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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Getting it rubbed in your face....
msk99
Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

So I am just waiting on STBXWW to get her financials done so I can get this divorce heading full steam ahead. She is dragging her heels doing this and that is another entirely different story.

So I am sitting here all alone, I'm not allowing myself to date until the D is final. I tried the dating while separated thing and it just didn't work for me. I'm at peace with that, I want to be able to go all-in so to speak if I can find that someone special down the road once the D is done.

STBXWW is on who knows how many boyfriends, and really that's her business, not mine. However, she's latched onto some rich dude now and she really seems to be rubbing it in my face. She's now driving a Jag that she would NEVER EVER EVER be able to afford on her own (I'm driving an old Toyota that needs serious servicing but I don't have the $$$$), and now she's off at a 5 star resort in Cuba for a week. She's belittled me a few times along the lines that I don't make enough money to do this or that. Mocking me cuz I can't get my car fixed, saying I don't have enough money to have a girlfriend....you know that sort of ummmm 12 year old type behaviour. I'm doing whatever I can to really just stay afloat. I'm a hard working professional during the day, taking a university program on the side to help my career, volunteer as a coach and have been picking up some painting jobs on the side so my wonderful boys can continue playing their sports.

I'm just feeling really down and out these days, somewhat desolate and guess I just needed a place to vent. Thanks for listening.....


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

(((Msk99)))
So sorry this is happening. She is a cold hearted bitch for putting you down on top of everything else she''s done. Kudos to you for bettering yourself in school and sacrificing for your boys. It will all pay off one day, unlike your STBXWW''s glorified prostitution stent

And by the way there is not a certain amount of money you need to have a girlfriend, just to have a gold digger.


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Seriously?

No.

You're feeling sorry for yourself because you aren't a soulless, selfish, greedy cheater with no moral compass to speak of?

No.

You're far richer than she will ever be in the account where it matters. INTEGRITY.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

XWH used to do things along this line too.
He'd drop the kids off and be driving OW's car or he'd send the kids home with their stuff in bags from an upscale winery or shop.
All it amounts to is they're insecure and they're trying desperately to show you how "happy" they are without you.

I can only tell you that XWH never stayed with any of the OW for more than a few months after I found out. They lost their luster after the secret was out and he became bored.
XWH is not a happy person. Those trips to this place or that? He has to work two jobs to pay for his lifestyle and is up to his eyeballs in debt. It'll come crashing down soon enough.

I'm happy with who I am and where I am in life. I may not drive a Jag or live in a million dollar home, but I can look myself in the eye.
So can you.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Sorry that she is causing ongoing pain. Kudos to you for living your life with integrity.

So basically she is showing you she is a whore, bought and paid for, and she is happy with that. Pretty sure a number of songs make reference to her kind, can anyone say 'gold digga'.

As best you can ignore the shit that dribbles from her mouth. The best thing about sugar daddies is they tend to trade in the old model for a younger one down the road.

Karma is setting her up for a spectacular fall.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 725 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Jduff
Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Hey msk99,

Hang in there. You know you're the adult in this situation and your boys are going to see that down the road. I've got two awesome boys myself. My own STBXWW is also dragging her feet through our D process.

Just think for all your STBXWW's antics of rubbing it in, she's just feeding the monster called Karma that will visit her in the future to pay it all back in the worst way possible. You can count on that.

I don't call flaunting other people's money as a story of success. I call that getting "pimped". In contrast, you're a person who stands on his own. Your boys will see that and respect you deeply for it. They will learn well from your good example.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 484 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

((((msk)))) She sounds desperately insecure and damaged. Thank heavens your boys have you, honey.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25288 | Registered: Aug 2011
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Resorts are boring places anyway. And think that Jag will ever last as long as your sturdy Toyota? Not likely--and not just because her rich new find will probably take it back once the next trophy comes along. In the meantime, she doesn't seem to be using any of her newfound access to money to try and help keep your sons able to do what they love. I can't imagine being that selfish.

All that glitters is not gold. You know that, she doesn't.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4149 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
still2suspicious
Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

Sweetie,

Just b/c she latched on to him DOES NOT mean he won't dump her sorry ass somewhere along the way!! The shine on cheap jewerly only lasts so long.

Keep your head up. YOU are the best example for your boys.

