User Topic: Triggers... Here are mine
Member # 41633
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, February 15th (Saturday)

The town where the Crack Motel he would frequent w her
The street of the motel, which I drive down twice a month to shop
The mall- sunglasses places and V secret. Things he bought her
The park- he'd meet her few mornings a week before work. Park where my kids played as toddlers and loved :-(
Cigars- frequently smoked like a big shot during his "me" phase. The smell of them
His wedding ring- every time I see it I think of how he didn't wear it those two years
His phone- every time I see him on it for longer than a minute
My couch- where he slept for two years to text her before sleeping. Seeing him asleep on that couch. Even for nap. Triple the pain

Hate all these things. Every single one

Posts: 352 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, February 15th (Saturday)

I don't have a lot of triggers. I was fortunate and both affairs were when he was gone for work. The ones I do have are pretty major so he's pretty careful.

1. Not answering his phone when I call him.
2. Any lying at all. After hearing him say "Look me in the eye. I didn't sleep with her." while looking deeply into my eyes, even a little fib sends me over the edge.
3. A song that has the first OWs name in it. I fight that trigger, though. It was always a favorite, since childhood, and I'll be damned if she's taking that from me.

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson

Posts: 4144 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, February 15th (Saturday)

My D-Day is pretty recent, only six weeks ago, but just about everything is a trigger, it never leaves my mind and somehow I can twist anything into a trigger.

I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo

Posts: 544 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 41633
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, February 15th (Saturday)

10 weeks out or so.
I agree with everything is a trigger.

Posts: 352 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, February 15th (Saturday)

America's Best Hotel
Motel 6
The gmail icon
Hearing the words Craigslist or hooker
His rings that he had on while he groped other women while having "monkey sex" in the above mentioned sleazy hotels.
Knowing he is at our house working while I'm at work. This is when he used to arrange his hook ups.
Dollar General - where one of the whores actually used to be employed. I only know this because I have found out that I am an excellent detective.

BS - 58
SAWH - 61 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 38 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 758 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 38958
Sad  Posted: 11:39 PM, February 15th (Saturday)

The restaurant that my daughter chose for dinner tonight. Why? After DDay, I found pictures of my children in the restaurant that fWh had taken and sent to OW to prove to her that he was with us (his wife and children) and not some other woman. He had taken and sent the pictures when I was away from the table. I didn't have much of an appetite tonight

BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 385 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
New Member
Member # 42466
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, February 16th (Sunday)

Sitting on her phone and ignoring me for a few minutes while I'm asking who she's texting.
Having the nerve to get snappy with me when I'm looking at her phone to see who she's texting.
Being alone at home for majority of the day.....
All I can think about while I'm at work. Wondering what she's doing an if her texts are truthful.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 42148
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, February 16th (Sunday)

Things that STILL trigger me (I've managed to reclaim quite a bit): The town it happened in. We don't live there anymore but I hate visiting. Perhaps if we bad stayed, I would have been able to overwrite those memories with new better ones. Not answering my texts even if it's not a text that requires an answer. Reminds me of the nights that I couldn't reach him and how he always seems to be able to text anyone else back right away. Also, texting in front of me. .....he did that once. And to add a touch of crazy it also bugs me if he gets a text and he doesn't respond to it. Makes me wonder if he's waiting for me to leave.

A big one for me is being pregnant, and it's the reason I sought out support. It's the reason the phone triggers reared their ugly head again. I get insecure and paranoid. I've talked to him about this and told him it was because of his behavior in past pregnancies added to pregnancy hormones. He's been supportive this time and owned his behavior but I can't stop the thoughts and memories.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Jan 2014
New Member
Member # 27322
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, February 16th (Sunday)

All cities that FWW and Om slept together business trips including my own city.

Me:63 BH
Her:54 WW
Married: 27yrs
8 month affair
D-Day 11-10-08
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Oregon
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, February 16th (Sunday)

Sundays, the place it happened, her or her name, her profession, craigslist, everything

Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, February 16th (Sunday)

Cold Sunday mornings; that's when he hooked up with the scurrying tenement rat whore. The city the motel was in, 100 miles from where we live. Any movie that includes in the plot prostitutes/affairs; and there are SO many of them.

Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, February 16th (Sunday)

I've posted these before but the venting would be helpful today:

Ann Arbor
Red Roof Inns, the Fairlane Motel and cheap motels
Wine splits
25 year olds
long dark hair
cell phones
exercising at the Y
Bar Louie
The metro Detroit region
Old men ogling young women
Meijer Gardens
Dale Chihuly glass
Hosting my husband’s family
Our cars (the ho-mobiles)-they were too “classy” to do it in the car
Belle Tire

Posts: 722 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, February 16th (Sunday)

Ugh... When he speaks in his native language (she was one of his own). World Cup. His necklace with a cross on it (the one he NEVER took off), but tossed his ring.
Hate them all!

Update 09/28/14
Me - BS, 44
Him - WH, 46
Married - 23 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me still
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
Divorcing 09/28/14

Posts: 230 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 16th (Sunday)

The Home Depot
Motorcycles (especially if a female is driving it)
Friday afternoons
Best Western hotels

My list used to be super long. It has been whittled down. YAY! And, the triggers I've listed aren't as powerful as they used to be.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9793 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 41901
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, February 16th (Sunday)

Him calling me sexy
Him telling me I'm pretty
Wedding ring - I flushed it!
Very expensive watch I bought him he never took off- I have it an will sell it!
Being in his truck even though he says she never was

Me-33 WS-34
Pregnant & 2 year old sweet baby girl
Together 15 years Married 5 years
D-day #1 - 12/25/13 TT D-day #2 - 1/3/13 admitted to 3 year affair with co worker

Posts: 113 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, February 16th (Sunday)

1. Music especially CW music, but most caused me to trigger.
2. Microtel hotels
3. The town we used to live in
4. His phone when it goes off after 9pm or before 8am
5. His phone when he is texting a lot
6. Trips to the bathroom when we are out together
7. Football season...accompanied with lots of texts
8. His truck (we don't have it anymore!)
9. Any parks that I might want to take a walk in regardless of where we live or are
10. GPS devices
11. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Labor Day, Valentines Day, and a local music fest

There is more, but those are the big triggers.

Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1642 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Member # 42276
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, February 16th (Sunday)

Applebee's (thank goodness I never liked the restaurant but now just seeing one gives me the willies. It is where they would "meet" to have their "talks about the boy" which was code for date).

His old car. He took her for rides in it and did things with her. I was so relieved when it broke down so badly we had to replace it. The repair was more than the car was worth.

When he gets text messages from some of his female friends that I don't know very well. It sets me off.

Her, seeing her, every two freaking weeks when we have to do the exchange of the kid.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 42430
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, February 16th (Sunday)

My triggers:

Leaving the room if receiving a call or text
Deleting (texts, emails, browser histories, etc)

Posts: 218 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Colorado
Member # 41728
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, February 17th (Monday)

Fitness ads
women's sports
most music (we were having a talk the other night about one trigger, and had music on in the background...the Eagles "Lyin Eyes" came on...really, what is the luck??)
the gym
his phone
one particular former colleague
the beach
movies/TV plotlines alluding to adultery (saw a movie this weekend with our kids, and it looked like that was where a particular subplot was headed, and I went from snuggled up/holding hands with my fWH to tense/fists clenched/ready to bolt from the movie theatre...ugh)

Posts: 89 | Registered: Dec 2013
New Member
Member # 41564
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, February 17th (Monday)

6 weeks into this. So I would imagine there are more. I'm looking for them so I can manage them in the future. I already suffer from PTSD and am aware of what it does.

So far the ones I know of:
Her phone

W.W. EA went on during a rich time of the year for us. A time, when we should be enjoying family. Our son's birthday. Her birthday. Our anniversary. Thanks Giving and Christmas.

I had to go to the store last night and walked past the store bakery where I picked up a tray of cupcakes for our 8 year old's birthday party for school. For all I know, she may have taken the moment to message the OM while I was gone.

Posts: 25 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

His job.
His uniform.
His profession in general.
Room service.
The phone bill.
2 cities.
Our anniversary.
Doctor appts.

