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Reconciliation
User Topic: Is it too late for NC letter...
NothingIsCertain
New Member
Member # 42162
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, February 17th (Monday)

It's almost been 2 months and I never asked for an NC letter. The day I found out I told him that she was going to call him (bc I'd alerted her to my knowledge of the A) and for him to tell her what he had told me and end contact with her. I know they spoke but his recount of what was said I'm sure was missing info and I didn't push to get more. At the time it was all brand new and didn't know what to think/do/etc.

I know there hasn't been contact and want to keep it that way so I'm not sure if requesting a NC letter now is the right thing. If I'm being honest the letter would be more for me to "see" him tell her what he's told me about the A. That he didn't care for her and that he used her for sex.


Me:BW 38
Him: fWH 39

1 DD 7 yrs old, one on the way then miscarried Jan 2014

DDay 12/29/2013
In R and taking one step at a time.


Posts: 19 | Registered: Jan 2014
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, February 17th (Monday)

Honestly, since there has been NC since the call then the message has been received and likely best to just leave it at that.

My H placed a call as well. I would have preferred a letter but had no clue what I was doing - this was before I found SI!

Anyway. She has broken contact approx. 8 times now but some were work related. We should have clearly outlined boundaries with regards to work. Anyway. He is changing his cell and we will be seeing a lawyer if she contacts him at the new #.

In some ways it might be good for him to write the letter, show you, add to it and then put in an envelope ready to go "just in case".


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2450 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
lilflower1000
Member
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, February 17th (Monday)

I don't think it is too late. Just my opinion. Don't wait any longer though. I had my ws write a letter and send it certified mail, so she would need to sign for it. The letter explained that there would be legal consequences if she was to contact him or anyone in our family in any way. He wrote explaining that I had been told all of the details of the affair. He explained that all of his efforts would be used from this point forward to repair the damage and be the best husband he could be to me. He also explained that I did not deserve what they had done to me.

You may be sorry if you don't do it, but have him do it now if you choose to have him do it.


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 313 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
AML04
Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, February 17th (Monday)

WH and OW work together and I had NO clue what to do after dday. He told her in person after work that I knew and they couldn't talk any more. I have no idea what else was said but they did hug "good bye". Since then there have been some attempts but nothing blatant and WH has been 100% NC since July (she threatened me after I texted her).

It's definitely too late for him to write a real NC letter but I did ask him to write one that he would want to send.

Hopefully your WH (and mine!!) find new jobs or the OWs quit!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
NothingIsCertain
New Member
Member # 42162
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Thanks all. I think I'm going to not ask him for the letter at this point. The OW did get a job transfer and hopefully that's the last I hear or see of her. We also will transfer next year so if she came back we wouldn't be here.

I will keep tabs on what I can and if I find out about contact from her/him I will revisit the NC letter then.


Me:BW 38
Him: fWH 39

1 DD 7 yrs old, one on the way then miscarried Jan 2014

DDay 12/29/2013
In R and taking one step at a time.


Posts: 19 | Registered: Jan 2014
Yakamishi
Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

My personnel opinion, i would. If not for him, for you. I had WW call OMM the very next day after DDay. She did itright front of me. It was brief, some slight arguing (him denying anything was going on etc). But still, i would still have liked to have something tangible given. Something explicit. Not that the phone call wasn't clear, it was. But some that left zero room for misunderstanding. NC hasn't been am issue, but the letter would have been better closure for me personally. I guess I'm selfish.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 6