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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: The life he didn't want is exactly what he got and then some
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

When exWH told me he wanted to leave and not be married anymore, he told me he wanted to live a life of freedom. He wanted to drink, play guitar, go to concerts whenever he wanted, etc., etc. He pretty much told me that he wanted to revert to a teenage boy despite our marriage, home, bills, and two small children.

At that time, I think he truly believed that the slunt was his savior. She supported all these ridiculous ideas, staying out late on work nights, getting wasted, following shitty bands around at shitty band festivals. Three years later, it's apparent that she duped his ass real good.

What she really wanted was a daddy for her brats and a roof over her head. That life that he said he didn't want? You know, the one that involves real life and responsibility? This is what he now has ten fold.

Not only did he cut his income in half when I left the picture, but he saddled himself with child support, school loans, secret credit card debt and a tiny house for which he overpaid to the nth degree. Instead of leaving me to hire people to handle the lawn and the driveway while he went out and drank, and instead of having me cook, clean, grocery shop and take care of the kids the majority of the time, guess who gets to do most of that now?

Yes, folks. In exchange for dumping his beautiful home and family, douchebag chose the slunt behind door #1 and now does all the shopping, much of the cleaning, pays for pretty much everything, and takes her brats to school while the slunt sleeps in and bathes at her leisure. When the kids told me they do chores over at dad's house and dad does his own chores, I asked what the slunt does. Their response "she decorates.". She must be a huge help and take a massive load off by hanging the Christmas wreath or putting up St. Patrick's Day garland around the door.

That dumbass got fooled and now lives the life that he deserves - that of a broke, broke down, depressed, middle aged man who gave up everything for absolutely nothing. I suppose I will never understand why they truly believe they can run from themselves, but it seems like that never really works out.

And that concludes our lesson for the day.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2811 | Registered: Jan 2011
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Was that the Karma bus I just saw whizzing by?


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Oh how I wish this was the story of XH! Instead, I will live vicariously through you STBM. At least one of our XH's is getting what he deserves!

[This message edited by FirstLoveGone at 4:37 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2009
ExposedNiblet
Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Yup, looks like he got what he finally deserved in the end. Doesn't it feel awesome???

(ahem)

What I meant to say is how are YOU doing these days, STBM? (because we all know that the wayward exes no longer matter!) I hope your life is amazing!


I wonder if these fools ever think, even if for a moment, that they fucked up their lives royally...

[This message edited by ExposedNiblet at 4:40 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I wonder if these fools ever think, even if for a moment, that they fucked up their lives royally

I wonder the same thing.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
jackie89
Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

loved reading your post!

Hope you are doing wonderful.


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 489 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Gr8Lady
Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Wonder how many concerts he attends now?

Got what he deserved!


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 615 | Registered: Jul 2012
lilacs40
Member
Member # 31314
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Sounds like he got everything he ever wished for and all that he deserves.


I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you

Posts: 305 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Oh STBM, I could have written your post too. A few different circumstances but all in all, he wanted a single life and no responsibility, he didn't want anyone "checking up on him" or "snooping" into his business. He got a full time babysitter (OWifetress), lost his lucrative business (works for 1/3 of the pay) lost our house (lives in hers) and has far more debt and responsibility. I on the other hand actually got the life he wanted. I am single, I do what I want,when I want and I spend my money how I want. Hmmm, funny how that worked out for him.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1761 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Mine too. I posted last week about how he would spend my bonuses before I even got them. This year, I got a sizable bonus, and just stuck it in savings because I don't need anything, and my bills are all paid up.

He is NOT living the dream.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7697 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Smashedat58
Member
Member # 41705
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Your story of your ex makes me happy for you, and hopeful for me.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

HAHAHAHAHA


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

HAHAHAHAHA

That karma......It's a bitch!!!!


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
jemimapd
Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I on the other hand actually got the life he wanted. I am single, I do what I want,when I want and I spend my money how I want. Hmmm, funny how that worked out for him.

I have been having exactly this thought recently. Mine threw OW under the bus on D Day so he is reduced to being broke, living in the House of Mold, scanning AM for hook-ups. Oh, and eating Manwich out of a can.

I have more disposable income than ever thanks to not having to subsidize his lazy ass, a great social life, our home to myself with my children and cooking the meals I want to with nicer ingredients than I could afford before because he scoffed down a bucket of food every evening before heading off to the couch.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Yeah, STBM!!!!

And folks, I can personally attest to the two houses... in fact, when I went to STBM's house, I asked her in a rather bewildered fashion, "Is THIS the house he left?"

We promptly burst into laughter. Yeah, he's come down QUITE a bit!

I love these threads. They remind me how much I appreciate my own life and do not want XWH's life or to be back in his life. CommandOwife comes with him to drop off at my house now... maybe XWH loves that, but I would feel SO suffocated if I had a partner who needed to be around me constantly. I have to remember that I get to live my life on my own terms and pretty much come and go when I please on my free time, and THAT is pretty damn awesome.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3607 | Registered: Oct 2011
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

That dumbass got fooled and now lives the life that he deserves - that of a broke, broke down, depressed, middle aged man who gave up everything for absolutely nothing.

I had this conversation today! I love it!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5842 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I wonder if these fools ever think, even if for a moment, that they fucked up their lives royally...

XPOS has told me repeatedly in recent weeks that his life is now totally fucked up, so yes they do think about it. However, he will likely NEVER admit that it is fucked up because of his bad choices! In his mind, he is just a victim of circumstance... um, yeah, okay...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1137 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I think this is what is going to happen to my WH.

