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User Topic: What was your first sign of issues?
Aceofbase
Member
Member # 42458
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

My first sign was when I was in Vegas with friends and I told her about this girl that was hitting on me.

She told me that I could have a "hall pass" but she didn't want to here about the details. At that time she was having an Emotional affair and probably felt guilty that I told her that I walked away from the situation.


I grew up on a farm in the midwest and I was very naive about the signs that she was probably a prostitute. OK yes she was a prostitue. But I did waste about 15 minutes of her time trying to pick me up.


DD: 12/18/2013
Status: R

Happiness is a choice.


Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: USA
Brokenhearted99
New Member
Member # 41564
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

During her EA, my WW took pictures of our son's birthday. She didn't want to upload them and share them to my profile on F.B. (I think the O.M. would have been...jealous She was convincing him, we were finished) So she insisted that she email them to me. It was bizarre of her. It took more effort to email them rather than share them. I never, in 14 years, ever knew her to email pics.

I shrugged it off... I since discovered she emailed pics of herself to her partner. I had other vague concerns that have never panned out but that was the red flag that actually led to something of proof something was going on.


Posts: 25 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Jls0320
Member
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I had been feeling like something was not right, one morning the feeling was so strong that I looked at his phone while he was in shower. Found nothing unusual, put it down, then for some reason picked it up again and looked at the pics. Last pic on there was a woman's breasts and another up close of her on hands and knees on the bed


Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, too much too list, drowning in his sex addiction
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap
Separated, divorce filed, he loves his whore lol

Posts: 463 | Registered: Nov 2013
kalimata
Member
Member # 42104
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Many signs.......

Many late nights out 'with the girls'
Early workouts at the gym
New clothes, new makeup
New underwear
New interest in perfume and fashion
Newfound interest in the local football and baseball teams
Clutching her phone like it was gold
Late nights whispering behind closed doors to someone on the phone
Picking fights with me for no particular reason


The list goes on and on


Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
beautytoashes5
Member
Member # 41900
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

So many signs

The cell phone. He constantly had the cell phone on him. And he put a lock on it. I would question why he had a lock on it. I told him if you have nothing to hide why lock your phone? He said his friends would send him inappropriate pics and he didn't want our kids to see them.
I would check his phone and don't remember seeing anything out of the ordinary. Never thought about checking our cell phone bill. That's the one thing that runs through my mind all the time. Why didn't I check our phone bill????
He started to workout. Lifting weights. He had a diet he was on. And guess who cooked his meals so he could look good for the whore? My mom & I did.
Work. He always had to work. Everyday. Work. So busy. No time for anything but work.
His indifference towards me. He didn't care about me. He felt so cold towards me.
And thoughtout all of this, my instinct was that something was off. Things were not good. At one point I thought he was addicted to drugs because of his secrecy. Well he was addicted... He was addicted to the whore.


Posts: 93 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California
DTERMINED2SURVIV
Member
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

The phone....as said, he would NEVER put it down alone in front of me. If he was around, he'd put it face down. Ringer on silent. Then one day I was asked to pull an over night shift for work. He'd always said he didnt want me working over nights but that day...he said "you should do it." I thought something was up, so I cleaned the house REALLY good. Every spec was clean all the laundry done, the bed made. I'd pushed the bed against the wall and tucked the sheets and covers in real tight between the bed and wall. I'd done this before, and if he took a nap in it, he would just use his side (the open side). Well called to say he was going to bed unusually early that night. He didnt answer me all night! When i came home, his nice clothes were laid across the floor (when i left he was wearing sweat pants and a tshirt) and the covers were all twisted up...pulled out from the bed ... I knew then exactly what had happened. Of course he came up with great reasons for everything and after just having his second child...I (wanted to) believed them.




Posts: 271 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
whywhywhywhy
New Member
Member # 41852
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

The cell phone. He constantly had the cell phone on him. And he put a lock on it. I would question why he had a lock on it. I told him if you have nothing to hide why lock your phone? He said his friends would send him inappropriate pics and he didn't want our kids to see them.

