i just wanted to post a quick note of encouragement here after being surprised. i just paid for access to my archives from 09 and 2010. i was afraid to see those first posts. i was afraid they'd find triggers that i thought were gone. i thought i'd have some kind of negative emotion. i only read a handful, but stumbled across some of my better self and my worst self and...
...i felt nothing, except that i felt proud of that girl for dealing with everything i was handed. i felt forgiving toward the scared little girl who came in and ranted her most shameful feelings and resentments.
i felt healed. i feel healed. and i dealt with some pretty serious crap. still do (OC's never go away, co-parenting is annoying, xWH is still an idiot, but not so much of an idiot that i can eliminate him from our lives.) the only grief i still struggle with is that i only got a chance to have one child and my chances are gone now. eh. i'm getting over that too.
check out my profile for a story. i remember Jan 1 of 2010. i sat down and told myself to strap in and just survive the year. that it would suck but at the end, i'd have to be in a different place than i was at that starting moment. that year was long. long like i had needles stuck in my eyes the whole time. long and aching with physical, emotional and spiritual pain. it is part of a couple of what i call the lost years.
but my life is great. no kidding. the best it's ever been. you can get there too.
good luck, all of you
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac