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Reconciliation
User Topic: He's doing the work
deena04
Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, February 13th (Thursday)

He's doing the work and being great, but I still bounce around. I am leaning more towards this being an extreme deal breaker and I don't need him! Is it ever advisable to leave and "take a break" to see how feelings play out? I wanted so bad for him to do the right things and show me he was truly remorseful, but now that he has been, it's me putting the brakes on. Is this true separation-wanting or just a phase involved? I don't want to make a haste decision, but I sure as heck refuse to live in limbo for much longer.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 854 | Registered: Dec 2013
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Shutup  Posted: 12:19 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

Fear. If you've been in limbo for awhile, his new found remorse can be offputting. Waiting for the shoe to drop... not ready to accept these new actions as genuine. Being apprehensive at this stage is normal when you've been lied to for so long.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
deena04
Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

He has been remorseful since before I knew, but I feel like I don't love him anymore, yet don't want to D either. I hate limbo! I should say I love him, but in love , no way not anymore! I just really don't know what to do. Has anyone regretted waiting to decide? We initially both wanted R, but I have found myself waivering between R and D a lot. He just called me, too, to ask what I want for V-day. I told him I don't want to celebrate it. He sounded hurt, but I really don't want to celebrate it.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 854 | Registered: Dec 2013
Roxyme765
New Member
Member # 41764
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, February 13th (Thursday)

i feel the same way. my WS is trying soooo hard. he is doing everything. i dont know that it helps to move out for a while. i moved out from end of august until end of january. i dont feel like i know exactly what i should be doing and i regret a lot of my actions during our actual separation. i dated another man while we were separated (i was honest with my WS and the man i was dating about each other). i thought maybe that was another thing that might help me decide if it was better to stay or go.

i feel like there are so many people on this stupid roller coaster that are just screaming "tell me what to do! tell me what the right thing is!" and we know no one can tell us - but still find ourselves asking.

i am so afraid to make a decision that i will regret either way.

i am trying so hard - but when do you know if you just need to keep working and it will get better or if it's just done?


Me: BS, 30
Him: WS, 30
D-Day: April 2013 (about 5 years of cheating with multiple OW)
Going through divorce.

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 4