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Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:57 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

I was arrested for DWI tonight. I need help--other than not ever drinking again help--I need legal advice. How do I go about finding an attorney? What kind of trouble am I looking at.

I had a blow out; hit the guard rail. My car is undrivable. I blew a 1.0 (0.8 is the legal limit.)

What the fuck have I done to myself?? I don't need hugs; I need advice. I'm going to call my brother, the police office, later on this morning, but I need to be scared straight NOW! Any information would be greatly appreciated.

I am an idiot.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Leia
Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 4:59 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

My divorce attorney's office also advertises that they do DWIs. Start with attorney's that you know and go from there.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Your brother is going to be a good place to get advice. As an LEO, he would know the attorneys who are successful at defending these charges.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29681 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
clba317
Member
Member # 8803
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

I'll pm you the name of an attorney that my police officer ex mentioned after taking a police class from him. He wrote a book on dwi defense in NY.

[This message edited by clba317 at 6:22 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)]


BS
DS9,DS5
M 11, D 8/1/05- not soon enough!

Posts: 217 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: NY
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Sad,

I know you don't want hugs but I wanted to give you one. (((((((SadinAZ)))))


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38222 | Registered: Sep 2007
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Oh no! I hope you are not hurt and am glad that no one else was involved.

You need a good attorney who regularly handles DWI cases in the local courts near you. The accident complicates things. If you had gotten pulled for rolling through a stop sign or hugging the white line and blew a 1.0, there would have been a good chance of pleading down to the lesser included offense, which is driving while impaired. A local attorney will know the prosecutors, judges, and the plea policies of the office when an accident is involved.

It may also help if this is a first offense and there is an opportunity to go to alcohol related counseling or some other type of program.

The main thing is that no one was hurt and that it was scary enough that this won't ever happen again.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2848 | Registered: Jan 2011
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

First off, glad you're OK.

I agree, your brother will be the best source for a good attorney.

Let's break this down. First offense, right? Not that you'll get a slap on the wrist, but from my experience with my X, first offenses are handled way differently than repeat offenses. You could probably Google minimum charges in NY. The big thing is how they categorize it - i.e., misdemeanor vs. felony.

There will probably be added charges for the damage to property. You may also have to pay for the guardrail.

ETA: Get the best lawyer you can afford. You'd be amazed at what they can do behind the scenes.

Here are some hugs anyway.

(((((Sad)))))


AJ's MOM

[This message edited by ajsmom at 7:35 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)]


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21076 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

(((sadinaz)))

I second all the advice re: the attorney. Please don''t panic, it''s going to be okay. These things happen and we all know it wasn''t intentional. I''m glad you weren''t hurt.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3126 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

I have no advice. Just wanted to say that I'm glad that you are not hurt.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4697 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

(((((Sad)))))

It will be OK.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jan 2010
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

clba gave me a referral,and I've spoken to two of the attorneys. I'll probably go the plea bargain route and get a conditional license. I don't know where I'll get the money, but it has to be done. I'm so desperately embarrassed.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

No advice here either but wanted to say I'm so glad you're okay, Sazzy.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15420 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
deeplysad
Member
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)

The main thing is that you're okay. Somehow the rest of it will work itself out.

(((Sad)))


Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert


Posts: 3247 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

My mother and brother both have been arrested for DWIs. My mom, if I recall correctly, had to take some driving courses, and the second time she ended up spending the night in jail. She has been in at least one accident such as your own where she drove into someone's fence. However, she is very savvy with money, and just paid out of pocket for the damages. This was over a decade ago. I am grateful that she no longer drinks the way she used to, because it would terrify me whenever she would drive.

My idiot brother was arrested and kept in jail for a bit because he was driving while intoxicated and had warrants out for unpaid tickets. He married his girlfriend and straightened up.

On an unrelated note, I teased them both for their arrests once and they chided me, and said that I shouldn't be so smug... a month later I was arrested for an unpaid speeding ticket. I remember the humiliation of that quite well.

Is this the first time?

How often do you drink, btw?

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 2:00 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1295 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

In NJ first offense is 3 mos to 18 mos with no license, hefty fees, driver's classes, installation of a monitoring device after the license is reinstated. It is dependent on the level of alcohol when tested and amount of property damage if any.

