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User Topic: Waht is the most "tainted" day of the affair?
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

What day, holiday, event, do you find to be the most tainted of all days when you look back at your WS's affair?

I ask this because Valentines Day just passed and this IS the most tainted of all the days during h's a with our neighbor. It is like a stab in the heart even 10 years later. I still remember going out early that Valentine morning to get h his favorite cookies from the bakery to have with his morning coffee. I brought him the box of goodies only to have him ask me "if I was going to the store that day" and if I was, "could I buy a bottle of Bailey's" so he could take it over to whore's husband (who was his best friend) ( I was still unaware of their a)

When I asked him why he wanted to do that he told me it was because "she" would always put Bailey's in his coffee the mornings he would go over there. He said he thought it would be a nice gesture to give her h a new bottle of Bailey's. (looking back I realize the Bailey's was going to be a gift for ow not her h. And it was a way for him to go over there with a purpose of sorts.

Needless to say it didn't go over so well when he asked me. I think he was a little taken when I told him if he wanted to get Lloyd some Bailey's then go the fuck and get it himself. As it stood, I never even got a card that day let alone a bottle of booze.

So needless to say, Valentines Day is NEVER celebrated around here and never will be. Even after these many years.

P.S. How's about WHAT is the most tainted day, not WAHT. ha ha ha ha. I type way tooooo fast.

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 6:00 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2439 | Registered: Sep 2005
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Hands down it would have to be our trip to Disney. I had never been and I decided that if I was only going to get to go once, I was going to go big and do it right. I spent a small fortune and spent literally *months* planning it so that no experience would be missed or overlooked because I wanted it to be awesome for the kids. Now I know that the A was going on and I can't look at the pictures without thinking about it.


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10285 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
scarednbroken
Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Well..... Let's see, every one of my birthdays I have seen phone records of him talking to be a total of 2 minutes, and about 50 txt or pic msgs or longer phone calls to OWs. (Last 15 years).

Our anniversary means nothing. How can it when the vows meant nothing.

Valentines, I think he super soiled it this year bc he got four women (that I know of) cards - me, his mom, my bf (the one he wants to "tap,") and his cafe hussie. This year he didn't even bother with a gift for me. IDK what his OWs got.

The thing is he always gets me a mushy card, and when I read them, I scoff at the blatant lies it holds. He is also never around to see my reaction. Probably guilt.

Christmas is also one of those non-sacred holidays for him. He spent every moment on his phone this year. Didn't even take the time to watch kids open gifts (actually didn't get me anything at all.)

I think he just about ruins every holiday or celebration or bad moment (funerals, hospital stays, etc.) with his habit he can't break.


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Ivyivy
Member
Member # 42110
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

To me the most tainted day is our anniversary. The A has made that day entirely meaningless and a painful reminder of H's betrayal. After that pretty much birthdays and holidays all hold a slightly lesser level of hurt. Luckily I have not really associated the A with any days in particular (yet).


Me -BW
Him - WH
LTA
DS - 11 and DD - 15

Posts: 181 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I think it will probably be my youngest birthday, August 16th. I was less than a month away from delivery on Dday. Wh was still in contact with COW at that time and actually sent her pics of our son right after he was born.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
mandala
Member
Member # 41724
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Not sure yet. Luckily for me there were no big days or holidays during the A. The EA went on for part of the summer, though. Don't know what I'll feel like this summer, thinking about what he was thinking/doint last year.

DDay was a couple of weeks before my birthday. My mom was visiting for my birthday, and I hadn't yet confronted him, so I spent the weekend acting like everything was hunky dory.
He was already trying to pull away from the OW at the time so he was spending time with me. Phone logs showed he didn't call or text her that weekend, so I think I'll be ok next year.

Our Anniversary is coming up. Not sure how I feel about it. He's working so hard at R, but I just don't know what will happen when the day rolls around.

I guess I just don't know yet. Maybe next year I'll know.


Me: BW 50
Him: WH 50
Married 21 years
Four awesome kids
EA Began 6/2013 PA 8-9/2013 (4 meetings) DDay 9/10/2013
OW : "friend" - older, fatter and uglier than me.
Working on R

Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: usa
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I'm sure it is a tie between several, but I would have to say a trip to Hawaii with his whole family. Our kids had the time of their lives with their cousins, and it should have been one of the happiest trips of our time together. But I was in misery the entire time and I had no idea why. And when I said something, he was a total fucking dick. Told me I was embarrassing. Nice. Oh, I'm getting all worked up, lol.

He has since apologized up one side and down the other. I'm to the point of considering taking us back to the same resort for a re-do. He totally ruined my memory of swimming with the dolphins. Jerk.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6449 | Registered: Jan 2011
JellyGirl84
Member
Member # 41717
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Let's see, where do I begin? His affair allegedly got started a few days after our anniversary at the end of October (my favorite time of year), my DDay was on Thanksgiving and I kicked him out and went into an emotional tailspin right before Christmas. I then spent his bday and mine (both in January) without him. The better question is which day did he NOT try and fuck up?

[This message edited by JellyGirl84 at 7:18 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 30
WH: 30
No kids
Divorced in June 2014
Together 10 yrs, Married for 3 of those yrs
OP: Ho worker
Divorced

Posts: 161 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nj
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Mother's Day --
I was feeling so low last year -- couldn't figure out why. . . felt so abandoned, and thought it had to do with my 9-year old son growing up, or my mom being gone. . .I just couldn't put my finger on it.

