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User Topic: threatened with a knife
Pinkcottoncandy
New Member
Member # 42480
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

So I was awake one night in bed and laughed about something I saw on the internet. My WH woke up wanting to know what was so funny. I was laughing too hard to get the story out, so he assumed I was talking to another man.

He took my laptop and messaged a man that he was friends with. The friend took my side when he heard about WH cheating, so they no longer keep in contact. WH got mad when the friend responded, so he pulled a knife out of the drawer and came over to me. He told me to never talk to the friend, and he would kill me and the friend if there was further contact.

I am terrified and ashamed that I married someone like this. I left immediately after he passed out, and now I'm receiving calls and texts from him. He keeps making excuses for pulling out the knife and swearing that he wasn't going to hurt me.

This hurts so much worse than the infidelity. Before he passed out, he grabbed me and gave me a huge hickey on my neck to show that I belong to him. I've also caught him checking my underwear in the past to look for another man's cum. I'm so embarrassed to talk about this and I'm afraid for my children. I'm the BS being treated like the WS, and I'm so scared and upset. I will never go back to this man and I refuse to let him see our children.


Posts: 10 | Registered: Feb 2014
hard_yards
Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 3:41 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Please tell me you've been to the police and filed a complaint, please tell me you have an RO to give you a little protection from this creep.

IMO, you should do the above immediately if you haven't already, then, get yourself the meanest best lawyer around, and move and don't let him find out the new address or phone number.

This man is frightening, he's dangerous, please don't risk yourself becoming another statistic.

Just get away from him, you cannot spend another minute around him, he's not safe.

Hugs.



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1236 | Registered: Apr 2009
Jpapageorge
Member
Member # 31800
Default  Posted: 3:44 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

...(A)nd he would kill me and the friend if there was further contact.

Before he passed out, he grabbed me and gave me a huge hickey on my neck to show that I belong to him.

Please get yourself and your children to a battered women's shelter NOW. Do not try to convince yourself that it was the drinking/drugs/stress/what the hell ever. He is abusive, controlling and dangerous. Get away from him, protect yourself and your children, file a police report and do not answer when he calls or sends text messages.

There is no excuse ever that would make what he has done to you OK in any way. You do not have to put up with threats of death and be victimized by assault with a deadly weapon. You are not an animal that needs to be branded to show ownership. You need to teach your children that NOBODY has the right to abuse you or them. You need to protect yourself and your children.

Hang in there and stay safe.

Jp


"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF

Posts: 1728 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:11 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Don't think for one second this is a one off or something that will never happen again. He just upped the ante and if you stick around your going to find yourself in a world of misery. This guys has some serious mental issues that you can not fix. You need to get the legal system involved now. You need to get as far away from him as possible. If you allow him to nice himself back into your life the next time he just might kill you. Don't think he is sorry for what he has done. He has labeled you his property and wants his possession back. And he will say all the right things and try and act as kind as possible to get you back in the house. But once there the abuse is going to be ramped up and possibly lead to the end of your life and perhaps your children's as well. Please run far and run fast, your life depends on it.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5613 | Registered: Nov 2007
stillhere09
Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)


stronger08 is absolutely right! Keep as far from him as you can. You did the right thing in getting away from him. Be sure he is blocked from all contact with you and the kids. The kids need to switch to a school where he wouldn't expect to find them.

FIRST:
If you file a police report, it will be on their records what this man is like. That way, if anything happens in the future, he can't twist the story because all you would have to do is refer the police to the former police report, and they will know what he is truly like. He can't tell them a story and get away with it that way. So to file a police report, even though it didn't just now happen, is the wisest thing to do.

SECOND:
You need to be in a place where he doesn't know about. Change your address, phone number, email, everything!

THIRD:
Be sure to alert the police about any contact he tries to make with you or the kids.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Althea
Member
Member # 37765
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

pinkcottoncandy, I agree with the others. Go to the police NOW and get an emergency restraining order. Then go to the court and make it permanent. Otherwise, by taking your children and refusing him access, you are setting up a situation where if he files a police report or goes to court accusing you of kidnapping, it is a he said/she said situation. Don't let that happen. It will put you and the children in a much more vulnerable position.


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 454 | Registered: Dec 2012
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

He keeps making excuses for pulling out the knife and swearing that he wasn''t going to hurt me.

There are no valid excuses for pulling the knife. Maybe he wasn''t going to hurt you, but that was still an act of violence. A violent man who believes he owns you WILL end up escalating the violence.

Please follow the advice given by others here. You need to get away from this guy. We all care about you, and don''t want anything worse to happen to you.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1834 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I've given up cussing (mostly), but WTF?!?!?!

No excuse, as the others have said.

Do not wait for a next time. Get out. NOW.

Go to the police. They will have resources to help you.

(((Hugs)))


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

(((Pcc))))

He keeps making excuses for pulling out the knife and swearing that he wasn't going to hurt me.

Um, if he 'wasn't going to hurt' you then why the fuck did he need a knife??? Whether he was 'going to hurt' you or not, the fact is that he COULD HAVE hurt you.

I am terrified and ashamed that I married someone like this.

The shame is not on you for trusting that your WH would treat you - at a MINIMUM - the ordinary courtesy and respect that ANY person should be accorded. And this incident goes so far beyond lack of courtesy and respect that it is truly dangerous for you and your children. You are right to be terrified.

