actually is. I'm pretty sure you don't use telling someone you will go slow and easy so they get theirs first as an insult. But whatever!


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
silentscream13
Member
Member # 41693
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, February 14th (Friday)

Let's just call it talking.

My WH said almost the same thing...except bhe and the OW called it "flirting."


ME: BS- 39; HIM: WS - 40 (lostmymind13)
OW: TechnicallyMarriedEx-GF - 47
Sexting,OEA/NO PA (but was planning it before he got caught)
D-day - 11-14-13
Together: Almost 18 years; Married: Almost 15 years
4 Children
Apologies: I edit. Often.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nowhere and Everywhere
realitybites
Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, February 14th (Friday)

Sadly I still remember some of these:

You didn't want sex!(HE did not want sex with ME of course cuz he was using up all his sex with someone else unbeknownst to me)

You are the perfect wife. (that one always bugged me, he would always say it and say it with this look on his face like he hated me)

Yeah I got the ILYBNILWY one as well.

Also at first got the "we just kissed" scenario until it was "yes we had sex" a couple months later.

"I swear on my mothers grave" when asked if he was cheating on me. Seems like they like to use the very closest people they love when they lie.

"I don't know why I told the OW that I loved her....it just seemed like the right thing to do to get what I wanted. I never really loved her." Huh?!?

"The kids are not talking to me since I moved out and its because of you! You are turning them against me!" Yeah like it would not bother them that their father moved out of the house.

Told our oldest son he did not like having sex with his mother. That it was not good for him.

There are so many.


Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
LadyLove
Member
Member # 40664
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, February 14th (Friday)

I didn't leave you for her...

Oh, but you did leave me... Sexually, emotionally, mentally..


BW - 46 (me)
WH - 48 Ladyslove
Don't know if I can live with it.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Sep 2013
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, February 14th (Friday)


Chater 20: Reasons not to tell the Other Spouse
4. AP already told them

5. It would break up a happy family

6. It is none of our business.

7. I don't want to get involved.


To add to the chapter called "I did not have sex with that woman";

She would just give me BJs because she liked me.

for the chapter on STDs;

I never thought about STDs. She was fine, she was MARRIED!


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 720 | Registered: Feb 2012
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, February 14th (Friday)

How about a chapter on how to Compartmentalize?

We could quote George Castanza

"Remember, it's not a lie if YOU believe it"

"I never thought about her when I was with you, and I never thought about you when I was with her".

"I didn't' want to think about consequences"


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 720 | Registered: Feb 2012
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, February 16th (Sunday)

Bumping this so it doesn't get lost .


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 720 | Registered: Feb 2012
stillhere09
Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, February 16th (Sunday)


Let's not forget this one:
"Get over it!"

Another variation:
"Why can't you just get over it? I did."


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, February 16th (Sunday)

Chapter 20:
After your ex divorces you, find ways to keep fighting with them, even about the stupidest shit. Remember it is THEIR fault your life is shit now, not yours because of your cheating.

Bonus points if you can successfully delay them from moving on with their lives and start dating others.


We also need a chapter on Hoovering: What It Is and How to Successfully Do It.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 636 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Lobo
New Member
Member # 42456
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, February 16th (Sunday)

"I can't remember."

"Yes, I did tell her that I loved her ... but only because it's what she wanted to hear."

Ugh, it's enough to make you spit.


Imagine a world where the words you speak appear on your skin. Would you be more careful of what you say?

Posts: 32 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
Harriet
Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 2:49 AM, February 17th (Monday)

This manual has clearly been published already because my ex seems to have read it carefully.


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 385 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
selkiescot
Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, February 17th (Monday)

Widh there a like button on here LOL


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1373 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, February 17th (Monday)

Please, please, please include the companion manual of "What to expect when you leave your spouse and children for the guttertrash/stripperwhore/HelloKitty/twatwaffle you have been cheating with"

This book should include the following chapters:

1. Don't forget to blame your ex spouse for everything that goes wrong in the future
2. You didn't want your BS as a babysitter but your AP isn't babysitting, they're your "twin flame"
3. You get to lose the respect of everyone around you and blame it on your ex
4. You get to constantly build up the AP to everyone around you and tell them all the reasons that the AP is so amazing.
5. You get to lose your spouse, kids, home, business, professional reputation and so much more.
But wait, there's more....