Woah- exactly the same response i got when i asked...he said his hockey teammates would send him inappropriate pics and he knew i would get the wrong idea if i saw them...amazing how often the excuses are the same amongst cheaters...

my signs were the indifference, the continual pub nights with friends, the infrequent sex (although he always said it was due to his exhaustion from work...)


Posts: 18 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: ontario canada
mainlyinpain
Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Her name came up in conversations about the office....too much.
He started exercising a lot.
He became distant and weird with both me and DS.
Don't remember the order but found VDay Hallmark receipt for three cards....I got one and DS ..the third?
DS says dad wouldn't let me buy the candies you like at Godiva for VDay---he just bought you this prepackaged one. See Godiva visa purchase as being three times to high for what I received. Told I am imagining everything.
On vacation I am in shower---son comes up to me upset and says dad just angrily told him not to come out onto the lanai---he is on phone. We argue, I try to get phone, he deletes something tells me he was talking to my brother. That I am crazy.
Find purchases on vacation of women's tank tops "Island girl" says they are for nieces but he has hidden them and secretly bought them. (and they were too big for them)
I cut them up anyway. Tells me I am imagining things.
At this point I do think I might be mentally unstable.
Receive a new mortgage statement in the mail for a house in a nearby suburb--in his name. He says it is some bank mistake with a person with his same name --he will take care of. I drive by house and it is empty.
Six months later he has dropped a receipt on the floor. I pick it up - it has the address of this house and BINGO the OW name. It is for patio furniture.
He says she asked him to call them as they were not delivering her furniture. I say well that's inappropriate but
the house is the one with your name on it!!!
He says I can't question him about that --- there is client privilege---it was financial dealings when she was his client and going through her divorce and he counseled her to conceal assets or some such BS that I was mind-raped about. He got very angry and insisted that he had a business reputation and license that he had to protect and he would not jeopardize that by revealing his client's information about the house--that would be morally and ethically wrong and he had to protect that information!!! And I am crazy!!!
All this time, if I would question anything he would get angry and say how hurtful it was to him that I did not trust him---and I would feel guilty and sometimes apologize and many times not question or just blindly trust to try and show him that I did have faith in him.
And I went crazy. For reals.
And then everything else happened.


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Apr 2013
LoveActually
Member
Member # 31030
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, February 22nd (Saturday)

He was extremely irritable, he would explode over the slightest thing. Very out of character for him. He became obsessed with diet and working out, looked very tired and haggard all the time--people kept asking him what was wrong and asking me what was wrong with him. Started acting very selfishly, wanted time for himself, talked about needing to get away and go on trips without me (which I never let happen thank god). Would hardly even look me in the eye. I found myself constantly asking him what was wrong, why was he so angry and depressed.


BS (Me)
WS (Him)
D-Day 5/29/09
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs

Posts: 784 | Registered: Jan 2011
craig2001
Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

My gut feeling was my first indication, and the gut feeling was based on her attitude towards me which changed. She kind of became uppity around me, like disagreeing with everything I said and just an uppity attitude.

Then it was not being at work during lunch if I were to call.

Then it was coming home late when all she did was go shopping.

Then it was coming home late after work smelling like alcohol.

To actually catch many WS's, you practically have to walk in on them it seems. Otherwise, you are the crazy one with wrong gut feelings and always accusing for no reason.


Posts: 4163 | Registered: Jun 2002
txdadbh
New Member
Member # 42552
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)


Coming home late from tennis practice and matches where the OM was present. I am talking 10:30 when the drill ended at 8:30.

Talking a lot about him at first and then nothing.

Going in another room to text. Holding onto the phone like it was her newborn baby.

Texts mostly not about tennis with hundreds a week. Evidence that texts were deleted just for the OM's number.

Her tennis friends suddenly dissing her for months. (They found out about them.) and excluding OM from normal events, ie end of year parties.

