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User Topic: Menz…(and womenz) just curious...
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, February 17th (Monday)

So, after be contacted by multitudes of older guys..and reading in the other threads and other places where guys basically high-five each other over "bagging a younger chick", what is the appeal? Is it the "hunter" aspect, basically a trophy to brag over?

I was contacted my a guy from OLD that is 46, his profile states he is looking for 30-40 year old (and doesn't want more children). Well, I'm 43. I feel like I'm "out of his age range". I'm not sure how to bring it up either because it seems like the norm for men to go younger. But, I feel ridiculous if I even look at a guy 5 years younger.

Men that are even 5 years older than I am are not appealing to me either. I've honestly never dated someone more than 1 or 2 years older.

With that being said, both my EX, my exSO and the "new friend" guy are all 40. So 2-3 years younger, and I know I LOOK young for my age, but that is as young as I'm comfortable dating.

So, I like men around my age, give or take a few years.

Why is a much younger woman appealing? Someone that is 10-15 years younger is going to have little in common with you, and they are likely looking for money or a Daddy figure.

Or, is what I'm seeing just…egotistical? I'm leaning toward egotistical, that this man thinks he looks better than he does, therefore he "deserves" someone young.

Ehh, probably just answered my own question.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4015 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, February 17th (Monday)

I think it's simple. Because they can. And it's accepted and even encouraged.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7456 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, February 17th (Monday)

I am seeing the same. Yuck. Why do they think they are too good for women their own age? I find a profile very unappealing if it's a man only looking for younger. I don't care how fat the wallet or how fit the body. I could go a few years in either direction.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 615 | Registered: May 2013
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, February 17th (Monday)

One of my best friends only dates guys 20-30 years older than she is. She readily admits that she has daddy issues. She doesn't have much in common with the guys, but they pay for everything and she doesn't have to work. She's gorgeous -- has dated NBA & MLB players in the past. She says that they (the older guys) just like having a gorgeous woman on their arm to brag about to their friends, and she wants financial stability but independence in other areas of her life (they go to bed early so she can go out.) She's the most vocal of my friends about being jealous of me because I have a great job and therefore don't have to be with an old guy to live a nice life. It can be awkward when he's around since he's in his 60s so doesn't get most of our references, and it really does look like he's paying her (which I guess, indirectly, he is) as we'll be dressed up in fancy dresses and he's in sweatpants. Usually, the two of us go out and he chauffeurs us around.

When I was first single again, at age 33, I was hounded by men in their 50s in my running group. They think that because they're fit, they deserve a younger lady. They go after all of the new (or newly single) young ladies in the group, and they're pretty much a laughingstock. Seems predatory to me.

Personally, I don't care what other people do. When I was 18, I dated a 26 year old. He was so hot; I was mature for my age, he was immature for his age, and we had a fantastic few summers. Couldn't have worked in the long-term, but it was fun for both of us. (And, TMI, but we didn't have sex and it was still fun!)

Right now, I prefer a few years on either side, but I'm about to go on a first meeting with a 27 year old (I'm 35.) I told him I was way too old for him, but he said he's dated older and we have a lot in common. I'm willing to give him a chance.

Part of my problem with dating older is that I think I'm far more visual than most ladies, from what I read. I know it's shallow, but I'm not attracted to out of shape guys. The only older guy I've ever been attracted to (I think he was about 15 years older) was a former professional speed skater who remained in fantastic shape.

So, I'm just rambling. I am blunt on OLD and will respond "thanks for the message but I don't date guys in their 50s; good luck in finding a great lady!"


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3266 | Registered: Dec 2011
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, February 17th (Monday)

Where's the menz opinion on this? Was hoping the guys would chime in.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 573 | Registered: Mar 2003
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, February 17th (Monday)

I think we are all visual, the difference for me is that if I'm just looking at OLD, then I'm not attracted to really out of shape guys either. 10-20 extra pounds, as long as they are honest about it wouldn't turn me off. If they HIDE 40 pounds (which happened to me…), then I'm pissy that they thought it was OK to hide the weight.

BUT, if I meet a guy in person, and he is heavier or not that attractive, but he has a great personality, then I think he is pretty hot. That is how I married my ex. His personality totally won me over.

Good looking men are generally soooo shallow, it isn't worth my time. I have yet to meet a really good looking man who isn't looking for Barbie. They could care less if a woman is faithful or nurturing or a good person..they just gotta look hot.

