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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: T/j wedding rings
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I didn't want to t/j careerlady's thread.

I still wear my wedding rings. I haven't filed yet, but I'm not sure I will take them off then either. I love my wedding rings. I realize everything they stood for has been blown to bits.

I'm keeping them because I have children. Not sure how I will pass them along, but I will.

I don't think I will wear a ring on my left 4th finger. I thought maybe my middle finger on that hand.

Sadly, my favorite aunt is in hospice now. She has many lovely pieces of jewelry and rings and my hope is that I will be given one of them and I will probably wear that one.

All of my rings that I normally wear are from WH.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I'm not much into jewelry (pretty much never wear any), but when I took my rings off, I felt naked and so uncomfortable. I would constantly reach to fiddle with them, or have the momentary panic of thinking they were missing/lost until I remembered.

So I bought myself a right hand ring. I call it my New Beginnings Ring. It wasn't expensive, less than a hundred dollars, but I love it. It's a moonstone, symbolic of new life. I wear it to remind myself that I am complete and full within myself, and don't need anyone else to buy me pretty things (or otherwise complete me, if that metaphor wasn't clear ).


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
myowndystopia
Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I have repeatedly injured my left hand- usually involving a door closing on it- and the most recent time was last February. I'm thinking the big guy upstairs was trying to give me subtle hints. Anyway it took a couple months for swelling to go down enough to get ring off. And oddly enough I never put them back on! A year later I still have ring indentions on my finger. They now sit in a safety deposit box with all my other jewelry until grub moves out and the locks are changed.


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
Klove
Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Amazonia- I just love this idea. A reminder of my commitment to MYSELF. *tears*
Doing this TODAY so that had doesn't feel so naked.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
lilacs40
Member
Member # 31314
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I took mine off after both DD and I will never put them on again. I will save then just in case either of my children want them but I can't see they would if they ever find out about the lies. If they don't maybe I will sell them. Or when I get enough money have the engagement stone put into a different setting.

I have always worn rings on both ring fingers so I too went out and bought a new one last week.


I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you

Posts: 294 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

The X did not buy me a wedding ring--he felt he had spent enough on the engagement ring so I bought my own--it was a thin, white gold band that cost $28 (back in 1977). He didn't want a wedding ring; he worked for a magazine distributor and rings were not allowed to be worn because they could get caught in the strappings around the bundles; I was OK with this.

For our first anniversary, I bought myself an insert for my engagement ring. It was a big deal because it was an emerald cut which wasn't very common, so the insert was difficult to find.

We finally bought matching wedding rings in the mid-90s: Southwestern designs--buttes, mesas, pueblos. I still love mine but it never really felt like a real wedding ring.

Fast forward to the betrayal; I took off the wedding ring. It felt weird, so I replaced it with a ring that reads "To thine ownself be true"--my unwedding ring

After I left, I sold most of the gold items he had ever given me, including the original wedding band that I'd bought. I kept the southwestern ring, my engagement ring, and of course, the unwedding ring. I now wear it or the southwestern ring on my right hand.

I don't feel that I can ever give anyone the engagement ring; I feel it's tainted. I plan to sell it someday and use the money toward a nice trip.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 10:59 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)]


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20035 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I plan to sell my engagement and wedding rings. Just waiting for the D to be final. Feels weird to write that, why wait? hmm, guess I'm old-fashioned about that kind of thing!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I''m with Sad in AZ, I wouldn''t want to pass my rings on to DS for fear some curse would come with it. Like BAB I plan to sell when things are finalized. The last one is worth a LOT (the Snake had us get it after he found out about his OC ) so I plan to use it to help finance paying his ass off.


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Griefstricken25
Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I never wore my rings after d-day. But I loved the diamond and just last year, finally saved enough money to repurpose it into a new beginning/family ring with my kids' birthstones. It is stunning. I wear it on my right hand and it represents me and my kids and our life. WXH is completely purged out of the picture.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2507 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
grownapair
Member
Member # 33622
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

See, now I'm confused over what to do...my engagement ring is a family ring, it was my great aunt's and has a lot of sentimental value. It's absolutely gorgeous and I love it...but I do NOT love what it stands for now. I was thinking about taking it to a jeweller and getting the stones reset in some way that's less 'OMG ENGAGEMENT RING!'.

Love the 'new beginnings, new ring' idea too. My hand feels totally naked and I catch myself missing my rings a thousand times a day.


