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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Firsts since separation/divorce
lefther
New Member
Member # 42463
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

So last week was my first Valentine's alone since being separated in Dec. Today is my birthday, and in one week it would have been our 7th Wedding anniversary. How does everyone deal with these days that used to be so happy? My family and friends are there for me and cheering me up, but I just feel sad and lonely.


BH - 29(me)
WW/STBXW - 26
M <7 T >9
2nd D-day - Christmas Day 2013

Posts: 13 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Ca
littlefoggy
Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Happy Birthday!

I just try to distract myself the whole day. Keep myself busy and try not to think about it. Do you have any fun projects you have been putting off?


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 496 | Registered: Nov 2013
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Happy birthday!!!

It's no fun when all these dates pile up at once. Glad your friends and family are there to comfort you, though I know it does not erase the sadness it can lighten the load. But look at it this way--they are another milestone crossed and hence another step forward. never again will you have to deal with the 1st Vday, bday, etc. alone.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

Happy Birthday, lefther.

I think it helped me to step outside of my own head on those days and reframe the day.

On my first birthday after dday, I made a point of reaching out to my parents to thank them for everything they've done for me.

Next Valentine's Day, you could focus on showing love to your friends and family through acts of service, or bringing a little love to people who are alone (house bound, in a hospital or a nursing home, etc.).

Of course, it's ok if those days are just too triggery and hard to reframe. It's ok to retreat and focus on self-care when it gets hard. ((((lefther))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25343 | Registered: Aug 2011
lefther
New Member
Member # 42463
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, February 20th (Thursday)

The only fun project I really have is learning to play the guitar. I've dabbled with it the last week, but I will put some more time into it.
I like that norabird. No more firsts. :)
I also like the idea of helping others, that would be fun and nice for them too.


BH - 29(me)
WW/STBXW - 26
M <7 T >9
2nd D-day - Christmas Day 2013

Posts: 13 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Ca
still2suspicious
Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Happy Birthday, lefther.

Just keep marking off those "firsts" and be proud of yourself of getting thru them.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
cvs2kkids
Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

How about starting new traditions that you can carry on for years in the future> Even when you have a SO.

Take a friend/sibling and go to dinner and a sporting event.

Take a close road trip

Go to Vegas!!

I would resist those days alone, but by planning events, you don't feel like a tag-along


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your min


Posts: 219 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
MadeOfScars
Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Happy Birthday lefther!

I am right there with you in going through the "firsts." V-day wrecked me. Her birthday was this past Monday, and you know what I did? I went out with some co-workers after work and had a great time! Still not sure what to do for what would be our 9th anniversary in March, but I'll damn sure figure something out that doesn't involve moping around my empty house. Will I be sad? Damn right I will be, but I'll get through it, and so will you.

It's natural to feel sadness and grief for all these firsts. As has been mentioned, once you cross them off, they're done. Soon all the firsts are over with, and you can focus on creating new firsts for you.

Hang in there. We are all here for you when it gets to be too much. You will get through this.


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1110 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Leia
Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I found out Jan 27th that he cheated, our 14th anniversary was the 29th, and my birthday was the 3rd. It just sucks. I laid on my bedroom floor and cried, mostly, and felt better after doing it. On Valentine's, I made a steak dinner for me and the kids with the good steak that I had hid in the back of the freezer. That made me feel better. I was prepared for my STBX mom-in-law's annual anniversary phone call. So, when she said "Happy Anniversary!" I shouted back "Are you F*ing kidding me?!?" Honestly, that was the best sliver lining in this whole sucky situation.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
lefther
New Member
Member # 42463
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Thanks all, I really appreciate the advice and kind words. I'm doing dinner with my close family after class tonight. I think beer and bowling with family and friends will be my new tradition.


BH - 29(me)
WW/STBXW - 26
M <7 T >9
2nd D-day - Christmas Day 2013

Posts: 13 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Ca
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

On what would have been my 34th anniversary (the first occasion after my D), I went to Las Vegas with some SI friends. It was wonderful


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20170 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
justjim
Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

There is a little wooded area next to the house with pathways through the ivy and lamposts scattered throughout. A prayer bench, and another area for grilling and eating outside. We used it a lot. It was a special place for us, I thought.

I am sitting here as I type this, grilling and eating out here alone for the first time. It sucks, but it has to be done.

Next time will be better.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
yestopants
Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

The firsts suck. I've had first christmas, new years, my b-day, v-day, 14 years together, and my DS birthday. All I have left is our wedding anniversary and my DD birthday! By summer I'm done firsts. I might do something special for that a new day to celebrate.

Happy Birthday!
sending you love and strength. This road isn't easy or short but I think if we can make it through it will be brighter.


Me: 35
STBXWH: 38
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 282 | Registered: Dec 2013
lefther
New Member
Member # 42463
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, February 21st (Friday)

It was mostly a happy birthday, except for my STBXW texted my mom saying she was keeping our dog until the paperwork was signed (she is the one that has to sign stuff still). I'm assuming she is using the dog as a pawn to get what she wants. Other than her pathetic ploy to ruin my b-day, it was good, and more plans are made for the weekend. Thanks everyone!


BH - 29(me)
WW/STBXW - 26
M <7 T >9
2nd D-day - Christmas Day 2013

Posts: 13 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Ca
Topic Posts: 14