Turns out, the PA kicked off the day after. So, I felt his disconnect on a visceral level, but didn't know what the heck was going on. And dday was the day after Father's Day, so that one is gonna suck as well!!


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1968 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

"Jelly Girl"…….ha ha ha ha ha ha. I hear ya on that one. Just about eveyday is all fucked up around here being that (10 years later) we still live two houses away from the whore and her family. A very normal marriage to be living next to a woman who was givng my h bi weekly blow jobs for 6 weeks. And yes we could move but too many of my family and wonderful friends live near me to do so. He put us in this hell and now he has to live in it.

And an anniversary??? What the hell is that now???


Posts: 2439 | Registered: Sep 2005
Hurtm
New Member
Member # 41102
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

My birthday, since that's the day I found them together and learned about the A


DD day October 17th (my birthday, lucky me)
Married 9 years, two kids (4 1/2 and 21 months)
He moved out and we're heading for divorce. Currently working through all the fun legal stuff

Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ontario
SpotlessMind
Member
Member # 41775
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Probably our anniversary.

WH got my "friend" to watch our kids overnight when our other sitter backed out last minute. This was the same "friend" he had a ONS with (and probably an ongoing EA of sorts) a month prior. Discovering the texts between WH and his BFF about how f'ing depraved it was that he set that babysitting arrangement up was how I got my second DDay. (Although it sounded more like he was bragging to me.)

To make the occasion even more special, text records showed that he texted both her and a girl he'd met up with a couple weeks earlier (while he was out-of-town) while we were out "celebrating", off and on all night.

Blah.

[This message edited by SpotlessMind at 9:03 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]


fWS/BS--me
BH/WH--him
Married: 12 yrs
D-Day: October
Kids: yes

Posts: 277 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Where am I?
turtle72
Member
Member # 21773
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

With WH#1 it was our wedding anniversary. Some folks from work offered to drive the one hour each way trip to watch the kids so we could go out to celebrate our 9th anniversary. We went out to dinner and it was a disaster. Miserable night, he was just a complete dick and I didn't understand why. Dday would be a few days later. It turned out she had wanted to see him that night and he texted her from our anniversary dinner that he couldn't because he "had I be out with Turtle." I would have had a better night if he had seen her and I went alone.

With WH#2 it will be Christmas. Not sure how to get Jesus to change his bday or my kids to no want to celebrate anymore.


Me: 41 BS/WW/BS
2 kids 9 & 11, 3 steps 20, 8 and 3
BS 1st DDay 10/14/08, 5 mo. PA w/ MOW
WW 2nd D-Day 3/22/10, my exit A with HS BF
Separated 4/19/10
Married H #2 10/8/11
BS latest Dday 12/28/13 - PA w/ single COW

Posts: 2207 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Massachusetts
HFSSC
Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Our anniversary is December 14. My birthday is December 27. In 2010, some very close friends' 24 year old son was killed in a car accident on Christmas Eve. I sang and directed music for his funeral on my birthday.

The next day, I found an email he had written on our anniversary to Whoreible. (Of course, I didn't know who she was at that time... just knew it wasn't written to me.)

So the entire 2 week period from our anniversary to my birthday was crapped on.

We did reclaim it by renewing our vows on our anniversary in 2011, but the timing still makes me


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2735 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
brkn_heartd
Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

One period...two dates. Thanksgiving...he was in the middle of his A on Thanksgiving...it was the first Thanksgiving after my Mom died. Normally, we had a big gathering at my house. However, went to our son's house with their friends(obvious we were intruding) then he treated me awfully....then the couple of weeks after Thanksgiving getting ready for Christmas. He took a day of to "go shopping for me" and made a big deal of it...only to go meet up with her in a hotel after he was done shopping. I hate any Christmas gifts from him now...


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1607 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
hurtingfool
Member
Member # 42196
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

New Year's Eve/Day.

I was waiting for her to get on Skype for our "kiss" she was waiting on her other Skype for him to give him one. Then they had sex on New Year's day after she had talked to me and said she was going to sleep.

New Year's was probably my second favorite holiday. Well, it just boosts St. Patty's up a spot.


Me: BS 31
Her: WS 29
10 years of marriage
12 years together
3 kids
DDay:January 16, 2014

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NW US
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

My Birthday & Christmas. Yeah, a double header. First, my 40th Bday - I got a cake and a card that you would get from a group of people in an office from my husband. He claimed he liked the joke. Really, he had a girlfriend, so a lovey dovey card would have been wrong I guess. Christmas - we watched the movie 'The Town' together. Had a really nice time. He went outside after and sent her Merry Christmas messages. The EA was long over, but he'd throw her a text here and there to make her remember that he dumped her. More ego boosting, I guess. DDay was 4 days later. Nice, huh?

Ugh.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Spelljean
Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

August 18th, the day after my birthday. Anniversary of my father's death from a sudden, massive stroke. DDAY was just about 2 weeks before my dad died. One rough year.

Its the worst day mostly for losing my dad, but also because WH went to see OW the night my dad died. We turned off the respirator. My mom sent all us kids home so she could be alone with my dad while he passed. I got the call later that evening he had passed away quietly.

WH went out to see "her" while I was crying hysterically about my dad. Guess he felt he was there "enough" since he took me to the hospital to see my dad and say my good-bye.