Some tennis friends confused about my role in her life when I showed up at some matches. They thought OM/WW were married. I got some hellacious stares and then some very weird looks among the couples later.

Rudeness and coldness from WW. Felt like a roommate some days. Other days were great.

Bouts of deep sadness. Preoccupation with something else.

Lack of interest in sex. She always came first with me and that began not to happen. End of blowjobs and did not want cunnilingus.

Comments about topics she was not usually interested in, ie art, high brow movies, etc. ( I love this stuff but she was bored by it over the years and never went with me..)

Comments out of the blue which frame things in their shared reality, not ours. Like 'X Likes that, but I do not.'

Dressing to the nines to go somewhere, ie picking out cute tennis outfits, doing makeup, perfume, etc.

Changes in comments about what she likes in a man. I have very little body hair and all the hair on my head. She hated hairy chests and baldness and would often comment about it, but her tune changed.


Posts: 18 | Registered: Feb 2014
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

-WH was never home
-always angry at me
-guarded his cellphone with his life, even took it into the bathroom with him
-asked one of our teenagers to teach him how to text, & got a texting plan for himself
-went on a diet & lost a lot of weight (of course I shopped for the special ingredients,& cooked him special food, in addition to also cooking special food for one of our "picky eater" kids)

I have recently remembered a conversation that I overheard him having with his best friend---they were in the other room watching a game while I was cooking in the kitchen for them----this was a few weeks before Dday:

friend: "Oh, buddy, I finally saw that girl you were telling me about!"
WH: "SHHHHHHHHH!"

I was so trusting.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 2:11 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1403 | Registered: Dec 2012
MadeOfScars
Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Oh so many that I didn't see for what they were because, well, I trusted her:

lock screen on her phone. She'd never done that before

The look of alarm on her face when I tried to hand her her ringing phone one day.

Extreme weight loss (pills, skipping meals) and a sudden interest in exercise.

Sex life was all over the place. One day she's crying about lack of intimacy. The next day she doesn't respond to my advances. The next day we're going at it like animals.

The "look," like she was looking through me at times. I can't define it, but maybe some here know what I mean. Like she was there, but not there.

Always tired

Lots of late nights at work

late nights out with friends I never got to meet, and often drinking to blackout states.

Coming home several hours after she said she would

New clothes and underwear

Pushing our mutual friends away

An all day shopping trip where she came home with nothing. Why I didn't question that more, I'll never know. She always finds something, but that day, she couldn't find anything to buy?

She stopped wearing the necklace with our departed son's name and birthstone on it. She ALWAYS wore it.

Coming home missing jewelry she left the house wearing.

Stopped talking about moving. There were several months where all she focused on was looking at house listings.

Stopped talking about adoption.

Very shallow/superficial conversations. She was never a shallow or superficial person before.

It's amazing how much love and trust can blind you...


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1281 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
RealityStinks
Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Maybe this should be posted in the "what are the signs that you missed but see clearly now?".

D-day was August 12, 2013. I discovered the texts. All of this was prior to that. After that, there was more, but I'll stick to pre-DD #1.

1. Changed her FB profile picture in March to just her after a trip with a large group that the OM was a part of. First time in +/-9 years that it wasn't both of us. I know that sounds so "high school" but it did strike me as "off" at the time.

2. The cell phone. All of a sudden using her personal phone again and having to add texts every month because she went over. Eventually went to unlimited texts. THIS SHOULD HAVE MADE ME LOOK AT THE BILL BUT IT DIDN'T, AND I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY I DIDN'T.

3. The "I'm not happy speech" out of no where. Sure, we had our issues like everyone else, but around a month before this started I would have said we were doing good.

4. Stopped showing interest in the dream house we were renovating and had been working on for 2+ years at that point.

5. Starting to go "commando" but only when he was going around. She was always so reserved, and this was completely out of character.

