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Reconciliation
User Topic: Choosing Valentines Day cards pissed me off!
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Anyone else try to buy an "appropriate" card for their WS? Yesterday I found my blood pressure raising each time I looked at a new card. Talking about trust, faith, my partner, My one and only, etc.
I became so angry that my husband has made it impossible for me to express any of these things in a card anymore, that they all portrayed the sentiments that I would have excitedly shared just last year, and are no longer applicable, was just causing me to become angrier and angrier. Again, mourning the loss of the marriage I thought I had and will never be able to take pride in believing again. I really thought I was a little further along than this: UGH!!!


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 603 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I bought a blank one last year and wrote my feelings at the time.
This year. I send a heartfelt letter about where I am and I see us in our M. Cards are gone. they are inadequate to express the damage, rebuild, state of M etc. Be authentic to where you are. express what you feel based on where you are. Screw the card.

[This message edited by lordhasaplan? at 8:13 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Nov 2010
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Oh, thank you so much for re-directing me!!! You are right, cards are just not appropriate and writing from my heart is the way to go. I got stuck in the feelings that surfaced at being reminded that I can no longer believe that I have an innocent marriage with a man I can trust, without betrayal. I came home from my experience empty handed and promptly said to my husband, "So don't even bother trying to get a card for Valentine's Day; it's impossible now!" His response; "O.k., I'm no artist, but I can make my own and write it myself…" I guess I need to concede that this is my new life...


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 603 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I guess I need to concede that this is my new life...

Yes, but it can be a marvelous one. I wrote my wife last night. I was able to speak directly to us. No unicorns and rainbows fairy tale BS. We have chosen a path together, one that requires each of us to be authentic to who we are as individuals and partners. There are no cards that can speak to that place where we are. My guess is, your the same. Its not a bad thing, in fact I prefer it to the unicorns and rainbows.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Nov 2010
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Hmmm… I have always been the one who left door unlocked and believed in the good in everyone. I liked the unicorns and rainbows. Maybe that is partly why i am here now????
Thank you for supporting the idea that what is out there cannot possible express adequately where we are, and the choice to move forward together as a team, working hard to gain a life that is healthy and TRULY fulfilling and connected is something to celebrate and probably BEST said in our own words. Thank you very much for sharing…..


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 603 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Hallmark has a section for troubled relationships. I went there after dday.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I was sooooo hopeful about that section, but there was just nothing that captured our situation adequately :(


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 603 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
myeverafter
Member
Member # 41012
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Hallmark has a section for troubled relationships.

I didn't know that. I will have to try to stop there after work...

I thought I was going to lose it yesterday in Target. It felt like a panic attack was going to happen or just plain sadness...


Me - BW 35
Him - fWH 37
D-Day: 7/13
2 yr EA; 8 mo PA.

Posts: 86 | Registered: Oct 2013
alifeforesaken
Member
Member # 41139
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I agree with samanthabaker, if you want a card, hallmark has a section. We don't usually celebrate V-day but I thought I'd get a card in good faith. It was hard. I obviously love my H enough to give him a chance to R, but most cards do not reflect this situation. He is not the best or faithful or extremely loveable.

The card I wasn't from hallmark but says:

Real love is not in the falling
It's in the staying
The day-to-daying
The ups and downs
The smiles and frowns

Inside it said real love is found in each and every moment I spend with you. I modified it to say " I want real love found in every moment..." I also wrote some additional feeling, trying to be hopeful but clearly expressing some hurt.

We'll see.

[This message edited by alifeforesaken at 9:04 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]


BW (31)
WH (32)
Children (1yr) (1 due Mar '14)
DD#1 - 9/28/13 DD#2 11/24/13

Posts: 84 | Registered: Oct 2013
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

Alifeforsaken, that is a great card. Wish the store I was in had it; I might have chosen that one. Good luck tomorrow to you and to all; may we all have a little peace, and feel a little hope and a bright light for some part of the day :)


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 603 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
AML04
Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I did this yesterday and focused only on the ones that were "simply stated ". I picked one that spoke to how I feel about him and got one. It was still so stressful that I don't even remember what it says but I already signed and sealed it!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 870 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
VeryUncertain
Member
Member # 37845
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I bought one that said something like "the family appreciates you" and signed it from both me AND the kids. Nothing else seemed even remotely appropriate.