Double whammy of a day.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I've only realized it in the past couple of the years.

My birthday. MrH told me on June 19, 1999 that he loved my friend. I can't even remember what we did for my b-day five days later. I'm pretty sure nothing. It was a gradual and subtle shift but I began hating myself, hating the day and eventually hating being born. My birthday had become a day of pain and regret of being alive and I didn't even connect it to d-day from '99 until year before last. Now I'm trying to shift my attitude towards the day I was born but it's not easy.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11187 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
StuckinNJagain
Member
Member # 42140
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Valentines Day and Mother's Day are the worst for me. V Day especially because when I found out about the first A, I found pics she sent to her OM on Valentines day. Needless to say, I wasnt sent any. Irony is that I found out about A #2 just about 5 weeks ago. Just in time for Valentines day again. The day makes me sick to my stomach.


BH-46 (me)
WS-44
DD-16
DS-12
First Dday-2/09
Sec Dday-1/14
Married 17 yrs. Together 26

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NJ
boontje
Member
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Valentines Day. Three years ago, I was sitting in a parking lot in a very sketchy part of the city with a flat tire. There was a horrible wind and rain storm going on. My son called from home and reported that one of our for trees had fallen due to the wind, just missing the neighbors' house. I I tried in vain to reach my husband, for nearly an hour. Thanx to AAA I made it home. When he came home an hour later, carrying flowers he had obviously just purchased at the local grocery store, he acted like it was just any other day. When I asked him where he was the entire time I was calling, he said he was riding around on his motorcycle. REALLY? WIND AND RAIN STORM RAGING AND HE IS OUT FOR A LEISURELY RIDE???? I didn't know then what was going on, but shortly after dday, I put the pieces together. It still brings incredible sadness to think how easily he lied to me and how easily I brushed it off. This year for valentines day, he took me to a really lovely restaurant, where we had a great time. I am reclaiming the holiday.


Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway



Posts: 934 | Registered: Aug 2011
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Thanksgiving. He stayed home from a Thanksgiving cruise blaming work at the last second....I actually felt guilty that he was "alone" on Thanksgiving. He sent me on a 4 day cruise with his entire family so he could take the OW out and not have to worry about anything.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Jul 2013
StorybookGirl42
Member
Member # 42276
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

They day it started was a day I went to a book signing by one of my favorite authors. I tried to get him to go with me, that he would like the guy because he's a gamer geek. He wouldn't. That was the day she kissed him, while their kid was strapped in her car. I almost didn't leave that day, something felt weird. I talked myself into it saying "If you trust him, go. If you stay it will seem like you don't trust him."

I cannot read those two books now. I can't even look at them. They are in a box in the closet so I can't see them.

Free Comic Book Day is now a horrible day for me. The night before he "went for a drive" and turns out it was to see her. Got home super late, I got up super early to go do 4 hours at work. Come home, and we go to Free Comic Book day and she was there. She grabbed his ass right in front of me thinking I didn't see.

May 15th was what I always thought of as our "anniversary." It was the day we first exchanged "I love yous." On that day, he basically rejected me when I tried to have a heart to heart on his "flirting" as he was calling it at that time. While I was out walking and trying to figure out what to do, he was online with her trying to help her with her bad living situation, even saying "I wish you could just come live here."

Mother's day that month was bad, too. He always helped the kid get/make me a Mother's Day present even though I'm not his biomom. Last year, she got an elaborate planned out Mother's Day gift that he asked MY advice on how to pick one part of it. Made this big show of me having to turn my back when he came home with bags of his "Mother's Day Shopping." What did I get? Candyland. Nothing else, Candyland to play with the kid. She got flowers, cake mix, frosting, cupcake pans, cupcake liners...I got a $3 board game.

Yeah, they all sucked.


Posts: 95 | Registered: Jan 2014
Want2help
Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Well, I ended up giving birth to COM on the exact date of the first time they had sex...

...OW's birthday is the same date as the death of my father...

...OC's birthday is the same as our "fur kid", who we owned for almost 10 years preceding the affair (and whose birthday we have ALWAYS celebrated, as he was our "first child")...

...but, on top of ALL of this, I'd have to say 4th of July, which I never liked anyway, because it reminds me of rodeos and rednecks and drunk people (no offense to rodeo participants, crowds, rednecks, or drunk people). FWH spent it with OW while we were separated, and when we got back together he told me how he spent it alone, depressed, thinking of me (which I found out was a LIE after we R'd, because OW posted pictures of her and my stepDs taken on the 4th).

It's also OW's favorite holiday in the world. She wears clothes emblazoned with the American flag 365 days a year, and had a red, white, & blue July wedding. To this day, that holiday makes me

I wish I could be in a medically induced coma every year on that day.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2271 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
brokendancer7
Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

With OW 1, he was so looking forward to fucking her, that he couldn't be home on my birthday. My sister took me out, there was a terrible thunderstorm, and the restaurant lost power. Memorable. Ruined!

OW 2 - On our anniversary last year, he said he wasn't prepared. I said it was ok, because we knew we loved each other. I am a dumb ass! I got 1 text. She got lunch, $500 earrings, a romantic walk in the park, 7 phone calls and a multitude of texts. Probably sex, too, but I don't really want to know. H is going to be so surprised this year when I do not even acknowledge that we have a 34th anniversary. If we stay together, we will eventually have to pick a new day. I will NEVER celebrate that one again. Ruined!