One of his complaints is that I was controlling. I despute that fact, but anyway, for the point of the story...OW is manipulative, insecure, immature, and I actually saw the words, "that's my good boy." In a text to him.

That's going to get old fast, IMHO. Wish I could have a front row seat for that. How tiring....


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Thank you THANK YOU for sharing your awesome story!! He is clearly living the life he deserves!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Oct 2012
ImEnoughForMe
Member
Member # 41869
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

But! But! But!!

Is he happpyyyyy???

Lmao, loving this post. Eventually the "fun" runs out.


Do the best you can do until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. - Maya Angelou

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2014
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

NPD-x also complained that I was controlling. Yep, that was pretty far from the truth. LOL

Now he is with control bitch from hell. According to kids she yells, complains, and makes them do things like dry the kitchen sink out with a towel....no water drops allowed, living in a crappy apartment and broke on a six figure salary. And the man that loves dogs, is not allowed to have one. She controls what he eats, how he dresses, and how his hair is cut. Of course, somehow all that is my fault.

Me, I get to live like I want, eat what I want, and keep the sink as wet as I want. I get to enjoy my pets, have fun, and live in our beautiful home with a million dollar view.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2686 | Registered: Jan 2010
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Their love is real.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3364 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
GingerAle
Member
Member # 33822
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Wow, shocking it didn't all work out the way he expected! Awesome!


Oh, and eating Manwich out of a can.


Oh my gosh, jemima, this made me laugh so hard My STBXWH will have a similar diet, for sure


My WH (The KISA, NPD) 6 month EA in 2010
2 other EAs in 2012 & 2013
Filed for D 7/2014


Posts: 420 | Registered: Nov 2011
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Nah, mine is living the life he wanted:

No kids (except at weekends to play disney dad), swanky apartment, free to do what he wants on weekdays, spending time with his 10 years younger friends, going out and spending money. But he doesn''t look happy...yet he got what he wanted, to be a "single man with no kids, no responsibilities"

Me, I''m living the life i didn''t want:

Single mum on benefits with no job and a very tight budget. I''m not pretending I''m happy right now, but I''m starting to see a happy future ahead. i will likely always be income poor now, but that''s because i want to work part-time, to be family time rich.

What IS funny though...The Arse always wanted to save up and take a year off to travel round the world. The idea was that we''d save up and rent out the house in a few years time. well, now with visitation etc, he won''t be able to go until the children are grown, which will be in 14 years time. Of course he can still travel at that age, but it won''t be the same as he wanted. Mind you, it would be in time for his next MLC, I suppose


ETA:
He also has $$$ of debt on credit cards, but he''s in denial about that. That doesn''t touch his reality.

[This message edited by Softcentre at 12:55 PM, February 19th, 2014 (Wednesday)]


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1022 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
roughroadahead
Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

I don't know enough about what XH is doing to know if he's happy or not. I do know he's broke. When we S, he had a well-paying job in nursing administration. He was fired a few months after S, and is now a regular floor nurse. He has to pay support like he's a nursing administrator because the court now considers him "underemployed". So he's way broke.

As for everything else, something my daughter said stuck out. She's 3 years old, she has autism but is verbal. She said, out of the blue: "my daddy not happy any more". Serves him right.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 738 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Whalers11
Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

A lot of things my ex claimed to hate about me, OW did tenfold...

My ex used to say that I was controlling and never let him do anything/go anywhere. NOT TRUE AT ALL. He could do whatever he wanted - I never stopped him. I would express my displeasure if he made a decision I didn't agree with, but I still let him do it. Apparently at OW's, he didn't even have a key to the house. If he wanted to go out and do something, and she didn't approve, she would pick a fight. If he went anyway - she would lock the doors and he wouldn't be able to get back in when he got home and he'd haven't sleep in his car that night.

He said I expected him to do too much around the house. I did ask him to do household chores since I worked full-time and he either was unemployed or worked part-time. Most of the time, I'd ask him to do stuff and he wouldn't do it right away and I'd get tired of waiting and do it myself anyway. Apparently OW expected him to be her butler... if he didn't do all the laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc...she would kick him out for a few days.

And on and on and on... apparently it got even worse after OC was born, because she would use threaten him that if he didn't do xyz, he couldn't stay there and wouldn't be able to see OC. So he was at her mercy.

My ex HATED authority. Hated being told what to do. And OW just had him by the balls. I am actually surprised that he actually made it about 2 years with her before she kicked him out for good.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2231 | Registered: Feb 2010
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Ironic that in this destructive quest for his freedom I am the one who ended up free.

I also finally saw that I was the one who was caged and was in desperate need of that freedom. It was simply no way to live - I just existed. It bends my brain that he's still living that fucked-up life.

I'm not a fan of the rest of it but this one line gets me every single time - from the Rhianna song "Stay".

"Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving".


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5577 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

But wait! I thought he wanted to "follow The Dead"?

Sounds like the only Dead he is following is his own dead hollow soul.

Livin' the life!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3364 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Dawn58
Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Thank you for this post. It's good to know that some cheaters actually reap what they sow.

I don't think the Karma bus is going to come around, he seems to live a charmed life.

I am just enjoying my life, my freedom and the time I have to pursue the things I enjoy. He is chained to his job, his house, buying his cars, trying to impress everyone around him. The OW enjoys spending his money.

So glad that I am not a part of that charade anymore.

I am hoping that when we are done with mediation and he has to write me that check, it hurts just a little!!!


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 468 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Topic Posts: 29