I almost had to give up and make one (and by make one I mean my older daughter would have put some heart stickers on a piece of paper).


BS (Me): 38
WH: 43
2 beautiful, precious daughters: 4 & 2
Found out early Aug. 2012, separated 2/4/13, in R (?) since 7/2013.

Posts: 164 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: MD
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I'm impressed that you went to get him a V-day card at all. I didn't for the first two years after D-day, because he wasn't my valentine. It was even a big debate for me whether to get him a Happy Birthday card (his birthday was a few weeks after D-day) but in the end I did only because they were all out of Cruddy Birthday cards.

This is the first year I am buying a VD card for him, and I bought it in the kid's section. Only cards that did not have all the sentiments associated with real adult relationships. Slightly funny, and appropriate for his level of emotional development. Let him be the one to spend an hour in the card aisle trying to express his hopes for our relationship.


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

For the past 2 Valentine's Days since Dday, I gave WH a card that just said "Happy Valentine's Day to my husband", & that's it, to get around this dilemma.
WH gave me a Valentine early this year. It says:

To the one person I consider to be my soulmate

I am so glad that you are a part of my life.
It is a privilege---to know you, to share myself with you, and to walk together on the paths that take us in so many beautiful directions...
I had heard of "soul mates" before, but I never knew such a person could exist---until I met you.
Somehow, out of all the twists and turns our lives could have taken, and out of all the chances we might have missed, it almost seems like we were given a meant -to-be moment---to meet, to get to know one another, and to set the stage for a special togetherness.
When I am with you, I know that I am in the presence of someone who makes my life more complete than I ever dreamed it could be.
I turn to you for trust, and you give it openly.
I look to you for inspiration, for answers, and for encouragement, and --not only do you never let me down--you lift my spirits up and take my thoughts to places where my troubles seem much farther away and my joys feel like they're going to stay in my life forever.
I hope you'll stay forever, too. I feel like you're my soul mate. And I want you to know that my world is reassured by you, my tomorrows need to have you near, so many of my smiles depend on you, and my heart is so thankful that you're here.

Dearest mchercheur, You are loved by me more than you'll ever know.
(^^^this last line, WH wrote in by hand.)

OK, I know he took about an hour to find that card , because I know how long he was gone.
Before Dday, he would never have given me a card like that.
But, when I read it, all I could think was "How can you cheat on your soulmate?"
Maybe he has only come to the realization (that I am his soulmate) now.
Before Dday, I was only his wife for 23 years & the mother of his 4 children, & the other income-earner in the house, & the servant girl for him & his family, & the housekeeper, chauffeur, & cook, & the caretaker of our kids.

I think I will just stick to "Happy Valentine's Day to my husband" again this year.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 12:13 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1393 | Registered: Dec 2012
sad12008
Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I certainly understand your sentiments, Neverwudaguessed!

I've come to the conclusion that nothing in my life is adequately reflected in a Hallmark card...

The blank card with a handwritten note or letter idea can be helpful...although I remember sitting with a blank sheet of paper and trying to think of things to write. Struggling mightily, as it seemed each "nice" thing I thought to write was immediately followed in my mind by some snarky (but true) retort or codicil. It was very hard.

You could just skip the card and give a small gift with a gift tag.


You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3880 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I read that card!!!! I almost threw up though, because they called each other their soul mates at one point at the end of the affair. I did wish that I could feel good about getting or receiving a card like that this year, because I could have happily done either last year. I agree; short and west it may have to be; just not sure what will come out when I sit down to write….