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 191 | Registered: Jul 2013
BryanP37
New Member
Member # 39685
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Christmas hands down for me. You can add New Years too. She disappeared for a while on Christmas 2012 afternoon while we were at her parents saying she needed to go to Walgreens for a few things. They are open on Christmas Day around here. I was caught up with helping my mother in law with Christmas dinner so I didn't really notice she was gone almost 2 hours. I did sort of notice she did look a bit rumpled as she did dress very nice that day.

Reality was, she had an encounter with OM at our house Christmas afternoon. She was in my car so I was landlocked at her parents completely unsuspecting of what was going on. She told me later on she feared I would figure it out as she herself lost track of time and didn't think she had time to polish herself up like she wanted to. And to think we had sex that night. Makes me sick!

I didn't celebrate Christmas this year other than a simple dinner with my family. My ex and I did not see each other that day either. We both felt it would be better for our reconciliation process if we just dropped the holidays this year. I don't see myself wanting to celebrate the holidays again. Her affair had an awful effect on me, but this particular incident probably hurt the most. I just don't see a way to reclaim the holidays.

[This message edited by BryanP37 at 2:22 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


BS: Me-38
XWS: Her-34
Married 7 yrs, together 9 years-No kids
Ex had 4 month PA with her best friends husband. Other flings early in marriage confessed during discovery.
Divorce final 6-25-2013.
Carefully reconciling after divorce. 10/2013

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
LadyVallejo
New Member
Member # 42513
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

the holidays are a wonderful time and so important. i hope you can forget all this pain one day and celebrate again.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2014
LonelySilhouette
Member
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

Our anniversary is dead to me now. He contacted a prostitute on our 29th anniversary. He didn't see her, she wasn't available, but still ... it killed it.


Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

There are Two:

My DS birthday. I was out of town on his 21st birthday and WH was going to take him to dinner. My DS discovered the A on this day. Now on his birthday, my heart hurts a little with the reality that my children deserve a better father.

Wedding anniversary. On our 25th ( yes, 25th) wedding anniversary my WH left work, went to MOW house, drank, had sex, came home, watched TV, drank, passed out on couch, woke and went to bed.

When he arrived home from "work" that day I did not bother going downstairs. I knew he would ignore the occasion, as he always did. If he acknowledged it he just might be required to open his wallet and dig through the 5K he kept in there to purchase a gift

The birthday one is worse.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
LifeIsTooWeird
Member
Member # 42093
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

August 24th! Not because the day was a special holiday or occasion. Nope it was your typical Friday! I was waiting in a line outside the DMV, it was already uncomfortable hot outside that morning, and even though I arrived at 8 in the morning the line still stretched well into the back parking lot. See I had that Friday off, and decided to renew my license early. It would be 3 hours before I had my picture taken for the renewal on my new 6 year license. 3 hours of waiting in unconmfortable heat after a night of no sleep. Why you ask? Because that was the night he didn't come home until 7:00 in the morning. So I stayed up, waiting, worrying, expecting a knock at the door. When he finally arrived, he said he'd fallen asleep in his car, I couldn't muster any words, I made another pot of coffee, he went to work and I went to the DMV. I used to find my old drivers licenses and admire how young I looked, or gawk at how ugly the picture was. This drivers license, I barely look at. It will expire in 4-1/2 years and it can't come soon enough.


Me - GF (38)
Him - BF (33)
DDay - 08/13
Together 8 Years
In R

Posts: 133 | Registered: Jan 2014
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

As I read all these posts I get such a sad feeling in my heart. What the hell is it with people??? What is the alure of an affair knowning damn well that if one is caught it is going to cause pain and destruction not only to the marriage but to everyone involved.

Is the power of sex and the need of ego boosting all worth it in the end? I have asked my h that question many times over. I have told him that in my heart of hearts I hope his a with our neighbor was worth the nightmare he spun us into. He answer is always the same - that the ow was never worth the pain he caused us.

My question remains though - would it have been worth it if they were not caught????? Would they daydream about the affair from time to time (if they don't already) if they didn't have to face their demons and shame by the affair geting outed??? I have also asked my h that question and his answer is the same. He says that no matter what, it was just not worth the trouble. Why the hell didn'the see that then knowing it was dead wrong????


Posts: 2439 | Registered: Sep 2005
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)

I confirmed DD2 on Feb 12 2012. S a long story but I kind of stumbled upon it. I said nothing. On Val day he wanted to go have dinner..not something thst usually happens but.I went, thinking maybe I was mistaken about the NC break. While we were seated at the restaurant, he excused himself to go to the restroom. He messaged ow while I was sitting at the table waiting on him. I saw that he had sent his first Vday message at 545am to her and several other messages througj out the day. I don't know why he even took me to dinner...surely it was just out of hunger, not love.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5047 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
FindMyselfAgain
Member
Member # 36969
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Our anniversary.

He took her out on their first "date" (Ontheir half hour lunch break). I had pneumonia, yet still managed to make him an awesome dinner and greet him lovingly at the door when he came home from work. He gave me a nasty glare and unexplained (at the time) anger. Then he ignored me for the rest of the night to play video games.