I'm 43 and a 38 year old contacted me. I dunno….I just think "cougar!!"


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4015 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
ladies_first
Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, February 17th (Monday)

I was contacted my a guy from OLD that is 46, ... Well, I'm 43.

I've had luck if I dated within my "high school" span, specifically a 4 year range. At a minimum, we can identify with the same music and cultural references. Like dating the friend of an older brother.

Heck, if he is politely and genuinely interested, why not meet him for a cup of coffee?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
ladies_first
Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, February 17th (Monday)

I was contacted my a guy from OLD that is 46, ... Well, I'm 43.

I've had luck if I dated within my "high school" span, specifically a 4 year range. At a minimum, we can identify with the same music and cultural references. Like dating the friend of an older brother.

Heck, if he is politely and genuinely interested, why not meet him for a cup of coffee?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
mandan66
Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, February 17th (Monday)

Alright---one of the Menz here, and I will chime in, although I may not be of much help. I haven't been doing any OLD stuff for a little while, but when I did, I was looking for gals my age or older. But---that was mainly a reaction to my past marriage, and a desire to not having any more children or 'blend' some with my own. I work out of the house, and have 80% custody of my kids.
And my XWW was like a 12 year child, maturity wise.
So for me---older is better. In fact, I've been seeing a woman now for awhile who is the most beautiful, amazing person I've ever met in my life---and she is 7 yrs. older than me.
But everybody's different. A very good friend of mine, who was just crushed by his cheating XW, is 5 years younger than me, and is only looking for a gal younger than him. Just where he is in life.

My X has only dated muuuuuch older men---daddy figures . That's where she is in life.
So I guess I would just say it goes both ways---male and female. I would say that most guys I know would say that any guy that was 40 and going out with a 20 yr. old was a fool.
Just one Menz opinion.
(and Womenz---please please send karma my way with this lady I'm seeing! So many dark days in the past---I need to stay in the light)


Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
M:18--T:19
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
ProbableIceCream
Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, February 17th (Monday)

Couldn't say from experience. My XWW was a friend of mine who made the first move. She was 18 and I was 21. I've not ever 'dated' in the usual sense of the word.

As to attraction? I seem to be wired to weigh kindness and intelligence much higher than looks. I don't find women my age to be ugly. I would feel incredibly creepy going for someone more than a few years away from my age, I think (but I suppose there are always exceptions?)

Trophies? I don't care. Like anyone else I would not enjoy being made fun of, but I don't care about trophies.

[This message edited by ProbableIceCream at 8:47 PM, February 17th (Monday)]


Me: born 1982.
DD: born 2006 (I have abt 80% custody).
My D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013.

Posts: 679 | Registered: Nov 2012
dignityintact
Member
Member # 32558
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I like this topic, and I'm with you Cmego!
Being a similar age to you, my search ranges from 42-47….loads of much older guys (50+) message me too - just weird.

My only thought, is maybe a guy looking for a much younger woman is because he wants to have children?? I often look at guys around my age, with no children, and they are looking for a younger model. I never message them, because I'm done with the kid thing!

So, sweeping generalisation here (and I'm in the UK, so may be different in the USA), but men 47 and older seem to have not aged well at all, and have health issues! I've been messaged by guys who've had a heart attack, knee replacements, and back issues!! My thought is I'd kill them I do consider myself a "young" 43, and in good health….it's so hard….

but yes, guys do tend to want a younger model. One guy I went out with for coffee was 49, bad back, and the knee replaced He was nothing special, I can tell you, but he quite openly told me he wanted a younger woman to look good on his arm….suffice to say I did not see him again!

Anyway, have a date Sunday night with a healthy 47 year old - only slight red flag, is he doesn't have children…..but he contacted me! He lives in my town too - so could be very convenient for cheeky dates


"Sometimes on the way to the dream, you get a lost and find a better one"

Divorcing - at last!


Posts: 93 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Uk
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I have been seeing a women since November who is four years older, and we have really been digging each other. I'm 39.

On OLD I had a range on my profile that was 29 - 45. Thinking about it now I'm not sure why I went as low as 10 years younger. I have many colleagues that I'm friendly with and have a good time with outside of work that are around 30, so maybe that was it.

However, I quickly realized on OLD that if the woman had never been married, and did not have children, then it was going to be a horrible match. The women I ultimately dated through OLD were all moms. Only one of them was younger, and that was the worst date out of all of them.

I have never known anyone who only looked for women much younger than them, but maybe that's because I don't have money, and no one I know has a lot of money.

I feel pretty lucky to have found the woman I'm with. Four years doesn't feel different at all. The life experience for us is the bigger equalizer. And maybe that is the key about OLD, that it takes a bit of luck.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 581 | Registered: Aug 2013
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Why is a much younger woman appealing?
This doesn't apply to all men. It also applies to women as well. I am 38. I am not dating yet but as a newly single man guess who hits on me the most, yep, older women. For me and many men it isn't so much about age or looks it's about meeting someone I can click with and have common interests with. I could care less if she was mid 20's or mid 40's. As long as we had good conversation and a nice time I would be fine.

I personally won't be looking to date someone significantly younger than me because chances are we won't be on the same page in life. Not saying it can't happen but realistically I just don't see it. We likely won't have similar interests and life experiences. My definition of arm candy is a little different than the norm I guess. Arm candy to me is someone that is self sufficient, is content with who they are, and confident. I already have 2 kids I don't need to be someone else's "Daddy".

Having said that there are some men and women that prefer to date younger people. That's their decision and they may in fact be shallow or egotistical but it's also possible that they just like dating younger people. After being with my STBXWW for 10 years I have had enough of dealing with people with problems. If I am lucky enough to meet someone that has their head on straight and is genuinely interested in me then I wouldn't care if they were younger or older than me.

But to answer the initial question I don't plan on focusing on any particular age range and there are plenty of men like me out there. I personally don't even see the benefit of setting an age range because I honestly can't tell the age of someone once they are late 20's to late 40's. I have met some people in there 40's that look way younger and some poeople in their 20's that look pretty rough. Just my 2 cents.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official in 7/2014

Posts: 1821 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
atsenaotie
Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Why is a much younger woman appealing?

If you want to have healthy children with this spouse, a younger (late teens to mid-twenties) spouse is statistically more likely to have births without complications. I doubt this is the reason many older men or women seek younger spouses.

If you are an exceptionally fit and active person, then you may find that people your age are unable or not interested in participating in the physical activities that you enjoy.

If you are looking for a spouse that you believe positively reflects you as a person, then a younger (or more famous, or more attractive, or more wealthy) may seem to you to indicate that you are “better” or more attractive than you appear. From this way of thinking, the “prize” spouse elevates and affirms you as a person.

If you are fighting aging and being old, having a much younger spouse/relationship partner may help fend off the feelings of being old.

Off course you should take what I write with a grain of salt as I married a woman 7 years older than myself.


LTA BS 53
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4079 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I'm 43 and a 38 year old contacted me. I dunno….I just think "cougar!!"
What is the age difference for cougardom? At what age does the gap kind of disappear?

My brother is 2.5 years younger than me. I used to look at anyone his age or younger as to young for me. They were the same age or younger than my "little" brother. At some point he was no longer my "little" brother but my brother and peer with a family of his own and equal life experiences and by default so did everyone else in that age range. Sounds weird but it's how I got past the younger and older thing. At some point my perception shifted. At 38, I still don't think I would have much in common with someone in their 20's but that goes for men and women. This is all coming from just casually meeting people over the last 6 months or so since I filed for D. While i'm not ready to date I do know what I would like going forward and what I wouldn't.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:50 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official in 7/2014

Posts: 1821 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I've got kind of a unique perspective when it comes to age... I don't really measure life in terms of years... To me it's more of the accumulation of life's experiences...

The ex was 2 years younger and we were life experience compatible... As most of you know KD is 11 years older and in my mind we were life experience compatible but to her I was too young... To me she was too hung up on years but to each their own...

I'm 53 so any woman that is under 40 probably wouldn't be life experience compatible but if she were I wouldn't not date her because of the years...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5939 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Why is a much younger woman appealing?
Ego. For some men it is pure ego.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3652 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Good looking men are generally soooo shallow, it isn't worth my time.

Now that's a really unfair generalization and certainly doesn't apply to me!!

BTW, have you seen ... Barbie??


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 20904 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I think people tend to seek partners that balance their own perceived weaknesses, or if they aren't ready to fix it, not concerned with said weakness. I strive to be more social, so I date men who are more social. I am a bit high strung, my partner is very calming. If I were to date someone like me, well, if I don’t find those traits attractive in myself, why would I want them in a partner?

If a guy is concerned about aging, a younger woman allows him to hold onto his youth, not just looks, but naiveté, spirit, abandon, time. Aging isn’t something you can work on, it’s something you have to accept and plan for. Until he is ready to face that, a girl who doesn’t remind him of his mortality and lack of life path is going to be much more appealing.

You are likely happy with your age, your experiences, wisdom, and vision for the future. Dating someone who shares that mentality isn’t an issue, but would you want to date Peter Pan? Someone who is 45, living in the moment, hasn’t really planned for the future, spending like there is no tomorrow, hasn't been managing their health? Goodness no! You have your own future to worry about. The younger set is less likely to notice how behind he is.


Posts: 3256 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
SeanFLA
Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I really don't look for it, not do I shy away from it either. The woman I was involved with is 6 years older than I. But you wouldn't know it meeting her. I have no issue dating someone significantly younger either. Just depends where they are in life and what they are doing. But I do know with OLD I'm not interested in very young women only so much for the child factor. My son is turning 15 this fall and frankly I like having my independence back. Young kids...BTDT. I'm not interested in becoming a father again nor chasing someone else's three year old around. And I don't want to blend families. Even under the best circumstances it's a nightmare.

For me young children are for young people. Frankly they wear my ass out! And I'm really enjoying actually sleeping once again now


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1456 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Well, at the same token, I keep having 37 and 38 year old men message me too. So, that is 5 years younger and I'm kinda like I know I look younger than I am, but it still gives me the heebie-jeebies. Like there is NO WAY they really want to date me, they just think I"m desperate or something.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4015 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Like there is NO WAY they really want to date me, they just think I"m desperate or something.
Mmmmmmm...no, I have to disagree. I''m 43 and I would have no problem with dating a woman 5 years older than me. I don''t think you can assume they think you''re desperate. Not over such as small age difference.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3652 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
twisted
Member
Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

A simple test, if you can't name the Beatles,you're too young for me. Couldn't keep up with the young ones anyway.


"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 893 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Keeping in mind that we''re partly talking OLD here, so the superficiality kicks in quick, when men older than me message me, I respond more to how they look than the age/number. I''m 47 (or is it 48? yikes, I don''t feel like doing the math right now) and I see guys that are 45 and look like they''ve been ridden hard and put up wet, versus men who are say 55 and look nice in that oh so distinguished way.

Otoh, sometimes the 55 year old will email me and he looks like he''s my father''s age and um ick.

In my NB the youngest I''ve dated is 39 and I didn''t really notice a generational problem. The guy I''m seeing now is 42 and again, I don''t notice a difference.

But what I have noticed is that I have to carefully evaluate OLD profiles, and if I click on a guy''s and it says he wants a woman younger than me, the regardless of what the profile says or how much in common I think we have given the profile, I don''t contact them. I take what they say at face value when it comes to that.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 2999 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
ladies_first
Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Message you send to yourself:
Like there is NO WAY they really want to date me, they just think I"m desperate or something.

Message you send to others:

The good ones are going to be attracted to your inside AND outside…and you will too. You have to be attracted to both for it to work.

Just sayin'


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

cayc, I've seen your photos, you don't look 47 or 48…

I know age is "just a number", and I don't know why I assume that a younger guy is going to think I'm desperate. I will go a few years younger, but dunno. I'll have to think about that.

My Dad was 8 years older than my Mom, and he died young, so it left my Mom a widow in her late 50's. She keeps telling me not to date older either!

I just see men as thinking younger is "a trophy", while I don't see women bragging about a younger guy as a "trophy".

But…what I'm hearing from SI…womenz do notice a guys preferred age range, and do notice if a guy doesn't date within his age range as a negative. Where menz don't notice…or it doesn't "ping" as a negative.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4015 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

cmego, not sure where this perception of yours is coming from. I think that from all of the responses you are receiving you can see that many men don't see age as an issue.

I am 4 years younger than you, but I have a 16 year old starting to think about college. I have spent ten years caring for an ex-spouse with a terminal illness. I would imagine that there are folks in their 40s and 50s who have not had similar life experiences.

