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User Topic: Why don't EAs count?
Smashedat58
Member
Member # 41705
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

My WH still thinks he has done nothing wrong, since he says he and married OW haven't slept together. He thinks he is a great guy who was ignored by his wife and fell in love with his co worker. It just happened. He doesn't understand that he has betrayed and destroyed our family. Our grown children think he is pathetic, and our son won't speak to him. WH was shocked that I would make him leave our home. After being told that he had fallen out of love with me, and that he had fallen in love with her, what other choice did I have? I have proceeded toward divorce,but he is dragging things out. I have threatened litigation if he doesn't adhere to the collaborative process. He's trying maintain some control over finances, but my attorney is aware of his shenanigans. He also shows up each weekend for mail, etc. I think he is pathetic, too. I just wish he would stay out of my life.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, February 20th (Thursday)

I guess they don't count for the same reason hiring someone to kill someone else doesn't count as murder.

Which would be a really fun way to reply to the "We didn't do anything wrong" line IMO.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7431 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, February 21st (Friday)

How far out from Dday are you?

My WH was the same way for a few months after Dday. He never loved COW, just liked flirting and talking dirty with her. He would say it was inappropriate but never saw it as cheating or an EA. He slowly started to realize just how messed up it was and will actually apologize out of the blue now. When I try to minimize by saying, "It's okay" (co-dependent me) he will stop me and say, "No, it's not okay." It took him awhile to see it so if you are still close to Dday that may be the case.

I would suggest he read Not Just Friends.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, February 21st (Friday)

First off have you read this in post in the healing library?

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/emotional_affairs.asp

You might want to and print it out for WH if you want to add some fact to your issue. However if D is the path and you won't turn back then there is no need to engage in his tactics to engage. Just know that your views on the damage of EAs are correct and you aren't overreacting.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51940 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Jduff
Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, February 21st (Friday)

I would suggest he read Not Just Friends.

^^^^^ I definitely second this ^^^^^

And tell him its some steamy novel about how "Twin Flames" find a way to make it work so he'll dive right into it, then before he knows it he'll be hooked in with guilt as the book unravels his stupidity before him like layers in an onion...just kidding. Giving him the book should be enough.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 445 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, February 21st (Friday)

Because he has to make some sort of excuse that allows him to sleep at night.

It is ridiculous, but you can't convince him otherwise while he is in the land of unicorns and rainbows.

You are smart and strong. Stay the course.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8228 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, February 21st (Friday)

I guess it''s okay with him if you start up an emotional affair then? They don''t count, after all.

What an arse!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1832 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, February 21st (Friday)

Gee, married people fall in love with others all the time and it's normal? I guess I've been living in a different world!!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4088 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 8