SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Hyper Sex Drive & WH can't keep up!
sparkle09
Member
Member # 41901
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Does anyone else have this problem? I get infuriated if my husband rejects me or can't perform and it turns into a huge fight. Pre A we had sex about once every 2-3 weeks and now I want it everyday sometimes twice a day. My WH is severely depressed and his drive is way down I get that but it doesn't make me feel any better when he can't perform bc I know that he didn't have that problem with his AP! He says I emasculate him and he feels inadequate which makes it worse.

[This message edited by sparkle09 at 8:54 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


Me-33 WS-34
Pregnant & 2 year old sweet baby girl
Together 15 years Married 5 years
D-day #1 - 12/25/13 TT D-day #2 - 1/3/13 admitted to 3 year affair with co worker

Posts: 113 | Registered: Jan 2014
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Red  Posted: 8:26 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

sparkle09 -

Please remember to follow the Recon guidelines when posting. There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Thank you.


Posts: 36032 | Registered: Mar 2011
SadInNC
Member
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Before DDay I didn't really want sex because WH was so emotionally detatched from me. He still wanted it, however, and never understood or would walk away when I would explain that I need more from him than just sex. Needless to say, we weren't having sex.

After DDay, when he finally opened up emotionally, I want sex again! I want it more than he does and it bothers me when he doesn't. We had a fight one time and he had to have sex with me just to shut me up.

I'm getting better at knowing when to initiate and when to back off. But any rejection hurts because the A, has made me insecure. Last night, we didn't have sex but as we were falling asleep talking, I just asked him to hold my hand and that simple contact felt good. Sometimes, if you want sex and he doesn't try a little body contact instead. Ask him to spoon with you in bed or watch tv while cuddling and you might find comfort that way. No orgasm, but the reassurance of his commitment and his love might satisfy you for the moment.


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 345 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
veronique12
Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)

I'm sorry. That must feel so terrible.

H and I are HB but not at the rate you are (!), so H is keeping up. However, back when H was lying to me about his PA, there was one night he couldn't perform. I was very suspicious of a PA (H had admitted only EA at the time) and it was devastating to think that he wasn't turned on by me, that he was thinking of her, blah, blah. He now says it was guilt from what he did and that he was lying, but who knows?

You say your H is depressed. I know when I'm depressed, I'm not feeling too sexy. But this reaction when you are feeling so insecure bc of the damn A is extra difficult for you. But I don't think it is really you he's rejecting, even though it feels like it is. His problem is with himself. Have you tried holding each other instead of sex? For me, the HB is about 2 things: 1. reclaiming my space as his sexual partner (feeling wanted); 2. feeling secure and safe. What if you tried physical closeness but without the sex? Maybe that would put him more at ease and the sex would come more naturally?


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 558 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 4