Don't let a number prevent you from finding someone that might be a good match for your in terms of interests and personality.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 581 | Registered: Aug 2013
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

My father who is 61 ONLY goes for women younger than he is. My mother is just a year younger than him. His 2nd wife was 7 yrs younger. His 3rd wife was 17 yrs younger than him. And his 4th (and current) wife is 23 yrs younger than him. (she's my age.)

My theory is that my dad is afraid of dying. He's afraid of "getting old". He's afraid of becoming weak or infirm. So, he casts his net for younger women in an effort to be as young as they are.

I call him Peter Pan. He never wants to grow up or grow old.

I don't know if that applies to ALL men who date younger women exclusively, but I do believe it's true of my dad.

eta: My fiance is 2 almost 3 yrs younger than I am. I didn't set out for a younger man..in fact he's the first man younger than me that I ever dated. I always preferred men my age or a few years older. It just happened that he (my fiance) is younger.

[This message edited by itainteasy at 9:41 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 3300 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

In college I briefly dated someone that was literally twice my age (i was 18 he was 36).

As far as for me - I was most attacted to him because there was no 'game'. We were both very independant, no jealousy, he showed me a respect that the guys my age haven't really learned yet, and it while it was nice that he paid for pretty much everything, I didn't need him to.

There was never a 'oh...older guy' aspect. It was the fact that even at 18 I had no patience for the stupid immature games and crap that the boys my age played.

I would imagine for him it was more 'look at this hot skinny thing on my arm'...i did get taken to events and gala's with him.

Ironcially (not that anyone would believe me at this point) but we never had sex. There were a few 'almosts' but nothing all the way.

It ended when he had to go back to Canada, and I obviously was not going with him. I was young, but I wasn't in love or anything like that.


[This message edited by Undefinabl3 at 1:34 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1684 | Registered: Sep 2012
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

I'm 53, XWh is 48, OW is 39.

If they stay together, in 20 years I'll be 73, OW will be 59. So, XWH gets to have a younger wife,, but I do believe he is superficial.

The guys I have met - who have had younger women- say the connections was there at first, but quickly went away when trying to communicate with them. They say they now want someone close to their age.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1959 | Registered: Jan 2012
asurvivor
Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

"I have a 60 year old wealthy friend who asked me if I thought this 30 year old would go out with him if he told her he was 50...I told him he had a better chance if he told her he was 90". A mediocre joke that has enough generalizations to potentially offend anyone, brought to you by...me.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 500 | Registered: Jun 2011
ProbableIceCream
Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

There are some obvious pop evolutionary psych explanations regarding fertility (women) and access to resources (men) behind these, but the validity of pop evolutionary psych is very questionable.


Me: born 1982.
DD: born 2006 (I have abt 80% custody).
My D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013.

Posts: 679 | Registered: Nov 2012
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Expectations need to be clear and discussed. I know a man who was almost 50 and recently divorced with three kids, teenagers and younger. He started dating a beautiful woman on the rebound in her late 20s, she admits to pursuing him because he is very handsome and fit for a man of this age. They had a lot in common and soon got married. But...he was absolutely done having kids and is a very sweet man, just an introvert. And 50. She was very outgoing, bubbly, and active. Wanted to go out all of the time, which worked out in the beginning but after they got married it got old.

They divorced after about five years. I think his kids or her wanting kids had something to do with it. I remember her commenting they had his kids for the summer and she was going crazy. He had already had the life she was experiencing. Sometimes that doesn't work. She is now with a man her own age.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7456 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
trumanshow
Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

I think it's 20 years diff to qualify as cougar

I found that I got the most interest from much younger men


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1742 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

I asked my fiance about this last night. He is 8 years older than I, but our kids are all about the same age, so similar point in life. I asked him why guys liked younger women at least initially. He responded that if you are with a younger woman then you are seen as a super stud because you can satisfy a younger and more energetic woman. Especially if you aren't loaded, it must be your super sex skills. Or giant penis.

But I can't ask his friends this because they might answer that he is either clinging to his youth or ran out of women his own age.

I reminded him that the downside of dating someone my age is that he could still knock me up. It would be a lot harder to do that with another 50 yr old.

And there you go.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 5:06 AM, February 21st (Friday)

I could have written this myself.

