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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Another Father of the year
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

I met a guy about 4.5 years ago. My boys were 6 and 4. We moved in together after a year of dating. We've been married for almost 2 years now. My H, Aussie adores the boys. He doesn't have any kids of his own.

He's been to the ER for a screaming 3 yr old, on Christmas Eve, for a horrible ear infection. He's helped clean puke off the wall, after the child on the top bunk couldn't make it down in time. He's coached football. He's had empty t-shirt drawers because little monsters stole his Halo shirts to sleep in. Last weekend, he stayed home with them, and their friends so i could take a newly single friend out for Valentine's Day. He's carried sleeping 10 yr olds in from the car, and shouted it was bedtime to the half dozen boys sleeping over, and laid in bed beside me smiling when we heard them whispering still 20 minutes later. He's tripped over his tools left in the yard, and taught them to use the snow blower, the power drill, and the lawn mower. He's held them on his lap or let them climb in bed with us when thunderstorms had them scared. He's afraid of water, and when we vacation on the beach, he'll go out as far as the kids will, because they asked him to. When the kids hear the garage door open, I can't beat them into his hugs, they win every time. You would never be able to prove they aren't his.

This quote from Weatherly on Libertyrock's thread had me literally in tears.

Where are the father's like this?
I see them on this board but they are betrayed by their WW's.

My dad voluntarily turned his back on his 6 children and 4 grandchildren because my eldest sister told him that she didn't approve of his "relationship" with his married "travel buddy". He cut ties with us and hasn't spoken to any one of us in over 10 years.

I have almost 10 year old twin girls that he has never met. They have never met their grandfather. I also never met my mother's father (my grandfather now deceased) due to the circumstances between my mother and him. He was divorced from my grandmother in the 1940's!!

X is engaged to his former girlfriend from 25 years ago. She divorced her husband last year to become engaged and has custody of her 11 or 12 year old son.
Her X pays support and her parents take care of the boy. She apparently has said she's not much of a mother (ya think?)
X lives here in Canada and she lives in Switzerland. They have no plans (that I know of) to rectify this situation.

I found out this week that X is currently in Switzerland babysitting her son while she is on a business trip so that X and the boy can "bond".

This is a man who has twin girls that he saw 3% of the time last year with a grand total of 5 overnights for 2013.

This is the man who takes them only when his parents are around to actually take care of them.

This is the man who lied and told his kids that he was going back to his home country "sometime in February" to do and internship and look for a job.

This is the man who never tells me when he is in town or out of town.

This is a man who pays CS from his father's bank account so that it doesn't affect his credit rating.

This is a man who pays for extracurriculars sporadically but at least he eventually does pay.

He has no life insurance that benefits the girls.

He has never paid one cent into the RESP that I have for them (post secondary education fund).

This man is not a dad.
He is a sperm donor.

I am furious that he is becoming a father to a child when he has 2 of his own.

Who can do this?
What kind of broken do you have to be to be this kind of monster?
How do I know the girls will be ok when he does see them with such a man as this?

FTG a million times.
What a complete and total waste of human skin.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 10:19 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1415 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, February 20th (Thursday)


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9810 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

I am so sorry. Sending so many hugs to you and your girls. They are so lucky to have you as their mom.

I too teared up at Weatherly's post. Don't let the POSX take away your faith in there being better men and fathers out there.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Weatherly's description of Aussie also made me cry. ex-asshat was NEVER a father like this, not even when the bunch was small and we were doing okay ourselves. And now, he's sent away all four bananas, including the 10 year old last year, saying he was going to take her to a mental hospital because she kept crying for me.

I do have to say that my SO is an amazing father. He has his kids 24/7 and is so involved with them. They're so happy and relaxed together and all enjoy each other's company without being all codependent... it's just lovely to see.

They're out there. Many of us just had the misfortune of finding the opposite.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15411 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Who can do this?

My X did this too. Became a father to OW's spawn while completely abandoning his own DD. Only a very broken person would do something like that.

(((hugs)))


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17674 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Weatherly has certainly hit the Daddy Jackpot!! Kudos to her.

