SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: getting rid of his belongings
karen49
Member
Member # 18234
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

I stayed in the home,he now has a home of his own.Years have passed and I still have trouble getting him to completely finish getting his stuff.I have tried telling him good will would take it,given him a 30 day time frame,threatened to throw the stuff out.The problem is,I am trying to take the high road,should I get rid of it myself ,he will be telling people "she threw my things out"as we all know these people are very manipulative.I just want to be rid of as much as possible ,he is able to live without my stuff around,I want the same for me.Suggestions?

Posts: 308 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: east coast
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

It sounds to me like you've already given him 30 days notice to gather his things. And this has been ongoing for YEARS? I think most courts consider it abandoned property after 30 days, let alone a year or more.

My XWH left the marital home with his some of clothes and a few other "prized" possessions. Everyting else he left behind. I emailed him about the stuf and he replied in writing that I could burn it, for all he cared. Like you, I tried to take the high road and emailed again a few months later. I got a similar reply. After that, I started putting his crap in the trash every week. Any space left in the trash/recycle containers was filled with the junk he left behind. Usable items went to goodwill or friends/neightbors who could use said items.

A year or so after he left, he emailed me asking for a few things he'd left. My only reponse was to forward his "burn it for all I care" response back to him. He never asked about the stuff again.

At this point, if I were you, I'd put his crap the trash.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6527 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Excellent reply GabyBaby!! Who cares what he tells people? For all you know, he probably has been telling people all sorts of lies about you. You have obviously been MORE than patient regarding his shit in your space. Just save a simple document stating the day he left the residence, date you offered for goodwill to take it, date you gave him a 30 day time frame, and the date you left it out for donation pickup. DONE. If you need more justification, I would look into what GabyBaby said about "abandoned property" in your state.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2270 | Registered: Oct 2012
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

If you want to try again-you're under no obligation after all it's been years. Send him a certified letter telling him to get his belongings remaining in your home. Give him a concrete date to have this completed. Also note that any of his stuff in your home after that date will be disposed of.

If you haven't done it already, start gathering it and put it in one area of your home-the garage is a good place. That way if he decides he wants his stuff-he doesn't go thru your house to get it. It also makes it easier to donate or dispose of the pile at your convenience.

During separation I put all of XH's things (I could move) into storage. I paid one months storage, left the key with the manager and informed XH that I was not paying a second month.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

He's a few years past any reasonable person's time frame. I'd have thrown that shit out years ago.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Sounds like you have a bonfire to schedule!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

^^^What norabird said.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

Here's what you do. You pack all of his shit up for him. You put it out the night before trash. You call him a few days before trash, and let him know when it will be out there. If he doesn't get it, he can say whatever the hell he wants.
No one, and I mean no one wants to hear some pathetic cheater telling them that his ex-wife "threw my shit out" after the M ended years before.
He would be stupid to tell anybody that because he would make himself look like an ass.
Do NOT concern yourself with what he says or what other people think (even though I told you above what they will think).
Good luck!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2334 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)

You are a MUCH better person than me! After he moved out I packed all his personal belongings in a trailer for him to pick up. There was still lots of stuff left in the house that was "his" but it wouldn't fit in the trailer for him to take. After he had the trailer picked up I then simply got rid of it all...donated for tax write offs. Every now and then he will ask, "Do you know where X might be?" My response: "Not a clue." End of the convo. I was not about to let his horde remain in my house any longer than necessary. Years?? Hell. No!

He abandoned it. Get rid of it in any way you wish.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1189 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
karen49
Member
Member # 18234
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

Thanks for your help I liked Kajem s way...a storage locker! That way I am rid of his stuff and it is out of my hands if he gets it or not!He is unable to blame me!

Posts: 308 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: east coast
Lola7
Member
Member # 41195
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

Storage locker? You're going to go to all the trouble of packing it, moving it and paying for a storage locker? IMO - throw it out or give it to Good Will.

It took my idiot 5 or 6 times to completely move out. The last time he said I could throw out or keep what was left so I pitched EVERYTHING. And of course, later he accused me to throwing out "all" his stuff.

They all end up reacting the same way, like cheater lemmings.


caelitus mihi vires
"My strength is from heaven"
DIVORCED!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Nov 2013
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

Storage locker? You're going to go to all the trouble of packing it, moving it and paying for a storage locker? IMO - throw it out or give it to Good Will.

Agreed.
I refused to any more of my precious time let alone money out of my pocket on XWH's trash. If he cared about the stuff, he wouldn't have left it at my house for months after he moved out.
Donate it and take the writeoff or throw it away.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6527 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Topic Posts: 12