You get to spend your life wondering what the Hell happened to your life.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1675 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, February 17th (Monday)

"Why can't you just get over it? I did."

Yep! I also got another variation. Something along the lines of...

"I think it's best to leave the past alone and just move forward. I had irrational thoughts (of me cheating) too but I realized you really do love me and would never do that to me. You should realize about me." WTF???


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
beautytoashes5
Member
Member # 41900
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, February 17th (Monday)

Chapter ?? I was in too deep to get out without you finding out
Chapter ??? She was probably lying about getting pregnant 3 times
Chapter ???? Let's focus on the future, baby. I was never going to leave you for HER.
Chapter ????? I told her I loved her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings

So sad. It's all so sad.

Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California
Shonsal
New Member
Member # 42427
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, February 17th (Monday)

How about the 'it was stupid and I don't know what I was thinking?' Well I think you did. At 38 you know about the birds and the bees and that lying and cheating on someone is wrong.

Or the 'but pictures and emails aren't cheating? I wasn't planning on meeting up with anyone'. Yeah I got nothing on that.

And the 'but she came onto me!'. You invited her to OUR HOUSE! While I was overseas! TWICE! *facepalm*


A: July 2012
WS: Him
OW: his best friend

Posts: 18 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
Gemstone
Member
Member # 42000
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, March 7th (Friday)

OMG

Were you all there listening in on our conversations/fights/rows?

How else could you all possible know the things he said !!!!!!


Posts: 97 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United Kindgdon
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, March 7th (Friday)

"Yes, I did tell her that I loved her ... but only because it's what she wanted to hear."

And I thought this was an original line and was actually true!!!


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 720 | Registered: Feb 2012
IsthereEVERanend
Member
Member # 42216
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, March 7th (Friday)

I thought that book was closed.....


Me: Older than dirt
FWW 63
DD 8/1990 She confessed to a 2 month ea/pa
Asked forgiveness but volunteered to leave. No way was I going to give her the boot

The eight most feared words used together in the English language: We need to talk. Th


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Utah
stunnedin12
Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, March 7th (Friday)

Am I the only one whose wh had the magic phone? The one that texted chickie all on its own?

How about,

"You'd like chickie, she's just like you"


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 430 | Registered: Jan 2013
hear-me-roar
Member
Member # 17962
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, March 7th (Friday)

I could probably add several. Two stand out (in piss-off order):

"We had PARAMETERS"

"It was not going to affect you because you were not supposed to find out"

I am so happy that they had such consideration of my feelings to establish "parameters". Bullcrap runs deep in a small pasture.


Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2008
WastedTime12
Member
Member # 34767
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, March 7th (Friday)

I am not sure which chapter this belongs in but I got a text from him when I asked why he contacted stripper again. The text said "the only reason I contacted her was because I was contemplating that no contact thing" I really think we need a flat out crazy, makes no sense chapter.


Life is meant to be lived, not numbed!

In his quest for freedom, he set me free!


Posts: 71 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, March 7th (Friday)

Oh, a Cheater Handbook that includes a chapter or an appendix of "don't even TRY to make sense of this because it is TOTALLY crazy and outside the realm of ANY reasonable person's thought process" is a total must-have.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7694 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
WastedTime12
Member
Member # 34767
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, March 7th (Friday)

T/j, Gonna, will you try to pm me. Not sure why I can not pm. Think I am doing something wrong or ?


Life is meant to be lived, not numbed!

In his quest for freedom, he set me free!