6. Working late. After midnight two and three times a week. I know what she does at her job, and it does not require this.

7. Not wanting to go to bed (just to sleep) and staying up late. Falling asleep on the couch until late. I now know she was texting him.

8. Lots of trips to the mall, but she never bought anything.

9. Our "bye kiss" in the morning became distant when it used to end up with us screwing and being late for work.

10. Our sex life was all of a sudden "boring" when it never had been before.

11. ILYBNILWY speech.

12. Asked to temporarily separate to see if that helped. I didn't know what the problem was.

13. How easily annoyed she was with me. She would get so mad for no reason.

14. Her anxiousness to go hang out on his houseboat all the time. She would take me with her, but I would catch them off by themselves a lot.

15. A pool party where they would end up at the far end of the pool from everyone else. Plus, they were flirting BIG TIME that day and he "had a hard on" when he got out of the pool.

16. New bikini and no record of buying it on our bank statement. It was also WAY outside of the amount of "coverage area" that she normally wore. It was almost a thong, and I refused to let her wear it out of the house. I now know she took it the next day to model it for him. I was originally bought for him.

17. Related to 16, she all of a sudden was paying for things with cash. She NEVER did this before.

18. The sheer distance between us. It was obvious she was pulling away.

19. MY GUT FEELING THAT THERE WAS ANOTHER MAN.

#2 and #19 are the biggest signs.


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
craig2001
Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Txdadbh reminded me of something and it is a very important observation that I had forgotten about.

When the WS starts disliking things she always liked before and starts liking things she never liked before.

All of a sudden she hates the smell of old spice after liking it forever. All of a sudden her tastes in music changes overnight.

The biggest memory of this I have is...we have always listened to R&R type music, 60s, 70s and 80s. And all of a sudden she is listening to C&W.

Every time I got into her car, the radio was on the C&W station.

[This message edited by craig2001 at 1:36 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)]


Posts: 4163 | Registered: Jun 2002
MadeOfScars
Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Ah yes, the gut feeling. I had it too, but just refused to believe it.

Also, the "I feel like we're just roommates" and "It's like I'm living with my best friend" speeches seemingly out of the blue.

One morning I just asked "are we ok?" Her answer - "let's get away this weekend." There were other times where she dodged those type of questions.

I'm not helping my case by adding more signs I should have recognized for what they were, am I?


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1281 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

The first affair he had been overseas for 8 months and was home on 30 days leave. He had stopped complimenting me (he told me I was beautiful or something like that every day of our marriage except during the first affair), wouldn't say "I Love You", started nitpicking little things, and started staying up after I went to bed to go on the computer (he NEVER does that). He also didn't want to be intimate which has NEVER happened. I actually asked him what was going on because his behavior was so odd. He told me he was having a hard time adjusting to being back home and it would be fine once he got it together. Within a week or so, he was back to normal and the last two weeks of his leave were wonderful. He called me a couple days after he got back overseas to tell me he had been having an affair and didn't know if he wanted to be married anymore.

The second affair there were absolutely NO signs at all. I'd never have known if her husband hadn't called me at work.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4161 | Registered: Sep 2005
RealityStinks
Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

@SoulHurts -
Buddy, I could write a novel of "signs" that I missed. We trusted our wives, and there's no shame in that.


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
MadeOfScars
Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

@ RealityStinks -

There are days I think I could have caught them in the act and rationalized it away.

Me: "So you slipped, fell, and landed on his dick?"

Her: "yes."

Me: "Oh, well, let's go home."


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1281 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
RealityStinks
Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

@SoulHurts -
I know that's not funny, but I have thought the EXACT same thing before, and I actually laughed out loud when I read what you posted.

I've had the "you slipped and feel on his dick" thought many, many times.

I'll toot my own horn and say that I'm a pretty smart guy. But, some of the lame excuses that I've made to myself for her make me question my intelligence.


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

The gut feeling that something had changed.

He became distant and was not interested in spending time together.

He stopped saying I love you.