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 603 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
IamDyingInside
Member
Member # 41054
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

I knew to not even try to look for a Vday card after looking for an anniversary card a few months ago! I bought a basket, some goodies to put in it and some ribbon to decorate it up nice. I thought about looking for a blank Vday card but I am thinking I won't even attempt to step foot in that isle.


Me: BW (41)
Him: WH (41)
2 Daughters - 20 and 16
Married 19 years, together 24 years
DDay - 09/08/2013
NC - 10/10/13 Broken 10/11/13
I feel like we are both trying R but I am just so skeptical of everything!! Hell, I don't know much right

Posts: 71 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Lost in USA
SorrowBhindSmile
Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

perhaps its a less popular sentiment....but....IMO...why do you HAVE to buy a card just because its valentines day? For me personally, There are no cards out there that can express what i am feeling. So why buy one? why sit there and read all the fluff that just amplifies the sadness, grief, sense of what was lost? Why put myself thru that? i KNOW what all the valentines cards say....and right now at this stage of my healing, i am not in a place where i can say any of that and mean it. Open, honest, transparent, our new motto. So i flat out told my WH...no cards. I was honest and upfront about my feelings, explained how the cards just amplify the hurt. Valentines, birthday, anniversary, nothing. I dont want any from him, and i will not be giving him any either. To be perfectly honest, telling him exactly how hurtful card shopping is and just flat out saying "i dont have that in me right now" is refreshing and takes a lot of the stress and pressure off me.

perhaps in time i will be able to card shop again. But for now, this is where i am, and i dont feel bad about it. Day by day.

hugs to all of you!


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
SadFlower
Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

I've bought three cards, not sure which one to give him. I bought them when I was in different moods:

1. R is going extremely well, especially the last six months; he's been great, and my love is flooding back, so I bought a nice (but not mushy) "I love you" kind of card on a day when I was feeling particularly loved and loving.

2. On a day when I felt kind of funny and playful, I bought a silly, jokey card. But there's a veiled sexual innuendo that might make him sad, since he's been experiencing ED. I should probably not give him this one.

3. On one of those yeah-he's-great-now-but-how-the-hell-could-he-have-done-this-to-me days, I bought a card that says we can't change the past, we don't know the future, but let's love each other today and celebrate. It would have been perfect last year, but this year it seems a little somber.

Maybe I'll go with #1. I think I'll write him a letter, too. And yes, I know the three cards thing is obsessive and silly.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

I wish I could find one like your number three. That is really where I seem to be at the moment. Didn't see that one either at the three stores I have gone to….


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 603 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Autumn22
New Member
Member # 41810
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Yes!!! I went yesterday with the kids and it was very hard to keep from sobbing. Ultimately, I went with one that has a small book on the front with "Love Story" as the title, inside it says "You and me". I'm trying to find the right words to sign it with, something like hoping our book has a happy ending (terrible implications there, I suppose) or "waiting to find out how it ends". Something hopeful, I guess, with a healthy dose of extreme uncertainty thrown in.

I did see one that said in front:

I love you just as you are

And inside:

Just don't get any worse.

Oh, it was hard to leave it on the rack!


Me: BW 44
Him: PA/SA newly in recovery 41
Married in 2000
D-Day: Too many to recall, but the camel's back broke in April 2013

Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Hahaha! Love that one :)


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 603 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Autumn22 I love that one too!!!!!

I guess I was in a more optimistic state when I went shopping (But I was a mess last June looking for a 20th Anniversary card, so I can totally relate to the sobbing in the aisle thing).

I found this one (it works for me):

Some people may think that there's some big secret to lasting love- a magic spell or special potion.
We know better than that.
We know that it takes two people making the choice every day to love and care for each other, no matter what.
And through the good days and the bad, here we are after all these years....
Still loving one another in a way that's better than ever and all our own.
Come to think of it...
maybe there is a little bit of magic in that.

Things are certainly not perfect, but we are both consistently making the effort to show love for each other each day. It's a heck of a difference from where we were a year ago... and for a couple years before that....