If you get off with a provisional license in NY, that's light.

So glad no one was hurt.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3694 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

NY is known for being hard-assed about DUI/DWI .. so the attorney route is your best bet.

Were you at a bar or a friend's house before the accident?

Start now with an AA meeting, so when you do go to court you can say "I'm being proactive, I'm attending AA" May help lessen your fine.

Good luck ..


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

(((Saz))) I'm so sorry to hear this, very glad nobody was seriously hurt.

Hard lessons.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17592 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

I'm sorry I have no advice. I'm really glad you're ok. I just want to gently suggest that you not beat yourself up throughout this process. As we've advised countless others, committing to learn from this is the path out. It's going to be hard, but you have the right attitude about wanting to be scared straight. Something tells me you're never going to go through this again.

(((SadinAZ)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17917 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

As far as drinking is concerned, I sometimes have a drink before I go to bed since I started working nights; the OTC sleep meds make me foggy for an entire day afterward. I've been experimenting with lower doses, but I'm still not there yet.

I may go out to eat once every two weeks and have 1 1/2 beers; that's my limit--until last night. I made a very bad decision. I went to see a band that I like, but I didn't read the advert well. I got to the bar at 8 and the band didn't start until 10. I had never been to this bar before, and it was in an unfamiliar town. After I ordered my first beer, I saw a sign that said $20 minimum for credit cards--I never carry cash. I should have just laid down the $20 and gone home, but I figured I'd be there for at least 3-4 hours and I should be able to handle the beers; obviously not.

I will talk to the atty tomorrow about AA. I'm not a fan of 12-step programs, but if it helps my case, I'd do it. I don't need an alcohol intervention; I need a life intervention. I've been making poor choices lately.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Admitting there is a problem is the first step, so I will say that is good to see. I am so glad you didn't hurt an innocent driver (or yourself) - people who drive drunk don't do so with the intentions of hurting anyone but all too often that is the result.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3618 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
TrustedHer
Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Sorry, Sazzy.

Shit happens. You'll get through this.

It will be expensive. Listen to your attorney's advice.

I happen to know a bunch of people with DWI's, and all of them got their license back after legal fees, suspensions, driving school, etc.

The first time.

I strongly recommend there not be a second time. It gets ugly, fast.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5182 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

(((SADinAZ)))
Giving you hugs anyway.
NOW that I've hugged you, [[[shaking you]]], what the hell??? You could have been killed, or you could have been the one to live the rest of your life in prison for killing someone else.

I know we don't KNOW each other, but I care about you and I'm not talented at sugarcoating.

PLEASE, make better choices. We could have lost you. You have been through enough BS in your life already. I am so glad you are ok and so shocked to be reading all of this. Good luck in court.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2358 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Thank you; yes I do know better. Saying it will never happen again is empty because this is ruinous right now. The financial implications alone could do me in. But I'm actually happy that I'm not involved with anyone; I couldn't face that further embarrassment.

This is a stupid action that I shouldn't have to learn from.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

((( Saz )))


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6597 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Oh Sazzy, that is certainly a scary wake-up call.

I know people who have messed up worse and pulled through wiser for it.

Sending strength and legal mojo. So glad you are ok.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3478 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
UR_AN_IDIOT
Member
Member # 18764
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

(((Sad)))

I am glad you are ok and that no one was physically hurt.

I don't have anything to say that would add to what everyone else has already said.

I know several responsible, respectable adults who have made the same error in judgment and they have gotten through the legal difficulties, made the restitution and moved on wiser and are ok.

TH is right. A first offense is a whole different animal than a second offense. I'm sure there won't be a second.

There are lawyers who specialize in DWI's and everything is basically done behind the scenes.

Just sending support.


Me:BW 48
FWH: 50

Married 25 years
DD 23 DS 21
Reconciled


Posts: 12696 | Registered: Mar 2008
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Whilst you might not want it, I am going to give you a forced hug (((Sad in AZ))). The hug is not for the situation you find yourself in but for the maturity to accept you did wrong.

I am in Australia, here they do a breathalizer then blood test to check alcohol level. There are so many variations from breathalizer eg cavities that they are not actually permitted in court. Hence the requirement for a Blood Alcohol Content blood test.