I know that not all men look for younger women but a lot of them do; at least on OLD. Most of the interest I've had is from ken in their 50s. For me, I just don't see how I could have much in common with someone more than 4-5 years older or younger. I mostly prefer guys within 1-3 years. To me, the big age gaps creep me out. My ex was 1 year younger than me. Aside from his personality/character flaws and the fact that he's a dick, the age thing was perfect for me. We could relate to each other having come from the same generation. I don't want to date someone in their 50s. Nor do I want to date someone who's 35 (ick!) and I'm having a hard time finding anything else on OLD.

My Ex's ex-OW was 9 years younger than him. He thinks he's a Casanova. I just thought it was gross.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1560 | Registered: Aug 2010
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, February 21st (Friday)

…and…to add insult to this "problem"…a few days ago I was contacted by a guy that was basically saying, "come on, give me a shot" in the first email. His profile stated he was 47. There was NO FREAKING WAY he was 47. He had to be at least 55+. You could tell that he used a lot of older photos of himself, then really blurry shots of anything more recent.

It took everything I had not to respond, "Why are you lying about your age?". But, I didn't…crickets.

I've typically dated younger than me, like within 3 years…but that is as young as I would go.

I will say, that I had a friend of a friend (a guy…) that I knew was lying about his age on his profile. He defended that decision by saying, "Well, when they meet me, they will fall in love with me and age won't matter."

But, I believe that there are plenty of people who DO think that way. Lying is acceptable. My ex's favorite quote is "It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission."

[This message edited by cmego at 7:26 AM, February 21st (Friday)]


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4015 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, February 21st (Friday)

Million Pieces,

He responded that if you are with a younger woman then you are seen as a super stud because you can satisfy a younger and more energetic woman. Especially if you aren't loaded, it must be your super sex skills. Or giant penis.

This was the answer I was looking for, sounds about right. I was curious. Good discussion. I always wondered why old guys liked younger girls, too. Well, what if it's an older woman that looks younger??


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 boys. M 6yrs T13.
DDay #1 Nov, 2012. 1 year+ false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 and for good Jan, 2014
Filed for D Feb, 2014.

Posts: 909 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, February 21st (Friday)

We could relate to each other having come from the same generation.

Interesting. I was raised by my grandmother so relating to my peers has always been more challenging. It just so happens that my two serious relationships to date have been with men close to my age, but with older parents.


Posts: 3256 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Gomphus
Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, February 21st (Friday)

I, for one man, dont see the 'stud factor' in dating younger women. I dont need that. Sure, many men do and seek it out. Whatever. Sorry you women gotta sift theough that.

My experience is that women 5-10 years younger seek me out. I'm not super handsome but maybe I look young. Or maybe younger women tire of immature men. More interesting, very few women my age or older show much interest. This is mostly based on real life as my old experience is limited.

I think its a typical personality distribution. Most people that like us we dont feel attracted to. Its like fishing. People who catch more fish they like, fish more. Excuse the vulger analogy. Maybe 'you gotta kiss a lotta frogs' is better.


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, February 21st (Friday)

@cmego,
My first thought about your friend who said "Well, when they meet me, they will fall in love with me and age won''t matter." is why would you want someone who needs that convincing in the first place?

@Gomphus,
I find that very interesting. I don''t go out much right now because of work but I anticipate that changing soon. If I were to receive interest from women 5-10 years younger (not saying I would) then I don''t think I would be opposed to it. It''s just a question of getting to know each other and you may find you have interests...and most importantly...values in common.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3652 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, February 21st (Friday)

Million Pieces,

He responded that if you are with a younger woman then you are seen as a super stud because you can satisfy a younger and more energetic woman. Especially if you aren't loaded, it must be your super sex skills. Or giant penis.

This was the answer I was looking for, sounds about right. I was curious. Good discussion. I always wondered why old guys liked younger girls, too. Well, what if it's an older woman that looks younger??

In all fairness, my fiance was mostly kidding. Mostly. And in his defense, he didn't seek me out because I was younger, we were set up by a mutual friend. Many of his friends are my age (he was older having a child) and I do have several close friends his age. We have a ton in common because our kids are in the same stage of their lives. And while we don't always talk about our kids, we don't always talk about 70s vs 80s rock

BUUUUTTT, I know he gets a little teasing crap from his coworkers, who are mostly older than him about his young girlfriend.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, February 21st (Friday)

Brandon808…I think that is the crux of that issue. The people who are lying about their age, or only seeking younger partners, are at the core being manipulative. They don't SEE the manipulation because, after all…love is blind, right?

I'm not at all saying this is a male issue either, I've heard plenty of men complain that women will either list their ages as younger than they are, or more commonly, use really old outdated photos. Like 10 years old. Again, the same idea, "Well, if they just MEET me, then they will ignore the fact that I only used old photos!"

It is this kinda crap that makes OLD a real adventure.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4015 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
gardenparty
Member
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, February 21st (Friday)

I was 40 when I met my current SO who was 19 at the time. We started off as co-workers, became friends and 2 plus years after meeting started dating. In the 4 years that we have been dating we have purchased a home together, became journeymen together, purchased an acreage and planned our dream home. I never envisioned a life with a SO younger than me. However I am not dating him for self esteem or ego reasons and he is not with me for financial reasons. We just fit together. There are other persons on this site who have larger age gaps and are quite happy in their relationship. It truly is not just about age but how you want to live and who you want to live with.


divorced!

Posts: 2639 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, February 21st (Friday)

There are some obvious pop evolutionary psych explanations regarding fertility (women) and access to resources (men) behind these, but the validity of pop evolutionary psych is very questionable.
There are all kinds of explanations...daddy figure, mommy figure, arm candy, stability and money, whatever.....

No one answer fits everyone. Everyone is different.

There are other persons on this site who have larger age gaps and are quite happy in their relationship
I have about the same gap as gardenparty. My SO is younger than I am. Neither of us were looking for younger/older partners. Most of my other partners have been older than me, most of his other partners were younger. But the funny thing is, our personalities mesh together so well and we want the same thing out of life. I'm not particularly thrilled with the age difference but it isn't really a problem for us.

He was actually kind of shocked when he found my true age because he thought I was pretty close to his age. I knew there was a difference and refused to date him. But he is exactly what I've been looking for and we are terribly happy together (we did have a few kinks to work out though, but they seem to have made us stronger and our communication improves every day).

Happiness is so hard to find. If you find someone that makes you happy, why throw problems at it that don't need to be there?


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15097 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, February 21st (Friday)

It truly is not just about age but how you want to live and who you want to live with.

I think it would be easier to date outside my age range if I met someone in real life, got to know them as a person, and fell in love with their personality. At that point, I agree that age probably wouldn't matter.

But with OLD it feels kind of backwards. You get acquainted to someone on paper and meet them mostly sight unseen except for whatever photos they put up to see. To me it feels incredibly unnatural. It is hard for me to imagine dating someone with a 10 year age gap if I don't know them. If I met them in person, IDK? Maybe?


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1560 | Registered: Aug 2010
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I think it would be easier to date outside my age range if I met someone in real life, got to know them as a person, and fell in love with their personality.
I think so too. That's what happened with me. If I had met him online, I would never have gone out, but I knew him for a year before we started dating and he had become my best friend. I was the one with the hang-up about the age but at some point it just sunk in.....this guy is gentle, this guy is always here for me, this guy is on the same life path of self improvement. I used to hate the word "soul mate" but he truly feels like that to me, and that crosses the age barrier for me.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15097 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

NaiveAgain, that is a wonderful relationship story.

I do think that OLD is very artificial. The only part that does kinda match with organic dating is there generally has to be at least basic physical attraction.

IRL, you see someone, but it is how they move, how they are dressed, how they speak, maybe how they are treating another person. You may find that someone that was a 6 on your "scale" turns into a 9 once you get to know them.

When I was young (college), I met most guys either on campus, at a party where he was a friend of a fried, or at a bar…with a friend of a friend. BUT, I was once picked up on the beach (I was vacationing with my family…that was a brave guy!) and once out shopping with a friend. I met my ex at a wedding.

^^^In each of those scenarios, we got to size each other up physically before speaking. There IS some physical component to dating, which is why many of us who met organically the first "go round" find OLD so uncomfortable. But, the younger generations view OLD as THE way to meet people.

There were always creeps and slim balls out there. No matter what, it is a roll of the dice. I can remember working retail fresh out of college, and was helping a man buy socks. I thought he was a nice man, about my father's age or older. Imagine my surprise when he called the store a few hours later and asked me out.

There are no hard/fast rules to dating. But, by far, I am contacted the most by men at least 10 years my senior. Based on age and photos, I'm not going to give them a shot. Plus, I had kids kinda late, so a man 10 years older than me has kids in college, while mine are still in elementary school. We are in very different places in life.

Interesting thread.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4015 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 48