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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Moving kids out of state
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

I asked this question in NB but it actually might be better to do it here...

Long story short, I've been offered a job in a different state (about a nine hour drive from where we currently are; probably about 11 or 12 from where ex-asshat lives). It would be a good move for me career-wise; it would also be good for the bunch as well, I think (our town is really going to hell lately). They want to move.

Our court order states neither of us can take the bananas out of state without the permission of the other (which he has done). It also states if we move, we are to notify the other of our new address (another thing he hasn't honored; the bananas counted him moving 17 times since we split and he's only notified me of two or three of them ahead of time, which includes a move out of state as well). He has zero relationship with the bunch - he told the younger two (13 and 10 at the time) last May that they were no longer welcome at his house and they haven't seen him since (nor has he contacted them for holidays or birthdays). And last but not least, I'm the sole support of the bunch, as he stopped paying CS about six years ago. Yep, he's a winner.

I can't imagine any court in the land forcing me to stay put but I wanted to hear what others have experienced. Of course I'm going to contact my attorney and ask for her advice but if anyone has any thoughts to throw into the ring, I'd sure appreciate it.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15432 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

My thoughts are entirely unhelpful in a practical way, but I'll give them anyway...

I am so stoked about this potential change for you and the bunch! I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for a clear legal path and no ex-asshat interference.

Sending major positive mojo your way, nanners.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26075 | Registered: Aug 2011
TrustNoOne
Member
Member # 16591
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Does he talk to them at all?

Hell, it sounds like you could move and he'd never even know.

Your babies might be 18 before he even realizes they no longer live in his geographic vacinity.

asshat, indeed.


Posts: 1327 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: SoCal
ThisHell
Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

That is so sad for them. What an ass. What does your decree state about moving out of state? I know you mentioned needing permission for leaving the state, but I'm getting the feeling you meant for vacationing or something. Who has primary physical custody? I would think the decree would say something about giving a certain amount of notice, but I can't imagine it would be where you could never move! Hell, he has, right? Or is he still in state? Sorry, confused, lol.

Honestly, I know you want to be legally correct and your L may be the best person to ask, but I can't imagine NOT taking a great job opportunity, especially if he hasn't paid anything he's supposed to or been present in this long. If he made trouble, you could just tell him you would like your back child support and are happy to address that in the courts at the same time. That should shut him up!


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Hell, it sounds like you could move and he'd never even know.

That is what I am thinking. And he may not even live at the last address that you have for him.

Here is a thought -- if he never notified you have the last time he moved, then send a certified letter (with return receipt) to the address that he did tell you about. Then you are covered because you have proof that you tried to contact him at his last known address.

Good luck


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Wow congrats I''m jealous cause I kinda want to move too (to where I have a support system) but the Snake would never let me. Sounds like you have sole custody which gives you a presumptive right to move unless the custody papers say otherwise. If you move his only recourse is to take you to court to force you back and he''d LOSE because he''s a deadbeat asshole who expressed TO HIS KIDS they weren''t welcome at his place

So definitely get legal advice but it sounds like he wouldn''t take you to court nor would he ever win if he did. Congrats! (((Bananas)))


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 943 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Here is a thought -- if he never notified you have the last time he moved, then send a certified letter (with return receipt) to the address that he did tell you about. Then you are covered because you have proof that you tried to contact him at his last known address.

This ^^^ is my thought as well. You don't want to knowingly violate your court order by not advising him, but you don't have to move heaven and earth to do it either. This would give you a legal CYA to prove you at least made the attempt.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1256 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Here is a thought -- if he never notified you have the last time he moved, then send a certified letter (with return receipt) to the address that he did tell you about. Then you are covered because you have proof that you tried to contact him at his last known address.

This is what I would do.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4801 | Registered: Feb 2008
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

In your case, I think I'd just go and not say anything. What are the chances he'd even bother to do anything about it if he found out? I'm guessing probably nothing. If you mention it to him beforehand, it might be easier for him to stop you.

I'd love to leave the state with my kids. I have a big, supportive family that just wants me home, but the Gnat won't let me. It's been so hard. I've thought about just going and seeing if he'd bother to fight me about it, but I'm scared he would, just to be a dick.


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 950 | Registered: Mar 2013
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Here is a thought -- if he never notified you have the last time he moved, then send a certified letter (with return receipt) to the address that he did tell you about. Then you are covered because you have proof that you tried to contact him at his last known address.
Ditto this. Even if he can't be bothered to follow the terms of the agreement, you should.
That you'll be sending notification to the wrong address isn't your problem.

Even though he isn't bothering to follow the terms of the agreement, you should. That way you'll always be covering your butt and the burden will be on him.

Hugs and good luck with your new beginning!!!


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for cl


Posts: 6673 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Hell, it sounds like you could move and he'd never even know.

Yep. His parents would realize long before he did and they almost never come by, either.

Here is a thought -- if he never notified you have the last time he moved, then send a certified letter (with return receipt) to the address that he did tell you about. Then you are covered because you have proof that you tried to contact him at his last known address.

This is what I'm thinking, too. Of course, the address I have for him is years old so it's bound to be returned but oh well... that's really not my problem.

My BFF told me she was told if you don't have an address, you just need to take out an ad in the legal section of a paper, whichever one you choose, and that covers you. Not sure about that but that would also be good, seeing as he never reads... well, anything.

Thanks, all.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15432 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Topic Posts: 11