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 41900
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

The cheap motel he spent 6+ years
His cellphone
Wells Fargo
The 60 fwy
Her name
Movies about infidelity
Square toe cowboy boots
Ugh!!!! I hate this :'(

Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Him using a tablet behind closed doors
Being late coming home from work
Asian women
Girl Scout Cookies( bummer...)
Him being awake when I am not
Parking lots
Our minivan( sold)
Taking my kids to homeschool co-op

An easier question would be, what things aren't a trigger

Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 512 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 22nd (Saturday)

The mobile phone

On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, March 22nd (Saturday)

My home, OW's town, sex scenes in movies esp with aggressive women, short women tall men together, certain make of car, bunnie boiler plots in movies

My fWH shares some triggers but he gets unpleasant memories which pop up which he dismisses.

BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 563 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)

I listed mine before, but have an addition. HIM-some days he's my trigger.

Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 38653
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)

The Keg
The word "vacation" (what he called his time with her)
The word "resort" (what he called her)
An acronym he slightly changed from ours and used with her
His office
His profession/my profession
Two cities and one entire country (I iwll never visit again)
China (because the three times I was there were good excuses to fuck her)
Our spare bedroom (despite all furniture replaced and flooring redone)
Our car
A certain park

Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)

My 6 month old daughter

DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 100 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)

White gmc dual wheeled pickup trucks.
Long dark and curly hair
Jehovah witnesses- she was one
Short, curvy girls- I'm tall, and not curvy
Cigarette smoke

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)

Paris (yes, they found time to make that a getaway for a long weekend under the guise of a business trip)

New Orleans (see above)

Las Vegas (supposed "guys trip")

Scottsdale (another supposed "guys trip")

Several luxury hotels in our city (where they would go if her roommate was around)

Three of my SAWH's friends who were in on the affair

Late nights

Polish - people, food


Heavy eye makeup

Forever 21 which is where I picture her and her friends shopping

High heels

White military style jackets (OW left this in one of WH's acquaintance's car at an event they attended and tried to recover it but his wife blew off her repeated attempts to make contact because she knew that wasn't WH's wife).

[This message edited by womaninflux at 2:26 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)]

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
New Member
Member # 42534
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)

My triggers are too many to list, but here are a few

The time 11:11
Facebook instant messenger
Submissive wife talk
MY full length bathroom mirror (he would take photos of himself and send to her)
His freaking cell phone obsession
Our computer now loaded with viruses

It's a lot, right?

Married: 13 years, Together: 15 years
Kids: daughter 12, son 9
Dday: January 10, 2014
Trying to reconcile!

Posts: 25 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)

Girls with bright red hair
Songs about cheating or ONS on radio
(worse when he listens to them^)
Falling asleep while hes awake
Him closing the door while on the computer
Being in the bathroom to long (he used to txt her in there)
Not opening fb messages when the icon is on
Looking at a txt more then 2 sec
Friday the 13th
The city she lived in
Buying winterfresh when hes out

.....So many.

Wow I just scrolled down and saw iwillNOT. Im so happy im not alone with the sleeping thing. I thought people might think thats unusual, but thats one of THE BIGGEST TRIGGERS.

Posts: 271 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)

Her very common name
The exit AP lives near
His Job
His Uniform
His Badge
Did I say HIM
His SUV They rode around in it
Certain songs, TV commercials
His cell phones

ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive

Posts: 448 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Member # 38263
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Changes every day.
Some days are non-stop triggers, others, trigger-free.
Here are some of mine:

Every city he shipped his mistress into (there are 8)

Any memories from our vacation condo he brought her to regularly (made him sell it and torch all contents, but things still pop up)

Tiny Asian women in short skirts (his OW preference). This makes me the most sad because I don't have a racist bone in my body, I have tons of asian friends, and now I feel like THAT around some asian women.

Not answering the phone immediately

I torched/got rid of whatever i felt like from the 8 years he fucked around on me. Clothes, his car,necklace he has worn for 15 years (including as he was fucking OW's), furniture I pictured them touching (which was every piece in the condo), things that reminded me of his "time away from home", stuff I just knew he loved and was attached to (because he needs things taken away from him), you name it...I got rid of it, and made him watch. Down to the last knife and fork at our condo because of the thought of her touching it.

The only thing I didn't get rid of from our condo were pictures of my babies that were on the wall above where they fucked, sick assholes.

Triggers suck. Torching them was/is cathartic.
If only I could torch the ones that exist in my head.

I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???

Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 41655
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Him some days - including when things are good, and I suddenly think of what he did. That sucks.
Any movie, book, tv show that includes prostitutes
Asian women (he expressed a preference for them on a sex forum - used other prostitutes as well so not sure why this is such a huge trigger)
Mention, sight if young women with old men
Some music
His phone
His computer
Things he says - sometimes.

Me: BS 59
WH: 60
Married 39 years
Together more than 40
Porn use known since 2005
DDay: 11.24.12 - found emails to prostitute,
Disclosure: TT for months. Still not sure whether I have it all.
DDay 2: 2.20 2014 phone, txt to same prostitute found

Posts: 146 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 41655
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Deleted duplicate

[This message edited by Sadjacey at 4:23 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)]

Me: BS 59
WH: 60
Married 39 years
Together more than 40
Porn use known since 2005
DDay: 11.24.12 - found emails to prostitute,
Disclosure: TT for months. Still not sure whether I have it all.
DDay 2: 2.20 2014 phone, txt to same prostitute found

Posts: 146 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 42013
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Almost everything still triggers me to be honest :(
Buuuut, here are the big ones:
The city where it all took place,
Any scene in a movie showing sex in a car,
Talking about my birthday,
Del taco,
Her stupid name, that is EVERYWHERE now,

ME: 21
WH: 25
One 2 year old, one 4 month old.
D Day: 11/30/13 (my birthday)
EA and PA with COW
currently in R

Posts: 51 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)

*The city they work in (which is unfortunately now where I live, yay me)
*A particular suburb of the above city (where she lives, where the A happened)
*A particular hotel (where the A started)
*A particular mall in the above city (where they had coffee dates.
*Tattoos (she went with WH to get one)
*OW's name
*A particular catholic saint (who shares OW's name)
*Catholicism in general (she is one)
*Valentine's Day - he gave me the ILYBNILWY speech on Valentine's Day.... nice guy!
*5 February - the A was consummated on 5 Feb
*Lee jeans
*A particular district in Paris (shares OW's surname... pity... it's an area I always wanted to visit)
*Wimpy restaurants (they went there together)
*India Arie
*The Black-eyed Peas (she gave my daughter a CD )
*women with lots of black eyeliner...
*Women who expose their teeth all the time. Toothy photographs (every photo I have seen of her it's all teeth). Little brown-haired toothy people.
*Chevron and anything Chevron related
*My husband phoning me to say "Good-night" (he would phone me to say good-night from her house. Just hearing the words "good-night" from his mouth does my head in.
*white wine (her drink of choice)
*any movie or TV program or book with anything A-related (pretty much writes off the media in general!)

The list goes on and on.....

[This message edited by ItsaClimb at 10:11 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)]

BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1020 | Registered: Oct 2012
New Member
Member # 42355
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Unfortunately, my worst trigger is when we have sex. I picture them doing the same things we do. I have to YELL at myself to stop thinking of them.

Me: BW 51
Him: WH 51
DDay: 2/12/13
Married 21 years
DD 15

Posts: 17 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, March 23rd (Sunday)

*A particular hotel where she worked

*One particular song he brought to my attention

*Certain songs on the radio that I imagine remind him of time they spent together - competely my own mind's invention; I'll admit that.

*Two tourist attractions, one amusement park, one vacation destination, and a city associated with his job.


This was a great exercise for me. It helped me realize so many triggers too which I no longer respond!

Posts: 190 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
New Member
Member # 42631
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Morning sex...WH slept over her house while I was away and they replayed the morning activities over email.

There are sooooo many songs, tv shows,and movies with A.

Hockey games - OW's coached ice hockey.

Her name

Karaoke - OW apparently loves it and can sing

The city where it happened. Bad thing is that we might move back there...

BW: me (41)
WH: 43
DD#1: Feb 4, 2013
DD#2: May 6, 2014
Married 2010

Posts: 20 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
New Member
Member # 42865
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Dave & Busters - he "fake" proposed to her to get out of a fight. (She was asking what he liked about me. 2 weeks after they met & fell in love!)
Strip clubs
Porn - She showed him her PORN that she was in...
Mexicans / Mexican names
The entire city.
My dog that he ended up giving her.
Alcohol - specifically Patron
Having a daughter.
Chef Ramsey.
Movies they watched - various
Bahama Breeze
Mini Golf

So very many.