They're out there .. too bad we don't have a device we could wave over them to see what they're really like deep inside ... *sigh*


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
sef85843
New Member
Member # 13099
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

I have to admit to shedding a few tears over this post. My father left at 13 and never looked back. What's worse was the multiple attempts I made to see if he wanted me in his life. I almost feel it's worse than death to have your own parent reject you again and again. I remember when I turned 18 I called him and he yelled in the phone, "Free at last!!" because his court mandated child support for me was over (never saw a dime of it...my mother is a different can of worms). Or when I wrote him a letter he responded that I needed to write two essays titled, "the loyal daughter" and "the dutiful daughter" as conditions to being in the same room with him.

Or how about the letter I wrote in which he responded that if I tried to see him he would have me arrested.

There's too many of these instances to count and I think you get the gist. He just decided he didn't want to be a parent and didn't think for one nanosecond how that would affect anyone else but himself. A narcissist in it's purest form.

Sometimes I really do wonder if there are truly good fathers out there or if it's just on TV and the movies. I consider my father dead because it makes it easier to cope.


Wheel in the sky keeps on turning...don't know where I'll be tomorrow. - Journey

Posts: 36 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Ann Arbor
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

I purposely didn't have children with my Wxh, because I think that every child deserves to have one as great as Aussie. And I knew that his selfishness would win out every time.

I just didn't think he would hurt me the way that he did, or I would have left him sooner to find my own Aussie.

The best that I can hope for is to find a single dad that is great with his kids, and hope for grandchildren.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
ideservebetter45
Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

My ex left 3 little girls and a pregnant wife twenty some years ago and never looked back.The wife met another man eventually and he raised and loved those girls like they were his own.My ex married his lover and left her and his 5th daughter.He married me and had an affair, and left me and my 6 year old daughter. He has 6 girls that he doesnt give 2 hoots about.He thinks his nightly 1 minute phone call and a few hours a week visit is a father.Blows my mind. I wouldnt give up the baths, the homework,endless hours of playing dolls,ect ect for ANYTHING or ANYONE.I just hope my love is enough for her..that the rejection from her dad doesnt effect her in the long run.She deserves sooo much more.

Posts: 162 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
cvs2kkids
Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I see this over and over.

My SIL XWH has a new GF every other month and takes to the kids. In the meantime. 5 year-old son he has abounded here, financially and emotionally, while he moved 1500 miles away.

INHO, these guys are using the kids to get in the pants of the OW. They are no more a father to these kids then I am to a panda bear in the zoo. Leaves a trail of distressed and broken kids.


No wonder our world is so F'd up!


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind


Posts: 234 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

(((((Lola & kids)))))

I'm so sorry. That has to be so hard on your children's hearts. I'm glad they have a wonderful mom to lean on.

My DD's father has never paid a penny in support or seen her. In my case, it is safer for her, but she doesn't know that. So she gets sad and confused.

On the flipside, I know a woman who barely sees her kids & never pays anything. She cut short her son's bday party so she could take her daughter for a mother/daughter manicure. Oh the stories I could tell you of her nonsense.

I think there are good people out there. We'll find them.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:53 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]


Posts: 35758 | Registered: Mar 2011
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

My X did this too. Became a father to OW's spawn while completely abandoning his own DD.

Yeah, ex-asshat did exactly the same thing, remarried and plays father to his wife's (not OW) DD. Even though he hates the poor kid and will admit it to anyone, including his W and her DD.

That is more levels of jacked than my brain can comprehend.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 2:04 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15411 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

(((all the kids)))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25667 | Registered: Aug 2011
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

exactly NIK, exactly

I just can't help but feel sorry for all the kids.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1415 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Weatherly
Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I didn't mean to make everybody cry!

I don't get it either though. The boys' bio dad doesn't do anything for them. And, very little with them. He left us, and since then has moved in and out of various women's homes, and plays daddy to their kids. He takes our boys every other weekend, but, usually late Friday-Early Sunday, and often times, just one day rather than have to drive them to soccer on Saturdays. The kids already hate to go visit him. And, there are a whole bunch of other little kids who miss the boys there were told were their "brothers". And, I don't understand why or how he can do this. How somebody can give no thought at all to anyone else.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 8

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

No Weatherly, the tears were for the beauty of the description of your Aussie.
Men like that do exist. You have given me hope.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1415 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 2:49 AM, February 21st (Friday)

(((Lola)))
I do feel like all the good men are on SI because they all hooked up with bad women
Feel so bad for your kids and the other kids described on this thread but at the end of the day they may be better off without their crazy ass fathers.

Or how about the letter I wrote in which he responded that if I tried to see him he would have me arrested.

(((sef)))


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Topic Posts: 17