DDay: October 7, 2011
R finally started in earnest: April 2014

Posts: 194 | Registered: Sep 2012
OnAnIsland
Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Christmas day is d day. enough said.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1478 | Registered: Dec 2011
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 3:24 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

I don't have a particular day as such as his cheating was pretty much the length of the relationship. I would get extra fuckery between end of Oct and mid Nov (anniversary and my b/day period). As I was with him since I was 19 for me a lot of 'firsts' are tainted eg new car, travel spots etc.

I am going through a process of reclaiming firsts now and making new memories worth keeping.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 740 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Patsfan09
Member
Member # 25965
Default  Posted: 3:34 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

I think it would be easier to list the days he didn't taint. Monther's day, found a receipt for an edible arragngement he sent to Skanky. He felt "bad" for her because she had no one. I don't remember what he got me that year. DDay #1, our anniversary. Xmas that year (I work nights as a nurse, came home xmas morning to be greeted by my children showing me what Skanky gave them for xmas.BTW those gifts ended up in the trash). DS's birthday plus Multiple DDays throughout the next 4 years in which we were in IC and MC. EA to PA while we were in MC.

There isn't a time of the year that isn't tainted for me.


WH-43
BW-44
T-18y M-15y
2 children (dd-13, ds-12)
1 EA/PA 5/2009-10/2012 (with multiple ddays)
Final dday 4/10/14
*went from EA to PA while we were in MC for over a year.

Divorcing his broken @ss


Posts: 99 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: USA
ShatteredPagan
Member
Member # 35475
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Valentine's day has to be the most horrific holiday. My DDay was just 3 days after (yes, I'm just 2 days past the 2 year antiversary.) I cant go shopping anywhere there is a big VDay display that I cant avoid. I dont do anything for fWS and he bends over backwards to make me happy but it doesnt change how miserable of a time that holiday holds.


WS (him) 48
BS (me) 39
Together since 5/13/2005
Married 10/13/2012
No kids together. 3 total between us (17, 15, 13)
Affair started: 12/19/2011
Sobriety birthday: 1/11/2012
D-day: 2/17/2012
R-day: 3/1/2012
"The next time you think you a

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Leicester, North Carolina
Flatlined123
Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Christmas....The affair was EA and shortly thereafter went PA. H got me a beautiful diamond necklace that year and professed how much he loved me, how special I was and how much i deserved the necklace. Then he started fucking AP a little over a month later.

Fourth of July. He had to go talk to AP at a gathering and I just thought they were old friends. I was made such a fool of.

Every other holiday, anniversary and birthday in between, because the affair lasted over a year. They were all lies.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 673 | Registered: Jun 2012
Stillheart
New Member
Member # 27322
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

My Birthday, their first kiss, then my mothers birthday, start of sex.


Me:63 BH
Her:54 WW
Married: 27yrs
8 month affair
D-Day 11-10-08
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Oregon
dontknowwhyme
Member
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

The number one would have to be our anniversary. We were in false R from the discovery of OM#1. I was traveling quite a bit out of country, 2 weeks home, 2 weeks abroad. It worked out that I would be home for our anniversary so I made special get away plans for us alone without the kids and without her knowing. I rented a nice cabin in the mountains for the two of us. It had been the first get away alone since our honeymoon. We had a great time. Spent much needed time together healing and working on us.

Little did I know she was involved with OM#2 at that time and was texting him and sending him pics every chance that she had away from me. Telling him how nice it would have been if they could have done a get away together.

Ruined that day for sure. Then there is Valentines day but that's a whole other story......


BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
D-Day3:11-3-10
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 999 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
million tears
Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Mine is also my anniversary.

We went to a beautiful resort town on our honeymoon and every year for our anniversary. After having a terrible 20th anniversary (he was so mean, even on our getaway) we had a wonderful 21st anniversary. We went to dinner and walked around in the plaza hand in hand, we sat on a bench and talked about how happy we were. I felt soooo good after the crappy anniversary we had had the year before. We went back to the hotel and after sex, he snuck out of bed to text her in the bathroom.

After D-day I told him I found the message (a lie. I knew he sent one but didn't know what it said) and it said, "HELP ME!" He didn't deny it. He couldn't remember exactly what he said but after that I knew it was somewhere along the lines of "help me get rid of this bitch and I wish it was you here with me."

The A was going on during both anniversaries. Now I refuse to celebrate and I even forgot it last year.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
sunandmoon
Member
Member # 10180
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Sadly it is my oldest child's bday. I **knew** (gut screaming) that day. I chose not to "confront" (I actually just thought it was one sided- a crush my H had taken too far) until the next day. But I was sick the whole night of my son's bday but did not want to ruin it.

In a way my birthday as well (just a few weeks earlier) as it was the first sign of something not being right- fOP made a comment when I was opening my gift from H that she thought the gift was for her when he was actually hiding it at her house for me. HOW THE HECK DID THAT NOT TELL ME EVERYTHING??? She also commented about my not noticing that his laptop was missing as she used it to download photos of my kids to make my birthday gift from her with. CLEARLY she was trying to say- "HELLO!! YOUR H AND I ARE DOING THINGS BEHIND YOUR BACK AND YOU ARE CLUELESS"

I work hard every year to take these days back.

sunandmoon


Posts: 1635 | Registered: Mar 2006
LoveActually
Member
Member # 31030
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Even almost 5 years later...Valentine's Day. He got me ZERO that year--the only year he had never acknowledged me in all of years together--not even a card. I have always loved Valentine's Day. I go all out--get the kids gift bags full of fun stuff. I always got him something special. That year, I remember his business was doing really bad--I was the bread winner at that time. I told him to not worry about it I didn't need anything. Well he took me up on it and then used money from my account to send her $65 worth of roses--I found the receipt hidden in one of his computer folders a month after d-day. It was a punch in the stomach. However, I'm not going to totally surrender that holiday. He has sent me a huge bouquet of flowers each Valentine's Day since...no red roses the type he sent her...he at least has that much sensitivity.