Sending strength.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1281 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
coldshot
New Member
Member # 40882
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

msk99,
Man your post filled me with anger and admiration. Anger at your shallow vindictive STBXWW... I've got one too, and she's a real beauty. Her new boyfriend is 10 years younger than me, well built, blah blah blah... If he wants to smell her bedfarts he's more than welcome to. Your STBXWW will get traded in just like the Jag when Rich Guy is done...
You on the other hand are showing your boys how to be a man. That can't be bought, and may not even be recognized or always appreciated by your boys right now but it will serve them well for the rest of their lives. My concern is for my daughter as well, and my love for her is what gets me through the lonely crappy times.
Keep your head up brother... you are a great dad.


"The liar's punishment is, not in the least that she is not believed, but that she cannot believe anyone else." -- George B. Shaw

Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: coldshot
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)

I feel your pain as I'm going through something very similar. In my case, the Gnat now drives a Mercedes SUV and his slut Hello Kitty drives a Mercedes convertible. They only wear designer clothes and travel all the time. They are in Barcelona together as we speak. Every time my kids are dropped off, their dirty clothes are returned in a Gucci, Prada, or Louis Vuitton bag. They actually use very few of the clothes I send because my clothes for the kids aren't good enough. They have designer duds for my small children that they're only allowed to wear while at their house.

I don't know why it bothers me, but it does. I have no desire to drive a Mercedes, wear designer clothes, etc. I'm a pretty simple girl. I guess I continue to get sucked into the illusion that they're doing so well and they're so happy, etc. I'm sure the reality is that they're probably in debt up to their eyeballs. The Gnat was charging up cards like crazy during the affair and had to take that debt with him. He's always been extremely financially irresponsible and I doubt that changed overnight. Even if Hello Kitty has money (I still have no idea what she does for a living), I'm sure he's spending it as fast as it's coming in.

I just have to remind myself that daily when I'm being blinded by the dazzle.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 890 | Registered: Mar 2013
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

IMO - when adults flaunt their shit, it's because they are insecure. I think that is their way of convincing THEMSELVES that they're so great. People that just 'are' the shit don't need to prove it, kwim?

Mocking you is shitty, just uncalled for...but it's necessary for HER to feel good about herself.

Don't buy into her crap!



Posts: 14350 | Registered: Jun 2008
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:14 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

She's still the same person, friend. She is showing you that.

Someone else's money is the best she's got - hell even if it were her own money if money and 'stuff' is the best she's got then that is sad, sad thing.

The sad clown has lots of money and zero integrity, empathy, compassion, decency, self-worth or pride. I would have given all the money back and my right arm too if he had even one of those things. Just.one.

He may have more money but I am so much richer in the ways that count. When I'm rocking out on my rocking chair I won't be thinking of all the money I made and spent, I'll be thinking about all the love I gave and received. How much integrity, empathy, compassion, decency, self-worth and pride I have. And peace. Blessed peace.

A peace he will never know.

Remember this and feel sad for her the next time she tries to mock you. I feel sad for the sad clown for his little, little life.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5554 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Bro I can relate. I too started the dating thing during S. It led me to some bad behaviors as I wanted to show XW that she was not the only one who could get attention from the opposite sex. In the end all it did was set back my healing by a couple years. Once I realized what I was doing I took a year off from dating to get myself together. I worked on myself and learned to love me again. Soon after I made some life altering decisions that were directed at making myself happy. All the while my XW was dating up a storm or should I say cheating up a storm as most of the guys were M. For a couple of years I was jealous that I was basically alone while she was having the time of her life. But I have come to realize that while I was building myself up, she was really sliding down.

I feel this is the same scenario you are facing. sure she seems to be living the life. But take a look at what she really has. Its all superficial and material. Inside she is the same damaged person who cheated and is self centered. One day she is going to have to face her issues. And when that happens she is going to be the one on the bottom looking up at you. And the best part is that you will be a new person, secure in the knowledge that you're healed and happy. Once the new BF get a look at the real her I'm positive she will be dumped. And there goes the high life and the Jag. But the worst part of it all will be that she will still be the same miserable, selfish person who she is now. Don't envy people like her, pity them. Because the ride down is a hell of a lot worse when they cant drive the bus of life.