BS - me, 38, WH - 40
Kidlets 6 and 8
DD1 - I love you but... Jan 2010
DD2 - 5 Jan 2011, booted him out
R attempted April 2011, False R
DD3 - 5 Sept 2011, booted him out again
Dec 2011 - living together as a family
Jan 2014 - separated...AGAIN!

Posts: 162 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: UK
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Perhaps you could find an insert; this is what my set looks like:

This is how they look individually:


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20035 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
WestMonroe91
Member
Member # 41999
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I will make it as simple as possible to get rid of mine. Thinking about going into a pawn shop and just taking the first offer. I have no sentimental or other attachment to it.


BS-59 (me)
WS-48
DD-25, DS-20, DS-19

Posts: 60 | Registered: Jan 2014
Leia
Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Thanks for posting this topic. I thought I would just sell my wedding ring, but the diamond is marquee cut and almost perfect clarity. It is small, but quality. I've never liked the setting, though. It stands up too high and catches on everything, so I never wore it. I think I might look into having it reset after reading the ideas on here--or I'll just sell it. I'm not going to keep a ring from a broken marriage. I'm also going to sell my grandma's wedding band. It doesn't fit me, and grandma & granddad probably should have gotten a divorce because neither of them were happy people. I don't feel bad about those decisions.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

I've always preferred colored gemstones so I already had a lot of inexpensive right hand rings. I still wear them and now also on the middle finger of my left hand. I've lost so much weight they no longer fit my ring fingers anymore, just the middle fingers. I have lots of pretty colored pendants too.

XWH preferred diamonds. I have a beautiful wedding set with lots of diamonds including a large center stone. I also have three diamond pendants from him: a heart, a "journey", and one of those 3 stone drop "past, present, future" things.

All of them mean nothing to me and all will be sold when I either need the money or feel like dealing with it, whichever comes first. I have no desire to even keep or reset the stones. Like others have said, they feel tainted to me.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 749 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

I sold the wedding rings to pay for the divorce filing fees. Seemed appropriate.

In my NB, I've purchased several rings to mark specific milestones - my NB cruise, my D being final, etc.. My most recent purchase is not for a milestone, but rather to honor my parents. I bought stacking rings with both Mom and Dad's birthstones.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25061 | Registered: Aug 2011
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, February 24th (Monday)

I sold my wedding ring (only ring I wore) to help pay for my new Irish banjo a couple months after I left her arse. I look at those cool, utilitarian looking rings that engineers wear on their pinkies, and think I would love to have something like that. Some day I''ll have some extra cash lying around, and I''ll be able to get something.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1836 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
NikkiD
Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, February 24th (Monday)

I wear my class ring on my ring finger. It takes up the space...and keeps people from asking questions.


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
RealityStinks
Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, February 24th (Monday)

I took mine off a week after I filed, and I feel naked as the day I was born. I keep it in my pocket. I'm still M, and I don't try to hide that fact. But, I'm not going to live a lie any longer. She wanted out, and she's getting out.

Plus, I found out a few weeks ago when I caught my WW with the OM, and she hasn't been wearing hers during our separation. To paraphrase a text message conversation between my WW and the lady she was living with: "WW, did you lose a diamond ring? It's looks like an engagement ring. Big center stone and small diamonds on each side." WW replied "Oh my gosh, yes! I'm so glad you found it!"

The lady evidently found it in the couch. Probably feel off when the OM was having his way with her.

I'll be getting the rings back. The large center diamond is a family stone that my mother gave me. I'll either hang on to and give it to my daughter one day (if I have one) or make a necklace with it and give it to my sister.


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
justjim
Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, February 24th (Monday)

I cut my wedding band with a pair of wire cutters.

It sits on my dresser as a reminder that promises don't mean much to some people.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
mamazen
Member
Member # 42137
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

I plan to offer my wedding band and engagement ring to WH as part of the settlement (yes, I'm the one who'll be paying....heavy sigh)

He bought them, I have no use for them, and he won't be able to afford new ones if he ever proposes to APwhore--he can have the diamonds reset. Win-win-win: I pay him less money, he gets the diamonds, and I have the satisfaction of knowing she's wearing MY diamonds!

Of course I haven't offered them yet...it's all a fantasy at the moment. But truly, they are tainted, and I don't want them.


mamazen


me 55
WH 56
married 19 years
separated since 8/2013
D in progress
D-day Dec 21 2013 (after separation)
2 sons 15 and 11
OW = family friend and WH work colleague, going on many years (I was clueless)


Posts: 60 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: canada
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

It's been interesting to hear everyone's POV. Lots of ideas to think about!


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 21