Posts: 71 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Dadto4girls
New Member
Member # 42517
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, March 9th (Sunday)

What about I am a selfish narcissistic asshole who just doesn't get it.thats coming from a FWS

Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
Freebygrace
Member
Member # 42484
Default  Posted: 1:46 AM, March 9th (Sunday)

Chapter 32: Shhh the marriage is over ...but dont tell my wife


"I thought the marriage was over. I thought you didn't love me".

I wish I would've known the marriage was over, and I didnt love him so much that I was pregnant with his baby.

Didn't he hear the song..."having my baby..what a lovely way of saying how much you love me"


Me: BS 45
Him: fWH 48
OW: my BFF well not forever apparently
Lots of kids, married 22 years
DDay: 01/16/01
On the fence about R or D?

Posts: 107 | Registered: Feb 2014
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

So, is anyone compiling all of this?


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 720 | Registered: Feb 2012
BeautifulEmpty
Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, April 25th (Friday)

I got the ILYBINILWY stupidity with the added flare of 'face it, we haven't loved each other a LONG time.' I was blown away as I didn't realize I hadn't loved him for a long time. Thank god he told me!

'Dont worry! She's just my platonic lesbian friend!'

'When I told her I loved her, it didn't mean the same as when I told you.'

'I thought you were more above everything so you wouldn't be so upset.'
I know I'm god-like but seriously? Read about just about any goddess out there...they were all about turning the APs into cows, sealing them up into boxes, striking them dead...not a lot of interest nor forgiveness for the APs.

'Dont I treat you well? If I do then what does it matter if I have another wife?'

'If you promise you can keep up with me, I'll be monogamous.'

'You can't do the housework well and you always complain you don't get enough help and how much you hate it so *we* need another wife to help you???she can take care of you when you are sick too!'
I have chronic illness...yeah, I'm very comfortable when I feel sick now...thanks for asking.

'She can be my best poetry friend and you can have all the rest.'

'You'll love her! She's just like you! You like all the same things!'

8 bajillion attempts to gaslight..nothing not already mentioned.

The ever popular classic 'I don't remember.'

'I don't even remember her name anymore!'
Great. Thanks for destroying my very soul for someone you don't even remember.

'Why don't you get together with your ex boyfriend? Then you'll have someone to spend time with while I spend time with my other wife?'

Bleh...


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, April 25th (Friday)

Oh man - I came here to add a whole bunch and they're already here!!!

Seriously, I've gone through and nodded to all of them. Except the corn on the cob. I didn't cook or drive (I do now) - that's why he cheated with an OW who.... wait for it.... didn't cook or drive.

There has to be a False R chapter.

False R - How To Use Your BSs Love/Fear Against Them
- cry - a lot. They'll think you have true remorse
- a suicide threat or five. Works like a charm.
- make it all about you. Always.
- when making it about your BS make sure to tell them all the ways in which they failed you. Careful not to accuse them directly - blameshifting has to be subtle in False R.
- tell your BS his/her hurt hurts YOU. Better yet tell him/her he/she is PUNISHING you by not being over it.
- when they won't let you gaslight or rugsweep tell them THEY are the ones 'not invested'.
- post in the Wayward forum "How long will I have to do this for?", get your arse kicked by people with actual remorse then denounce SI as a Haters Site.
- always, ALWAYS keep at least a few OW secret. Just because you have a Plan B, C, D, E doesn't mean you're not invested. You're totes invested - if only your BS would get over it!!

God - I wish I was making this shit up.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5403 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Mack9512
Member
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, April 25th (Friday)

Can't forget the chapter on FOO issues.

My fWH's gem was "I am NOT like my father! He cheated on my mom multiple times. I've only cheated on you twice!"


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 374 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
still-living
Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, April 25th (Friday)

What would be interesting is to have a list of one liners, topics, and events, and then have SI members vote on them as to whether or not they are applicable to their story. Then people can see which items are popular yet still see them all. I think this manual is a great idea, similar to the 12 step book for alcoholics where stories are different but still have similar aspects.


BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14

My dog farted, startled himself, wondered where the noise came from. I wish my life was as simple.