I hope your brother was helpful and you identify a good lawyer. Learn from this. It was fortunate that your accident didn't involve anyone else.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 756 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Of course I'm going to ((Hug)) you lady.

First, and most importantly, no one was hurt. Second, 0.10 is not too bad, especially if the prosecutor believes that the tire blew out by pure chance. Third, if you have a clear history, your age is helpful to you. You're a nice lady, all american Grandma.

Fourth, absolutely get a reputable attorney in the jursidiction. It won't be cheap, but it will be worth it.

Fifth, I would not argue against jumping into AA right away - talk to your attorney, of course, but from what I know, any pre-emptive strike to show effort in taking responsibility for your drinking will help - and AA is the cheapest route.

Last, as someone else pointed out, every jurisdiction has a general unpublished guideline on how they handle first DWI's, and you can't control that. But, if you have an attorney who has strong relationships with the prosecutors office, you are in the best position possible under the circumstances.

Be kind to yourself - shit happens - and much more frequently than others might think. ((Hugs))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4632 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

Ugh. Oh Saz. Suck!!!! This gonna cost more than the $20 min. Gla you are ok and no serious physical harm to yourself. As I grew up with a dad that ripped his nose off his face from driving drunk and having a best friend whose father was killed by a drunk driver I am glad that you only blew two tents above legal.
Remember 15 years ago what you blew was standard low level illegal.

I do know that input states of you pay the right attorney enough money you can get off of most ofte consequences. So at worst you may have to get a second job to pay for it.

((( and strength ))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
sad12008
Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

(((Sad)))

Oh, wow...I know this is massive. However, the situation is a bit of a "there but for the grace of God go I" situation for an awful lot of people. You're no scofflaw nor irresponsible...I get that after so long here on SI. You're human and you made just enough of an error in judgment... I have no doubt you would never have gotten behind the wheel if you thought you were impaired!

A good attorney is probably key. We've been in a couple of situations where it felt like, "we can't afford to pay that much!" only to figure out we couldn't afford NOT to.

I DO think your being a first-time offender is important, as well as the fact that you weren't miles over the legal limit. The guardrail-hitting part is not good, but a tire blow-out should be an easily verifiable fact...I assume this was documented by the police?

One of my FWH's older sons got charged w/ a DWI a couple years ago in SC; the charges got reduced to reckless driving if I'm remembering correctly...and he was stupid and ran his mouth at the arresting officer.


You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3895 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)

((((((SAZZY))))))


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5334 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
lovehatelove
Member
Member # 42541
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, February 24th (Monday)

sadinAZ - I'm sorry you are going through this.. I'm glad no one got hurt...

I would try Melatonin.. it's a natural sleep aid and doesn't cause fogginess in the mornings or throughout the day....


DDay ~ 2/23/13

Posts: 163 | Registered: Feb 2014
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, February 24th (Monday)

(((Sad)))

Just sending you support and love...hang in there.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198457 | Registered: May 2002
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, February 24th (Monday)

((sazzzy))

My nephew went through a program that's called A.R.D. here in PA. He completed a program and it was expunged from his record.

I'm sorry. You've been through worse, and came through the other side. Just put your head down and get through it.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7781 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Sazzy ... you have good advice, just wanted to say that I'm sorry this happened.


TR


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21337 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
unbreak_my_heart
Member
Member # 12145
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, February 24th (Monday)

OMG...(((((sad))))) glad you are okay..

That is why I do my drinking at home


HAPPILY RECONCILED!

I ♥ my Husband!!!


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Our happy place
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, February 24th (Monday)

ditto what DS said. I too am glad you're okay.


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5989 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
punky
Member
Member # 12233
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, February 24th (Monday)

I am bummed out for you! Hang in there, ok?