He stopped wearing his wedding ring.

Longer "work" hours. (alibi)

Going "to the gym" daily. (alibi)

Sudden interest in sports that he ridiculed before.

Sudden interest in music he didn't like before.

Sudden supposed intestinal problems that required spending LOTS of time locked in the bathroom with the fan on, and always with his phone.

Quit doing anything for the upkeep of the house. He used to be fanatical about the yard, other maintenance etc. Towards the end I couldn't even get him to change a lightbulb.

Missing money. His entire paycheck, missing.

Lots of sex but no affection, kissing, hugs etc.

New moves in bed.

And the number one sign, as so many others have mentioned, THE PHONE. He was never reachable when away from home, by either call or text. He'd have some excuse: it died, it slipped between the seats while I was driving, I didn't hear it, I did text you back, you didn't get my text?? etc. All lies. And when he was home, the phone was passcode locked and glued to him at all times. When I asked him to unlock it and give it to me, he refused, put it in his pocket and said he would not submit to that "violation of his privacy."


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 942 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
DTERMINED2SURVIV
Member
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I laughed too. I laugh a lot actually....Its wierd. Im sure its my way of not going into depth of the pain.

Mine WH won a "shooting" contest...He never actually slept with her. The OC just happened because he had the best aim




Posts: 271 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
Livingalie2014
Member
Member # 42332
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

We were living like roommates

I was very ill and he didn't seem to care. He used this as a time to go out with the "boys"

Picked fights

Said mean things to me

On his phone all the time

Strange texts in the middle of the night

Didn't care.

Only happy when he was out without me

[This message edited by Livingalie2014 at 3:50 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)]


In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It goes on - Robert Frost

Posts: 55 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Lost
idontknow
Member
Member # 2958
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I will try to contribute more when I get a chance but there is a major common theme here and I have experience it too:

PHONE PHONE PHONE PHONE!!!

this is the primary means of communication and has to be treated like a bank vault - extremely secure.

some things:

- password protected
- always left face down (so you don't see incoming notices)
- goes everywhere with WS
- changing passwords on email accounts
- taking into bathroom - I swear my WS went into the bathroom this morning and did nothing but send improper messages (it was a long time and there wasn't even a flush)
- constant messages being sent


Posts: 506 | Registered: Dec 2003
keptmyword
Member
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

All the classic signs from this weak POS:

Spending inordinate amounts of time with her toxic friends who were helping her keep it a secret.

Joined a gym.

Wanted a boob job suddenly (fucking idiot).

Lots of new colorful panties

Cold towards me.

Took a sudden liking to Frank Sinatra music (cause the adultery guy liked it)

We had phones on a family plan. She decided to get an iphone on her friends account. (So I could not see bills)

The iphone became her fucking life.

She took the phone and her purse into the bathroom to take a shower.

Most of all.....

Gut feeling was screaming.

She lied to EVERYONE that was close to her and confided in the shitbags who helped destroy her family.

I divorced this weak-minded, cowardly POS. She's not the kind of woman I would ever want my sons' to end up with.


I Divorced Her.

Posts: 363 | Registered: May 2012
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

-- Obsessed with the phone. OW would text while we were together and I'd ask why she was texting him after hours and he would say it was work related.

Once it was a family photo of her, her mother and daughter. I asked him why a coworker would send him something like that. He told me she was getting a divorce, was lonely, and they had talked about the photo being taken at work earlier in the day.

-- Distant from me. Irritable. I thought it was because we were tired from work. Wrong.

-- New moves in bed-- but all aggressive ones (hair pulling, rough doggy style). I hated it. Last time we had sex I even had to ask him if it was almost over. Just bad bad bad.

-- New condoms.

-- Working out all the time.

-- Talked about her too much ("Oh, OW says that all the time").

-- Would go missing for hours at a time on weekends when he was supposed to be running errands.

-- Stopped participating in things we used to share and enjoy (like sports games).