Posts: 686 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
LostSamurai
Member
Member # 41347
Exclaimation  Posted: 6:52 AM, April 25th (Friday)

Wow, some of you are forgetting the most important chapter.

Limbo: Deciding if you want to go back to your BS after confessing/being busted

This chapter should explain, how after confessing, WS will call the AP to see if they are OK.

It should also mention how the WS if a woman will tell everyone of their BS shortcomings to justify what they did.

If you have kids, will take them away as they think they are fit to take care of them without you.

Will barely lift a finger after DDAY to ensure you are OK.

After DDay, may pursue others in hope they will rescue them from the nightmare.

Will not fully commit to R if BS wants R.

Will post on Facebook how they are bonding with family but leave you out of it, especially if you demonstrated any type of forgiveness

Will not demonstrate empathy.

Will be mad at AP for not choosing them and post about it on Facebook with the following comment: "Some People Take The Easy Way Out"

Says some of the following:
I wanted someone to take care of me
You care more about X,Y,Z(Normally Hobbies, or anything you care about) then me.
I need to be healed before I can make a decision.
I never meant to hurt anyone
I said I was sorry
I want to be your best friend if we are married or not
I just want to be a good mother

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 6:57 AM, April 25th (Friday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Gotmegood
Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, April 25th (Friday)

Will you make sure to have a chapter about infidelity with prostitutes, cause the crazy fogged up brain exists there too.
The line that will haunt me always: "aren't you glad it was only a prostitute ?"


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 395 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, April 25th (Friday)

Has anyone brought up the caulk??? Caulk is a definitive sign of a personality disorder!

(kind of joking, but not really)

How about admission that they believe that everyone manipulates others or has ulterior motives?

Accusing you of cheating.

Accusing you of lying.

Telling you to stop reading and posting on SI as it is preventing you from seeing the truth. Putting ideas in your head. (the truth that I didn't see at the time is that he was cheating again)


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1249 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
outtanowhere
Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, April 25th (Friday)

Oh yeah, gotmegood. That goes hand in hand with "it didn't mean anything". Ugh.


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 639 | Registered: Apr 2013
Gardenerinpain
New Member
Member # 42323
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, April 25th (Friday)

How many do we have to have heard to win the gold star?

I always came home at night.

I wasn't taking anything away from you (bc we weren't having sex).

I won't stop contact with her until I know we can make our marriage work.


Me: BS 60
He: F?WH 71
OW: 70
Married 32 years.
DDay March 2012
Separated since September 2013.
Trying to reconcile.

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley


Posts: 39 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: South
yearsofpain25
Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, April 25th (Friday)

I would like a chapter dedicated to WS thoughts and feelings during the A. I'm quoting Hufi here from the BS Questions for WS's - Part 8 thread:


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1830 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, April 25th (Friday)

Chapter: 34 Groin Selfies 101

No affair is an affair without close up selfies of your junk.

1. Most groin selfies are to be taken in washrooms,washroom at home, hotel washroom, airport washroom, or gas station washroom...or anywhere there's a stall or door for privacy.

2. For cheaters your junk is special....thus it's imperative that you send as many vajjajai or penis close ups to your lurvve as further proof of how special you both are.

3. Remember to keep all groins shots in a separate computer file your spouse has no password to, so as to not get caught with your pants down
(pun not intended)



Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
Mhiimg65
Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, April 25th (Friday)

How about:

HIM: "I was with two prostitutes"

ME: "Really...couldn't you have found a nice woman at least?"

HIM: I did have a nice woman for several months, but she dumped me. That's why I went to the prostitutes."