As the others have said - file a police report and go with your children to a women's shelter NOW. Whether you think you can or should accept this kind of behavior (you shouldn't), your CHILDREN need protection.

This man is dangerous, you need to save yourself and your children.

Sending you loads of strength. You can do this.

((((Pcc))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2548 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
debbysbaby
Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

This is terrible and I am so sorry. Everyone else is giving you good advice. Additionally, save those text messages from him! That's about all the proof that you have of the incident. Don't let anything happen to those. Forward them to someone, print them, send them to an email address, but definitely save them!


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 860 | Registered: Aug 2011
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Screen shots of the texts work well too.

Document, document, document.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
allusions
Member
Member # 25376
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

He wasn't going to hurt you? But he DID hurt you, emotionally, mentally and physically (because your body reacted to it, correct?)

Do as others have suggested. Get out,and file restraining orders. There are no excuses for what he did.


Posts: 297 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: California Central Coast
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Follow the advice above. Go to the police and find a place to stay where he can't find you. This isn't going to get better. He will kill you if you stay with him.

Posts: 1657 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Sweetheart, he just showed you who he was. He just showed you what is going to happen next. Abusers never de-escalate their physical abuse. They keep it going.

The next phase is for him to blow up your phone with apologies, Oh Baby, It Will Never Happen Again, I Love You''s, trying to find out from your friends/family where you are, and beseeching you to not break up your family, "Think of the Children!" Or, more chillingly, especially if you don''t trot back to him like a good little chattel, threats against you, your children, and your family. All designed to bring you to heel and back under his control. You may not make it out next time, if you go back to him, and that means that he will be the ONLY person raising your children.

1-800-779-7233 is the number of the national domestic violence hotline. Please, give them a call and talk to someone. Please make sure to fill out a report at the police office and seek an RO. Please see a lawyer ASAP. And keep coming back here for support. We''re all very concerned for you. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Get to the police, get to a shelter, get HELP. Everyone is right, it will only escalate from here.

Believe me, I totally understand the feelings of embarrassment and shame but you have NOTHING to be ashamed of.

Please, please get help. For you and your babies.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15383 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Get out. Get out now. Before you become a statistic, before your kids end up being raised by this man.

I've seen this scene too much. He will do it again. Each time he will ratchet it up a notch. Do not feel shame. Do not accept the blame. This is not about you. He is broken and dangerous. Please get out.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8229 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Pink - Please check in when you can. Very frightened for your safety.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25059 | Registered: Aug 2011
Pinkcottoncandy
New Member
Member # 42480
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Thank you everyone for the advice. I plan on getting a PFA tomorrow and filing a police report. I honestly had to use the weekend to get myself together. When he pulled out the knife, I was sure he was going to kill me. I'm very lucky that I wasn't hurt, and I don't want to put my life or my childrens' lives at risk anymore.

I am also going to see if I can get full custody of our child, and ask about keeping the PFA so he can't be around when I go into labor. With pregnancy, bruises tend to heal slower for me, so I still have the hickey. I will make sure they take a picture of it (even though I already did).

I know I should have went already, but I wanted to wait until I knew he'd be at work. I did speak to a lawyer that I know who said that taking our child for the weekend could not be seen as kidnapping because we both have custody. Not sure if that will hold up, but I plan on filing for full custody and divorce tomorrow as well. Thanks again for all of your advice!


Posts: 10 | Registered: Feb 2014
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Definitely file a report if you havent already and most definitely keep yourself and the kids somewhere he doesn't know about. Please don't take this lightly. Take care and please don't take chances..no matter how apologetic he may try to be.
If he's capable.of threatening you while drunk, he's capable sober..
Alcohol is no excuse. He's dangerous.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 11:42 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4935 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

so he can't be around when I go into labor.

You don't need any type of restraining order to make this happen. As the *giving birth* mom, you just tell your nurse -- "HE needs to go/not be here"......and he will be shown the door.

And have no fear -- you haven't *kidnapped* your child.

Good luck to you tomorrow......


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7944 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Nope, no kidnapping... as long as there's no court order outlining custody, either parent can have the kids and not have to turn them over to the other parent.

Just remember that goes both ways... if your H has them, you're out of luck until you can do something about it.

Good luck... did you go back home? Or are you somewhere safe?


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15383 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Hoping that you are with a lawyer and getting the legal documentation that you need! (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Pinkcottoncandy
New Member
Member # 42480
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, February 24th (Monday)

I got the PFA today, and I'm surprised that it was granted so quickly. The judge said she felt that my son and I were in danger, but that it would only be granted temporarily. I have to go back in 2 weeks so we both can speak to the judge.

I'm nervous and I hope the PFA gets granted for 2 years = maximum time. I didn't have time to see the lawyer today, but I plan to set up an appointment this week to discuss custody and the divorce. I just don't see why a man that cheated could be so possessive of me. He texted me last night to say that if I'm ever with someone else, he will kill them and make me watch. I haven't gotten anything from him since I saw the judge, so I feel a little safe for now.


Posts: 10 | Registered: Feb 2014
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Take a screenshot of the text and save it. Show it to the judge.

Posts: 1657 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Stillstings
Member
Member # 36549
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Yes, gather your evidence and pile it up. Stay hidden and go underground if needed.


Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.

Posts: 358 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 25