BS (Me)
WS (Him)
D-Day 5/29/09
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jan 2011
catatonic
Member
Member # 40758
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

After a LTA I think they are all tainted.

I totally share what BIONIGAL said. I had one Mothers day. , which now I realize was just at start if A, that I was on and off crying. I cried at the restaurant. My kids thought I was unhappy with their efforts. I couldn't understand it. Everything made me emotional. And I did feel anxious, even a limitless shirt tempered because I didn't. know what was happening .
But I did not get the support of WH, he seemed offended I was not responding how he thought I should. This made me feel even " nuttier" Right after DDay this day I reflected on, and it all made sense. I saw the changes in WH, but I internalized it onto me. I was then very mad that I look whacked in front of kids. But I am relieved now I have an answer.

The other tainted day was not a Holiday. But the snowstorm of 2011, which shut down our area. WH and I made it home from work , kids activities canceled. We made a fire, hot cider, celebrated with kids about no school. We sat in coach , cuddled fell asleep by fire. Talked about us, how nice this feels to watch blizzard, no stress about next day. How this will be how it will feel when kids are older. I thought we shared a lot that night. Maybe I was the only one talking. But I know he saw OW when we went back to our routine.
And for sure this summer. Our 19 Anniversary. I had stronger Gut feelings , was weepy again. And upset that something was not right. But WH was sincere, we had nice evening . So it must be something wrong with me right!
And same month , my 50th BDay. WH threw a surprise party. That really hurts now. I wish he would have done something simple. It was 2 days after BDAy that OW sent txt to his phone. Which I read. He claims that the summer was real, he had ended A, no more Sex. and she was pressuring. I believe she was probably troubled by the anniversary and planning party. Well she certainly got me.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
TheBestMe
Member
Member # 39476
Angry  Posted: 2:07 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Like so many have already stated: Every day that WH turned away from me was a tainted day. During the affair, anytime that he spent with me WH made me miserable. But, New Years is the most tainted. He lied to me that he was going to spend time with his daughter and his grandson. Well, it was with his whore. I am triggering now just thinking about it.

[This message edited by TheBestMe at 2:09 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 429 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
alifeforesaken
Member
Member # 41139
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Probably our anniversary. Our 5 yr fell one month after DDay1 and 1 month prior to DDay2 in which I found out that not only did the A never stop but that it was a PA and not an EA.

I should have known because it was completely un special for a milestone like that.


BW (31)
WH (32)
Children (1yr) (1 due Mar '14)
DD#1 - 9/28/13 DD#2 11/24/13

Posts: 84 | Registered: Oct 2013
whiteflower99
Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Not one date specifically but everything from 2002 until 2007. When I found out about the A in 07, I kept telling myself I would go back to Wton to live because we had been so happy there. I remember one night together he just held me and stroked my hair. He would run baths for me and just be present. I felt so connected to him and happy. Turns out there was an a there too. I had no clue.
I will not allow him to take the beach from me though. I WILL retire somewhere on the coast dammit lol.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1713 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
Freebygrace
Member
Member # 42484
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Since my husband and his OW were both in the delivery room when my son was born ( double betrayal), I would say his birthday is a big trigger for me. But the A started because I was so selfish to not want a surprise party, and that hurt my poor who's feelings so he ran into my BFF's arms for comfort. Then our anniversary falls right in the middle of their A. I still remember the table where we sat and that we discussed if *I would ever have an A. Then there's Christmas. I can't even look at those pictures. He pretty much ruined everything. All the good and happy times are tainted now. It sucks.


Me: BS 45
Him: fWH 48
OW: my BFF well not forever apparently
Lots of kids, married 22 years
DDay: 01/16/01
On the fence about R or D?

Posts: 109 | Registered: Feb 2014
BetrayalHurts
Member
Member # 34836
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Valentine's Day which is also our Anniversary is a bad one even though it was 4 years ago. He forgot to even get me a card that year. Course he spent 2 days with his OW on one of his "trips" just 2 days prior. I had a horrible time finding a "suitable" card the last couple years. They were all lies and not truly how I feel now.

Christmas, which always used to be my favorite holiday.....also a huge trigger now.....as well as my bday which is right before Christmas and his Bday which is right after Christmas.

I guess the whole time period between Thanksgiving and April fool's day is hard. The other days which are not holidays are the days he has to travel. Took me a year and a half to finally figure out there was an A and they carried it out by her always having some appointment on the same days WH had a mtg....very convenient.

[This message edited by BetrayalHurts at 4:45 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"


Posts: 353 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Only second to V day would be Christmas. I remember h asking me a week before Christmas if I wanted to do a gift exchange with 2 neighbors which seemed odd to me. I asked him why would we do this and he said it was because "She" thought it would be a nice thing to do between friends. Looking back it was just a big set up by whore to give my h a gift. The a started 3 weeks later . His gift then was getting bi-weekly blow jobs for the next 6 weeks.