Be a lion, not a mowess...
The Cowardly Lion

Posts: 11295 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: A whole 'nother country
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, February 24th (Monday)

(((Sazzy))) I'm glad no one was physically hurt.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12168 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
circe
Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, February 24th (Monday)

What a scary thing to happen and huge wake up call. Listen, DH and I did this program once where we drank and did the breath test as part of a police DWI awareness program just around the time our DS was getting his license. It was to show you how few drinks cause you to blow over the legal limit. Well before this, both DH and I had a one drink rule - we would allow ourselves one drink with dinner and still drive home. When it came to be my turn to "blow" that night, I blew the limit after one (generous, to my eye) glass of wine. I was shocked. So the wine I would usually have with dinner wouldn't have been that generous of a size in any restaurant I've been to, but I took the point to be that often when you feel fine, you're still legally unsafe. I'm a small person so I can't even get away with a large glass of wine with dinner and safe driving. But had I had a blow out before that, and been tested on the scene, I could definitely have registered impaired and never known it.

But now you know and I'm glad you're taking it so seriously. You can't change what happened, but you can move forward much smarter from now on. Maybe this was meant to happen, without hurting anyone physically, to guard against anything worse happening in the future.


Posts: 3197 | Registered: Mar 2005
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, February 24th (Monday)

((((Sad)))))
This sucks. I'm sorry.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5872 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Thank you for the kind words; I'll survive-that's the best outcome.

I go to court on Wednesday night; I'll let you know what happens. It's going to be costly, punitive (deserved) and devastating to my psyche. I'm dealing with other challenges and very stressed but I truly appreciate you all.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
MrsDoubtfire
Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

I know you asked for advice not hugs but sending you a huge ((((HUG)))) anyway.

You will probably lose your licence for a while so start looking into alternative ways of getting to where you need to be. Are there friends that can help or public transport close by etc.

You blew a low level alcohol so my guess is the penalty will be whatever the minimum for your area is but your brother will probably know everything you need to know about the legalities.

We are just here to hold you up and let you know you're not alone.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1584 | Registered: Jul 2009
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

I just saw this. I'm sorry you are going through all of this and glad that nobody is hurt. I hope it doesn't interfere with your ability to get to work. I also do not see this as indication of you having a problem. You had an extra drink and left a little early. IDK if you felt buzzed or not but you could have gotten a blowout regardless of if you had a drink.

--------------------- Edited to remove potential political comments. Let's just say I do not agree with the reduction from 0.1 to 0.08% BAC

I hope you can find a good L and get through this without having to deal with too much.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3443 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

I've spoken to the attorney; they wrote the book on DWI in New York. I know the best case/worst case scenarios, so now I just have to wait to see what happens. Very hard for a control freak...


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Best of luck.

I'll second the going to AA pre-emptively. Get a little notebook, and have the moderator sign and date it every meeting. You should go every day, or at least 3 times a week.

My fiance got a DUI in PA 5 yrs ago. My father, who is a retired police officer, said the first thing you do is get to AA-get it validated that you were there, and begin a log to show a judge/prosecutor because it shows them you are likely to not do it again.

It was a first offense for my fiance, and his lawyer got him into ARD (accelerated rehab and I can't remember the "D"), where he had to go to traffic school, he lost his license for 6 mos, and he was on probation for 1 yr. And he had the hefty fines.

While on probation he was NOT ALLOWED to drink AT ALL. His PO who he saw weekly, could have showed up at his house any day, any time and piss tested him to make sure he was not drinking.

He was terrified, and embarrassed when he was arrested. He didn't have to spend the night in jail, thank God, and after all was said and done, he complied with the ARD program---his arrest and charge were expunged from his record.

Do whatever your lawyer says. You have to not worry about the money----I think they'll set up a payment plan. They rarely expect anyone to cough up the entire fine amount at once.

(((((((SAZ))))))))


Posts: 3423 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

NY does not have an expungement program, so AA is useless for court purposes. Either to plead guilty, plead to a lesser charge or go to court to try to win.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

The AA might not help to expunge the charge but it looks good in the eyes of the court that you are being proactive and could reduce the sentence. That is what DS21's lawyer keeps telling us. The more he does up front to show that he is working to be proactive looks better and helps in the long run.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3443 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

AA also can't hurt you either. My women's group is amazing. Lots of DWI people in the group. Very supportive.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

Sending you strength for court tonight, SAZ.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25850 | Registered: Aug 2011
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

Good luck!!


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21337 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

Prayers for strength coming your way!


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21076 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

How did it go?


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21337 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

The DA didn't show up. I have to go back in two weeks.

Since I've been drawn into another members drama, I won't be posting any more updates, but thank you for caring.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

Sorry that you have to wait for another 2 weeks.