Married: 10-15-2011
Found out: 7-4-2012
2 boys: 1 & 2

Posts: 7 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Florida
New Member
Member # 42624
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, March 23rd (Sunday)

Her name
Her husbands name. (He is the one who told me)
My car (took her on a date in) now sold!
Latin (sluts) women
Raven hair (termed used in "their song")
Their song! Toby Keiths Bullets in the Gun
New Jersey
Kansas City
My sons 16th birthday (first time they had sex)
Their jobs (coworkers)
Etc etc etc

Psalms 147:3
Married 19 years, 9 months and 1 day. The day my marriage died.
5 fabulous kids with tragically broken hearts

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2014
New Member
Member # 41720
Default  Posted: 3:14 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Ows's names
Amelia's Bar and Grill
Lucky's Bar (It has been closed for over a year)
Club Anything?
Sunset Bowl bowling Alley
Anticipation Bar
PDQ gas station
Shell Gas station
Strip Clubs
His truck
His computer
His cellphone
My Birthday
Our Anniversary
Various dates between the months of August to January.

Oh yeah, a whole slew of triggers.

[This message edited by Waiting2breathe at 8:39 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 14 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Third rock from the Sun
Member # 31528
Red  Posted: 7:21 AM, March 24th (Monday)

outtanowhere & Mommato5 -

Please remember to follow the guidelines of Recon. when posting. There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Thank you.

Posts: 35801 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 42105
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Seeing the B*#ch, which happens way too often.

Seeing her car...where all the action took place


affair related content in movies or TV shows

Women with long dark hair and glasses

Him closing the door if he is on the computer.'

People talking about FB. We deleted ours

Driving by the road where they always met and "parked" - 3 minutes from my house

Monday morning when we go to work - he typically only contacted her from work.


the day she came to my house, before things "really" started
The day I found out about ALL the texting
The day I found out he had been contacting her with a game app
Her Bday (he bought her a gift)
His Bday - the last time the physically met, 3 days before DDAy.

I trigger just thinking about these dates, because we are only 6 months from DDay, and the affair lasted 3 months, so we haven't actually made it to any of them yet.

Me: BW 46
Him: WH 42
3 month EA and PA w/a mutual friend
DDay 09/20/2013
Married over 20 years
DS 26, DS, 19 DD, 18
Currently in R

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Indiana
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, March 24th (Monday)

There are still so many after 3 1/2 years...

Her very common name
cross country - she coached
Hampton Inn
Rugby Tennessee
his hometown in Tennessee
Heck, anywhere in Tennessee
morning sex
sex with woman on top
black chemise
long hair
country music
Valentine's day
February 15
March 8-9
anything about the year 2010
pay as you go phones
flip phones
his duffle bag
his Jeep
our wedding anniversary
any sex scene on television/movie, etc.

Others that we got rid of -
all of his underwear
his shaving kit
his wedding ring

I think if I actually sat here for an hour I could go on for pages...

Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1492 | Registered: Nov 2010
SI Staff
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Due to continued name calling & venting we are forced to move this thread to General. In the future, please be respectful to the OP, so we can keep their thread in the forum they wanted it in.

Thank you

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, March 24th (Monday)

anyone who looks like OW... H office and coworkers who still talk to her...Hotels and travel which sadly was my Honda' picnics, The city they traveled to, sadly where my two kids live, holidays between May and January...H work travel...weddings.And of course H.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 937 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
New Member
Member # 42859
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Friday Nights - the night he had his first date with his whore and she sucked his dick in a park.

Sunday Nights - the first time they rented a hotel room and had sex twice while I was at home worried sick because he was supposed to be home hours ago.

The town she lives in

The hotel they stayed at

The project they were there to work on that I missed due to another important work function.

Corsets - love to wear then but he ripped one off of her once so now they are all going in the trash.

Red wigs - love to play dress up but she used to wear one for him so they are now in the trash.

She has the same name as my niece so now I'm struggling to give my niece a nickname so I don't have to say it over and over again.

His pet name for her that literally makes my skin crawl.

All the clothes he wore that she liked, that I bought him that have since been burned.

- when he decided to cheat on me.

New Years - when he made a false promise to forget her and move forward with me.

Valentine's Day - when he was in rehab, to get better, and wrote her. Yes he even cheated on me while in rehab!

Chinese Food - the meal we were having when he first confessed.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 41404
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

What isn't a trigger? Where to begin ...