I predict a big crash really soon for her. And when it happens, perhaps she will look back with regret and sorrow for a life wasted. Perhaps not, but at least you are the one who has his shit together by then. Keep the faith and keep working on yourself. Things will improve for you in all areas of your life. And you actually will see a much better future for yourself. As for her, sooner or later the piper must be paid. And the longer she keeps making him play, the bigger that price is going to be. By then your bill will be paid in full and life is going to be great on your end. So ignore those who like to think they are on top. Because once your there the only place to go is down.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5653 | Registered: Nov 2007
wonderpets
Member
Member # 35901
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

I am a born smart ass. I would tell her that you could drive a jag too if you saw more dick than a urinal, but you have self respect.

Posts: 203 | Registered: Jun 2012
wonderpets
Member
Member # 35901
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Also, stronger is right. Usually this type of behavior precedes a huge crash.

Posts: 203 | Registered: Jun 2012
msk99
Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Thank you everyone so much for your thoughts and encouragement on this. I guess it really comes down to me being at peace with who I am and the current situation I find myself in. I know brighter days are ahead, but crap like she is pulling really throws me for a loop. I don't want to live a life where "WHAT" I have defines me as a man.

I just have to focus on being the best me I can be, and if other people find they have to belittle me on the shortcomings they perceive I have....FUCK EM.


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

AMEN!


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25288 | Registered: Aug 2011
msk99
Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, February 24th (Monday)

Weird Update....

So, STBXWW gets back from her week in Cuba yesterday and swings by my place to grab the boys. I happened to be outside doing some shoveling because this god-forsaken winter just won't go away. Anyways, she pulls up, gets out of her car and has a tear in her eye. Her first words were "Don't you even love me a little bit"? I would have liked a picture of my facial expression, it would have been a dandy! She gave me a big hug and started rubbing my back. I think I was in some sort of shock, it seemed that I couldn't move. Mind you, I'm a sucker for a back rub...but I digress. She went on to start talking about how much she thought of the kids and ME while down there...wishing our family could have been there.

So I somehow weasel myself out of the situation and the boys came out and off they went.

So, I'm guessing the trip to Cuba wasn't that great???? Plus she brought me back a 6 pack of cuban cigars???? I don't know how to feel, my first thought is that I somehow feel bad for the dude who took her there. Shock, disbelief, really not sure how to take this bizarre state of events.


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, February 24th (Monday)

I know I learn a lot about what people are like when I vacation with them... Sounds like the dude saw right through what ever she was slinging around or he showed his true colors...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Sounds like your STBXWW may be driving a Yugo instead of that Jag pretty soon....


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, February 24th (Monday)

I hear "hoovering".

What an idiot she is.


k9

[This message edited by k94ever at 4:48 PM, February 24th (Monday)]


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6537 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Lord have mercy brace yourself. Sounds like that crash everyone predicted is coming sooner than expected. I hear the hum of the hoover coming at you.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 634 | Registered: May 2013
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

I smell a carrot. Leading to either love bombing or Hoovering.
Don't take the bait!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5064 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Leia
Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

A friend of mine nailed the situation, and I think her words apply here, and goes along with what others have previously said: "We have hit rock bottom. We have no other place to go except up. OP hasn't hit bottom yet." Maybe this is the beginning of her crash that others have predicted? I don't know, but like others, sounds like she didn't have that great of a time.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

There's a word for a woman with a Sugar Daddy: PROSTITUTE.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49473 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
msk99
Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Oh SI Community, your crystal ball was bang on again.

CRASH

She came by last night to pick up some clothes for the boys and it happened. She fell to the floor crying......pleading and begging me to take her back. Saying how sorry she was for hurting me so deeply and she will re-build my trust in her. Just wanting me to give her one last chance. I know her bullshitting and when she is telling the truth, and this was pure, raw emotion coming out.


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Back away, Msk99.
Raw emotion does not equate remorse.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Rot roh.

Danger, Will Robinson. Danger!


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21049 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Run away, run away, run away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6537 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Leia
Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Stay strong! Don't give in to the Dark Side!


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

I know her bullshitting and when she is telling the truth, and this was pure, raw emotion coming out.

Gotta ask, does it matter? Where are you in this? You ok? A lot of us had the *hope* of a last minute *stay of execution*.

Gaby hit the nail on the head.

Raw emotion does not equate remorse.

Be careful.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2813 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 32