Oh, did I meniton that when I went to open my gifts that Christmas day, there was nothing for me.


Posts: 2439 | Registered: Sep 2005
mj052
Member
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Unfortunately- Christmas- the holiest day!!

D-day was in May 2012. A few months later I found an e-mail chat that my idiot wh forgot to erase. It was from Christmas day 2011 and he sent the ow a self-portrait of him with our kids that he took himself on our tripod with the following message (he sent it after I went to bed).

"I love you so much!! In twelve hours you'll be taking 'him' (ow's fiance) to the airport and we can finally be together! I can't wait to hug and kiss you until you beg me to stop! This feeling I have I hope it never ends!!"

Well- lets just say that for me- Christmas won't ever be the same again! Meanwhile- working on my ducks to remove the sicko from my life!!

[This message edited by mj052 at 6:29 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Christmas, I found out 36 hours before... December is always a sucky month for me.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
kayaker55
Member
Member # 41617
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Anniversary.
It was our 31 year anniversary. He said the EA was ended and wanted to R. Then that night told me he needed to go away for a week and have time alone to think. I said OK, get some rest.
Months later I found the bills for last minute plane ticket,a hotel and expensive dinners out in New York. Yep, he had gone with OW #1. Their EA graduated to a PA and they got to see some great Broadway shows!!! Happy anniversary to me.
Working on R but not celebrating anniversaries yet.
BLECK



Me: BS 56
He: SAFWH 56
Married 34 years
SA behavior + 2 affairs. I was clueless.
Future uncertain.

Posts: 66 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Vancouver, BC
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Like I said….it saddens me to read all of these posts. It just confirms my theory that people don't give a shit about the person they suposedly care about.

Posts: 2439 | Registered: Sep 2005
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

My birthday. He sent me flowers for the first time in 20 years. He was sexting at least seven other women that day as I was reading the card about what a great twenty years it had been. Fuck you, cheater.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Uhtred
Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Just about every day has been fuckered up since DDAY. Its kind of hard to pick.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 602 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
whattheh
Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Our wedding anniversary.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 545 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
undonelife
Member
Member # 38421
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Our anniversary. Nov 3. He was texting her right in front of me at the table where we went to have our celebration dinner. When I asked him to put his phone away he commented that it "was so and so from work and once she gets started talking she wont stop." well, I knew "so and so" and I was confused because I couldn't imagine that she would keep texting while we were on an anniversary date. SHe was too mature for that. stupid me I didn't ask any more questions! Turns out it wasn't her but the OW from work. His personal secretary.

Then, the Friday after Thanksgiving. I was visiting my mom out of town and he had her over for the day for a movie and a fuck in our bed. Thanksgiving will never be the same for me. And, I still have to live in this house he fucked her in.

Next, our only sons 16th BD. You cant get that back ever. He was mean and nasty to me during that time - post D day - and he'd decided he wanted to D to be with her. HE planned a whole evening with my son on his 16th Birthday without me.

I wonder why I stay.....


Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years
DDay 11/25/12 TT 9/9/13
OW:20 yrs younger McOW
Kids: 2 teens

Posts: 187 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Dark Hell
kourt090
Member
Member # 34926
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Our anniversary. Based on what he told me, the day they had sex was only two days before our first.


Kourt090

Posts: 292 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Utah
Rainbows
Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Wow, another one for the anniversary column. I'm sadly surprised there are so many.

Ex wanted us to take a trip together for our anniversary and begged me to renew our vows (red flag). While we were there he started drinking, which surprised me because he had been dry (around me) for a couple of years (another red flag).

The night before we came home, he got super drunk and told me he didn't deserve me, he was going to let me be free, I deserved to be loved, etc. When I reminded him of what he said the next day, he was super apologetic. But you can't unring a bell.

The day after we returned was our anniversary. He left immediately after dinner and said he had to go to the office to get mail since we had been gone.

He was gone for hours and wasn't answering his phone. He finally called after midnight with a stupid story and so began the end.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 401 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
neverendinghurt
Member
Member # 15859
Default  Posted: 1:31 AM, February 21st (Friday)

I don't know if I am odd or not, wait scratch that :)

Initially it was Christmas, but I was determined to claim that back I love Christmas so much.

More than anything it is the ordinary that is tainted.

Because nothing really is ordinary any more.


The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
James M. Barrie

Posts: 26043 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Seattle
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, February 21st (Friday)

For me there are two days: One is my wedding anniversary because it is the day that I found out that Husband had ended an affair 2 weeks earlier after seeing a picture on my husband's Facebook page and then seeing the same picture on AP's page.
The second is my son's first birthday because, I had always known that my MIL tried to get my husband to see his ex girlfriend on that weekend (same AP) but found out a month after Dday that this was her attempt at getting them "back" together because they had started their first affair about 5 months after son was born and he had ended it a couple of months before son's birthday. Now I cannot even see the pictures of what was always such a sacred time for me in my life…..


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 578 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
heartbroken2012
Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, February 21st (Friday)

Christmas since that is the day my WH confessed.