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 137 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
BeautifulEmpty
Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, April 25th (Friday)

Seriously, what still-living said!....could these be simplified, meaning list the saying but without any extra BS (betrayed spouse, not bullshit) emotion and then set up in a long poll for BS to mark as applicable to their story?
That way, there would be a very clear list of percentages or numbers for everyone (BS or WS) to see just how 'unique and special' their situation is.
I think BS often feel like their sitch is so unique no one would understand and then feel some relief when they see that they are not remotely alone even if the details matter somewhat.
WS often seem to feel that their luuuurve is all rainbows and unicorns special...only to get a wake up call that there is absolutely nothing special going on at all. Just poor boundaries and issues.
Seems like it's pretty valuable, especially in terms of the new BS who is hurting but hasn't gotten far in reading here or the WS with no real intention of reading stories and actually doing some hard work.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, April 25th (Friday)

So many of these...but my absolute, jaw dropped open, incredulous, I can't believe he just said that statement was when I confronted him about the money. Think ~$400X12 months X 20 years. I know for a fact that one year he spent $20,000 on strippers. So $90,000. His comment?

"Well, you've spent money on the house that I didn't agree with!"


Me-BS-60-Can't tell you how painful it was to change this number!
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3272 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
mainlyinpain
Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, April 25th (Friday)

It's not like I killed someone.

IDK, IDR, ad nauseum

We never talked about you.

I came home to you every night. (Lucky me, I got the prize!)

It was easy with her.


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 481 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Midwest
marionwendy
Member
Member # 41303
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, April 25th (Friday)

How about( I just wanted to see if her boobs were real! Or I still loved you it just happened but I didn't want it too. Or if her husband was doing his job it never would of happened! WTH?????!!!!!!!!


BS-49
WS-50
Married-18
Together-21
Children-2

Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.


Posts: 213 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: canada
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 25th (Friday)

Her's one that I had forgotten about.

"You were always the most important part of my life. I just forgot about that for awhile".
and........"I didn't want to have sex with you because if she (MOW) found out, she would have an issue with that."

I like to read this thread when I need a chuckle!


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 720 | Registered: Feb 2012
Areukiddingme
New Member
Member # 41950
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, April 25th (Friday)

It's so nice to read SI and sit here and laugh out loud . I can definitely assist in the toilet texting chapter...How to text your AP in the bathroom while blaming excess time on the throne on constipation. A relationship not built on toilet lurrrrve has no chance of surviving. Yeah you're full of shit alright!

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southeast
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, April 26th (Saturday)

"I had sex with her because she expected it."


Me-BS-60-Can't tell you how painful it was to change this number!
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3272 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Mhiimg65
Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, April 26th (Saturday)

HIM: ' I never slept with her"
ME: " So you just F**cked her'
HIM: Silence...............................................................................................................................(sleeping in the guest room).


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 137 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Mhiimg65
Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, April 26th (Saturday)

Better yet... She only liked getting f**cked. I like what you and I do...

"So why did you do what you did?"

You weren't there..

" Oh right, I was taking care of my dying mother."

Yeah, you left me to my own..I had to find someone...

"So you found a hole instead of your wife, who needed someone at the time to help her through the family issues she was dealing with."

Yeah.. I guess I have a problem.(Sleeping in the guest room after his BS has been there for 4 months on and off)


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 137 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
kayaker55
Member
Member # 41617
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, April 26th (Saturday)

Love this thread.
How about WH 'but she really likes you, she has never said anything bad about you.'
Or
WH 'I wanted to see what it was like to be with someone like that.' (MOW #1 was a high powered exec like WH. I was a SAHM.)
Or
WH 'she was available'. (OW#2 was a secretary.)

Sheesh.


Me: BS 56
He: SAFWH 56
Married 34 years
SA behavior + 2 affairs. I was clueless.
Future uncertain.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Vancouver, BC
Crushed1
Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, April 26th (Saturday)

Chapter 1 - Self-Entitlement (this is where it all starts!)

"All the guys at work told me I was entitled to fuck around if I wanted to, because I work".

I've heard some other stupid stuff but that line really took the cake!!!! I just stared at him and said "well, I guess no one told me about that because I was working TWO jobs and never thought it entitled me to anything but a paycheck!!!

IDIOT!!!!!!!!

