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Reconciliation
User Topic: On Monday 2/17...
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

it is our 25th wedding anniversary. For several years I didn't think we were going to make it. Its been a rough road at times. One of the things I have learned and am still learning in MC, is that he is doing the work and is showing me that he loves me and is committed EVEN though its not the way I think it should be. He is showing me in the ways he knows how to show me. I have had to learn to get out of my own way in this area. I have yet to say the words that I forgive him, as some things I think are unforgivable, but I am ready to move past them. We are getting better.
For those of you at the beginning of this journey thru hell, and for those who are feeling hopeless, if he or she is doing the work or trying to do the work, it may not look like what you think it should look like BUT if they are really doing the work, it does get better. We are going to a Bed and Breakfast for 2 days over the weekend to celebrate where we are now. I hope for all of you who want to get there, that you do.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1649 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
CantLoseHope
Member
Member # 42356
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

<jjsr>

Thank you for your strong words of hope, it is much appreciated

May I ask you what you mean when you say hes doing the work and showing he loves you even though its not the way you think it should be? I was wondering if you felt comfortable giving some examples of this.....

I think it would help me because I think we are all guilty of this sometimes, because for the simple fact that everyone is different.


"A tree falls the way it leans.....be careful which way you lean"


Posts: 172 | Registered: Feb 2014
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

My husband is the kind of guy who has a hard time showing emotions. I am all about emotions. I wanted him to show me in an emotional way. He tried but it not as big as I wanted. I would get angry about that until the MC told me I was getting in my own way. Now I see what he is doing. An example, I have been sick lately. He comes home and if I am not feeling well, he will cook dinner, ask me if I need him to do anything in the house etc. These are all ways he is showing me he loves and cares about me. I just had to see it.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1649 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
mesoSTUPID
Member
Member # 35679
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)

I have yet to say the words that I forgive him, as some things I think are unforgivable, but I am ready to move past them.

jjsr (HUGS) to you. This week was my 2nd anti-versary. I am no where near forgiveness and therefore unable to say those words to him.

I completely understand what you mean that WH is doing the work. I just wonder why sometimes it feels like it's not good enough?

I don't know what else I want from him. Sometimes everything feels like its not good enough. Yet there is nothing that he doesn't do. I feel like I am unfair to him.

I don't want to bring you down. On the contrary, thank you for your post. I feel I am not alone.

:)


ME (BS): 41 and so stupid!
Him (WH): 43. He's my dragon slayer but my heart wasn't supposed to be slayed!

Posts: 195 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Miami
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

I understand the feeling of is it good enough. Our MC explained to me, if he is doing the work, even if it doesn't look like I think it should look, then if you want to really R, it has to be good enough. Because if you don't, nothing will ever be good enough and then its time to D. KWIM??


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1649 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Topic Posts: 5