-- A general disinterest and coldness. We were in Boston during the bombing. A friend called my phone to make sure we were okay. I rushed into the next room to tell him what had happened. He had already heard and treated it like it was no big deal and who cares.

-- Started being critical of me in ways he wasn't before. Even small things. I made a comment one weekend while we were driving that we were only about 15 mins away from our location when it was more like 20. He snapped at me for getting it wrong.

-- When I'd try to be affectionate (hold his hand or something), he'd pretend to fall asleep.

-- Started talking about how I was selfish for paying my credit card bills before his and generally started getting nervous about money and his share of our accounts in a way that he wasn't before.

-- Stopped really calling or texting me first from work, etc.

-- Dragged feet on family vacations, planning for various, upcoming family events, etc etc.

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 4:31 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)]


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
craig2001
Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I thought of something else and wonder if anyone else noticed this.

The OM just happened to be a co-worker at a new job of hers. When she first started working there, I would ask about the people etc, and she would tell me about them all. At first she told me of a guy there that was made her laugh, he reminded her of so and so, a friend of ours.

Then as the months went by and other things had started making me suspicious and I would ask her about work and co-workers, she would never mention the guy who was funny and made her laugh, the guy who turned out to be the OM.

So never mentioning a certain co-worker became a sign for me.


Posts: 4163 | Registered: Jun 2002
Gman1
Member
Member # 40879
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Her cell phone was never out of arms reach from her. Never. She carried it with her always and never let it sit out where I could see it.

Posts: 259 | Registered: Oct 2013
Leia
Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

--STBX was hell to live with on a family vacation over winter break.

--Didn't call me on a Friday night when he was out of town. Always called me when jobs ran long and he wasn't back on Friday. Didn't answer the phone until Saturday afternoon. Sent red flags up and I asked point blank if he was having an affair (DDay #1 was spring 2003, so he was tripping my triggers). Said no to the affair, and I believed him.

--then changed his whole look and wardrobe. Told me I was getting more insecure and that it had been 10 years so I should trust him.

--Came home in early January and cleaned out his closet.

--was glued to his phone

--told everyone but me we were having marriage problems

--started taking time "for himself" every night, but was really texting his hussy

--Put his phone on silent, and then had to text the "office" while we were on a family shopping trip on a Saturdays. The office doesn't

I found out when I picked up the phone and started reading the texts. Read them back to him. It was gross.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

I was either really stupid or STBXH was really good at hiding things.

My first clue was a phone call from the police saying STBXH was in their custody being questioned and facing multiple felonies. I thought they meant a DUI and accident. Nope. Craig's List and a minor.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1878 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
CATransplant
Member
Member # 39567
Angry  Posted: 6:13 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

My first sign was a text message that came in to H cell phone while I was using it to talk. I opened it thinking it was his work. There was picture of OW wearing red Victoria Secrets baby dolls he had sent her, thanking him. Funny, it was the same set he gave me the year before. He said " They were on clearance".


Me BS
H FWS
M 3/27/12 together since 06'
A EA/PA 4/19/13/5/26/13
DD 6/12/13
Forced NC 6/13/13
MOW coworker-caught,TT for six months.

Posts: 117 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
craig2001
Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

CATransplant - Wow, a frugal WH

Posts: 4163 | Registered: Jun 2002
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Lots of times I would get a gut feeling, I would confront him and he would come up with a reasonable excuse and ask me why I was so suspicious.

He could look me in the eye and lie ... no surprise to many here I know!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Brokenhearted99
New Member
Member # 41564
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

...how could I forget the phone. She couldn't even go to the bathroom without that phone. New underwear, she says it's a coincidence...I don't know, she bought the same "boring" drawers for the last 6 years and suddenly during the EA she picks up different style. It wasn't overtly sexy never the less when I was doing laundry and I picked them up to wash them, I immediately dropped them and thought, "WTH are these?"

Sex. She was clearly avoiding me, almost as if she was being "true" to the OM.