"You were always mad at me" yeah, because you were hanging out at mow and her hubby's house several days a week, leaving me to do everything at home because you were drunk and high when you came in!!!

"I thought you didn't love me anymore" Yeah, and the dog ate your homework...


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9651 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
marchmadness
Member
Member # 6475
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, April 28th (Monday)

Reading through these reminded me of the "Midlife for Dummies" article that I read years ago...might have read it here. Thought it was funny and extremely accurate.

http://nashlinks.com/midlife.htm


You get to sleep in the bed you make...be careful what goes on between the sheets.

Posts: 407 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: pa
jjct
Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, April 28th (Monday)

I'm posting bc I saw "marchmadness", and now I have a new word!
Monstrification (of your spouse)

Peeps, can we not include
"How I grabbed my neck at my anus, heard a popping sound, and Reconciled"
?
I think it's the last chapter of the 'manual'.


Posts: 6423 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
veronique12
Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, April 28th (Monday)

jjct, too funny!!

kayaker, oh yeah I got that one too: OW feels nothing but empathy for you. I still get a lot of laughs out of that one.

Some other gems from the vault:

I wouldn't have slept with her if I didn't feel a deep connection. (yeah there was a deep connection going on but that involved your d*ck)

I don't remember.

I went over to her house to end things. I didn't plan on having sex with her.

We have so much in common. (yeah, you're both asshats)

To add to the TT chapter, which could be titled: So You've Been Busted--Denying, Minimizing, and Deflecting for Self-Preservation
"When encountering a full-frontal assault from a BS, it's important to assess immediately what s/he knows vs. suspects so as to better contain complete exposure of truth. The first step in this discernment process is to deny all accusations, even if they are statements of fact...."

Oh yeah, I could have fun writing that chapter.

I think this book would sell, seriously.

[This message edited by veronique12 at 11:44 AM, April 28th (Monday)]


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 394 | Registered: Jan 2014
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, April 28th (Monday)

Chapter 29: Innocent Beginnings

"It all started so innocently. We talked a lot, then began to continue these conversations over drinks."

- 'But you never told me you were spending time with her drinking'

"Well no, because I knew you wouldn't be too pleased about that."

-


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 720 | Registered: Feb 2012
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, April 28th (Monday)


There should be a chapter on cheater texting.

Texts that are brief and yet say so much.

Examples:

I'm sitting on the toilet and thinking of you.

I know you would appreciate me putting away the dishes, and then suck my dick.
My wife is a bitch.

She doesn't appreciate me like you do. She resents my shit streaked underwear. I know you'd be happy to wash them for me.


Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
hardtimesinlife
Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, April 28th (Monday)

In the separation chapter:
I was planning to reconcile with you but you ruined that by telling the OBS. Now I just don't think I can.

In the false R chapter:
I told you I'm never going to do that again! Why don't you believe me?

I've been good for 12 weeks and I've kissed your ass. I'm tired of being a pushover.


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
burnedcanuckEMS
Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, April 28th (Monday)

How about "I wouldn't have had to look elsewhere if you really loved me" (this after I put up with supporting his alcoholic/drug addict/NPD ass for almost 12 years).....

Then that statement followed shortly after with "there is no other woman..... 'she' is just a friend".....

Followed by investigator me staking out our fifth wheel that he was now living in at 2:00 am and seeing the "just a friend's" truck parked outside, next to his, all lights off and everyone cozy in bed... no other RV's in the RV park at all....

just thinking back the fury is bubbling up to my top once again and its been almost two years!!!


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 234 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, June 2nd (Monday)

I am starting to think we should compose this manual and publish it--- REALLY!


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 636 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Imissmyhusb
Member
Member # 42734
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, June 2nd (Monday)

And once the book is on the top of the best seller list for several weeks, the spinoff tv show 'remorse court' will begin to air with former waywards (the ones who hav defoggd and hav a clue) as judge and jury.

