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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: im scared
whiteflower99
Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I am scared of being alone.
There I said it. It's supposed to make it easier to deal with, right?


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

((((whiteflower)))) It does, honey. Acknowledging it does help.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24435 | Registered: Aug 2011
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

You have us. You are not alone. ((White).


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7428 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
MadeOfScars
Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

(((whiteflower99)))

Admitting it does help, but yeah, there's no wand that just makes everything better. Look at it this way - would you rather be alone, or with the wrong person? Also, who says you won't find someone else when YOU are ready? IDK if that helps at all, but I wanted you to know we're listening and we have your back 100%, so in a way, you're never alone.


"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." - C.S. Lewis

Posts: 880 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
scarednbroken
Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

((((Whiteflower)))))

I don't know if it makes it easier or not. I'm scared too. I know that I will probably be romantically alone the rest of my life. But I will have my children and grandchildren to fill my heart.


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
MadeOfScars
Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I know that I will probably be romantically alone the rest of my life

Only if you want that to be the case. I really know that you can have another chance at true love. Not just saying that to make you feel better. Wish I knew what else to say, but just know you are worthy of love.


"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." - C.S. Lewis

Posts: 880 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

Alone is different from lonely.

I was lonely in my marriage. Right now, I'm alone, but I'm fulfilled and much happier with my life than I had been for years. That's what was difficult for me to admit and acknowledge-- that I was lonely without being alone.

I know it's scary, but once you get there... you'll wonder why you didn't get there sooner.

(((whiteflower99)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
whiteflower99
Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I'm so tired of pretending I'm ok. I have a plan, back in school get my degree in 18 months which is about as long as it will take me to fix my credit. I have a client base here with my mom. After two years I build a house on her properly for my kids and me. But all of this was supposed to be done WITH HIM.
Now I am facing my mother's deteriorating health, and everything ALONE.
While he gets off free as a bird, no worries.
It isn't fair, and don't I sound like a wee babe right now.
I know no one said anything about "fair" but dammit I EXPECTED him to hold up his end of our marriage.

I hold it together for my kids, they need to see me strong. But inside I am screaming.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
MadeOfScars
Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I won't try to compare our situations apples to apples, but man oh man did this ring true -

While he gets off free as a bird, no worries.

Change "he" to "she" and thats what still burns me up the most. One thing I do know about my situation is she is running while I'm left to face our past head on, and I will be SO much better for it. That drives me and gives me purpose. The WS always seems to get off easy at first, but that way that can light a fire under the betrayed is ultimately a gift. Not sure if you know this Garth Brooks song, but -

After seven years of marriage
He wanted out
Now after seven months of freedom
It's clear that there's no doubt

She's gonna make it
And he never will
He's at the foot of the mountain
And she's over that hill
He's sinkin' at sea
And her sails are filled
She's gonna make it
And he never will

Tailor these lyrics to your situation and believe in it fully. Peace and strength be with you.


"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." - C.S. Lewis

Posts: 880 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
myowndystopia
Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I used to be the same way. Then it dawned in me- I had been alone for awhile. I was physically and emotionally alone while he was off screwing OW then he would climb into my bed not even saying good night. No good mornings, no how was your day. No you look nice. I had been alone long before I realized it!


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I understand. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid of the daunting road to rebuild my life. Then I realized I would be more afraid to wake up next to someone who continued to have sex with prostitutes. The person that was supposed to be my partner, who continued to treat my life as collateral damage to his agenda.

You can do this! When it is more frightening to think about staying with the WS than being alone you know what you have to do.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1587 | Registered: Mar 2004
Topic Posts: 11