New Orleans
Las Vegas
Tampa/St. Pete
San Diego
Red Roof Inn
Kay Jewelers
V Secret
(Local microbrewery)
(Local Mexican restaurant)

Our anniversary
My birthday
His birthday
Valentine's Day
Christmas Eve/Christmas Day
New Years Eve/New Years Day
4th of July (fireworks)

His phone
Walking on the beach
"White Christmas"
Watching movies with elderly couples deeply in love (I'll never have that)

At least when I go to Key West next month with some girlfriends, I know that he wasn't there with anyone.

BW 55
WH 59
M 30 yrs, together 33 yrs, no children.
D-Day #1: 9/23/2013, EA 15+ months, PA with 34 YO business assoc
D-Day #2: 11/27/2013, OW, EA for 2-3 yrs (2005-2007), PA
D-Day #3: 6/6/2014, found the sex video
Status: Putting on my bitch bo

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Washington DC
Member # 42621
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

Her name
Women with big breasts
Movado watches
The city where she lives
His phone
His iPad
His computer
Text messages
Garlic dip
Pretty much any holiday

Posts: 84 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

Woman who wear too much perfume

DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 100 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

Hilton Garden Inn - she was a hotel clerk who went above and beyond what was "appropriate customer service" to my husband.


flip cellphone (secret one)

Infidelity subplots in movies involving men who take up with the younger model.

Everything baby/kids

Red sport car

"Forever In Love" by Kenny G. "Forever" I learned lasts ONLY 15 years.

Disney posters - bought 2 of these on our honeymoon intending for them to be for our kids. ExH took them, framed them and put them up IN THE ILLEGITIMATE KIDS ROOM!!

Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
Member # 38710
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, March 28th (Friday)

aus jus
nearby town where OW lives
store that's near OW house
driving past the general area where OW lives
mini vans
driving past the place I was working on dday (and throughout A)
OW very common name-constantly! FIL just bought daughter a book when he was on vacation and I can't even look at it because of the author's name!
fake boobs
big boobs
women who wear lots of makeup
women who look fake
women who seem like bitches
any woman with a nice body
daytime sex
seeing him naked
seeing him getting dressed after sex
talking to him after sex
any mention of pubic hair or shaving
commercials for mattresses
watching him drive out of the driveway
talking to my son about girls/texting girls/relationships
certain bars (the one where they met and the one that they went to (I think) when he didn't come home and I finally wised up to what was going on)
his truck
my car
his phone
my flabby stomach (I wanted to know that there was something, ANYTHING, bad about OW body, he said, not even some flab aroung her belly)
the word "awkward"
the word "cheat" (I hear this one constantly-"so and so cheated during the competition", or "we couldn't get it right, so we cheated it"
his compliments (he says "I like your ass", I think "well, you liked hers too". doesn't matter what it is, I always think about how he felt the same about her)
his jokes/comments-meant to be funny, but really he's just clueless
countless tv shows and movies-anything with adultery, new romance, hot women, or any sex, really
country music-any, but especially a few songs that actually make me shudder
anything about the year 2012
any mention of the past (I always have to mentally calculate if that was "before", "during", or "after")

That took about 5 minutes, there's many, many more. It seems my brain can twist anything into a trigger.

Me (BGF) 35yr
Him (WBF) 32yr
Children: 14yr (mine)
Dday #1 (admitted to EA) Sept. 29, 2012
Dday #2 (admitted is was PA) Oct. 1, 2012

Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, March 28th (Friday)

Strip clubs
Women who dress like whores
Woman who have amazing bodies
A local apartment building (ow1)
The whole Damn street that goes through the whole Damn town that her apartment was on
The Island (I live near the beach and the bridge separates "the island" of course ALL my friends wanna go to the beach, he met OW 1 and 2 at bars out there)
Seriously I don't know what song or TV show or Movie doesn't trigger me in some way but the worst are obviously ones with ons, affairs, sex, happily ever after couples
And I HATE HATE HATE Beyoncé Drunk in Love song
If WS drinks liquor
Anything about the past. I'm always trying to figure out if it was before , durring or after.
Everytime our friends or other tell us how perfect we are for each other, how we are such a great example of love...blah
Pretty much any woman within the ages of 28-38. (He had 2 ons and can't tell me who they are) of course the more attractive one trigger me worse.
"Beachy" women ( his description of OW2 was, blonde and curvy, beachy look nice tan, reminded me a little of you when we met ) Oh and that she was prettier than me
Sometimes our own children....
Any vacation disney, Orlando talk... (He had both his ons when I was out of town taking our son to disney, and my sister to a justin beiber concert)
When I see married men "checking out" a piece of ass.
Constant paranoia that I'm going to run into one of the OW and not know it, worse befriend them. So I have isolated myself. I want to move out of town.