This is a great thread


Met '95 - dated '97 - married '03 - dday '13
3 kids 7y and 4y twins, me - sahm since '07, him - idk him any more
~~~~~~~~~
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Posts: 197 | Registered: Mar 2014
stunnedmullet
Member
Member # 42975
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, June 2nd (Monday)

I never stopped loving you! yeah so much so that you were off having sex with someone else and declaring your love for them

I thought I told you we spent the night together? Well she left early hours of the morning so it wasn't technically the whole night?

I didn't think you would care!

I didn't think it would be a problem taking her to my work Christmas party - no one would think anything of it as she was our friend?

and don't forget the chapter on how to delete every skerrit of information you shared with her and all the texts, pictures, etc so that your wife never has a chance to see just how bad it was.

I didn't tell you because I thought you would leave me that it was more than an EA/just a kiss/only had sex once/spent a night together (yeah somehow I think it was more than that but he will never tell me now!)? Seriously WTF

Disgusting


DD April Fools Day 2014 (unfortunately no joke)

BS (me) 40
WH 38
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years

4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA

Us together 20 years, married 17 and 6 kids

I always thought I was enough but obviously not!


Posts: 144 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
LivinginLimbo
Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)

ME: Did you ever stay overnight with her?
FWH: I never spent the night with MOW.
ME: Really? She blogged about it when it happened.
FWH: Well, yeah, I guess technically I did but I left really early so it didn't seem like it was overnight.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 996 | Registered: Mar 2012
Scubadoo
Member
Member # 43079
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)

My favorite "it was a bad mistake". Mistake??? Did you forget a comma in a text to her, that my dear is a mistake. Putting your d!,k in her and telling her you love her is a conscience decision.


BS (me) 42
WS (him) 48
OW (downgrade) 48
Married 11 yrs
DS 9
DD 8
D-day 10/27/13
8mth

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2014
sunsetslost
Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)

Chapter title:

" Will you go with me to family functions and smile and pretend everything is ok cause I don't have the courage to tell my family and I don't feel like explaining why you aren't there?"

Hmmmm. A little wordy I fear.......


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 685 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)

deleted my post

[This message edited by william at 9:14 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 479 | Registered: Jan 2014
freeatlast72
Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)

Let's not forget--"We just get each other"

"She is just easy and doesn't worry about much"- yeah I bet!!

Jerk!


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
whiteflower99
Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)

You would be great friends if you'd just take the time to get to know her

She kind of reminds me of you


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
absolut
Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)

It starts with...

"Wow... this is weird... this psycho woman at work got my phone number off the company directory and keeps texting me. She's like 50 years old and really ugly"

Later on...
"I only added her on facebook to be nice. I still have to work with this woman! I'm sure you want me to keep my work contacts!"

And ends...

"Look, I said I'm sorry a thousand times already! What else do you want me to say?"


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)

AP was a friend of mine/ours:

On what it was that he liked about her, "I thought she was like you."

On what he told her about me/our relationship: "I said I loved you, and she said she loved you, too. . ."

He said he had admired her, and when I asked about what (considering she is mainly a SAHM who lives on facebook, drinks too much, and has a very PT job working the front desk at the gym), he couldn't come up with anything. Not one thing.

And, "We felt so bad about what we were doing to our families. We talked about it constantly. "

About 1.5 months in, that she had googled affairs, and realized they were having one!

And finally, "It was really slow and gradual from the first email. .. very tentative." And then, very shocked when he put together the timeline and it was 2 weeks from the email to "I have feelings for you," and two more weeks to screwing. Yeah -- super cautious -- if you are a rabbit.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 11:54 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1739 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Whatever13
New Member
Member # 41468
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, June 4th (Wednesday)

How about chapters 577 and 578, "You stopped trying, so I did too", and my personal favorite, "I didn't feel attractive anymore, and... (fill in the blank)".


Me (BS): 27
Her (WS): 24

DDay #1- 6/09 PA
DDay #2- 3/13 EA

Still riding the roller coaster of ambivalent limbo.


Posts: 27 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 144