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 549 | Registered: Jan 2013
hopingforhappy
Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, February 21st (Friday)

This is an easy questions to answer--unfortunately. The OW gave my FWH an ultimatum: leave your wife before your next anniversary, or else. (It only took her 5 years to get to that point and he had told her all along that he would not leave me, but whatever. . .) He told her no and ended the relationship. She continued to contact and actually stalked him (she waited for him in his office parking deck, among other things). This went on for about a month. The day before our anniversary, she showed up on my doorstep to tell me about the A. She even texted him right after she left my house "Just know you left me no other choice" So, my anniversary is definitely the special day that is most ruined for me.

[This message edited by hopingforhappy at 9:32 AM, February 21st (Friday)]


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1300 | Registered: Aug 2010
16forever
Member
Member # 37255
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, February 21st (Friday)

February 14th for me this was the first time he came back after moved out the week and went to his parents house and took every item out of the house that belonged to him the A wasn't out in the open yet she was still just a friend he talked to the reason for him leaving was my dad living with us at the time my dogs but it was her so on v day I went to his parents house with a big Iloveyou ballon his favorite candy and beer and a card telling him how much I love him and I begged I pleaded I threw myself at him and cried for him to please come home and he did only to later leave in march again after promising our children he would never leave us again v day is hard I remember walking threw walmart just a broken person while he got me sum wilted flowers and iam sure he was texting her and wanting her and not me the whole time


Me:BS
Him:WS
3 awesome kids

Posts: 179 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: My own nightmare
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, February 21st (Friday)

Hum….seems Christmas, Wedding Anniversaries, and Valentines rate in the top "10" on the hit list of what day is the most tainted.

Although I do have to agree with a number of posters that every day seems a little tainted now. More so in my situation because ow and her family still live 2 houses from us. Tends to make everyday kind of suck if you know what I mean. I actually at one time pre-a thought h was a pretty intelligent man. Guess I was wrong.


Posts: 2439 | Registered: Sep 2005
watersofavalon
Member
Member # 37984
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, February 21st (Friday)

H's 50th birthday. We were going through a bad patch and I made a decision to go all out for his b'day and make it really special. I bought him a really special 'day out', I organised a BIG party, I arranged for him to spend a day going to a major end of season football match (team were promoted!!). I tried so hard to be the perfect bloody wife and ignore all my own resentments and niggles.

OW turned up at the party and proceeded to make it all about her as she was trying to leave her H. Lots of fuss, I even hugged her and offered her a bed for the night ... shudder!!! More than one person told me after the event he had been following her around like a loveshack pup....I was too busy looking after our guests to notice. There were several people from work who KNEW about the affair. That still makes me want to scream with rage and humiliation!

Dday was just under a month after that. Things just kept adding up and causing niggles that wouldn't stop.... He was an utter SHIT to me and the kids.


Me - BW 49
H - 52
T 31 years
M 21 years

3 children from 11 to 17.

EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.

Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?

Getting there!


Posts: 87 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: UK
TheSaraMess
New Member
Member # 41366
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, February 21st (Friday)

Easter is the worst. He went to be with her after decorating eggs with us then went to visit my dad in the hospital the next day with us. Multi tasking master. :'(

Posts: 7 | Registered: Nov 2013
Daisy312
Member
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

There are many but I think the most tainted would have to be my second dd's birthday. I found out about the A 10 days before she was born. I remember regretting the decision to conceive her after i discovered the A, and wanting to just die. Each birthday will forever be the number of years old she is and also how many years I've been suffering through this mess. Two more months and she will be two and I I'll have been hurting for two years straight. :(

Posts: 264 | Registered: Sep 2012
txdadbh
New Member
Member # 42552
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I found out the day before Thanksgiving and waited until Christmas to confront. Holidays suck.

Posts: 18 | Registered: Feb 2014
BW2639
Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

From mid October (when they met...and immediately started the A) to mid January ( when I found out) pretty much sucks.


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
purplejacket4
Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Halloween because that's the day fWS f****d her.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2195 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Shonsal
New Member
Member # 42427
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

My entire trip to the UK in 2012. I can't even look at my photos now because they relate to the timeline of his A. My whole memory of my trip is ruined.


A: July 2012
WS: Him
OW: his best friend

Posts: 18 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
sunflowergirl30
Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Lets see affair began around nov. Lasted until may....so:

- Thanksgiving, he was texting calling her, distant mean

- christmas, more texting emailing. Even more mean and distant

- new years, mow was his new lurvvvve...i was an annoyance

- nieces birthday, i was shit...he disappeared for hours and lied about everything and anything.

- our anniversary, ignored me...couldnt stand me barely saw him

- valentines day, rushed out that day to get me a card and flower...i think he felt bad he hadnt thought of me. To busy screwing mow.

- st. Paddy's day, ignored us all to sneak off with mow

- easter, daughter sick with MRSA, im caring for her while wh is off banging his old fugly married whore.

-opening season for fishing, he took mow to our family cabin and screwed her. Told me he missed me. Had sex with me before he left..then 2hrs later was screwing her. Came home the next day and slept with me...disgusting

- mothers day, comment to our kids when they ask wh what hes gonna do for me,"shes not my mother! Shes yours! Im not doing anything"

I think for wh the only day ruined is fathers day. Fathers day fell right after d-day. The kids didnt to squat for him that year nor have the since. They used to make him amazing gifts and cards. He still has them. Any how the affair and the way wh treated us during it on those holidays and special days was pretty bad. They are forever tainted. I stuff it and smile.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Topic Posts: 74