Hugs to everyone weathering this storm.... it's a rough ride....

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 4:12 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 691 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Saw that one too, but the line "still loving one another in a way that is better than ever" while at times I do feel that from him, I am no where near far enough out to feel that we are strong enough consistently to say that just yet. It is good to hear though that some of you are there; gives me hope


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 603 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

The one I bought says, "I'm still not sick of you."

Cause I am a romantic.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6488 | Registered: Jan 2011
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Love that, rebreather...

I agree, that is the one line that is a little
"iffy" for me.... but he's really trying and we're really trying together, so I want to stay positive and optimistic this once. 'Better than ever' is a stretch, but we are better than we've been for a long time...

Just want to enjoy the view from the top of the rollercoaster for however brief my time here may be....


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 691 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Such a positive outlook still standing, and I am so happy that you are able to be in that place today. Enjoy it! A positive outlook and a kind gesture in good faith can have the effect of going a long way and you never know how that will advance the two of you. Look forward to seeing how that unfolds if you so choose to share :)!
Rebreather: I LOVE it! I needed that, thank you….


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 603 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
stunnedin12
Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

I'm headed out soon to look for stuff for my children.

Wh is getting nothing. I just don't feel it and don't want to read mushy stuff. It feels like it would be lieing to buy a card. Granted, he is trying. He has come clean(er) - but I gave him a card last year - I got screwed (again) so no card this year.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Jan 2013
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Anyone else try to buy an "appropriate" card for their WS?

Is there such a thing?


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

What pissed me off most was the price of these effen' cards. Really? $9.99 for a card. (no singing, just a card)

I am making a card for FWH. I will write my own sentiment or look for one on line to copy.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9710 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
OakStreet
Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 4:11 AM, February 14th (Friday)

LOVE these ideas! I stood in the VD card aisle feeling very sad. Had just been to MC, which had gone well, but didn't see any appropriate cards.

It reminded me of when I would try to find a Father's Day card for my father who abandoned his wife and 5 kids....

Will probably go with a little handmade card. Also going to write the lyrics to "Say Something, I'm Giving Up On You" which seems to be the theme in our lives today.


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 453 | Registered: Nov 2013
Zayda1
Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, February 14th (Friday)

I'm not getting WH a card. He didn't get one last year either. I simply don't have the energy in me to go through the cards to find one that is appropriate. Maybe someday.

He will get a hug and a kiss and the gift of reconciliation.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, February 14th (Friday)

Yeah, I had a similar experience yesterday too.

Also reminded me of Fathers Day card shopping.....lots of "thanks dad for always being there, role model," etc... My Dad choose to disappear from my life at age 12.....re entered at age 22 after I flew out to visit him. We have a relationship now, but nothing like Hallmark knows about!

But not identical to Father's Day....here is why.

18 months out now.... Felt disappointed but strangely...... Strong???? Unlike my relationship with my Dad, I have intentionally FELT my feelings towards my wife. I had lots of thoughts about my relationship with my Dad over the past 20 years....but avoided feelings about my relationship with my Dad. Not much healing in thinking....much healing in feeling though.


Like "okay, so I no longer have that "you have always been my safe haven" feeling....but I am cool with that. I think it's tied to the acceptance I am growing into.....like I have given up all hope for a better past, my hope is future-focused now?


I was still sad as I read the cards....but I did find a humorous one that works.

My best friend said they don't do anything for V day. To me, that is a sadness all it's own. He and his wife are very practical people....and I know V day is highly commercialized and tend to propagate the myth that "someone else is needed to make you happy"......but why let that stand between you and reaching out to your spouse ? I like the idea of a simple heart-felt note exchange. Maybe I am projecting too much....but it appears my friend is more comfortable with expressing logic (don't spend money on non-essential expenditures) than he is expressing feelings.

I totally get your feeling....have a bit of it too . Take comfort in that you ARE still feeling....a keystone to healing.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:49 AM, February 14th (Friday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3748 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 33