Together over 9yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 274 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Tampa Bay Florida
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, March 28th (Friday)

...doing laundry. Every time I fold a pair of her undies, I'm thinking the Rat Bastard OM probably took them off of her at one time or another.

married 21 yr

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, March 28th (Friday)

strip clubs
the billboards advertising the nasty strip clubs
driving past the strip club

the names of the strippers I know were there that night (luckily not that many real people are named Charmin and Dusty haha I'm kidding but barely)

the name of the ho-worker (very common name)
a street near us same name as ho-worker.
the town ho-worker lives in (it's the type of area everybody is always running into everybody else and we have to go there often)
The job title of ho-worker

movies with strip clubs/strippers in them (it seems like a huge amount of movies feature these, I watched this movie with Barbara Streisand and seth rogen in it, a mother/son movie and even that features a strip club/stripper scene!!! really??? is nothing safe???)

Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
New Member
Member # 42553
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, March 28th (Friday)

Any mention in movies/television about escorts, massage parlors, cheating husbands

Driving in the city he cheated in and wondering which hotel it was (never asked)

Being in above city and wondering if any of the women I see are the escorts/"massage therapists" he paid for

Having sex with him (only once since DDay 2/21...thought I was doing OK so we gave it a try...not ok I guess).

Him going out and drinking (twice since DDay, both times with family and beer was still awful)

I got a double doozie yesterday we were watching movies and both affairs and hookers were mentioned...been sad ever since.

[This message edited by Mama3030 at 12:24 PM, March 28th (Friday)]

WH 42
BS (me) 33
3 kids- 6. 4, infant

Together 13 years, married for 8

DDAY 2/21/14

Posts: 43 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, March 28th (Friday)

Movies seem to be a trigger for almost all of us.

It almost makes me afraid to go to a movie theater or turn on the tv!

Maybe we should start a list of Safe Movies and TV. The criteria should be no infidelity or OW/OM references of any kind (unless it is them getting hit by buses), no porn or stripper/strip club references of any kind.

I guess we will all end up watching Sesame Street only because I can hardly think of any movies that don't have infidelity related stuff

Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
New Member
Member # 42887
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, March 28th (Friday)

His wedding ring, he never removed it.
His uniform.
Him coming home late from work.
My initials. MOW and I have same first. initial. He told MOW he would get an "S" tattoo for her but would tell me it was for me.
His car.
Anything Mormon. MOW is a Mormon
Not responding to calls/texts from me or our children.
Her name.
Him touching me.
Him lying and swearing he's not lying.

Me: 46 WH: 42 Married 18 years
MOW: 27
Dday: Aug 12,2013, TT-still??
DS 16, DD 14

Posts: 7 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: where the nightmares came to stay
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, March 28th (Friday)

This used to be a much longer list for me... Almost a year later, I guess I am healing. Here are some things that still sting a bit:

Her name (its unusual)
Her hometown
The city where they now live together
Pendleton Whiskey (found a bottle they'd been sharing, in OUR bedroom!)
4door hardtop Jeep Wranglers, though thankfully he has now sold his
Diet Rockstar (his addiction)
Pawn Stars (another addiction. I hated it)
Movies/shows with an adultery theme
Las Vegas

Some things that were triggers, that I have now reclaimed for myself:

The country bar where I dance, where we used to go together, and even went with OW and her boyfriend once
Many different types of music I couldn't listen too because they were either triggery or just too sad
The house I live in, that used to be ours
The airport. I had a complete breakdown there, but the last trip I took, I did fine
SEX. Yeah.

And last but not least, hopefully... Hawaii. The place we got married, honeymooned, and revisited two years later. I've never been there without him, but I'm headed there (alone!) in three weeks. Wish me luck.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin

Posts: 912 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Topic Posts: 62