And doubly sorry that you don't feel that you can post here about this at this time. I would encourage you to keep posting to get the support you need.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52772 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

I agree with Moo...keep posting if you want to


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198457 | Registered: May 2002
unbreak_my_heart
Member
Member # 12145
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

Two totally different dramas. You owned up to your mistake, felt shame and did not expect people to tell you, you did nothing wrong! Please keep us updated.


HAPPILY RECONCILED!

I ♥ my Husband!!!


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Our happy place
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

You get our support regardless of any other post/member/situation. There's no relevance to your situation and anyone else's, and I have faith that the general membership gets this.

Sending you good thoughts for an uphill climb out of this. You are good hearted. You are smart. You are brave. You are going to get through this ok. This is the hardest part right now, and I'm sorry that you are having to struggle through it.

(((Sazzy)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17917 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

Sazzy, it is my hope that a little pot stirring isn't going to send you away.

Pffft to that. Seriously.

We're here for you, no matter the issue.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21076 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

Yah, this ^^^^

Sorry you have to wait another two weeks. Arg.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17592 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

I'm so sorry. I had a similar experience (minus the blowout) when I was 23 - blew .08 a few DAYS after the limit was changed from .1 to .08. Not that that's an excuse but still. It straightened me out FAST. It's a long story but the charges ended up being dropped. I hope you have a similar experience, I'm sorry this happened and glad you're ok, a blowout and hitting the rail could have happened to anyone and it could have been so much worse.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6835 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

Ugh Waiting is the hardest part. In anything!!!!

Please know that we got your back. Just like we had others backs, even if we know you made a mistake.

Deep Breaths, Like Grma said....This too shall pass, tomorrow is another day, and if aint we dont' need it.

Grma was a wise wise German lady.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

Thank you again. I don''t want to appear petulant. I''m very stressed. Even though nothing happened yesterday (which is actually great because I''ll have an unencumbered license for another two weeks at least), I cried all the way back to work, then had to make it look like nothing was wrong. I haven''t told anyone here yet, not even about the accident. I haven''t even told my friends yet because I don''t think I can do so without crying yet.

DS knows I called him first thing in the morning. He''s loving and supportive as always. I called the X too he''s retired LEO but really no help in that regard because he''s been retired so long (legal limit was .15 when he was active duty.) However, he''s still feeling guilty and has been promising me some money to help with the funds I gave DS & DDIL before I lost the job that I moved for. I could use it to pay the legal bill, and he''s already made an initial deposit in my bank account. It was also another opportunity to talk about the QDRO.

My baby brother is coming here tomorrow completely unrelated. He has to get his department''s radar guns calibrated at the State Police Academy, so we''re going to meet and have lunch. Then I leave to meet my new grandson on Satuday morning. A week of new baby smell should buoy my spirits.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, February 28th (Friday)

Everything is suspended in time when you're cuddling and snuggling a baby.

Breathe deep when you feel your body starting to stress. This event doesn't define you, please remember that.

More hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5334 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, February 28th (Friday)

The DA didn't show up. I have to go back in two weeks.

Why didn't your lawyer ask for an immediate dismissal? Sounds like it should have been a default judgment in your favor. You showed up, he didn't. Am I missing something?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3040 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, February 28th (Friday)

It was just the arraignment, 5454.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, February 28th (Friday)

Sad,
Do you remember what you said to me when my mom was in an accident, totaled her car and got a OWI? It wasn't very nice but I do want to say this to you..
I am so HAPPY you are okay and I know what it is like to have a few drinks and drive home.

Please don't be scared. Everything will be okay. It was for my mom. She had to pay at least 5000.00 in fines, take a course or do a weekend in jail. She was restricted to drive for 6 months. She just got her lic. back and has to have SSR insurance.

Please know that it happens to ppl who are great people (which I think you are). I feel horrible for you but your lawyer should be able to go to court for you on most of this and you should only have to appear once. At least that is how it was for my mom.

I am here for you if you need anything and you are not alone.

Enjoy that new baby. everything will be okay.
.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2807 | Registered: Aug 2011
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, February 28th (Friday)

Crap.

Sending Mojo.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3040 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 68