Thousand Yard, Glassy Eyed, Stare

She spoke even spoke in a different language. Nothing made sense. Her whole world view changed. She blew me away one day when she bragged about how her current bosses marriage was a result of an affair. They both were married once before, cheated, and got married. They are I assume one of the few exceptions to the rule but she admired they pulled it off.

She ignored the kids.

She was brutal with me.

Other people hearing of the state of my marriage even asked, "Did she tell you about the OM?"


Posts: 25 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Michman
Member
Member # 41322
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

Oct 2013 I was trying to help my WW get ready for a scrapbooking weekend. She wouldn't let me have her iphone for more than a few seconds to try to send pictures to the printer. This is what sent off huge red flags for me, but I was trying to help her and our "technology" frustrations were running high.

Summer 2013-accused me of cheating, very volatile, claiming post-partum depression. She was holed up in the bedroom or out with friends, I was a loving parent to our daughter, forgoing usual summer rituals so WW could have "down time" to work on her depression issues. I worked very hard to make WW life as stress and responsibility free for the whole summer.

iphone data overages, couldn't figure out why, WW said it was because our home wifi sucked (which it does, I don't hook up to it either, but her data was 3-4 times the amount that I used) skyping and facetiming little sex shows, and some international charges as well.

Bikini waxing on a consistent basis (got to look good for the closeups)hair and makeup professionally done a few times, lingerie from zullily.com the talk of getting her clittoral hood pierced was the ultimate red flag for me...

I trusted her. I do not blame myself for not seeing the signs sooner. I do blame myself for making her life too easy.


Betrayal is the only truth that sticks. -Arthur Miller, lol, that's rich.

Posts: 57 | Registered: Nov 2013
UneasyFeelings
Member
Member # 42292
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

Told me we should go our separate ways out of the blue. Was too naive to think she would have an affair.

Posts: 104 | Registered: Jan 2014
Gumdropped
Member
Member # 40798
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

Thought I could stop digging after all the stuff I found out. Phone, phone, phone, computer etc. actually told me when we started dating that a persons computer and phone should be private ! My instinct lead me to searching the phone etc and found everything I needed. I keep checking though. Just found out yesterday that the phone number and the address that he has on his e mail account settings is in a city 3 hours from us! What's with that? Any comments?


Me: 56
Him: 60
Together 2 1/2 years


Living together 14 months
D day May 13th 2013
R


Posts: 201 | Registered: Sep 2013
CantLoseHope
Member
Member # 42356
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

My first sign was when my WH started getting angry during every conversation we had, he would get upset over the smallest question. He had an extremely short fuse with me. That SHOULD have been my big red flag, but I thought he was just going through something.


"A tree falls the way it leans.....be careful which way you lean"


Posts: 172 | Registered: Feb 2014
stunnedin12
Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

While wh and I are working on Reconciling, the memories are front and center -

1. He suddenly thought his cell phone was vital to his every breath - before chickie he would leave it laying around and usually off.

2. He began a 1 man campaign to improve me. I was suddenly depressed, I didn't dress right, my speech was wrong, I didn't make decent meals, I was out of shape (and at that point I was a size 8). I didn't watch the right tv shows. blah, blah, blah. I didn't socialize enough.

3. His trips got longer and he know longer called home as often.

4. We had sex - no affection. New moves in bed.

5. He suddenly became VERY interested in HIS body. (i.e. working out and wanting to bike ALONE or walk the dog ALONE)

6. He started drinking - not alot, just more.

7. He completely and totally changed his tv viewing habits. He went from a total news junkie to watching fluffy night soaps.

8. He was short with our children. He was also critical of them on things he had previously supported.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 481 | Registered: Jan 2013
million tears
Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, February 26th (Wednesday)

He started going hiking with his best friend's wife (who was my friend too) and her kids and leaving me and our kids at home.

He started working out.

He was very mean. Putting me down. This was totally out of character for him.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 40