User Topic: Karma and conflicted about it
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, February 24th (Monday)

My ex has not ever been the most responsible person. I helped him get a little more responsible after we got together. He had a DUI which he ended up getting his license suspended for, helped him get his credit up, and pay off back taxes. He walked out on me a few months after I helped him get his credit back up to 800...and that is now dropped back down because I keep getting collection notices. He has never changed his address on his driver's license or with the post office. Our state has started "warrant round-up". This last week I have received two notifications in the mail for warrants out for his arrest due to a parking ticket and a suspended license. Today I received a tollway invoice...apparently has moved to Florida. I think karma but then I feel bad and maybe I should tell his mom so she can warn him. My sister said "no longer your problem and stop holding his hand". Thoughts?

BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, February 24th (Monday)

I would march my butt down to the DMV and report him as no longer living at that address...Oh, Wait, I did that already!
Maybe if he gets pulled over, he'll get an extra citation for not updating his driver's license....oh, he doesn't have one!

ETA: Sis is right, not your problem anymore. (((hugs)))

[This message edited by StillLivin at 5:06 PM, February 24th (Monday)]

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2358 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Your sister is soooo right. It is not your job to worry about him anymore. It is not your job to fix his indiscretions anymore. It is not your job to clean up his messes anymore. He FIRED you from that job.

When you get mail for him, cross out your address and write Return To Sender (and make sure you blcak out the bar code or it will boomerang right back to you)

And you don;t need to warn HIM, you should be warning the people who extend him credit that he is a major deadbeat!!

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, February 24th (Monday)

He fired you from your position as his responsible adult.

Respect his decision.

Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Unless he's a complete and certifiable idiot (and he may well be), he should know that driver licenses need to be renewed at some point, parking tickets need to be paid, etc.

His actions (or inaction), his consequences.
Let the universe slap him upside his head like his mama SHOULD have done decades ago.

Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6597 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Hmmm.... that's not so much karma as legal consequences. Let him grow up. I expect more responsibility from my 16 year old.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Again, not your problem. NC.

And a book on co-dependency for you. I feel like you've been putting others before yourself for far too long (I was guilty of doing the same.)

After what he did to you, why would you even think of shielding him from less than 1% of the consequences that he deserves for his behavior?

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

Posts: 3410 | Registered: Dec 2011
New Member
Member # 36505
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, February 24th (Monday)

My WH was the same way. I was the responsible one and he absolutely wasn't. Ill occasionally send him a quick text letting him know he has some bills or a certified letter that I refuse to sign for but that's about it. Karma is a bitch and although part of me feels sorry for him the other half of me just smirks at what his life has become without me.

Married 9/19/09
DDay 8/5/12
Separation 1/19/13

Divorce filed 1/2/14
Divorce Final 3/24/14
Moving right along, whether I want to or not

Posts: 17 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Atlanta
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, February 24th (Monday)

Yep, not your problem. This is his mess to deal with.

BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 934 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:20 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

He created this latest mess, he gets to fix it.

You need to take the time you spend thinking of helping him-doing something for you.

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5333 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Warn him? Did he warn you that he was going to have an affair? No? Then I'd even go so far as to let whoever know that he has moved to Florida.

D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 3429 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Agree it''s just consequences not karma. Write return to sender or give the mail to his mom if you''re feeling generous. How did you know it was a warrant, was it on the outside? Hopefully you are not opening his mail since that''s not legal.

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

His mom lives 400 miles away. They were both postcards about "warrant round-up" and one said license suspension and the other parking ticket. I throw his mail away.

BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Into the recycling they go. Not your problem!

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 14