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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Thank you all (warning love in possibly ahead)
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 5:05 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Somewhat gratuitous love in post .

Just wanted to give a huge thank you and hug to all who contribute to this particular forum and SI at large.

Whilst I am technically 'divorced' and moving forward, at times (today for example) I still get hit with an overwhelming sense that I am broken. This life is not what I imagined or planned. It is so much better in many ways yet 'new normal' is still not normal. I know it is a temporary feeling, these dips certainly do not last like they used to, but what helps most is being able to read and empathize with others who are struggling.

We are so very blessed to have this site. There are people from all around the world, at different stages who are so kind as to share not only their struggles but the BTDT wisdom.

So thank you all. Your contribution helps so very much. Don't be afraid to join in if you are new, there is such a wonderful group of people here ready, willing and able to help.

Some times it is tough love, if it causes discomfort though it is worth looking into.


And after that deluge of appreciation the thought that knocked me for a 6 today - 36 and never been loved in a healthy way. What triggered this - yesterday dive instructor dropped underwater on one knee to replace a fin of mine that had come off. Nothing romantic about it, yet it was still more decency or concern than what my now x showed me over 16 years


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 740 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

I could quote the whole thing but I'll limit myself to these:

36 and never been loved in a healthy way

On my way to 39 and I'm right there with you.

Just wanted to give a huge thank you and hug to all who contribute to this particular forum and SI at large.

+1,000,000. I don't know anyone IRL who has been through this. I remember when I found SI I wondered what the hell it was because it was so different. I also wondered why the hell there were so many members.

Nothing romantic about it, yet it was still more decency or concern than what my now x showed me over 16 years

I so get this. Genuine, no strings attached, no tax to pay, no grand public gesture to show everyone what a great guy he is. That damned Dr Phil-ism always ringing in my ears: "what is important to a man is how he treats his wife behind closed doors when no one is looking".

It can take your breath away when it happens. Then you're sad that you didn't realise you were missing it for so long.

Hold yourself gently through the dip, friend. I think of them as labour pains to the birth of my healthy future.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5576 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
wonderpets
Member
Member # 35901
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

I don't think I ever get too verbose in my posts, but this site has been therapy for me. I am 2 years out, already remarried, but I still think I need to process everything that happened a little more to stay healthy in my head. I've still got some anger, and the typical XWS whose life went completely out of control.

Anyways, I am very thankful for this place.


Posts: 203 | Registered: Jun 2012
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Thanks SBB & wonderpets.

It sounds so pathetic to think 'gosh, this randomish stranger really didn't want me to drown'. My x, wouldn't have noticed and if he did, it was a deliberate attack against him to garner sympathy for myself.

Fuck I hate finding these remnants.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 740 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

I know what you mean. I often look at complaints about husbands on here and think, "But wait ... I was one of the good ones!" What gives me hope is that there are probably just as many women on here thinking the same thing when I complain about The Princess.

The truth is that we all managed to find someone who doesn''t deserve our awesomeness, but there are people out there who do deserve us - and they''re wondering where''n hell we are.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1986 | Registered: Jan 2013
GingerAle
Member
Member # 33822
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

We are so very blessed to have this site. There are people from all around the world, at different stages who are so kind as to share not only their struggles but the BTDT wisdom.


A huge amen to this. I shudder to think of what I would have done and would continue to do without this place. Huge hugs and tons of gratitude to all of you!


My WH (The KISA, NPD) 6 month EA in 2010
2 other EAs in 2012 & 2013
Filed for D 7/2014


Posts: 420 | Registered: Nov 2011
yestopants
Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

^^I second this sentiment!

The truth is that we all managed to find someone who doesn''t deserve our awesomeness, but there are people out there who do deserve us - and they''re wondering where''n hell we are.

and pass this gives me hope.


36 and never been loved in a healthy way.

This^^ is true for me too.
((HurtsButImOk)) you are awesome. thank you for sharing.


Me: 35
STBXWH: 38
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 282 | Registered: Dec 2013
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

I second, third and fourth this post!!! Without SI I would most likely be feeding the STBX ego kibbles and cake! Dealing with TT and not even being aware of the gaslighting going on. False R would be my life, followed (if I found out) by another D-Day .. and another!!


SI has given me so much knowledge, so much support in being able to use that knowledge to help ME ... so yeah ... kudos to all y'all!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
MissMovingOn
Member
Member # 30720
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

I want in on the love in!

This particular forum has been such a giant source of strength for me.

Love you all to pieces!


Me: BS, 34
Him: (SA/NPD)WH, 31
Multiple ddays since 2010 (Latest January 15th 2013) - not counting anymore!
FINAL FINAL DDay - August 8, 2014. I AM DONE!

Posts: 418 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: West Coast Canada
Jduff
Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

The truth is that we all managed to find someone who doesn't deserve our awesomeness, but there are people out there who do deserve us - and they're wondering where'n hell we are.

Very, VERY true!

One of those deserving people out there found me (or I should say we found each other) and it's been absolutely wonderful.

I came across this site in my search to find a forum on how to deal with STBX during a D process. Now, I'm blown away by the many stories here, the shared wisdom, and the support. This place has answered many questions I have for my STBXW that I now don't need to ask her. The WS script is so freakishly common! I wish I found this place when my own struggle started, but even today it and its members still help me. Especially with the anger stage.

More importantly, this place showed I was not alone in my own struggles, and that thousands and certainly millions of others are going through similar crisis in their relationships and we are the few lucky 42k plus who happened across this goldmine of support. I've already pointed a few more of my friends to this place as they are going through their relationship struggles.

You all are darn good people!


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 519 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I never miss the chance to throw some love around on SI! You guys are the best. I remember my first post in JFO. I cried when I saw all the ((hugs)), and I was finally in the company of those who understood. But 5 months ago when I moved to the DS forum, it was like walking into a room full of family. Sappy I suppose given that we are all strangers, but you all here are AWESOME.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I feel the love even though we might be separated by vast distances. (((hugs to all)))

@ SBB - Sorry for the cricket reference


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 740 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 12